Not Sure What To Do..

[riribra374]

Recently i've had some real life changing family issues. My dad with Bipolar, who is the best person in my life, had an episode after the death of his father (my granddad), and the diagnosis of my Aunty with cervical cancer. My dad, who'd been off his medication for about a year after meeting his girlfriend who he loved alot, flipped. With lots of issues amongst our family, and his girlfriend leaving for a week, he became depressed and became strange. One night, he was really aggressive to his girlfriend, and she called an ambulance as she knew my normally happy, funny dad wasn't right. Assessed by the hospital, they checked him out and gave him some tablets. He went back to his girlfriends, and then he went to my Grandma's house to "Sort some stuff out". Long story short, he went there and he strangled my Uncle, beat and kicked him. Normally they got along, and my family always seemed like any other family. My grandma was woken up by the yelling and noise, and he grabbed them both from his rush of adrenaline he had a crazy amount of strength. He locked them into his old room , and beat them up badly. My cousin had missed calls, and became worried so she went to the house, when my dad grabbed her and began to beat her as well. My Uncle and Grandma managed to escape, but my cousin wasn't ok. They all ended up ok, but my dad went to jail for almost a year. My family was traumatised, and it absolutely killed me. My dad was the closest person in my life, i never thought it could affect me or my family like it has. I had councilling, and was diagnosed with depression and anxiety, and my dad is out now, and almost back to normal. I'm not allowed to see him much, and my familys been torn apart. I cry every night still, over a year later. I am not close to my mum, or brother and I feel like I have no one to talk to. I give up on all the stuff I love, I hate going to Tennis which I used to be really good at, I quit my job because I kept making mistakes, my Grades are decreasing, and I sometimes honestly wish I could just end my life. It's getting bad, and I haven't got anyone to talk to. I'm not good at talking to people (like councillers) It's really awkward. Whenever I fight with my Mum and Brother (which is often) I do stuff to hurt myself. I just need someone to help me what to do, please.

[riribra374]

Thankyou Sara 12345, :-)

[sara12345]

So sorry to hear your story.  You really do need to talk to someone.  It is bound to make you feel so much better.  And we're all here to listen as well.  Thanks for sharing with us.

[riribra374]

Aww thanks for your ideas and concern. It really is amazing how quickly things can go from being great to terrible.

I will talk to someone, thankyou.

Rianna

[brice1967]

Oh my gosh!  What a tragic story!  I feel so sorry for you and the situation you and your family are in.  This just goes to show how serious mental illness is and how fast things can go in the wrong direction.  

Anyhow, speaking to you and what you can do.  I know how awkward it can be talking to counselors/therapists.  They seem foreign.  We always feel that they don't really "know whats going on" and we feel like we don't want to be judged.  A therapist is not there to judge, riri.  When I finally went and got help, it dawned on me that the therapist being someone whom I've never talked with could work to my advantage.  I knew that this person was not going to be walking around town, telling the whole world my story so I began to "lighten up".  Once I got down to telling the real story, I found it somewhat of a relief.  Literally, I could feel the weight and pressure falling off my shoulders.

And with not wanting to put pressure on your friends, I get that too.  Everyone does have their own problems, no doubt.  That's where you can feel better about talking to a counselor.  Also, journaling....  Try journaling for a while.  Just grab a regular notebook for school or maybe you might want something nicer and start jotting down your moods, feelings, emotions.  Write down any and all interactions with your mum and family.
You can look back on these things and learn from them.

I have found that friends and family often stand on the outside because they don't know how to process the very same things that we are trying to process.  What you or I may see as a "big deal" might not be so for someone else and consequently, what seems like a big deal to them might not be such a problem for you and I.  We are all different, and what we need to be able to do is take judgement out of the picture.  I mean, if it bothers you, then it is a big deal.

Working on communication is a big thing too.  Journaling can help with that as well.

I really think you should talk with your primary care physician and get a good game plan on how to go about attacking this problem, and he/she can point you in the right direction to a wonderful therapist who specializes in mental illnesses.  You have to give this time, and you have to do all of your homework.

Let me offer you this as well.... have you heard of Dr. Deepak Chopra?  He lives and teaches the Buddhist way of life, but breaks it down through the metaphysical realms into a language that you and I can understand.  The stuff this man says is so profound and his books are in every library on the globe.

[4Maddie44]

Oh anytime.  Just come here to offload.  I will listen.  i am glad you don't feel you have depression.

How is your dad now?  So sorry about your cousin.  

You take care, and remember come here and chat if you feel you need to.

[riribra374]

Hello, thanks. Yeah none of my family talk anymore, my cousin who he beat up had a breakdown and left her Fiance of 9years, and stuff. And I cut myself only once but. I won't do it again I regret it, and my friends have their own problems  I dont want to put it on them. I don't think I need anything for depression because I am happy when i'm around certain people but like, it's just some days I get really depressed and that. I don't realy know, thankyou for your concern anyways! :-)

[4Maddie44]

Hello, I have read your message above and I am so sorry.  Your Dad must have been "out of it" when he did the things he did.  Mental health can be unpredictable at times.  I do hope he is OK now,  Must be very difficult for your family.

Are you having treatment for depression?  Have you no close friends you can talk to?  You can certainly "talk" to us here.  How do you hurt yourself?

Oh I am so sorry I cannot help you more, but I am certainly here if you wish to talk to someone.  You will find everyone on this site is very understanding.