Sudden anger

[tjrusert]

I just suddenly snapped at my husband. Is that what RIBA rage is about. It's so not me. It shocked us both. I said  I was sorry but he is sulking still. I feel really bad. He's my biggest supporter. He came in and turned off my tv and said you need to get up and move. I said " umm I was watching that". Then he turned on the radio and tried to make me dance with him. It was sweet but I got so angry because #1 I was interested in the show and #2 I hate when others make a decision about what I need to do for me. But he was trying to be nice. I feel awful. Does the med have anything to do with it or am I suddenly becoming a mean girl. I really never yell at him. I'm totally stressed now

[kmatucson]

It is the meds..  I too have snapped at my husband, but he knows it is the drugs and takes it in stride.  

[tjrusert]

Thanks for the answer. I feel really alone. I upset him and I feel like I have complained enough about feeling bad to the rest of my family and friends.  They already worry about me getting depressed and I have been trying to convince them that I'm ok mentally. Thanks again Terry

[orphanedhawk]

Yes, its the interferon, though we call it riba rage.
It  upset me for a while,when this mean streak showed up.
Finally I realized I wasn't mean just extremely irritable.

[tjrusert]

That's good to hear. I just surprised myself. I will have to get used to it and try to control my words if I can't control my anger.

[JasmineT]

Yes.  With me it's become so bad that whenever have any small negative thought I have this moment of kind of a chemical surge of rage through my chest and brain.  I don't outburst necessarily bit the surge is there and I am afraid it has pushed it's way out more than I could see and damaged relations.  Hope you can keep it in check, make sure you talk to your doc when you go in next.

[flcyclist]

As OH said, its mostly due to the interferon.  For me, the worst was the 2-4th month as my body was adjusting to the meds and getting used to this mental challenge.  I also notice the few days after the interferon shot were the worst and things got better as the week progressed.  

Many days I just wanted to curl up in a ball and be left alone.  Minor distractions were annoying and the fuse was very short on some days.  The level of anger went beyond the norm and we easily recognized by family.  But Its gotten much better now.  Some do consider ADs if you have trouble managing, so discuss with the doc if it gets to this point.   It will be over soon.

[Susan_1a_CC]

I would suggest that riba rage aside, the scenario that you posted above would upset any number of people in that your husband didn't show you the courtesy of asking if you were engaged w/ the show.  While his heart was in the right place, his actions, as you wrote them, were rude.  

I can remember being snappish at times while on therapy.  It's enough to deal w/ the stress of the drugs and perhaps, one isn't as ready to deal w/ the unnecessary stresses that pop up and so, one appears to be more inclined to "rage."

Good luck and hopefully your husband is no longer sulking.  If he is than he was motivated by his own needs and not yours - imo.

[suezeeque]

Men want to 'fix' things.  His actions were not rude, IMO.  He was trying to 'fix' something.  He saw you laying about, perhaps getting depressed or what he perceived to be depressed or whatever and he was trying to 'fix' it.

His sulking and hurt feelings are probably more about not being able to 'fix' you rather than the fact that you yelled at him.

I would suggest sitting him down and explaining to him that you will be going through an extremely challenging time.  That there's really nothing he can do to make it better...  So not to even bother trying.  Tell him you understand why he did what he did but he can't make this next, hard few months any better by doing anything but being there for you.

Maybe tell him that rather than trying to figure out what you need, that he should *ask* you what you need.  It won't be forever, you will get better but there's nothing he can do.

My husband was the same way.  I had no depression issues while on treatment but he did!

[pooh55811]

I don't know the exact circumstances or the intricacies of your persoanl life and relationships. Everyone's life and circumstances are different. People have many different ways of relating to each other. Your husband may have meant well and in his own mind may have thought he was helping. However, turn this scenario around. How would he react if you came in and (without asking) turned off the TV program he was watching, turned on the radio, and told him he needed to get up and move.

I have seen this scenario or a similar one occur in friends' and relatives' homes and/or friends and relatives (all females) have complained to me about it. They don't like it, but they often say nothing because that is how their situations are.

However, I agree with Susan that this scenario would not sit well with many people, myself included. Personally, if I was sitting watching a TV program, I would find it very presumptious, rude, and controlling if someone came up and took it upon himself/herself to turn off my program and tell me I needed to get up and move. Whether I was on medications or not, I would not tolerate this. Sometimes feelings and reactions are justified and are not necessarily overreactions due to medications.  

