Aa
After 19 weeks; I'm close to an emotional meltdown
I come to this board to share information and to learn from people very knowledgable about HCV.
Typically I'm not the type to let my guard down to anyone or anything. It's not a macho thing, just my nature.
Over the past week I have come close to an emotional meltdown. I'm seriously considering stopping tx.
At present I am in week 19 of Prove 3. I know that I'm in either Group B or Group D because I'm taking Rivavirin and have went through the VX950 rash, which is now under control.
As posted before I own a business that performs business development for "clients". The business development is y main function and cannot be delegated. People depend on me for incomes for their families.
I've shared with key individuals at my clients that I'm going through chemo. However business is business because last week one major client cancelled their contact with my firm.
My son is starting varsity for his soccer team after years and years of training. I've missed all of his games so far because the VX950 rash is sensitive to sun and heat. Yesterday morning my entire family left for an away tournament. I broke down when they pulled out of the driveway.
The lake, camping, fishing, vacation has all been off limits this summer.
The Interferon and Ribavrin is taking it's toll as well. Every member of my family is getting tired of me being sick, tired and in a foul mood.
I want my life back. Last tx about a week after stopping I started running again (been a long distance runner all my life), food tasted good, I could listen to music again, my sense of humor came back, etc.
Maybe it's the VX950 beccause it didn't get to this point last time. Poor me, huh?
Typically I'm not the type to let my guard down to anyone or anything. It's not a macho thing, just my nature.
Over the past week I have come close to an emotional meltdown. I'm seriously considering stopping tx.
At present I am in week 19 of Prove 3. I know that I'm in either Group B or Group D because I'm taking Rivavirin and have went through the VX950 rash, which is now under control.
As posted before I own a business that performs business development for "clients". The business development is y main function and cannot be delegated. People depend on me for incomes for their families.
I've shared with key individuals at my clients that I'm going through chemo. However business is business because last week one major client cancelled their contact with my firm.
My son is starting varsity for his soccer team after years and years of training. I've missed all of his games so far because the VX950 rash is sensitive to sun and heat. Yesterday morning my entire family left for an away tournament. I broke down when they pulled out of the driveway.
The lake, camping, fishing, vacation has all been off limits this summer.
The Interferon and Ribavrin is taking it's toll as well. Every member of my family is getting tired of me being sick, tired and in a foul mood.
I want my life back. Last tx about a week after stopping I started running again (been a long distance runner all my life), food tasted good, I could listen to music again, my sense of humor came back, etc.
Maybe it's the VX950 beccause it didn't get to this point last time. Poor me, huh?
Bless your heart.....you will be in my prayers.........Gracious God, I feel, at times, as if the ache in my body will never go away. I try to keep a positive attitude even in the midst of this chronic pain, but there are times when I am so weary that my spirit begins to feel as troubled as my body. A wave of darkness settles over me and I wonder if there will ever be any relief, any light emerging on the horizon. I do not know why I am confronted with this thorn in my flesh, and I wish for nothing more than to be released from it. I pray that your healing will wash over me and bring peace to the frayed pockets of my body that know no peace. I pray also that your great grace will gather like gentle wind and restore my soul to joy and hope. I ask this for the sake of your love. Amen.
Today's another day.
Honestly I'm a little embarrassed that I let my guard down, however, your responses amaze me.
My "take-aways" from your posts are:
1.) Suck it up, stay the course at least until I'm unblinded at 24weeks. 5 weeks is right around the corner.
2.) If I have to go another 24 weeks (Group B) then make my decision to continue of not then.
3.) The reason I started the Prove 3 tx was to put this behind me. I don't want to do this again.
4.) Give my family a break from ME. Never thought about that.
5.) Talk to my family more, which I have been trying to do.
I've been on AD for three weeks prior to starting this tx because I had been so depressed on 1st tx. My doc is great and wrote a script for Provigil which gives me energy until earliy afternnon but then crash like a plane.
I appreciate the commments about delegating but clients sign with my company because I am the guy who does the business development that they want. They buy fractions of my time. My staff supports me with researdh and admin.
