Dealing with the outside world?

[Rena705]

I am feeling rather down today people...I feel as though I am not part of this world because I have been alone for so long, day after day, only the tv, radio, internet to keep me a part of this world and yet not...really.

I went to a "friends" house last night to play cards and my hubby decided he was too tired to go so he drove me over and I went in myself.  Immediately, I felt bare and out of place...sort of like a piece of a puzzle that doesn't fit.

My friends all work and have children and a life...I don't.  All I have is my illness and because of it I can't get out and have a life...unless of course I am with my hubby so really I am living my life through him.

Does anyone else out there have these feelings?  I always had good jobs before whatever this is knocked my feet out from under me..I was in the health care field so I had to be on the ball...at this point I don't think I will ever be able to do it again.  

I have nothing to talk about with other people other than my health problems because that is all I have!  Isn't that sick?  I think my "friends" think I am belly aching and whining when I talk about anything related to my health because I get cut off immediately and the subject is changed very quickly.  It seems rather rude to me...but I have nothing else to talk about other than subject's from the past and when I bring up things from the past which have been talked about before, they look at me as though I am mentally ill as well. I have memory problems and maybe I am not getting the story right but I thought that real friends would deal with it and move on...

I think that after last night, I won't be bothering to go see those friends ...I don't feel as though they would miss my company anyway and I wonder why I was invited over...maybe just to appease their conciousness...don't bother.  The couple that lived at the house were also planning to go to a nearby town to a wonderful fish and chip shop for lunch today and they invited all the other guests to go but they just invited them over my head and I was ignored like I was deaf and blind and incapable of knowing what was going on.  At that point I went downstairs, called a cab and left out the walk out basement door and came home...haven't heard anything from anyone...guess I know where I stand right?

I feel like I made a mistake by choosing the wrong friends in the first place, I thought they were friends but damn it hurts when you realize that you are on your own now....

[Quixotic1]

Oh, Honey, what a nasty experience!  They were mean and thoughtless and, you're right, they are not your friends.  They are superficial people who want everything around them to be beautiful and for nothing to bring them down.  I don't think at all "you" chose the wrong friends.  We never know really what someone will be like until the friendship gets hard.  They showed their true colors.

But, that doesn't leave you any less isolated.  It just adds the hurt and disappointment on top of it.  As someone who was always solitary and moving around, from early childhood untilo almost now, I am not the person to give advice on making friends.  But, it strikes me that you have made friends here instantly.  Perhaps a small part of it is that we share many of your experiences.  Could you start by attending an MS support group?  You might meet some people who understand the isolation, thus the lack of other topics to discuss, and might meet some people to begin new friendships.  Than may sound lame, but it is a thought.

People are always suggesting that I volunteer somewhere.  I find that amusing.  If I had the energy to volunteer and work I would work!  But, another place I have found friends is a quilting group and a knitting group.  I can sit and do a little something and it's where I met my best friend who also has severe vertigo.

You will find better people.  It's like neurologists.  There really are good people out there. but they can be hard to find.

Quix

[Rena705]

First of all I have to agree that if I could do volunteer work don't people think that I would do something where I could get PAID?!  I have had a lot of people from the hospital suggest that and I just smile and say yeah, maybe someday when I am feeling better...it humors them it seems.

Thank you for getting back to me though Quix and I have to tell you that my hubby just called from work and I explained how my evening went and he was VERY disappointed in our "friends".  He feels that it wouldn't hurt to talk to them and explain how the whole evening made me feel...he said that, like you, they are not used to having something mess up their perfect world and they just don't know how to deal with it.  BUT I explained to him that the woman who's house I was at, had to give part of her liver to her grand daughter in order that her granddaughter live. Who was at the hospital every day to support and give the parents a break in ICU watching the baby while they went and did the bathroom, eating, sleeping, showering etc.  It's not like she doesn't know what being sick is all about and I was there throughout the whole transplant ordeal and supported them all the best that I could!  I do not think that any explaining needs to be done at all...she knew darn well how much she was hurting me and I would just as soon have nothing to do with her any longer.

