Aa
I can't do this right now
As many of you know I cycle up and down with depression and fatigue. I just got back from my new PCP (old one retired). New one doesn't "buy" that I feel I am unable to work. At each visit he urges me to find something I can do, to make use of my knowledge, to continue to be productive. As I try to explain my fatigue, he suggests things like, arranging to take a nap in the day, or some other inane suggestion. I struggle to answer a few questions here before I need to lie back and close my eyes until the world stops whirling. I have about 3 hours of useful energy a day broken into five or six hitches.
I tried to tell him I found something that I could do online, and that I got a lot out of it - feeling appreciated, useful. Instead of being pleased that I'm trying to do something he advised me "not to get a swelled head over it." I'm frustrated, humiliated, wondering if I am, indeed, as lazy as he suggests or just a wimp because I gave up.
I have great admiration for people with this disease who vow to fight and not let it define them. I can only ask, "Fight with what?" I am exhausted by emptying our four litter boxes or going to the basement to run a load of laundry. The trip to the doctor put me down for three hours. Today I am overwhelmed by the pain and frustration on the board. I can't formulate my thoughts, I can't put simples things together.
The two doctors that treated me with understanding and compassion have both retired. All the new doctors I meet make some snap judgment about who I am now. I am so tired of being treated like a depressed middle aged women who claims to be disabled because she is a little dizzy, a little weak and a little tired.
That's all, the tones you hear in my notes are just that, the same frustration, pain, fear that you all feel sometimes. I miss the person I was! I was good at it! I don;t want to be this way! q
I tried to tell him I found something that I could do online, and that I got a lot out of it - feeling appreciated, useful. Instead of being pleased that I'm trying to do something he advised me "not to get a swelled head over it." I'm frustrated, humiliated, wondering if I am, indeed, as lazy as he suggests or just a wimp because I gave up.
I have great admiration for people with this disease who vow to fight and not let it define them. I can only ask, "Fight with what?" I am exhausted by emptying our four litter boxes or going to the basement to run a load of laundry. The trip to the doctor put me down for three hours. Today I am overwhelmed by the pain and frustration on the board. I can't formulate my thoughts, I can't put simples things together.
The two doctors that treated me with understanding and compassion have both retired. All the new doctors I meet make some snap judgment about who I am now. I am so tired of being treated like a depressed middle aged women who claims to be disabled because she is a little dizzy, a little weak and a little tired.
That's all, the tones you hear in my notes are just that, the same frustration, pain, fear that you all feel sometimes. I miss the person I was! I was good at it! I don;t want to be this way! q
Hopefullly Quix , you being part of this elite group can come to terms with his insensitiviy...I feel in simple terms that Doctors have egos; rather BIG egos (not all of course!) and it seems from what I read over and over again, when a doctor "can't" figure out what's wrong they tend to become flippant, impatient, tell you it's all in your head,etc!
btw, where's the professional courtesy?
We're all pulling for you,,,,you're very well like here. and I'm sure you know that it Counts!
September's Public Health Alert is another very informative issue. This might apply to you, and geez, maybe it's time you find something for you. publichealthalert.org
btw, where's the professional courtesy?
We're all pulling for you,,,,you're very well like here. and I'm sure you know that it Counts!
September's Public Health Alert is another very informative issue. This might apply to you, and geez, maybe it's time you find something for you. publichealthalert.org
Although I'm new to this forum, you have already had a positive impact on my situation. The physical symptoms for me have not approached the mental anguish, and I now feel better enabled to become my own advocate. Thank you and I pray you'll have better days ahead.
Sherry
Sherry
Argggg I get so exhasperated at these doctors. Why would anyone think this is how someone would want to live!! Are they that blind? (I could add a few other fitting words but I won't). Why can they not see you are not the person you once were, you are not yourself, see that, and try to do something about it. Is that not what they 'swore' to do!
Quix I feel so badly for you, how to survive all this with sanity intact. You are such an enourmous help to everyone here. You should be proud, we are very thankful to have you.
Jazzy
Quix I feel so badly for you, how to survive all this with sanity intact. You are such an enourmous help to everyone here. You should be proud, we are very thankful to have you.
Jazzy
Dear friend,
As the others have so wonderfully stated, you are such a blessing to us and God has brought you into our lives. You have every right to feel useful, helpful to so many of us. Just the other day, I shared with my family and friends how helpful you have been to me and even took the time to share info about my grandson that was so helpful and sincere. I printed that post to give to my daughter. You may not be in the field as a pediatrician but you are a doctor who has shared from the heart to those who feel abandoned, feel desperate, need insight. You are a shining light.
Thank you for all you do for all of us.
I am sorry that the md did not support you. Unfortunately, many of us have faced this type of doctor who does not think before he speaks. You have given us good counsel when that occurs... move on and get one that does support you.... maybe you should consider that as a possiblilty.
GOD BLESS YOU.
