Anyone else with a diagnosis still in denial?

[Mummy76]

I have been feeling better about my MS diagnosis lately, but realized today that it's partially due to the fact that I've gone back into denial a little bit.  I'm not sure how I've tricked myself into believing it's all a mistake since I have an MRI showing a lesion, a diagnosis from a neurologist and am starting my DMDs but somehow I have stopped believing I have MS.

Did anyone else go through this?  Or am I losing it???

[Mummy76]

Hi Zoe

I chose Copaxone and I start next Tuesday.  I think you are right though, when I start injecting myself everyday, I think it will help reality set in.

Thank you everyone for your comments, nice to know I'm not alone in my denial!

[zoefromsussex]

I was glad to read your post as I'm in exactly the same situation! I was diagnosed last month & just can't quite get my head round it, despite the MRI & LP etc. Which dmd have you chosen? Maybe it will become more of a reality for you once you start?

[SarahL2491]

Oh good, I am normal........hmm.......savor that thought, Sarah LOL

Although I spent 30 yrs proving my Dx of MS, and felt liberated when I did,
every time I get a "normal" test (my LP was normal), I go back into denial, telling myself it isn't true, that next visit they will tell me they goofed.......

Then when I get days of foot drag and visions of having many pairs of shoes in my closet with the right sole  wore out and my favorite shoes not "resole-able", then reality sets in.

When I get too hot and have to "sit it out" in a COOL store until my vision improves.........then reality sets in.

I almost wish those denial periods would never surface but good to know I am not the only one with them!

[Jifr]

Hiya.

I was in denial for...2 years?  lol.  Or, at least it felt like that.  They say people who get a Dx like ours go through the same grieving process as someone with a terminal diagnosis.

[Lulu54]

Denial should be listed as one of the common MS symptoms as far as I am concerned. You find yourself thinking and feeling the same thing many of us have experienced.

I have even asked my neuro on more than one occasion if he is sure of the dx - he always laughs, tells me he loves it when his patients ask this - I am not the only one! - because it means we are feeling ok.  

The ebbs and flows of MS make it easy to allow ourselves the luxury of putting MS to rest for a while until it rears its ugly head again.

I'm  with DV that it takes about a year or so to get into a rhythm with having MS.  It's ok to feel good and question - just don't stop taking your DMD!

~L

[maxthecat43]

I still sometimes think that maybe the doctor is wrong.  The last time was only a few weeks ago.  I was feeling so much better, I decided I couldn't have MS.  I then proceeded to take a really hot (almost painfully so) shower, to prove to myself that I would be fine.  So much for that!  I nearly collapsed in said shower, and could barely even get out on my own power.  Later, when I had recovered I explained what happened to my husband.  He said this:  "The medicine you take is extremely expensive.  You KNOW our insurance wouldn't let you have it, unless your diagnosis was real"  

I do trust my doctor.  I think it's normal to hope- against all odds, that maybe there was a mistake.

Maybe time is the key to true acceptance....?
Tammy

[bettebelle]

Mummy-
I am right there with you! I was just rolladexing in my mind over if I truly have MS feeling doubtful and weird even though I am on DMD and saw the bright spots on my thoracic spine MRI. I then turn to my family and friends to set me straight. I believe it's denial. Like my mom says, "they don't just put people on medication like your on for nothing". It's just plain hard especially if you don't have many people to talk to or if you do what i do and lie through my teeth about how I'm feeling. I think I've convinced myself I am "good" or "great" since I do look good.  Which is where I think my denial comes into play. Sorry this has turned into a vent. Anyways I know how you feel I'm right there with ya!
Belle

[doublevision1]

You're definitely not losing it.  It's a self protection mechanism at work.  To absorb it all in one fell swoop is overwhelming for most people, so denial/acceptance ebbs and flows for a period of time until it truly sinks in.  Probably took me a year or more.  And denial will continue to creep back in between relapses.  Hard to fully grasp one has a serious dx when they feel fine.  It's why it's important to understand the disease process, and to realize that neurological damage can and does continue in the absence of clinical signs and symptoms.  As long as denial doesn't lull one into a false sense of security and cause one to abandon their therapy, it's fine, probably quite healthy not to continually self-identify as one who is sick.