After thinking about it, losing the client I mentioned earlier may be a blessing in disguise. I have not been able to focus on client #2 and now I can. My workload decreases, so does the money for a short while but in return I get SVR and come back raging.
I'm still sick of being tired and bitchy. I wish food tasted good again, I could spend a day at the beach and my clothes fit (I'm wearing some pretty out of fashion stuff from the back of the closet).
It's not like me to whine and feel sorry for myself. You guys helped me at a time when I needed a boost. I'll let you know my Week 24 results.
I don't want to be anyone's hero but the comment made me think about how my trial participation moves the ball forward for alll of us. I won't let you down.
Thank you.
Mike
Honestly I'm a little embarrassed that I let my guard down, however, your responses amaze me.
My "take-aways" from your posts are:
1.) Suck it up, stay the course at least until I'm unblinded at 24weeks. 5 weeks is right around the corner.
2.) If I have to go another 24 weeks (Group B) then make my decision to continue of not then.
3.) The reason I started the Prove 3 tx was to put this behind me. I don't want to do this again.
4.) Give my family a break from ME. Never thought about that.
5.) Talk to my family more, which I have been trying to do.
I've been on AD for three weeks prior to starting this tx because I had been so depressed on 1st tx. My doc is great and wrote a script for Provigil which gives me energy until earliy afternnon but then crash like a plane.
I appreciate the commments about delegating but clients sign with my company because I am the guy who does the business development that they want. They buy fractions of my time. My staff supports me with researdh and admin.
After thinking about it, losing the client I mentioned earlier may be a blessing in disguise. I have not been able to focus on client #2 and now I can. My workload decreases, so does the money for a short while but in return I get SVR and come back raging.
I'm still sick of being tired and bitchy. I wish food tasted good again, I could spend a day at the beach and my clothes fit (I'm wearing some pretty out of fashion stuff from the back of the closet).
It's not like me to whine and feel sorry for myself. You guys helped me at a time when I needed a boost. I'll let you know my Week 24 results.
I don't want to be anyone's hero but the comment made me think about how my trial participation moves the ball forward for alll of us. I won't let you down.
Thank you.
Mike
Today's another day.
Honestly I'm a little embarrassed that I let my guard down, however, your responses amaze me.
My "take-aways" from your posts are:
1.) Suck it up, stay the course at least until I'm unblinded at 24weeks. 5 weeks is right around the corner.
2.) If I have to go another 24 weeks (Group B) then make my decision to continue of not then.
3.) The reason I started the Prove 3 tx was to put this behind me. I don't want to do this again.
4.) Give my family a break from ME. Never thought about that.
5.) Talk to my family more, which I have been trying to do.
I've been on AD for three weeks prior to starting this tx because I had been so depressed on 1st tx. My doc is great and wrote a script for Provigil which gives me energy until earliy afternnon but then crash like a plane.
I appreciate the commments about delegating but clients sign with my company because I am the guy who does the business development that they want. They buy fractions of my time. My staff supports me with researdh and admin.
After thinking about it, losing the client I mentioned earlier may be a blessing in disguise. I have not been able to focus on client #2 and now I can. My workload decreases, so does the money for a short while but in return I get SVR and come back raging.
I'm still sick of being tired and bitchy. I wish food tasted good again, I could spend a day at the beach and my clothes fit (I'm wearing some pretty out of fashion stuff from the back of the closet).
It's not like me to whine and feel sorry for myself. You guys helped me at a time when I needed a boost. I'll let you know my Week 24 results.
I don't want to be anyone's hero but the comment made me think about how my trial participation moves the ball forward for alll of us. I won't let you down.
Thank you.
Mike
Honestly I'm a little embarrassed that I let my guard down, however, your responses amaze me.
My "take-aways" from your posts are:
1.) Suck it up, stay the course at least until I'm unblinded at 24weeks. 5 weeks is right around the corner.
2.) If I have to go another 24 weeks (Group B) then make my decision to continue of not then.
3.) The reason I started the Prove 3 tx was to put this behind me. I don't want to do this again.
