my step daughter constantly lies to her natural mother

My eight year old step-daughter constantly lies to her mother
about me and my husband,and her step-siblings.The lies she tells
are very disturbing to me and my husband because they are totally
untrue and could cause serious trouble.She is constantly telling
her mother we mistreat her,will not allow her to call her mother,
that her daddy has a job that requires him to be gone for several
days at a time(ALL UNTRUE).When we ask her about these things
she just gets this blank angry look on her face,then says she
just wanted to make mommy happy.We tell her lying is wrong and
only hurts people not make them happy.She agrees says she will not lie anymore then turns right around and starts lying again.
Please help us we are afraid her lies will get even worse as
they have in the pastand will eventually really hurt someone
or get them into serious trouble.
                                        Thanks,Kim

[Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D.]

Dear Kim,

Your stepdaughter is definitely under some intense pressure to be critical of you and your husband. This is a difficult situation for her to be in. Her remark indicates that she thinks, in order to be loyal to her mother, that she must be critical of you.

In your response, try not to be angry toward her and try not to be critical of her mother. Always take the high road in these situations. Also, and this can be a challenge, take a look at your own behavior and see if you might be engendering her anger by virtue of anything you or your husband are doing.

Often when children are caught, if you will, in such loyalty dilemmas, they profit from contact with a pediatric mental health professional who can help them with the pressures and conflicting feelings they are experiencing.