I have been to MS society in the past but a LONG time ago in 1993 when I was first diagnosed and I was not too impressed back then with the whole group.  The communication I have had with them lately has not improved my whole impression of them but I am willing to try once more.  I have to wait until hubby has a day off...the story of my life, wait till hubby has a day off and maybe we can get to a meeting.

I am just feeling very hurt and devastated that at my age I would have someone that I thought was a true friend treat me in the way that they did...I honestly thought that sort of behaviour had disappeared when I left kindergarten.....

[cjacks]

Wow Rena ,

I read your post saying that you were going and I thought how wonderful , .. you were getting out , socializing , playing poker ..  I am so sorry it turned out the way it did.  Better to find out now and not when you really needed them .

Quix had a good suggestion about a support group. I've been thinking about seeing what the one near me is like . It won't hurt to try . I am also isolated , by myself and sometimes very low and in need of people who understand  .  

You sure aren't alone with the conversation skills either . After doing this for so long , the cog fog and whatever else goes with all of this , its difficult, to say the least, to communicate on the same level with  friends.( if I had any )  

I just wanted to say HI , and you are not alone . I wish I could help.  :))

(( HUGS ))     Jo

[SOONERMOM]

I want to encourage you also, because I know exactly what  you are going through.  I can't remember if you are diagnosed or not, but I feel like everyone (almost) around me just wants me to smile and act like nothing is wrong.  This has become impossible to do all the time.  I think we do make people uncomfortable and maybe some just don't know what to say sometimes.  Other people really don't want their "great lives" to be brought down by contemplating something like MS(like Quix said).  I will say that this experience has given me a clearer vision of which people care and which people care about themselves!  

I have also noticed that some things really don't upset me any more because things really come into perspective.  I know we have a situation going on at work and we could all lose our jobs.....but seriously I just don't have it in me to even worry about it!!  I feel like I am dealing better w/other people's insensitivity also.  I guess I see it as THEIR personality flaw, and I move on!

Quix is right, you will find better friends.  Don't be afraid to reach out, there are good people out there.  If I ever get diagnosed, I will be going to a MS support group!!  I think it is a great idea.  (I wish we all lived close and could have our own group)

Hang in there Rena, seriously chalk it up to ignorance and insensitivity and don't waste too much time on it!  I guess I have come to realize that people that are not in our situation really have NO CLUE--there is just no way that they could!

As you know, there is always on this forum that is ready and willing to listen and really CARE about what is going on w/you!

Stacey

[cjacks]

Hi,

I posted before I saw your second one .

Rena, you've have been such a big part of this forum since about the third time you post ed ,  You just jumped right in welcoming newbies ( like an old pro ). Giving soo much moral support . I have always been in awe of your ability to make such good friends so easily. You do have a knack at it , You do know this, right ?  You have always been available to anyone here in need . and now to hear that you had been so supportive of this woman and her behavior now is unbelievable .

Please don't let those idiots damped your good spirits and happiness . Stick with your friends here and try to do something on DH days off ..    Again so sorry this has happened to one of the nicest and kindest people we have on this forum.

Jo      

[t_vic]