4.) Give my family a break from ME. Never thought about that.
5.) Talk to my family more, which I have been trying to do.
I've been on AD for three weeks prior to starting this tx because I had been so depressed on 1st tx. My doc is great and wrote a script for Provigil which gives me energy until earliy afternnon but then crash like a plane.
I appreciate the commments about delegating but clients sign with my company because I am the guy who does the business development that they want. They buy fractions of my time. My staff supports me with researdh and admin.
After thinking about it, losing the client I mentioned earlier may be a blessing in disguise. I have not been able to focus on client #2 and now I can. My workload decreases, so does the money for a short while but in return I get SVR and come back raging.
I'm still sick of being tired and bitchy. I wish food tasted good again, I could spend a day at the beach and my clothes fit (I'm wearing some pretty out of fashion stuff from the back of the closet).
It's not like me to whine and feel sorry for myself. You guys helped me at a time when I needed a boost. I'll let you know my Week 24 results.
I don't want to be anyone's hero but the comment made me think about how my trial participation moves the ball forward for alll of us. I won't let you down.
Thank you.
Mike
As I read through all the comments, I realized what a caring informative bunch of people we have on this forum.We are so fortunate that we can relate to them and they can relate to us. What I got out of this was, stay the course-it will be worth it! Find someone to delegate job responsibilities to, believe me their is someone. I always felt like I was indispensable-but found out differently. Nothing is worth more for you & your family than your health. Please hang in there and everytime you have this overwhelming feeling go to this post and post away. We are all here waiting to hear from you, always.
SJL
Susan-I can't really promise anything regarding the luncheon right now. Even tho I would love to say yes, yes, yes! I am supposed to start the Rituxin therapy the first week of Oct. If anything changes, I will for sure let you know. It is time for us to be well and God willing, we will. I am trying hypnotisim this Sat. and laser therapy the following week. I am as determined as I ever was to rid my body of these diseases! I do not have any follow up appt. with Dr. J., but I talk to them weekly.I hope you are feeling better today.
SJL
SJL
Susan-I can't really promise anything regarding the luncheon right now. Even tho I would love to say yes, yes, yes! I am supposed to start the Rituxin therapy the first week of Oct. If anything changes, I will for sure let you know. It is time for us to be well and God willing, we will. I am trying hypnotisim this Sat. and laser therapy the following week. I am as determined as I ever was to rid my body of these diseases! I do not have any follow up appt. with Dr. J., but I talk to them weekly.I hope you are feeling better today.
SJL
I guess you really struck a responsive chord with this post. I feel sorry for you and especially about the soccer games of all things! As a soccer mom who watched 3 of my 4 kids play soccer from the age of 5 till high school and college, missing soccer games was the worst kind of torture. BUT getting better is your first priority. Your family probably feels horrible that you can't come along, I'm sure they know how much it means to you.
As far as work, it'll always be there. I had to continue seeing patients for therapy while on tx but decreased my hectic work schedule to exclude weekends. I took a hit financially, but it was a temporary set back.
I only treated 16 weeks. I regret that decision now, as so many are relapsing. I was clear at 3 months, but I wish now I would have stuck it out. Just try to look at the big picture. You rally don't want to have to do this a 3rd time and you are so close.
Melt down, break down, scream at how unfair it is, but stay on the tx for a few more weeks.....
Having said all that, I'll concede, as always, that this is your decision....
Good luck, take care,
Bug
As far as work, it'll always be there. I had to continue seeing patients for therapy while on tx but decreased my hectic work schedule to exclude weekends. I took a hit financially, but it was a temporary set back.
I only treated 16 weeks. I regret that decision now, as so many are relapsing. I was clear at 3 months, but I wish now I would have stuck it out. Just try to look at the big picture. You rally don't want to have to do this a 3rd time and you are so close.
Melt down, break down, scream at how unfair it is, but stay on the tx for a few more weeks.....
Having said all that, I'll concede, as always, that this is your decision....
Good luck, take care,
Bug
I don't have any room to talk to you, I've been on the couch with fevers and bad moods and an exploding liver for 3 years and just now got diagnosed. with 3 major and 6 minor diseases, including Hep c... I'll start tx in 2 weeks.
