Erection and semen

My husband and I had a good sex life until I became ill four years ago.  The first two years of my illness he just didn't have any kind of sex. The last two years he masterbated about twice a month.  I am better now and we've resumed a great sex life but unlike four years ago he has very little and sometimes no semen at all. Even in the beginning when we resumed our sex life there was little or none.  He says he has orgasms every time but they don't feel the same to me (in the rythym of thrusting and the force of an orgasm as it was 4 years ago) ... and no semen.  He has no blood, no pain, no swelling. He has no trouble getting an erection but loses it occasionally.   He is 53 yrs old and has been tested for diabetes and prostate problems and is fine.   Could it be that he is four years older or that he went those two years with no sex?   He doesn't have any health problems other than being a little overweight. His urine is not cloudy after sex... He is slightly (maybe 30 pounds overweight). He also cannot orgasm when he faces me or when I give him oral sex.  This is all new since we resumed our sex life.  I am slender and don't look sick at all now.  I am concerned because this is all so differen than it was four years ago.   Any ideas would be appreciated
Thanks for any advice...

[Janice M Epp, PhD]

Hi.

OK. Let's review the facts: your husband's health is fine, he's been given a clean bill of health for conditions that might affect sexual functioning and the two of you are enjoying sex.

I'm not trying to minimize your concerns, but it seems to me there might not be a problem here at all.

So sex is different now. You know what? It will always be different than before, since the two of you are no longer in your 20s. Many people (especially men) expect that their sexuality will be the same as it was when they were 20. Nothing could be further from the truth. Now this is not to say that sex can't be just as much fun as it was then--it's just different, and you may have to make some adjustments. For instance, if you used to play tennis for 2 hours, you may now find that 1 hour is plenty for you. And as you get into your 60s and 70s, maybe a half hour will suffice. You'll still enjoy tennis--it will just be different.

Older men do need more intense stimulation, as you've discovered. So find positions and activities that provide that kind of stimulation and experiment with them. And, yes, as men age, sometimes the amount of semen they produce decreases. This is a time when you can enjoy the fact that you no longer have to worry about pregnancy (so who needs semen?), and you can be as uninhibited as you like. For more information about these issues, I recommend the book, "Prime: Adventures and Advice on Sex, Love, and the Sensual Years," by Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D. My best wishes for a long, hot sex life. Dr. J