1 Year Post Coming - God I'm Scared

[nygirl7]

OK how stupid is this........I'm about two or three weeks away from my one year post test and all of a sudden I'm so SCARED I can't breath.  Logically, my mind says don't be stupid but my tests have been so screwed up with the false positive and then finally the UNDs that I can't stand it.

Honestly I'm almost thinking of not even getting it.  hey my doctor seems to have forgotten it...no word from him.....

has everybody taken all of their post treatment tests?  I'm sort of just wanting to let it go and live with the SVR of the 8 month test result...all of a sudden I'm just petrified again like during treatment.

Anybody out there skipped the year test?

[Lady Lauri]

You've come too far in this, you WILL be SVR, you beat it, 2 types! You went thru h*ll and back, 72 weeks of it.......Your one of the toughest, most determined ones I have seen here, you've over come so many things along the way. Your going to be SVR, all signs, test thus far show that.Your being so scared all of a sudden is normal, you've been living 'Hep free' for mths., just the thought of hearing those words is so scary, keep the faith, few deep breaths and back to "I WILL BE SVR".

Wanna laugh, that pic was there a long time before I noticed it was Steven Tyler, lol! Thought it was a date, friend, whatever.
He treated didn't he? Isn't he the one that said "it brought me close to (the brink of?)  of death to cure me'?

Get it done, out of the way, and on with hep free living, you know it'll be a monkey on your back if not. You fought too hard and deserve that "Hep FREE' mindset, life.

SVR, 12 mth. prayers, wish's your way.         LL

[Myown]

No matter what test either during tx or post tx,,,THESE TESTS ARE SCARY!!!! So its not 'stupid,' its normal to feel this way,,,but because you have been UND (svr) at 8 months - I think you are definitely clean as a whistle and are SVR!!

Get if off your mind and go get that test!! I just whispered a prayer for you and I ask that all who read NYgirls post please say a prayer for her peace, comfort and SVR.

Wish you the best,,,,its in the bag for you - you made it!! I believe that.

[mikesimon]

That's normal. The problem is that if you continue to be too scared to  breathe you'll never even see the undetectable results - you'll be dead. So start breathing slow and easy and everything will be alright. I promise. Mike

[jools57]

I haven't even finished tx(week32 of 48) yet and i get freaked out by the thought of "what if". It's normal to be scared, but remember "perfect love casts out all fear!" We love you, God loves you, and I too believe you are SVR, forever!!! Remember the story of the little engine that could??? I know you can!!!
Blessings

[frijole]

Deb, you will be fine.  You have already done the hard one.  Just make that appointment and let the vampires have at it.  We all want you to post the glorious results.  It is hard for me to believe that it has been so long.
kathy

[merlino]

Hi Deb, I would feel exactly the same way but...you are going to be fine.Think of all the things we discussed when I was waiting for my 3 month. Right back at you!! I'll be home tonight if you need to talk. Lord knows you have talked me out of many anxiety attacks this past year!!

[FlGuy]

Think of it as a fudgicle

[gauf]

I agree with Laurie, cake!

[nygirl7]

Thank you guys..it's so irrational but I just can't stand it.  Can't even breathe when I think about it.  I know that I have so many stressors in my life right now (ie: $$$, work, kids) going on that it shouldn't even be popping up on my radar but I'm just too scared to even call and get the paperwork sent in on it.

After 72 weeks of treatment - 1,000 fudgicles and a year testing neg I shouldn't be a basket case but...I guess it NEVER gets any easier and I just need a little moral support.

Better remember to take my AD tonight (and wash it down with a xxanax too!)  ;)

[Lady Lauri]

....After 72 weeks of treatment - 1,000 fudgicles and a year testing neg I shouldn't be a basket case but......

Uhhhh, yes you 'should' be! But your doing good!

..... I know that I have so many stressors in my life right now.........

The biggest one being SVR...to make all the other stress's easier to handle. You'll be SVR, I feel it :} Get that stress off of you.

  Feel better , LL

[chellski]

hey! so many people look up to you here..with good reason - look at how far you have come.....and it's absolutely normal to be scared - i was, i still am scared it will come back - irrational? maybe, but it's real.   but we will be fine, don't not get it though - you will always wonder..... chelley

[cruelworld]

if you dont do it you will be double nutty. i dont see any problem with putting if off for a while if you are having other pressing difficulties.
what id like to know is, how is the recovery coming along?
you sounded so bad in this regard several months ago that it made me wonder if this 72 stuff is worth it.