We laughed, my husband and I, about what tx will be like....what's one more year of feeling like ____
and going into meltdown modes, but then, you are halfway home dude...I'd give my eye teeth to be as far down the road as you are now!!
Maybe you need to just give yourself permission. Permission to be tired, permission to feel overwhelmed, permission to just grieve because it isn't easy. I need to just go cry sometimes, and then comfort myself with the knowledge that half of us will be permanently cured. Let that hope float up. It helps also to think of what we're being given, a second chance. Not all the people in rest homes, and hospice care, and cancer wards, and children's ward have that.
I pray for the sick for than I ever used to. It helps. It helps also to remember, you didn't decide to put your family through this. Nobody wakes up one day and says, gee, I think I'll get sick as a dog so others can wait on me.
Life ain't fair. But maybe real love and care developes when things are put to the test. I think real character can develop n people who had none, and those who had some become stronger. I even thank God for my illnesses when I see that it has brought me closer to the real friends and real family that before all this I underappreciated.
How you look at the pain determines how it effects you mike, as much as the medicine itself, our spirit has alot to do with our breaking point. I agree with the others, you are doing way to much,
Give your body permission and time to heal. Yes, some activity is good, but work from home, delegate, and take naps. You wouldn't expect a horse to run a race it wasn't rested up and feed well and conditioned for....why would you expect that of yourself?
merrybe
We laughed, my husband and I, about what tx will be like....what's one more year of feeling like ____
and going into meltdown modes, but then, you are halfway home dude...I'd give my eye teeth to be as far down the road as you are now!!
Maybe you need to just give yourself permission. Permission to be tired, permission to feel overwhelmed, permission to just grieve because it isn't easy. I need to just go cry sometimes, and then comfort myself with the knowledge that half of us will be permanently cured. Let that hope float up. It helps also to think of what we're being given, a second chance. Not all the people in rest homes, and hospice care, and cancer wards, and children's ward have that.
I pray for the sick for than I ever used to. It helps. It helps also to remember, you didn't decide to put your family through this. Nobody wakes up one day and says, gee, I think I'll get sick as a dog so others can wait on me.
Life ain't fair. But maybe real love and care developes when things are put to the test. I think real character can develop n people who had none, and those who had some become stronger. I even thank God for my illnesses when I see that it has brought me closer to the real friends and real family that before all this I underappreciated.
How you look at the pain determines how it effects you mike, as much as the medicine itself, our spirit has alot to do with our breaking point. I agree with the others, you are doing way to much,
Give your body permission and time to heal. Yes, some activity is good, but work from home, delegate, and take naps. You wouldn't expect a horse to run a race it wasn't rested up and feed well and conditioned for....why would you expect that of yourself?
merrybe
Mike - we've ALL been at this point...
It's all up to you - it's harder than hell right now for you. TX is not going to get any easier as you get older... It's going to get harder.
Remember WHY you started your TX in the first place... Hold on to that. 7 more weeks is nothing. You can do it.
It won't be easy -- but we'll be here. We ALL understand.
When I say we understand... I mean, we have all been where you are.
Where it all seems so pointless - so awful as to not being worth it. Tiring - burnt out... where our families can't possibly understand --- friends can't comprehend --- yet it's the only thing we think of --- because it is who we are - what we are and what we are going through.
But those of us who have finished ---- those of us who have gone SVR --- we can only sit by and cheer you on.
To give you hope that while it seems like pure hell for you ---- it is only time that will make it better.
Your health --- your life --- is in your hands.
You've hit the hardest part.
Keep yourself in a "happy" space.
Go get WalMart smiley stickers and paste them on your fly if you have to --- but make yourself laugh --- Get movies that make you laugh --- get into a book --- grab a cup of tea or coffee and stare out the window...
Sleep where you need it.
Send your family out on more vacations.... Give them a break from YOU --- as YOU build yourself back together --- and allow yourself to heal.
Don't be mad at them --- they cannot POSSIBLY understand what you feel like --- what is happening in your body right now.
