A Limboland Parable

[Quixotic1]

thought it was time to revisit this.

Okay, I woke up this morning and this played out in my mind.  WARNING -THE FOLLOWING IS BIZARRE AND TWISTED - READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL!!!


Patient walks into doctor's  exam room and nurse asks, "Why are you here?"

Patient - "I've been diagnosed with ADS - Appendage Dropoff Syndrome."

Nurse, "Okay, the doctor will be in shortly."

Doctor - "Good Morning, I'm Dr. Pfufinek.  What can I do for you?"

P - "Well, I was diagnosed two months ago with ADS, but now my insurance has changed, and I'm worse, so I'm coming to you for care"

Dr. - "How was the diagnosis made?"

P - "Well, first my pinky and ring finger on the left fell off.  Then, a month later my left nostril fell off.  And shortly after that I lost my right earlobe."

Dr. - "I don't diagnnose ADS until 4 appendages have dropped off."

P - "Well, that is four, a nostril, an earlobe and 2 fingers!"

Dr. - "I would count the two adjacent fingers as one appendage."

P - "Okay, that's why I'm here.  Yesterday my right arm dropped off, and I'm really worried!  That makes 5 appendages, or four by your count.  Shouldn't I be on some Disease Modifying Drugs to slow all this down?"  The Patient lays the arm down on the doctor's desk.

The Doctor puts on gloves and distastfully sets it aside.  "Hmm...Does your urine glow in the dark?"

P -"No, but they said that only about 60% of patients' urine glowed in the dark."

Dr. - "I won't make the diagnosis without glowing urine.  Besides you're too old"

P - "But, there is no upper age limit.  Lots of people older than me have been diagnosed with ADS.  I've already been diagnosed and I'm getting worse.  I'm desperate!  Every morning I count everything to see that it's all still there!"

Dr. - "Ahhhhh, I see....Do you have a history of anxiety?"

P - "Only since things started falling off on me."

Dr. - "I think you should have a psychiatric evaluation. This all is just probably a stress reaction.

P - A STRESS REACTION!!!!  MY ARM JUST FELL OFF!!!

Dr. - "Have you had all of the mimics excluded? "

P - "I think so, I was checked for Farm Equipment Accidents, Gangrene, Motorcycle Crashes, Recurrent Ninja Attacks, Machine Shop Malfunctions, and evidence of Werewolf Infestation.  And of  course, I was checked for Absentmindedness, but there was no evidence that I merely mislaid something and didn't notice."

DR. - "Is that all?"

P - "I think so.  What about a DMD?"

DR. - Well, I don't think you're bad enough off yet to begin treatment. And there is no evidence that your disease is progressing.

P - What!!  MY ARM JUST FELL OFF!!!

Dr. -  "Any number of things could have caused that."

P - I don't understand how you can say that.  Other people with less disease than I have get the DMD's.  That's the current recommendation.  How can you say I'm not "bad enough?"

Dr. - "You can still walk and have full full use of your left arm, except for the two fingers.  They really aren't that much help anyway.  But, you should be evaluated for Leprosy.  Many people don't know that this, too, can mimic ADS.  It's rare, but someday I will find a case.  I have a contact at a leper colony in Brazil."  The doctor walks to the door, "Nurse, Please quarantine our patient here and make preparations to ship him immediatley to Brazil."

The Patient is led away in shock and bewilderment.

Sound familiar to anyone?

Quixxle

[Sarahsmom46]

This was so funny that I couldn't stop laughing.  Like the rest of the gang, I needed that laugh.  I wonder if I take a copy of this to my next doctors appointment whether he would find it humorous as well.  :)

Julie

[Deej70]

OH that was hilarious! thanks for that laugh!!

My PCP asked me if I had anything in my life that was "stressing me out lately" and I'm like "oh, you mean BESIDES being here talking to you about the possibility of MS?? Besides the numbness, tingling, buzzing, twitching, dizziness??" Jeez Louise!

[goofysmom1]

As a new member, I haven't seen that before!  Very funny!  Thank you for bringing that back.

Chrisy

[trueblue06]

Hey Quix,

Can I reproduce this let him read it then stuff it up my ex Neuro's right nostril?

Then I would tell him....
"Unfortunately, your nose will fall off in 24 hours but there is nothing anyone can do to help you as you don't have the required number of symptoms for any treatment. You will just have to put up with it, after all, you are getting OLD!"

I would say then that he could come back and see me in 12 months time if I can fit him in to my hectic schedule, but only if it doesn't interfere with my holidays!

( only kidding, but boy I would like to! )

Thanks for the laugh, some of us stuck in limbo can certainly relate to this alright!

TB

[Lulu54]

I would love to see this illustrated and printed as a story book.  Cookies and milk for the snack for reading time would be nice too!  :-)

Lulu

[Momzilla]

You thunk rightly.  It was time to revisit this.

Z*