[FlGuy]

Thinking about it, I think I can understand your reluctance.  Going way back to those 400 iu pcrs and than that goofy false positive I think I can see why you are feeling the way you do.  But I also remember a lot of us getting on your case (almost to your irritation) about to get the pcr re-done.  It was almost to the point to which your wore out those stiletto heels that your old slime-ball boss liked so much by digging those heels in when we were pestering you.  And all that stuff turned out ok too.  You'll be fine Deb.

[Deb_c430]

Do it! I admire you so much and the support you give us all!
It is normal to be afraid, anxious,  But you are going to be ok, I can feel it!  
You are a women of great courage,  you work the beauty biz in NY, single Mom, what's a little test? I do not even know you, as many others do here, but your determination and the kind words you have brought here after being SVR shows how much integrity and courage you have, you could of walked away and forgot all those here,  but you didn't.  You pop in and instead give even us who do not know you courage. Your no coward, go!
all the best
Deb

[charm27]

I wish you nothing but the best! And you will have it!!

Cham27

[nygirl7]

I'm doing much much better health wise.  I think if other things didn't make me so nutty I could say back to pre-treatment days FINALLY.

It was worth it.  It's been almost a year but I can honestly say that my strength is finally coming back. In fact, I started waiting tables at a fancy restaurant two days a week after this job for extra money to try and get myself out of debt!  six months ago, I could NOT have even THOUGHT about doing that. It's hard physical work and I became an absolute marshmallow during treatment.

All in all - it might take longer and be a harder road for the 72 but...for SVR it's worth it.

I wish to God my thyroid would straighten out but it doesn't seem to be coming back. That's my biggest problem - after a lifetime of dieting to be skinny now if I don't eat for a week I don't think I'd lose anything so I have to be VERY careful. I feel like I should have eaten every cheesburger deluxe that I gave up!!!!   ;)

So see...when you consider that that is my biggest problem.........alls well - as long as this test is negative then believe me - it was WORTH IT ALL     :)

[FloridaMouse]

Just wanted to say I understand the fear.  I was stunned that I was just as nervouse starting a 2nd round of treatment as I was the first.  You would think that since I had already done it once that it wouldn't be as nerve racking.  Guess we heppers will always carry some amount of fear.

Mouse

[cruelworld]

so glad to hear that news. this whole thing has cost you a full 3 years of sheer disaster. i guess you would have to be recovering
at least some to survive all the **** that youve been through lately.
so glad you mentioned the thyroid thing. mine is starting to go
here at week 57 and im a little worried about it. i was under the
impression that synthroid did a great job of fixing this. is this not true?
it seems in your case, the thyroid problem is frustrating but livable.
is that an accurate assessment or is it really pretty bad?

[susan400]

Debbie, I haven't seen this post of yours until just now.  You know how it is w/this new Medhelp and all...   Anyway, I think you should know by now, that I'm most definitely in your corner!  You go girl!  You rock!   You are going to be fine, I'm and fairly certain of it.  I just cannot imagine any other reading than a big 'ol undetected!    So, girlfriend, 'suck it up',  go on, get it done!   :)

Susan

[beamishboy]

hey..!..of course you're on edge over the test...just damned healthy mental exercise...i am  sure you will enjoy the results-gonna be SVR !!again&again&again.
and i'm impressed w/ the extra-workload...((debbie)), everythings gonna be alright...tommy

[orphanedhawk]

I understand.
I've been putting off re-doing my post-tx PCR. I did one but the whole lab thing was strange and my doc said to redo it.
I'm gonna do it next week really. We can compare results.

BTW: I'm sure you'll be fine. You are our inspiration!!

[Willy50]

Good luck with the test, and I also agree; GO GET ONE!!

All that it will confirm is that you don't have the virus.  I'm not going out on a limb here; the odds are that only about a percent or less will relapse.  If you were going to......you would have long ago.  Get your test and feel relieved instead of wondering.

Take care....
willy

[wyntre9]

Best wishes and luck to you, deb.

I'm sure you're gonna pass this last hurdle with flying colors.  :)

wyn

[dointime]

After the whole tx routine I think I'll be scared to death of any medical test result I take for the rest of my life.  I bought a home stool test the other day just because I got paranoid about bowel cancer, but I put  off doing it for a week because I just couldn't face the implications of a bad result.  

Anyway, just thought I'd post in support, let you know how much I appreciate your insightful comments on the forum,

dointime