Aa
Scared and hopeless
hello, I am new to forums but feel alone and scared. I am a 50 year old woman and have been drinking mostly wine every day for 21 years. It' started with wine at dinner or camping then been a bottle sometime 2 more glasses rarely hard alcohol. I think
I started noticing real changes in my circulation in my feet and hands about 10 years ago. I attributed it to anorexia in my teens. Doctor didn't know and new was honest about drinking. I never had any health problem just an occasional hang over, I go to work every day don't miss time. Only drink in the evenings never at work. I look different physically, my skin looks dark-reddish. I suspected it's the wine. I've gained 10 or more lbs and lost it and gained it back. 3 years ago they finally test my liver function and determined I have advanced cirrhosis due to the tests, I was too scared to get an ultrasound or biopsy . The dr then said i probably have maybe 7 years I didn't stop because I'm depressed and feeling like I'm going to die anyway and at this point i can't change how I've waisted my life. Lately I'm so bloated, no pain, clear urine. I don't know why I let this happen but I'm scared about the end. No real support system. I'm alone all the time and just lonely. Just don't know what to do. I guess my only question is how much pain is there going to be. Not trying to have a pity party and I know how I've tossed my life away and I can't change the consequences I face. Thank any one for just letting me vent. Please help anyone who you think has a drinking problem and be diligent in getting them help, I didn't have support and wasn't strong enough to stop on my own. I tried to get help a few times at dependency places but was told I didn't have enough of a problem and unfortunately not the money or insurance. I tried but not enough.
I started noticing real changes in my circulation in my feet and hands about 10 years ago. I attributed it to anorexia in my teens. Doctor didn't know and new was honest about drinking. I never had any health problem just an occasional hang over, I go to work every day don't miss time. Only drink in the evenings never at work. I look different physically, my skin looks dark-reddish. I suspected it's the wine. I've gained 10 or more lbs and lost it and gained it back. 3 years ago they finally test my liver function and determined I have advanced cirrhosis due to the tests, I was too scared to get an ultrasound or biopsy . The dr then said i probably have maybe 7 years I didn't stop because I'm depressed and feeling like I'm going to die anyway and at this point i can't change how I've waisted my life. Lately I'm so bloated, no pain, clear urine. I don't know why I let this happen but I'm scared about the end. No real support system. I'm alone all the time and just lonely. Just don't know what to do. I guess my only question is how much pain is there going to be. Not trying to have a pity party and I know how I've tossed my life away and I can't change the consequences I face. Thank any one for just letting me vent. Please help anyone who you think has a drinking problem and be diligent in getting them help, I didn't have support and wasn't strong enough to stop on my own. I tried to get help a few times at dependency places but was told I didn't have enough of a problem and unfortunately not the money or insurance. I tried but not enough.
I have walked in your shoes. Should you continue to drink, you will eventually become so sick that you would wish you were dead. Please believe me its a horrible way to live. Over time, the good times go away and you drink just to feel normal. After that you start to feel so sick so you drink to feel better. Then you feel so sick and drinking makes your feel worse.
You eventually realize the "Good Times" are gone forever, and the only way to ever feel good again is to quit. You quit and then realize you have ruined your health and life. At this point you ask yourself "What have I done"
Many people drink because of anxiety and depression. The life of the party, is usually the most miserable person In the room. Had you ever met me when I was drinking you would say that I had it all together and walk away believing I was amazing. Deep down I was unhappy and alone and afraid to admit to anyone that I had a problem.
I'm asking you to not walk in my shoes. Is there someone in your life that you trust and can share these feelings with? If not consider counseling even if its thru AA or your local church. Perhaps a Dr may be able to help you with antidepressants if that is the root of your drinking.
Our world is a wonderful place when you become sober. Living life in a blur is not living, but only passing time. Reach out.. You've begun by writing to us and that is the beginning of healing.
I personally will help you in any way I can. Please know you are never alone in this world.
.....Kim
You eventually realize the "Good Times" are gone forever, and the only way to ever feel good again is to quit. You quit and then realize you have ruined your health and life. At this point you ask yourself "What have I done"
Many people drink because of anxiety and depression. The life of the party, is usually the most miserable person In the room. Had you ever met me when I was drinking you would say that I had it all together and walk away believing I was amazing. Deep down I was unhappy and alone and afraid to admit to anyone that I had a problem.
I'm asking you to not walk in my shoes. Is there someone in your life that you trust and can share these feelings with? If not consider counseling even if its thru AA or your local church. Perhaps a Dr may be able to help you with antidepressants if that is the root of your drinking.
Our world is a wonderful place when you become sober. Living life in a blur is not living, but only passing time. Reach out.. You've begun by writing to us and that is the beginning of healing.
