Hi,'ve been aksing numerous questions about my risks over my sexual history, and you all gave me the answers that I don't have to worry about, but my anxiety is coming back in waves and I don't know how to handle it anymore. I had some extreme situations (cut on penis during oral, frottage etc.) with random people that keep me thinking I could be infected.But I don't have unprotected anal sex...I have a partner, we have protected anal sex,and I am always paranoid thinking I will pass HIV to him (even if I don't know I have it). In last few months my days start with these thoughts,and end with it also...I am also nervous and in some kind of depression. I don't know if it's developed in some kind of OCD behaviour, because I have irrational scenarios in my head...I've learned so much on this site, but I always come back for the same answers...EVERY DAY! ..I still can't go to take test, I think I could rather die...As people here tell me there's no need to test because I didn't have the exposure, I always think that my many 'no risk' exposures turned into one 'real' exposure.
Tell me what to do to calm down. The summer is great, and I spent it being anxious an depressed thinking I have HIV. When I go to the beach, I look to beautiful young men and think to myself "Lucky them, they are healthy"....Crazy, isn't it?
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