Dealing with the outside world?

[Rena705]

I am feeling rather down today people...I feel as though I am not part of this world because I have been alone for so long, day after day, only the tv, radio, internet to keep me a part of this world and yet not...really.

I went to a "friends" house last night to play cards and my hubby decided he was too tired to go so he drove me over and I went in myself.  Immediately, I felt bare and out of place...sort of like a piece of a puzzle that doesn't fit.

My friends all work and have children and a life...I don't.  All I have is my illness and because of it I can't get out and have a life...unless of course I am with my hubby so really I am living my life through him.

Does anyone else out there have these feelings?  I always had good jobs before whatever this is knocked my feet out from under me..I was in the health care field so I had to be on the ball...at this point I don't think I will ever be able to do it again.  

I have nothing to talk about with other people other than my health problems because that is all I have!  Isn't that sick?  I think my "friends" think I am belly aching and whining when I talk about anything related to my health because I get cut off immediately and the subject is changed very quickly.  It seems rather rude to me...but I have nothing else to talk about other than subject's from the past and when I bring up things from the past which have been talked about before, they look at me as though I am mentally ill as well. I have memory problems and maybe I am not getting the story right but I thought that real friends would deal with it and move on...

I think that after last night, I won't be bothering to go see those friends ...I don't feel as though they would miss my company anyway and I wonder why I was invited over...maybe just to appease their conciousness...don't bother.  The couple that lived at the house were also planning to go to a nearby town to a wonderful fish and chip shop for lunch today and they invited all the other guests to go but they just invited them over my head and I was ignored like I was deaf and blind and incapable of knowing what was going on.  At that point I went downstairs, called a cab and left out the walk out basement door and came home...haven't heard anything from anyone...guess I know where I stand right?

I feel like I made a mistake by choosing the wrong friends in the first place, I thought they were friends but damn it hurts when you realize that you are on your own now....

[Rena705]

I get what you are saying and I agree with you totally!  I just need to find my little niche in this world that I fit in and I also have to ensure that my husband is happy as well.  This, I know is going to be difficult and a little scary as I guess it is for anyone that has to make a lifestyle change for any reason.

Erica you have such a bright outlook and seem so happy in your posts and for that I am very envious and yet hopeful!

This has been a very emotional weekend for me and also I have learned a lot!  This is just one more lesson that I had not intended on...there will be change with this illness and it is something that I am just going to have to deal with!  The illness is not going away so I have some BIG decisions to make but I have time and through the bumps on this road to change I know that I have my cyberfriends to help me along and I appreciate it!

Lots of Hugs,

Rena

  









  
  









  
  






  
  

[Heather3418]

You are right...FAITH can have a place in helping us in our lives.  (It is in mine) I WISH that I could pray this MS away....and I DO try to keep a positive attitude about it all.

Rena is going a GREAT job of handling things and I commend her for her bravery...

Heather

[ELT]

   Hi there.

   I still have many people I am friendly with when I run into them, but, since becoming ill, my lifestyle has changed, dramatically.  I now have many different aquaintances.  People who are interested in doing the things I now do.  

   I joined a gym to try to regain strength, etc, and met up with a group of retired ladies who graciously invited me to join their group.  I exercise with them, have coffee after classes and we hike together every Tuesday.  When I am able, I go.  Sometimes it's as simple as a walk through town, usually groomed trails, for over an hour.  Then lunch, mmmmmmmmmm.

   I don't have the same interests and activities as I had before I was ill, my lifestyle is quite different, and has taken some adjusting, but, I like me now.  So do my friends.

   Nothing about my life is the same, but, it's impact, so far, has not got me down.  Thankfully, lol.  

   Hoping you are happy,

  Erica

[essdipity]

Rena, we do understand how you feel and as always will do our best to support you. That's what friends are for, at least this group of friends.

From reading what Tori is saying, I get the idea that her postion may be based on religious beliefs. There are those who believe that illness can really be dealt with through a mind over matter philosophy, and nothing we say can change that. Of course we can try 'attitude adjustments' and so on. We all do this, and it's good. But we know for sure that no amount of attitude will change some grim realities for us. Not everyone gets this, but I think they do mean well. Or are just very young. I'm so glad you can take it in stride.

Hugs back,
ess

[Rena705]

This thread is a good example of how we all wish that the human race worked. I am amazed at just how much support you have given me and realistically, you don't even know me.  I had been putting trust into someone that I thought was a "friend" for about 5 years and we had been through thick and thin, good and bad, healthy and even unhealthy but when it was someone else that is unhealthy I think that it probably is inconvenient for them.  

My husband and I had a LONG talk last night about this whole situation and I hope you don't mind but I had him read some of the posts that you, my friends, made following my initial post.  The tears were flowing by the time he finished and he said that "if those "real" people can treat me like that and expect to get away with it, they had better be careful cause just around the corner there are some real cyber friends that will straighten them out if you just ask!"

We have come to the agreement that we are going to speak to them and let them know that we understand that they are not sure how to deal with my illness and there are a lot of times that we don't know either.  We want them to know that if they were unsure or if my illness was scaring them, as true friends they should have felt comfortable enough to ask questions about what was going on...they never did ask questions...we didn't push it on them.  We want them to realize that through the last year, we have never, not once asked for any help from them and we certainly were not waiting for them to offer...it was clear that it was not forthcoming anyway.  We want them to know that we genuinely thought that they were caring members of our lifetime group of friends but if they felt that they could not deal with my illness they are welcome to move on and we hope they find new, more understanding friends than they are.

My husband feels very strongly about this and it was pretty funny actually because he says, "I think we should buy gift certificates for a tattoo parlour for them so they can get tattoo's on their forehead that say - I will be your friend, but don't expect love!"  

I don't know why these people think I am such a pariah to be put away in a corner and brought out when their conscious needs clearing but this is not who I am going to be!  I was their for them when there was life threatening surgery looming for her and her granddaughter and I was in ICU helping with the baby because grandma was flat on her back after surgery...but I wasn't EXPECTING payback...I just expected them to be my friend as they had expected me to be back then when the going was tough!

My husband and I would like to thank each and every one of you for your support, kind words and for just being a friend to me when I needed one.  I will be fine and I am going to move on (albeit, probably rather slowly) and find a new niche that fits me better than the last.  I am going to try to get some of my fly tying material out today and just try to tie a fly!  I haven't done it for a long time and I am not sure if I remember how but what the heck.  I used to belong to a fly tying club here but they meet on the other side of the city and I just can't get there regularly.  They are a great bunch of guys though and I might see if I can drop in on a meeting here and their just to keep in touch...who knows?

I have a hard time with clubs and things, most of them are based on things having to do with women (NO OFFENSE INTENDED) and I get along with men soooo much better than women and always have (MEDHELP FORUM WOMEN EXCEPTED!!!!) just the way I was raised I guess.  I always did things with Dad (fooling in the workshop building things, walking through the woods learning about nature, fishing with Dad) and Mom and I while very close never got into the knitting, baking sort of stuff.  I do sew rather well and do embroidery and do crochet but you do not want me to try to bake a cookie (and I HATE baking!!)

So things are looking up and it is thank's in most part to your attitudes and abilities to make your friends feel better and I Love You all for it...THANK YOU!!!

Lots of Hugs,

Rena

[SOONERMOM]

OH BOY!!!!  I bet when you posted this you didn't think you were actually going to have to "deal with the outside world" while on this forum!  What an apt title for your post.