I have a strong desire for intercourses, erection comes fast, but the duration is short, after having inserted my penis, and enjoying the few movements I ejaculate very quickly, but when I have had my sleep, there are times when I can have this ejection coming after a long time, however the erection is loosing its duration. I have no health issues, my diets are good and healthy, I am a very very casual smoker, not a drinker. What could be the problem. I am now 54.I dont want to take Viagra as I feel that it does not do its job, its a selling gemmick for people who are dying for good strong erections. What standard medicine should you recommend to me.
There are many factors which might contribute to your not getting erections and also to having an orgasm before you’d like. Some are emotional, and some are physical.
Men receive so many messages that sex is about “performance” and pleasing a partner, rather than just enjoying the pleasure of it. Everything is goal-oriented—like a football game. The other message that many men receive is that sex is somehow dirty and wrong, unless you’re doing it for reproductive purposes. Sometimes this can creep into our unconscious thoughts and sabotage any pleasure.
The more you think of sex as being about performance, the more worries you'll have. If you're stressed, you'll probably worry even more. And this can be a vicious circle. For most of us, sex is about fun and pleasure. If you think of it as performance, or a “job,” you’ll set yourself for a stressful experience. Remember: Performance can be the enemy of pleasure and fun. If you’re focused on “performing,” rather than just enjoying yourself, your penis can become incredibly stubborn and uncooperative.
In regards to not lasting as long as you’d like: During their early self-pleasuring experiments, many men learn a very quick orgasm pattern in order to avoid detection—like in the bathroom (“You’ve been in there for hours! What are you doing?”) Learning to come quickly with a partner can also set up this pattern. Guilt, anxiety and relationship conflict may create a situation where some men just want to get it over with quickly so they won’t have to deal with any of those feelings.
Viagra does not slow down orgasms. If you want to last longer, learn a new pattern during self-pleasuring. Concentrate on slowing down, relaxing and enjoying the sensations rather than striving for orgasm.
It’s important to remember that if you’re having erections at other times besides with a partner (morning erections, being sexual with yourself, etc.), chances are there aren’t any physical causes. When you wake in the morning, do you have a firm erection? This is a dead give-away that your problem is probably not physical. However, if your erections are always semi-soft and you also are aware of lack of sensation, there are many medical conditions that could contribute, among them stress, obesity, injury, vascular system problems, etc. So see a urologist for a check-up, to determine whether there’s any physical cause.
If you’re in good physical health, then the emotional factors discussed above may be the culprit. Dr. J
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