They cannot possibly know what it feels like until they have done it --- so don't be upset if they have no patience... or cannot put themselves in your shoes.
NEXT --- and probably most important.
Go get yourself on some sort of AD... I'll suggest XANAX --- and Lorazepam.
But talk to your doc --- or a mental health counselor... You're not crazy --- or anything like that --- but this TX messes with your mind - no matter how well put together you are.
Alright - I'm a bit tired today - but get yourself together - you TOUGH IT OUT.
Wipe your eyes - zip up your pants and wash your face.
Grab the counter and take a look in the mirror --- look into your eyes --- AND TELL YOURSELF:
"I can do this."
"I have the strength"
"I know it's hard - and it ain't gonna get easier for a little while longer"
"BUT I CAN FREAKING DO THIS!!!"
You hear me?
Hugs Mike --- hang in there ---- in another year - you'll be ok.
Meki
It's all up to you - it's harder than hell right now for you. TX is not going to get any easier as you get older... It's going to get harder.
Remember WHY you started your TX in the first place... Hold on to that. 7 more weeks is nothing. You can do it.
It won't be easy -- but we'll be here. We ALL understand.
When I say we understand... I mean, we have all been where you are.
Where it all seems so pointless - so awful as to not being worth it. Tiring - burnt out... where our families can't possibly understand --- friends can't comprehend --- yet it's the only thing we think of --- because it is who we are - what we are and what we are going through.
But those of us who have finished ---- those of us who have gone SVR --- we can only sit by and cheer you on.
To give you hope that while it seems like pure hell for you ---- it is only time that will make it better.
Your health --- your life --- is in your hands.
You've hit the hardest part.
Keep yourself in a "happy" space.
Go get WalMart smiley stickers and paste them on your fly if you have to --- but make yourself laugh --- Get movies that make you laugh --- get into a book --- grab a cup of tea or coffee and stare out the window...
Sleep where you need it.
Send your family out on more vacations.... Give them a break from YOU --- as YOU build yourself back together --- and allow yourself to heal.
Don't be mad at them --- they cannot POSSIBLY understand what you feel like --- what is happening in your body right now.
They cannot possibly know what it feels like until they have done it --- so don't be upset if they have no patience... or cannot put themselves in your shoes.
NEXT --- and probably most important.
Go get yourself on some sort of AD... I'll suggest XANAX --- and Lorazepam.
But talk to your doc --- or a mental health counselor... You're not crazy --- or anything like that --- but this TX messes with your mind - no matter how well put together you are.
Alright - I'm a bit tired today - but get yourself together - you TOUGH IT OUT.
Wipe your eyes - zip up your pants and wash your face.
Grab the counter and take a look in the mirror --- look into your eyes --- AND TELL YOURSELF:
"I can do this."
"I have the strength"
"I know it's hard - and it ain't gonna get easier for a little while longer"
"BUT I CAN FREAKING DO THIS!!!"
You hear me?
Hugs Mike --- hang in there ---- in another year - you'll be ok.
Meki
Keep pushing on, go at least 24 and preferably longer if you can. You're a previous relapser/non-responder (don't recall which), so keep taking those shots, keep putting those nasty pills down. Think of nygirl and all she went through. If all those people are dependent on you, then they'll have to be dependent on someone else for awhile. Everyone is replaceable, be it temporarily or permanently - everyone, there are no exceptions. No one is indispensable, not trying to burst your bubble, but that's the way it is. As far as missing out on the vacation and camping etc...so what? You're trying to save your life, you're trying to extend your life and improve the quality of what life you have left (so you can continue to enjoy your family and eventual grandkids). That's what this is all about. There will be time enough for the nicer things in life when you're finished and successful this time. And this time will be over soon enough without quitting early, wont it? Don't forget the seriousness of what you're fighting for. Don't forget you'll have to do this miserable chore again if you quit early and fail this time. Don't forget ongoing fibrosis, ongoing secondary health issues related to HCV and eventual multiple exposures to IFN+riba+whatever. Time to suck it up and remove some of the work related stress from your life. You're only human and you need to make what might seem to be a tough choice right now - delegate resonsibility elsewhere. Put it on other people - whatever, find a way. There are other people who can do your job and take over your responsilitities for a few more months. Don't let that be a big stress driver and then an excuse for quitting too early.