Dear Mrs. Rena
Hello, I am 25 and probably not much help, but this is what I think you should try to do. But first let me say, I have two wonderful kids 4.5 year old girl and a 6 year old boy, but I’m a stay at home mom. Before I got into the relationship that I’m in right now, I still had my two kids but I worked when they were in school, then I went to get them from school, and went to the gym or park. We moved in with my b/f and his two room mates and on the weekend her two kids comes over, but my two kids goes to their dad’s on the weekends. Since this is not his house I feel subjected to this bed and four walls with a TV and a computer to take up my time till he comes home at 6 or 7p.m. My point is I rely on him to spend his every awakening moment when he’s not at work with me. Selfish? Yes, very! I am teaching myself to feel like I have nothing; I am teaching myself that I am weak! I have a car but I feel too depressed when he’s not here to do anything. We are totally happy and our arguments consists of what would you like to eat; no, no what would you like to eat? So to un-depress myself I leave from these four walls and force myself to walk a block or two, then I turn around and go back home and sit and wait. The more I leave the further I get. On other days I exercise in these four walls and say I need to get out and I drive to the park and just sit there watching the birds and I feed them bread. I stroll around to pass off time, because four walls can kill you, literally! I find out the more I do things the more I don’t feel like I need his time all the time.
Don’t make yourself feel subjected to your husband because if he passes on then who do you have? You need friends, even though I only have a few; no one deserves to be lonely! Your husband may be in your life but he’s not your life and its not fair to him that he’s has to be your every wakening moment. I know how you feel. Just because you cant get back on that ball don’t mean you have to suffer! You may have an illness, but you wouldn’t believe how powerful your mind is till you change it! Instead of saying I’m sick say I feel good today! Say it when you wake up, brush your teeth, comb you hair, and take a walk; smile!  Don’t use not, wont, cant; these things incapables you to do/feel better. You may be diagnosed being sick but that’s just mind over matter! You can make yourself better by loving “you” and STOP speaking of your illness! Your as only as ill as you speak of! If your mind forgets so will your body. What you don’t see/hear you won’t know or can’t hurt you. I bet you only got sicker when you found out you were sick. Depression makes illnesses worse then they are worth. And they are your real friends. My grandmother says stuff over and over and all it does is depresses me, but I love her so much. The question is are you their real friends? Because friends lesson but they don’t have to suffer! You choose to be in this place with yourself they don’t deserve having to hear this all the time. If you love them find some things to do and talk about that. Its not fair to them. They may have invited you because they really love you! And being on your own doesn't mean being alone. I'm sure that would love for you to go if you would talk about happiness; remember misery loves company! You wouldn't want to feel like that if you were happy? Please take care! And you can contact me back I mean you no harm! Feel pretty! Smile more! I hope you can take me into consideration and pull yourself through this!
                                                             tori

[Quixotic1]

Possibly a lame suggestion here, but what about starting a support group, maybe at the hospital, for people with chronic or neurological illnesses.  Perhaps the hospital shuttle could pick you up for it.  Or hold it at your home.

You are such a good person at rallying people.  Just noodling around for all of us who feel isolated.

I know, none of this lessens the disppointment and hurt of those "friends" making it clear you're not a part of the "In Crowd" anymore.  That will take time to put into some sort of perspective.  Meanwhile, I'm picturing them all in bodysuits with misplaced body parts!  We'll be glad to add them to the weinie roast on Friday!  Neuro's taste better, but anyone with that kind of self-centered thoughtlessness will do.

Quix

[SOONERMOM]

I didn't get a chance to read you response to Quix before I posted.  WOW--ok that is unbelievable that you have been diagnosed  since 93 and your friend does know about medical hardship and still she could be so insensitive!!  Especially when you were so supportive during her "trial".  I guess we know who is the better friend.

I  wonder if people look at MS differently than a disease that can be cured.  I have had people tell me.....you don't WANT to have MS!!  I feel like they act like it is contagious or something...they don't even want it discussed!  I don't know what your friends excuse is, I just know that I have experienced some of that treatment myself and am trying to make some sense out of it.  I am so sorry that happened to you, you definitely didn't deserve it!
Stacey

[dowma]

I'm so sorry you had to go through that with your so called "friends"  I feel I've lost friends since I'v ebeen ill also.  I know how hard it is not to work and feel like a part of society.  I'm so happy to hear you have such wonderful support from your husband.
I've been out of work since Sept. and I too have worked in the Medical profession.  I feel like I've had nothing in common anymore with my friends.  Its hard not to talk about whats going on in your life since it is so much apart of who you are at the present time.
Keep your chin up, youve had wonderful advice from the other members such as support groups etc.  
Just wanted to let you know your not alone  here and you have so many people here who need you as a friend.  
Take care,
Mary Beth

