Erection problems

hi
im 30 years old and why do i like oral sex(one way) then having sex with my girlfriend and i don't like to give her oral sex to my girlfriend why is that?? i feel like i want to give her oral sex but when it comes to it i back off from it or is there a way of doing it. and when i get oral sex from my girlfriend i be hard and it will last for 20-30 min but at the same time when i try to have sex wit her i go soft is there a problem or im i not attracted to my girlfriend???

[Janice M Epp, PhD]

Hi.

You’re asking me many questions which only YOU can answer. How can anyone else possibly know how you feel? It seems to me you already have the answers. Let’s look at the facts as you’ve detailed them:

1. You don’t enjoy penis-vagina (p-v) sex with your girlfriend
2. You don’t enjoy giving her oral sex
3. The only way you enjoy sex is when she gives you oral stimulation

Looks pretty clear to me: you don’t want to be sexual with this woman. Why is that, I wonder? Something about the intimacy of p-v may be problematic for you. Or you're not receiving enough stimulation during p-v. There are lots of possibilities, and it’s up to you to figure out which ones are pertinent.

You may be conflicted about being sexual with her, or p-v with her is not satisfying for you, or there may be some unresolved issues in your relationship, or perhaps you’re angry about something. In addition, you may be using a condom during p-v that is too thick and is thus inhibiting your ability to feel stimulation. Take some time to sit back and contemplate these issues to see if any resonate with you. Best of luck to you. Dr. J