By the way, I'm 14 weeks post tx (41 weeks of tx) and I'm feeling and looking great (not to toot my own horn or anything ;-) In fact, I don't recall feeling this good, in ohh...about a quarter century (been infected since 1983). Plus, in all likelihood I've gotten rid of this life's blood sucking hitchhiker for good. It's behind me forever now. There is light at the end of the tunnel, I know it's hard to keep that in mind right now and I know it ain't easy to keep pressing on. But ya gotta do what you gotta do - DO IT!
By the way, I'm 14 weeks post tx (41 weeks of tx) and I'm feeling and looking great (not to toot my own horn or anything ;-) In fact, I don't recall feeling this good, in ohh...about a quarter century (been infected since 1983). Plus, in all likelihood I've gotten rid of this life's blood sucking hitchhiker for good. It's behind me forever now. There is light at the end of the tunnel, I know it's hard to keep that in mind right now and I know it ain't easy to keep pressing on. But ya gotta do what you gotta do - DO IT!
i don't know if you saw my post about psych problems but I truly "feel you" here. Even though I no longer work since week 16 or so, I did for that long and finally got fired.
I think about my "old life" and quitting treatment seriously at least once a week. Sometimes every day. I would give anything to breathe freely (while doing more than lying down), not itch, be able to sleep without help. I hate this treatment. I hate HCV.
But I'd also hate to give up my chance to get rid of it. I struggle with those thoughts often.
Mike, if you don't mind my asking, has your family TOLD you that they are sick of you being sick?
Maybe also is now the time to do an air clearing. Tell them what you told us about what happened to you when they went to the tournament and stuff like that. ALSO TELL THEM HOW YOU FEEL RIGHT NOW.
(By the way, Mike, I was a forensic therapist and this stuff is making me crazy, no joke).
I also ran marathons last year and the year before, training in the Nevada heat and did boxing training concurrently for one of those years.
And this shiot is kicking my physical and psychological a$$.
Mike,the posts here are some of the most direct and honest ones I have seen about how this is.
We all try to be Macho...even us girls, and sometimes it just doesn't pay to pretend.
Talk to you family. Talk to us.
Deb
I think about my "old life" and quitting treatment seriously at least once a week. Sometimes every day. I would give anything to breathe freely (while doing more than lying down), not itch, be able to sleep without help. I hate this treatment. I hate HCV.
But I'd also hate to give up my chance to get rid of it. I struggle with those thoughts often.
Mike, if you don't mind my asking, has your family TOLD you that they are sick of you being sick?
Maybe also is now the time to do an air clearing. Tell them what you told us about what happened to you when they went to the tournament and stuff like that. ALSO TELL THEM HOW YOU FEEL RIGHT NOW.
(By the way, Mike, I was a forensic therapist and this stuff is making me crazy, no joke).
I also ran marathons last year and the year before, training in the Nevada heat and did boxing training concurrently for one of those years.
And this shiot is kicking my physical and psychological a$$.
Mike,the posts here are some of the most direct and honest ones I have seen about how this is.
We all try to be Macho...even us girls, and sometimes it just doesn't pay to pretend.
Talk to you family. Talk to us.
Deb
you have had quite a response. I don't know how people work while on tx. I did get cured but it was the hardest thing i've ever done. I lived for the day i could stop the poison and try to get on with my life. hopefully you are taking a good antidepressant. i could not sleep and couldnt eat very well, got down to 108 lbs and i am 5' 6"- not good. any more weight loss and they would have taken me off. I too avoided people a lot because i would have trouble with obsessive angry thoughts with things easily blown out of proportion. This tx. is meant to be taken one day at a time like someone above said.
miked - i knoww how you feel, i'm about a week behind you... hang in there, stay strong, and remember you're doiung this so you can enjoy a long, happy & healthy life with your family. you're not alone... we just gotta keep on doing it, one day at a time - you can do it!!!
peace, w,c, missy
peace, w,c, missy
Hang in there, you can do it. Don't throw in the towel this close, some things may suffer but its better to finish now and be done with cuz if you don't your looking at another 48/72 of the STD, soc. No magic wands will stop the incurring damage or take it away.