[humming4u]

i have no dought of the sweet,smart, encourager you are! I for one, already know I'd love to have you right next door!
I think theses so called friends have made a choice to not let your situation trouble them.BAD CHOICE, as one day they'll see for themselfs.lets hope they long for you then!
I've spent a fair amount of time waiting on my husbands return daily myself. but i am blessed with a few proven loyal friends, but even they have hurt me with words as "whats your excuse this time" how i wish i never had a reason to say I just can't do! I need them to know that.
when the weather improves i think our spirts will too.I'm choosing right now to have faith, and I will be praying that new ,true friend come into your life, start looking around girl,someone is looking for the same.
take care, forgive for yourself the stupidity of this lot you were with last night,i feel so sorry for them( not really), and can't help but wonder, how could they all be so blind at the same time to bad they can't really"walk(not perfectly, huh)? in our  shoes" for a time,would they care more then?
not to ruffle feathers,and you know I'm pretty new here, but i can't not, not say that things that Tori said were very wrong, but shes young enough to feel those ways and i'm sure she only ment well enough.encouragement,and finding the right and careful way, comes with time and errors, made plenty myself.
you, start thinking about how you'll be bragging one day about another monster fish!

[Heather3418]

Your friends screwed up BIG TIME....I hope it helps you to know how many friends you have on this forum that would come to your aid in a heartbeat.....

Isn't it great to read all these posts of encouragement and caring?  It's called true care and concern....

HUGS,
Heather

[Rena705]

cjacks (jo)  I really appreciate your response and taking the time to respond (twice)!  You and Quix gave me a good idea...maybe I should get together a support group and call it the Cog and Fog!  I appreciate all the kudos you sent my way honey but I am no more deserving than a lot of other on this forum...yourself included.  I think that what makes this so difficult is that I thought we were close friends and that is why I did invest so much into her family when the baby needed the liver transplant...at least the baby is doing fine, the grandmother needs an attitude adjustment that's for sure!

t_vic  I don't think that we have spoken before and I appreciate your trying to help but I think that our situations may be a little different.  It would be nice to just jump into my beautiful Mustang that I haven't driven for a year but my medical problems and my meds will not allow me to...you see I often have double vision and an ice pick type of pain that hits in my head and can at any time therefore I don't want to take a chance of possibly hurting someone else by losing control while driving.  I also am on medications that cause drowsiness and have been advised by the physician not to drive.  Being diagnosed as being sick unfortunately is not a matter of "mind over matter" and I hope that you never have to experience the situation that most of us on this forum are experiencing.  It is not in my mind and it does matter!  If my legs don't want to cooperate and the pain in my head is excrutiating and I have no sense of balance I simply cannot go for a walk because I don't want to end up on my face on the concrete down the block.
Tori, I imagine that you have the best of intentions but I did not go to the card game last night and make everyone miserable...as a matter of fact, I had very little to say at all because I don't have anything to talk about.  I went to have a good time but I was put in a corner and basically ignored, probably because it was the easy way out for them...who knows?
This is what you said "You choose to be in this place with yourself they don’t deserve having to hear this all the time. If you love them find some things to do and talk about that. Its not fair to them."  I don't feel that it is fair for you to make a comment like this when you don't know the whole situation.  As I explained, I don't get out, I don't see any
friends or anyone for that matter other than the dr., the neuro, the pharmacist and the checkout girl at the grocery store.  A comment like this is way out of line considering I haven't seen these people since Dec. 27th at a party and I certainly didn't sit at a party and bemoan all of my aches and pains.  I guess I should have taken the hint at the first of December when I asked one of the boys to take me to get a Christmas and Birthday gift for my hubby...and I asked again...and I asked again...and I asked again...never a response, just ignored...can't handle the chick with the cane I guess!