I personally will help you in any way I can. Please know you are never alone in this world.
.....Kim
COMMUNITY LEADER
You and each one of us has the choice each day to change. I have seen it happen many times. You are only 50 years old and can have many years, even decades of life. It must be the alcohol or depression that is deceiving your mind into thinking you can't.
The reality of alcoholic liver disease is, that many times if a person stops drinking, their liver disease is able to reverse itself and they can recover their health. But only if they stop drinking and never drink again. Alcohol is toxic to the liver and when the liver is already damaged from years of drinking it is more easily damaged further.
Even if your liver disease has progressed too far for it to repair itself (which is doubtful based on your symptoms) people who stop drinking can get a liver transplant and continue to live healthy and happy lives. I am a transplant myself and I know and have met many former alcoholics that have stopped drinking when they realized alcohol had destroyed they lives and health. And for those whose livers were too damaged to reverse the damage done by the alcohol they were able to get a liver transplants after proving they would never drink again. They are now living alcohol-free, happy and productive lives and appreciating the new chance at life they were given by the doctors and their donor.I have seen it done many times so there is always hope if someone wants it bad enough.
The bottom line it is your decision to make. No one else can make it for you. You have the choice every day either to stop drinking or continue a life of drinking with all of its consequences.
I would highly recommend finding an AA group near you (they are everywhere and free!) and meet others like yourself and start on the path to a life free of alcohol and its consequences.
It is NEVER to late to make a new start in life. I've seen people with terminal diagnoses start living the way they always wanted to live even though their days were numbered. You can have many years, decades of life ahead of you. It is your choice to make.
If you stop drinking then we and others can help you to deal with any issues you may have with your cirrhosis and liver disease.
By the way you don't need a biopsy. It are only used to determine if someone has cirrhosis or lesser stages of liver disease. Since you already have been diagnosed with cirrhosis there is no addition information to be learned. An ultrasound is to screen for liver cancer which can be a consequence of cirrhosis. You should be screen every 6 months so should it appear it can be treated when it is in its early stage and still treatable. Like many cancers it has no symptoms until it is in its final and fatal stage. I've had liver cancer and believe me you don't want to have it if you can avoid it.
Best of luck to you!
Hector
The reality of alcoholic liver disease is, that many times if a person stops drinking, their liver disease is able to reverse itself and they can recover their health. But only if they stop drinking and never drink again. Alcohol is toxic to the liver and when the liver is already damaged from years of drinking it is more easily damaged further.
Even if your liver disease has progressed too far for it to repair itself (which is doubtful based on your symptoms) people who stop drinking can get a liver transplant and continue to live healthy and happy lives. I am a transplant myself and I know and have met many former alcoholics that have stopped drinking when they realized alcohol had destroyed they lives and health. And for those whose livers were too damaged to reverse the damage done by the alcohol they were able to get a liver transplants after proving they would never drink again. They are now living alcohol-free, happy and productive lives and appreciating the new chance at life they were given by the doctors and their donor.I have seen it done many times so there is always hope if someone wants it bad enough.
The bottom line it is your decision to make. No one else can make it for you. You have the choice every day either to stop drinking or continue a life of drinking with all of its consequences.
I would highly recommend finding an AA group near you (they are everywhere and free!) and meet others like yourself and start on the path to a life free of alcohol and its consequences.
It is NEVER to late to make a new start in life. I've seen people with terminal diagnoses start living the way they always wanted to live even though their days were numbered. You can have many years, decades of life ahead of you. It is your choice to make.
If you stop drinking then we and others can help you to deal with any issues you may have with your cirrhosis and liver disease.
By the way you don't need a biopsy. It are only used to determine if someone has cirrhosis or lesser stages of liver disease. Since you already have been diagnosed with cirrhosis there is no addition information to be learned. An ultrasound is to screen for liver cancer which can be a consequence of cirrhosis. You should be screen every 6 months so should it appear it can be treated when it is in its early stage and still treatable. Like many cancers it has no symptoms until it is in its final and fatal stage. I've had liver cancer and believe me you don't want to have it if you can avoid it.
Best of luck to you!
Hector
I think if you quit the drinking, your outlook would change enormously
A glass of wine with friends is wonderful but drinking by yourself every day is sad. Have you tried a support group for alcoholics?
You will find that you look and feel so much better when you stop drinking and there is so much beauty in the world that you have been missing
Sobriety - it's the new black
A glass of wine with friends is wonderful but drinking by yourself every day is sad. Have you tried a support group for alcoholics?
You will find that you look and feel so much better when you stop drinking and there is so much beauty in the world that you have been missing
Sobriety - it's the new black
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