Hell, your original post was an inspiration to me.
jasper
Hell, your original post was an inspiration to me.
jasper
I hit the wall around week 28. I was ready to throw everything away. It's not about being macho or tough. What we go through would topple the strongest person. 25 years in the Marine Corps, battle hardened, war weary, leather skinned, the meanest SOB you'd ever meet...and I cried when they played "You Don't Send Me Flowers" on the radio my sixth week. Yeah, it's not a cakewalk. The things I had to put on hold while going through treatment was difficult as well. But now three months post tx and I'm making up for lost time. Those things that you've missed will come around again and like last time, you'll rebound back and pick up where you left off. Hang in there. Best of luck!
Hi Mike,
As you see, you're not alone!
Just to add to the narrative, I'm on week 38 of 72. I haven't worked since starting TX. nor could I. I started getting very stressed around week 16. The problems prior to that I'd tried to handle with weekly therapy (first time in my life). But when the anxiety, rage and total-out-of-control behavior became too overwhelming which, interestingy, coincided with selling my house and downsizing to a tiny place, I went on prozac,
that did help me through the next 4 or 5 months. in fact, i don't think i would have survived the move, the movers, the attorneys, the realtors, the buyer, the details the packing up of 14 years if i hadn't been on an AD.
Now that I'm finally (almost) settled, after 9 months, I'm weaning myself off the prozac.
The emotional SX are very real. If you can't get more down time for yourself or some relief from your high-stress life, an AD might hlp.
BTW, like Orphan Hawke and a couple of others here, I've become a virtual recluse on TX. It's just too difficult dealing with, much less explaining to others what I'm going through.
Best of luck, Mike.
Wyntre
As you see, you're not alone!
Just to add to the narrative, I'm on week 38 of 72. I haven't worked since starting TX. nor could I. I started getting very stressed around week 16. The problems prior to that I'd tried to handle with weekly therapy (first time in my life). But when the anxiety, rage and total-out-of-control behavior became too overwhelming which, interestingy, coincided with selling my house and downsizing to a tiny place, I went on prozac,
that did help me through the next 4 or 5 months. in fact, i don't think i would have survived the move, the movers, the attorneys, the realtors, the buyer, the details the packing up of 14 years if i hadn't been on an AD.
Now that I'm finally (almost) settled, after 9 months, I'm weaning myself off the prozac.
The emotional SX are very real. If you can't get more down time for yourself or some relief from your high-stress life, an AD might hlp.
BTW, like Orphan Hawke and a couple of others here, I've become a virtual recluse on TX. It's just too difficult dealing with, much less explaining to others what I'm going through.
Best of luck, Mike.
Wyntre
As all of you know, I've been doing treatments on and off for years. At first, the first part of it, I was working part-time, or at home. But, eventually I couldn't even deal with the stress from that. I couldn't stay on task, remember things, basically 'get the job done', so after 3 years of trying to get it, I was awarded Soc. Sec. Dis. It wasn't based just on the Hep C, but on the problems with my ability to function as in mentally in a job situation. I am definitely not rich by being on disability. Anyone who thinks that someone on disability has it made by living on taxpayor dollars, has never tried to live on disability. I don't know of a lot of people that can make ends meet in this day and age on 12,000 a year. I'm sure that there are some who can, but I'm not one of them. If it wasn't for my husband's working and for my parents help, I wouldn't be able to afford to keep a roof over my head and pay utilities and eat on that kind of money. Anyhow, I can totally see how it's a hard decision to make. It's hard to work while treating, but it's also hard to live without the income. I feel for you Mike.