SOONERMOM...none of us deserve it and I am beginning to think that it all boils down to a lack of education about the disease...like you said, people saying "you don't want to have MS!!"  I think people by nature are afraid of what they don't know and I guess we all were pretty afraid of it when it was first thrown in our faces...now we know too much and we just get really PI**ED OFF!  It doesn't excuse people who are cruel, rude and downright ignorant about it.  This is part of why being proactive is so important to me...the more we know the more we grow and the happier and healthier we will be...and if not, we gave it a damn good try!  After all the comments I have heard from you, my friends today, I think that I have decided that WHAT THE HE**?  I HAVE GOTTEN THIS FAR WITH ONLY THE AID OF MY HUBBY AND DARN IT HE IS STILL STANDING BY ME HOLDING ME UP AND I GUESS THE BEAUTIFUL DIAMOND RING HE GAVE ME IS A SIGN THAT HE REALLY DOES LOVE ME AND IS GOING TO KEEP ME TILL DEATH DO US PART!!!!!  I LOVE HIM WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL AND WHAT THE HECK...NONE OF OUR FRIENDS LIKE FISHING ANYWAY!!!

p.s.  to tori...if I am going to live my life worrying about whether I am going to be alone because my husband "might" pass on I should be dead in a week!  I am sorry to be the one to say this but that is the silliest thing I have ever heard in my life!!!

Rena705

[Quixotic1]

I'm sure your comments were meant to be helpful, and it is your age and inexperience that lead you to say the things you did.  But, you do not understand that we are not speaking here of depression and "emotional" dependence on another.  We are speaking of people who are often partially paralyzed and partially blind and who CANNOT drive whether we are happy and thinking good thoughts or not.  Many of us must rely on others to drive us around.  I am one.  

Happy, positive thinking is good for all people, but it does not return strength to withered legs, hearing to those of us who have lost hearing, balance to those of us who no longer can maintain our balance, nor sight to those of us with damaged optic nerves.

You posted on a Multiple Sclerosis forum.  If you need information about MS so you can be helpful, then please ask questions so you can learn.  We will be glad to teach you what you need to know about it.  If you have MS, then we are all very happy that it is so mild that you haven't had to learn about about losing function and the need to depend on others.

Quix, MD

[monotreme]

Hi Rena,
    I am sorry you were the victim of arrogance and ignorance of these "friends".  I experienced many of those types of behaviors from people when I was in GRAMMAR SCHOOL!!!!   These people must be regressing!!

   When I worked as a nurse I saw how many of our chronically ill patients became isolated and that is happening to Craig and I too.  Even when family comes over, they want to go and do something. like take walks, go to our local gardens etc.  But Craig can't do that so he is faced with staying home and becoming more isolated.  (He won't do wheelchairs yet...he can walk just not for a long time),  

   Maybe you should flood your brain with pleasurable thoughts of your new trailer and the fun you and your husband will have in the summer.  Forget about those people.  They are not worth your time and energy.

  Elaine

[doni54]

Wow, what an interesting thread!

Rena, you are a special lady and all of us here love you.  You have many friends here and we are always open to conversation with you.  I'm sure 99% of us identify with the things you are going thru with your friends and other things that you deal with on a daily basis.

You take care of yourself and know all of us here love you and we are always here for you when you need us.

Tori, I know you had good intentions, but sweetheart, I wish!  I also agree with Quix.  Not a single one of us, the limbolanders or the dx, wouldn't love to believe that if we told ourselves all the good stuff that it would be true.  If only that were the answer, there wouldn't be so many suffering people in the world.

doni

[Barbie51]

I, too, have had similar experiences.  I'm into my 3rd year out of work and so am adjusting much better, but I don't have as many physical disabilities as you have to deal with.  I can still drive.  I can't imagine adding housebound to my list, even though I really don't go all that much.  You're so creative.  I think a support group called Cog and Fog is a great idea!  I know I'd be there.  You all just don't know what you've meant to me these last couple of weeks since I've "met" you.  I find myself telling everyone I do come across about you all.  They surely don't understand how I can be so excited over cyber friends, but it's incredible to talk to people that understand.  I'm very fortunate that I have 5 grown kids and stepkids and 4 grandchildren.  Only one lives farther than 30 miles, so I have a LOT of family to live vicariously through.  I

I hope you can start Cog and Fog.  I'm afraid I wouldn't know how to start, but maybe I can learn through you and others.  I loved Quix's thoughts on Quilting and Knitting friends.  I'm actually going to take a knitting class soon and found that I LOVE piecing quilts two years ago.  It makes me feel that I'm doing something creative and worthwhile that others can enjoy and will still be around when I'm not.  I've always worked with kids and people and taken care of others and finally found something I can do and "hold" in my hands.  I hope that makes sense, I don't think I'm explaining it right.  