[belle19]

don't worry you're not mean, it's the meds.  if you need to vent your cyber friends are here to listen.  good luck to you.  belle

[Dee1956]

Hi I have been having the same problems.  I had heard of riba rage (which is really interferon) though did not have it like this the first time I treated.  It is a problem for me and I am making a concentrated effort to "try" to be calmer, as Jasmine stated, I get a thought in my head and then it goes from there.
I recently started taking some anti anxiety meds to try to help me through the last 3 weeks of this treatment.  While yesterday was my first day I feel much better today
Good luck to you
Dee
On another note: perhaps your husband was missing your company, was concerned about you and got the idea that if you were moving you would feel better?  I know there are many well intentioned people who say, well if you would get up and walk you would feel so much better.  That may be true however when you feel sick it is difficult to get up and go for a walk.
I have found that many do not understand the side effects of tx

[Advocate1955]

As the spouse of a person who is currently treating, I am going to probably come at this one from a little bit different perspective.  This is my husband's third time treating, and I've seen the rage a few times with each treatment.  I do know the side effects, from reading and from observation, and I am sorry that my husband has to experience all of these side effects and challenges.  I would say that this particular side effect was worse with treatment #2 (daily Infergen injections and 1400 mg Ribavirin).  He is now on triple with Inc.  I feel that it is still his responsibility to control his behavior and how he expresses his feelings to me and to the kids.  Each time that he has expressed that rage through snapping at me or the kids or with the angry facial expression or body language, I have let him know in no uncertain terms that it is verbal abuse and unacceptable to us.  I feel that no matter what, the kids and I didn't cause the problem, and it is inappropriate for him to deflect any rage toward us at any time.  We are here to support him and help him however we can, but he is responsible for treating us respectfully.
Advocate1955

[kmatucson]

Wow Advocate.. You obviously do not understand how these drugs affect us... and I know I'm blessed having a husband like mine.. He has been my rock through this, and has been completely supportive..   But, if he said to me what you told your husband, I would still be crying.  Right now he needs the support and understanding from you and your kids.  If it gets out of hand then you look into drugs that will help calm the situation.  I'm stunned..  and feeling even more lucky to have my husband behind me.  I could not have gotten this far without him.  

[suezeeque]

I agree with Advocate1955 100%.  It doesn't matter what the cause of the rage is.  It is not acceptable to be verbally or, heaven forbid, physically abusive to your family.  Period.

I've had to apologize to family members for being snappy and it didn't even occur to me to ask them to excuse my behaviour due to the drugs.  I explained that the drugs may have caused me to be inappropriately angry, but my reaction is mine and I'm responsible for it, no matter the cause.

[Advocate1955]

I'm sorry you feel that way kmatucson.  I do understand very well how these drugs affect people.  As I said before, my husband has been through three treatments:  1) Interferon and Ribavirin, 2) Daily Infergen injections and Ribavirin, and 3) Triple with Incivek. If you're unfamiliar with daily infergen/ribavirin treatment (used to be called Consensus treatment), you may want to read about it before you criticize or judge me.  My husband does take medication for anxiety and depression due to side effects of Hep C treatment.  It was modified a few times during the first two therapies to help him with just exactly that (irritability, depression, and anxiety) and is currently working just fine.  It is in part because the kids and I do support him and advocate for him that his doctor knows when there are mental health or mood changes due to side effects of treatment that need to be addressed.  It is in part because the kids and I do support him that he is doing well, able to work full time, and do three treatments in 4 years.  However, deflecting ones anger and irritability and rage toward another person is unacceptable to me and I will not allow it toward my children either.  In my opinion, it is my job as a parent to set and maintain appropriate boundaries for myself and for my children to make sure that it does not "get out of hand".  It has never gotten "out of hand".  I believe that everyone is responsible for their own behavior and responsible for how they treat other people.  I believe that no one deserves to be verbally, or otherwise, abused, and in my opinion, side effects from medication are not an excuse.  I believe it would be unfair to my husband if I were to tolerate anger outbursts directed toward me and my children without setting and maintaining appropriate boundaries.
Advocate1955

[kmatucson]

And I have apologized to my husband as well...  You just proved my point, regardless of how hard you try, you are still snappy.  You don't mean to and you apologize, but in some cases you have no control.  