Susan
Susan
I'm 18 weeks in and not working and 40 mgs of Prozac has kept me in the game. I don't know how you can work on tx. This tx is harsh and we need to do what ever it takes to make it. A leave of absence may be in order.
do anything you can to get more rest time. you are compromising your treatment
if you grind yourself down to vegetabalized madness. in previous posts you mentioned your high stress job and family burdens. i just assumed you were one of the few who had light tx sides. dont risk your treatment for money, you will regret it. you are on the way out of this mess and your body can only take so much. i couldnt begin to do what you are doing! i can only work once every six weeks and im spending savings to take it easy and give myself a chance to get healed.
depression, anger, anxiety, and exhaustion dont spell SVR.
give it a rest warrior, the worst is over.
if you grind yourself down to vegetabalized madness. in previous posts you mentioned your high stress job and family burdens. i just assumed you were one of the few who had light tx sides. dont risk your treatment for money, you will regret it. you are on the way out of this mess and your body can only take so much. i couldnt begin to do what you are doing! i can only work once every six weeks and im spending savings to take it easy and give myself a chance to get healed.
depression, anger, anxiety, and exhaustion dont spell SVR.
give it a rest warrior, the worst is over.
hang in there! i know where youre coming from. i finished up prove 1 and am now 8 weeks post (i was in the 48 week group). the tx is rough. try to take it 1 day at a time.
I feel your pain. It would come and go for me, that wanting to stop, the temper, the sadness, missing my life as it was. When I was on tx I made it my job, no matter what I wanted this bug outta me! Regardless of all the horrible sx, losing friends and not able to do much of anything, was really hard and depressing. Thankfully my husband was great. I can't imagine working with patients or kids, I probably would have bitten their heads off. Now that I am off tx, I felt better for a while, but I wish I could have finished my 72 weeks of tx, instead of stopping at 47 weeks. I relapsed and now am thinking about having to go through the whole horror again at some point. Hang in there. It seemed to me that some days were good ones and I looked forward to those and the bad days do end for a while anyway. Good luck and hang in there dude, you can do it. As we used to say, do it like the little train that could. Sometimes you have to go a minute at a time.
My first time on tx I worked. I had a 3 hour panic attack and decided to stop after 4 months. I called the dr a acouple days after stopping and he would not let me go back on tx. My dr was a GI and did not manage my psyche sides at all. This was in 2005 and I was und after 4 weeks. I had an excellent job and was doing well. 3 weeks after I stopped tx the company was sold and my position was eliminated. Fast forward to now, I told my GI the sx's from the Hep C were almost as bad as the sx's from the tx. He sent me to a teaching hospital and I am currently on my 19th week with a 20iu VL. If I am und by week 24, I will be looking at being on tx for 72 weeks.
The first round of tx was bad and I could not wait to get off. I hated it. There really is no way to explain how you feel. The depression and stress was almost too much to bare. I wanted my life back and my family back. I don't care how strong anyone's family is they will eventually grow tired of your illness. I have offered my wife that I go somewhere and come back when I'm off tx. I'm not working now and there is no way we could afford it anyway. Some times I feel like a leper around my own family. I saw a psychiatrist for the fist time in my life last week and he recommended I start seeing a psychologist. I'll try it if it will help me through tx without loosing my mind and my family.
The same thing that happened to jmjm and others happened to me. I have lost friendships, jobs and some family members do this disease and tx.
Hang in there friend. You may have less time on tx than you think. You could attain SVR soon and this will be a distant memory.
The first round of tx was bad and I could not wait to get off. I hated it. There really is no way to explain how you feel. The depression and stress was almost too much to bare. I wanted my life back and my family back. I don't care how strong anyone's family is they will eventually grow tired of your illness. I have offered my wife that I go somewhere and come back when I'm off tx. I'm not working now and there is no way we could afford it anyway. Some times I feel like a leper around my own family. I saw a psychiatrist for the fist time in my life last week and he recommended I start seeing a psychologist. I'll try it if it will help me through tx without loosing my mind and my family.
The same thing that happened to jmjm and others happened to me. I have lost friendships, jobs and some family members do this disease and tx.
Hang in there friend. You may have less time on tx than you think. You could attain SVR soon and this will be a distant memory.
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