I think I've gotten off track, imagine that, Me getting off track!  Anyway, I finally realized, after tormenting myself, that my so-called friends weren't being mean to me.  They were just being themselves.  It wasn't about me.  I was about their self-centered lives that I really didn't want to be a part of anyway.  I know I barely know you at all Rena, but I can already tell, you're WAY TOO GOOD for those people!

Sending love,
Barb

[cjacks]

Rena,

COG and FOG     I love it !    Do It !

Jo

[mokibear]

I am so sorry you had to go through that Rena. It is a sad day indeed when one finds out what their so called friends are all about. As others have said here though Rena, you are a great person and have made friends with us all on here and you will find someone to connect with out there. Have faith.

I love the Cog and Fog idea! I think you should go for it. Not only would it be great for you but for all the others you could help as well.

It is a sad world when people are defined by the illness they have. I get so frustrated and angry when I see the ignorance of others and their unwillingness to learn and understand what is happening with those close to them. Is it fear on their part? Perhaps. But if they could only see that how they feel without even having an illness, how it must be for the one that does, we would be in a better world. The problem is we have become a me society. We have lost the oneness of us all and made it singular.

Hang in there Rena. Fishing season will be upon you soon. But sincerely think about starting Cog and Fog.

Hugs
Moki

[sllowe]

You've always been here for all of us, pulling for us, despite what you had goint on. I feel alone too sometimes, even when there are over 5 people in the house.

I wish I had more to say of late, but wanted you to know that I was thinking of you and I'm sorry for how your feeling, but glad you posted this, something good always comes from it. . .

SL
p.s. we need that MEDHELP tour bus/RV durrnit!!!!!!!! Air conditioning, fridge, snacks, GPS, and internet - the works!!!!!!!!

[ELT]

There's an outside world? Really??????????????? lol lol

[ELT]

sorry, not belittling anyones feelings, was only joking, I do that a lot.  I enjoy time spent at home now, I have found other things to amuse me, and life is good, sorry, if i sounded nasty, I'm not, honest, lolo

Erica

[tanky]

I'm so sorry that happened to you.  I understand, at least a little bit.  When I was diagnosed, I told my friends and it was shocking the ones that were supportive and not.  I can still work so I am not isolated (yet) but my real experience in this comes from watching my mother.  She has autoimmune disorders (not MS) but has not been able to work in decades and also has memory issues.  She was unable to leave the home and relied completely on my stepfather and me.  She didn't have anything to talk about and suffered from self-esteem problems as a result.  I found her illness terrifying and I felt paralyzed by that fear.  I was NOT as supportive or compassionate as I should have been or could have been because it was easier to ignore it than to deal with the great pain in caused me (so selfish, I know, but it my defense mechanism).  I didn't feel comfortable talking about it either.  SO, when I was diagnosed with MS I knew what my friends were thinking and it made me more understanding of their discomfort with the situation.  I think your friends may be ignorant and they may not be doing the right things to support you.  For that, I am SOOO sorry and I wish they would step up to the plate.  But, please understand that their reaction to you may not be at all how they feel about you.  I love my mom more than anyone and that is the exact reason I couldn't deal with it.  They may be praying for you night and day but they are scared to have the conversation out loud.  If it gives you some added encouragement for Cog and Fog, my mother moved to a new town and has met new friends....she is going out of the house now with these friends and they are so supportive of her.  I am ecstatic that she has met these ladies.  I wish you all the best.  From the sounds of these posts, you are an amazing woman with tons and tons of friends on this forum.  