[Advocate1955]

Thank you suezeeque.  I appreciate your support.
Advocate1955

[Advocate1955]

People may lose their self-control, but they are still responsible for their behavior.
Advocate1955

[crigger]

I have to agree with Advocate. It is our responsibilty to do every thing we can to stay calm.  Are you taking a Antidepressant? Are you talking to spouse about these issue before they happen.  Are you talking with you Dr   I know this is very difficult this is my second treatment I know how the rage comes out of nowhere.   We can not use the medication as an excuse to be abusive to those who stand by us. I try to thank my husband every day for going to work and paying the bills and allowing me to get well

[kmatucson]

I don't think anyone is using this as an excuse.. but, in some cases, we have no control.  Even Suzeeque admitted that.  When it happens we apologize and move on.  I have never been verbally or physically abusive, but I have snapped at my husband for little things.. But, again.. I apologize and we move on.. No sulking or grudges held.  Just support and understanding.  I knew I was lucky to have my husband, but now I feel like I'm the luckiest woman in the world.

[Advocate1955]

I'm pretty sure my husband would rather have me set and maintain appropriate boundaries for myself and my children and give him a clear, consistent message about how we want to be treated, rather than allow angry snapping for little things and have it escalate to damaged relationships, feeling emotionally unsafe, or taking the kids and moving out of the house to ensure their (and my) emotional well being.
As I said before, my family is fine, my husband's third treatment in 4 years is going well, and his antidepressant is effective for him to help manage his side effects.  My children have much information about Hepatitis C, and we have been open and honest with them about chronic hepatitis, liver disease, and treatment.  They are able to live their lives normally and support their dad emotionally as he goes through this third treatment and works full time in order to have health insurance to cover the cost of treatment.  I am able to live my life normally and support my husband as he goes through this third treatment and the previous two.  Because we are his advocates and support system, we empower him to take charge of his health:  he is responsible for recognizing the signs of depression or anxiety, reaching out to get help for it as needed, and coping with his feelings in an appropriate way.  We support him in doing that.
Kmatucson, when I made my original comment above, I was speaking about my husband and my family.  You immediately concluded that I "obviously do not understand how these drugs affect" people, and implied that my children and I are not supportive or understanding of my husband.  
Advocate1955

[flcyclist]

I don't think its necessary to take sides on the issue since I think most agree that there's a tendency to lose your temper during trt.  If things are said while the temper flares, you can't just brush it off and say its the meds, you have to take responsibility for those words coming out of your mouth.  

It took me a while to realize during the beginning of trt, that although I looked normal from an outward appearance, I was a raging mess that felt like total crap on the inside.  I expected my wife to recognize this and back off on certain issues, but that was unrealistic.  I had to explain when I felt these moods coming on and give certain signals that I just wasn't having a good day and needed to be left alone at certain times.  Everyone handles situations differently, but communication is important, prior to the fuse burning too low.  We've both become better at recognizing and managing this issue.  

[suezeeque]

Let me make myself clear:  I have not been emotionally abusive to anyone (buy myself, probably).  In 24 weeks I have 'snapped at' my husband once and my daughter once.  No yelling, name calling, etc.  Just my usual sarcastic self turned up to 11 (for This is Spinal Tap fans).

You would be quite lucky to have a spouse as supportive as Advocate1955, too.  If you follow her posts you will see that.

I don't think anyone has a stronger supporter and advocate than her husband does.  No need to do the passive/aggressive insulting here.

We all decide for ourselves what we will or will not accept in our lives.  She has clear boundaries for her children and I think that makes one fantastic mother.  Children especially don't 'get' adult crazies.  They shouldn't be expected to endure something they don't understand.

[Advocate1955]

Thank you suezeeque.  I agree with you, it is a parent's job to assure the emotional and physical safety of their children.  I believe that it is a parent's job to model for their children how to set and maintain appropriate boundaries for themselves.  I want my children to know how to determine for themselves what is acceptable and what is not acceptable (in terms of other peoples' behavior toward them) and have the skills to set and maintain that boundary.  I tell my children that although they can't control another person's behavior, they can control how they respond to it.
Advocate1955