Trouble Maintaining Erection Over Long Periods

I am 38 years old and until recently, I was with the same female partner for 15 years. I've never had problems getting and maintaining erections. Even so much as a ride over a  bumpy road can give me an erection from time to time. While my sex life with my long-time partner was always mutually satisfying, I never had much stamina during actual vaginal intercourse and would never last long before orgasm. I have now moved on to the true love of my life, experiencing happiness I've never known before. Along with this has come an amazing change in my sex life. Sex with my new female partner is amazing, and out of nowhere I last a very long time with her. My problem is this, now all of a sudden, I am losing my erection occassionally after quite a long time of intercourse. I still feel fully aroused and not physically or mentally tired in any way, and I absolutely love being able to go on and on until I satisfy my partner, but it just seems that my erection is giving out before I orgasm. I still get an erection at the drop of a hat...literally one kiss from my true love gets me up...just for some reason my erection is not used to this new-found longevity....what can I do?

[Janice M Epp, PhD]

Hello.

Why makes you think you have to "do" anything? You're happy, you're enjoying sex with your new love, everything is wonderful; and yet...you find something to worry about.

Stop trying to be a sexual athlete--something your body is telling isn't right for you. Who says you have to last a super long time? Clearly your penis is getting tired. Listen to it.

Welcome to your 30’s! When you're younger and just beginning to be sexual with others, erections pop up everywhere--including when you don't want them! Post-pubescent men are highly excitable. After all, sex with a partner is new, and anything new is terribly exciting.

As you age, you'll find that erections sometimes take longer, and even come and go. This is not an indication if ill health, but just part of life.

Stop worrying, or you'll create a self-fulfilling prophesy. Often, anxiety and nervousness create a situation in which you can't relax enough to feel pleasure. Please accept your body's responses as "normal" for you. It's clear to me that you're having p-v sex for such a long time that your penis is tiring. It needs a time-out. And please don't fall into the trap of trying to "perform" in order to please your partner.

Worrying about erections is a dead-end street. All it will do is make you anxious, which will make your penis very uncooperative. And remember you don't need an erection to be sexual, have fun, experience pleasure, etc. Relax, enjoy your own unique sexuality and stop judging yourself.

For more information about male sexual issues, I recommend “The New Male Sexuality,” by Bernie Zilbergeld, Ph.D., widely available both used and in paperback. Best of luck to you. Dr. J