[grannyhotwheels]

Dearest Rena,  Honey, I cried when I read your post.  I really do know what you are going through.  When I first got sick and became disabled I found out who my real friends where.  

My husband and I had several very close friends.  We sorta ran around in groups.  We would all get together and do all kinds of things.  Picnics, camping, softball, swimming, basketball, and my favorite fishing.  When this stupid thing called MS struck me down in my prime we lost pretty much the whole gang.  Oh, they still do all that stuff but we are never invited anymore because they know that I can't do any of that stuff.

Like you, I did the support thing but I can't drive so depending on my husband to take me all the time was out of the question.  It's not that he wouldn't do it, it was more like he already works 2 jobs and I feel guilty asking him to take me places when he is home.

There is one couple that has never left being friends with us and they are a couple that we go to church with.  We get together and play cards, go out and eat, go to the movies, and sometimes just do a bible study together.  Brenda has turned out to be one of the best friends I could imagine.  

Besides them, there are many ladies in our church who will call or come by just to visit with me.  What I'm trying to make a point of is for me it turned out to be my church family that has done the most to help me.  They will sit and listen to me for as long as I want to talk or they will just sit with me when I don't want to talk.

I don't know if you and your husband go to church but it's a wonderful place to make friends.  The kind of friends that wont stab you in the back or in your case they stabbed you in the front.

I'm so sorry for all you are going through but regardless of what lies ahead for you we are always here for you.  You can talk anytime you want to.  We will always be here to listen to you and we care for you as a person.  Never forget that.

I'll be praying,
Carol

[Rena705]

Tanky...gee I feel silly now after reading what you have gone through in your lifetime!  You are a very brave girl not only for dealing with that situation but for admitting that you couldn't deal with it all the time and that, I think, is what makes you stronger!
You are to be admired for your strength Tanky and then to be hit with MS yourself...I just don't understand why you and your family would be hit like that...and I am not going to quote the "whatever doesn't kill us" stuff.  I have explained before that I don't really believe in a higher being having control over what sort of body we are dealt in life, we are in my opinion just going to have to deal with whatever it is right?  I am feeling tonight that I haven't really got time to wait around for those people to get it together and figure out that I am still the same person with the same attitude and the same huge amount of love in my heart that I am willing to share...I am feeling like I am going to have to move on and how I am going to do that I have no idea...I will let you know though what I decide that is for sure.  Thank you for your support though...it means a lot to me!

Carol...you made me cry too and you hit the nail on the head when you talked about different groups of friends getting together and all of a sudden we are not invited anymore...

I don't think I can sit down and take that though...I am not one to get walked on and I think I will be making some calls come the spring and letting some of these people know that regardless of my physical limitations, we will be at any functions just like we used to and if I can't get involved, I sure as heck can take pictures!!!

I am really tired tonight honey, this has taken a lot out of me today and my hubby and I talked about it all when he got home from work and he agrees with me...these people know what my limitations are and they know I have not had a frontal lobotomy (although it feels like it some days) I just talk funny sometimes and have a hard time walking any distances.  It seems that this is too much for those wimps to handle, he says it's their loss and it's time to move on!  Like he said, winter won't last forever and once the weather warms up he said he will take me to a support meeting at the MS society and if I don't like that maybe there is someone that can help me set up  my own support group at the hospital here for people with neurological problems...he loved the idea of the Cog and Fog and I say why not?  It's something to look forward to and maybe work towards!

I really appreciate your support Carol and I need to know how you are doing?  I will be on here tomorrow honey but I need to go lie down and rest my weary head!

THANKS TO ALL OF YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND I AM FEELING LIKE I HAVE A LOT MORE HOPE NOW THAN I DID EARLIER TODAY!  I NEED TO FIND SOME PEOPLE THAT WILL ACCEPT ME FOR WHO AND WHAT I AM AND I AM SURE THEY ARE OUT THERE...I JUST HAVE TO GO LOOKIN'!!!

LOTS OF HUGS,

RENA