Frann
As the others have so wonderfully stated, you are such a blessing to us and God has brought you into our lives. You have every right to feel useful, helpful to so many of us. Just the other day, I shared with my family and friends how helpful you have been to me and even took the time to share info about my grandson that was so helpful and sincere. I printed that post to give to my daughter. You may not be in the field as a pediatrician but you are a doctor who has shared from the heart to those who feel abandoned, feel desperate, need insight. You are a shining light.
Thank you for all you do for all of us.
I am sorry that the md did not support you. Unfortunately, many of us have faced this type of doctor who does not think before he speaks. You have given us good counsel when that occurs... move on and get one that does support you.... maybe you should consider that as a possiblilty.
GOD BLESS YOU.
Frann
Quix, I'm truely sorry your new PCP does not have a good insight into all that you go through on a daily basis. You know better than he will ever know what effect your MS-the weakness, the vertigo, the fatigue, etc., as well as your struggle with depression, have on your daily life.
And people don't just suddenly become lazy any more than they just suddenly become dishonest or selfish, especially after having worked hard all their lives like you did. Lazy and fatigued are not the same thing, and anyone who knows anything about MS knows that the fatigue from MS alone can be overwhelming. Add some depression to that and it's even more overwhelming.
You are a kind person and a generous person. Just because most doctors are not what you are doesn't make them right and you wrong! The problem is, most kind and sensitive people put too much stock in what others think of them and say about them, and let it define how they feel about themselves. I know because I, unfortunately, also do this all the time in my life with regards to others.
You are not wasting your talents on this forum, Quix, you are sharing them in a way that most doctors never will simply because most doctors will NOT get a disabling chronic disease which is life-altering in the prime of their medical career, and most doctors do not feel the need to share their knowledge and expertise with a patient, but instead hold that knowledge over their patients' heads in an arrogant and elitist fashion in order to let the patient know just exactly who the doctor *is* and who the doctor *isn't*. And, as we all know, that unapproachability patients feel with regards to doctors does not facilitate a rapport and communication and so does not exactly facilitate getting answers as to what is wrong with our bodies. You are NOT of that ilk but are instead generous with your knowledge and time. It is unfortunate that your doctor cannot see the validity of what you are doing on this forum. You don't need to be in a typical office setting in order to be of use to sick people as a physician. Some doctors are out in the field working for human rights organizations, some are working at free clinics, and some are doing what you are doing, volunteering their time and knowledge online to those with serious questions and concerns. Your doctor should try it, himself, some time--maybe he would like it (or maybe not :).
Just as an aside (and maybe it will make you laugh), my former psychiatrist (whom I actually liked a lot but haven't seen in about 12 years) decided he no longer wanted to practice medicine when he was in his 50s and became a professional poker player instead. He took lessons from one of the "poker greats" and started traveling all over the US going to poker competitions. So, if a healthy 50-something-year-old MD can do this and not be deemed/labeled "lazy,"--and I say, go for it--you only live once and life is short--, then certainly a 55-year-old woman doctor with MS, vertigo and depression should not be chastised for no longer working at a very mentally and physically demanding (if you are not well) profession such as medicine. I mean, what does he want you to do, go work part-time at McDonald's so you will be "productive"?? Aren't your talents better spent sharing the knowledge you learned in medical school in whatever capacity you can?
I hope you don't beat yourself up over his unenlightened and judgmental comments. Doctors only see a snippet of your life when they see you for a few minutes every few months or so. They only know the little that they see right in front of them at that moment in time; they don't know the whole of what one deals with in his or her daily life when they have a chronic illness to contend with.
And people don't just suddenly become lazy any more than they just suddenly become dishonest or selfish, especially after having worked hard all their lives like you did. Lazy and fatigued are not the same thing, and anyone who knows anything about MS knows that the fatigue from MS alone can be overwhelming. Add some depression to that and it's even more overwhelming.
You are a kind person and a generous person. Just because most doctors are not what you are doesn't make them right and you wrong! The problem is, most kind and sensitive people put too much stock in what others think of them and say about them, and let it define how they feel about themselves. I know because I, unfortunately, also do this all the time in my life with regards to others.
You are not wasting your talents on this forum, Quix, you are sharing them in a way that most doctors never will simply because most doctors will NOT get a disabling chronic disease which is life-altering in the prime of their medical career, and most doctors do not feel the need to share their knowledge and expertise with a patient, but instead hold that knowledge over their patients' heads in an arrogant and elitist fashion in order to let the patient know just exactly who the doctor *is* and who the doctor *isn't*. And, as we all know, that unapproachability patients feel with regards to doctors does not facilitate a rapport and communication and so does not exactly facilitate getting answers as to what is wrong with our bodies. You are NOT of that ilk but are instead generous with your knowledge and time. It is unfortunate that your doctor cannot see the validity of what you are doing on this forum. You don't need to be in a typical office setting in order to be of use to sick people as a physician. Some doctors are out in the field working for human rights organizations, some are working at free clinics, and some are doing what you are doing, volunteering their time and knowledge online to those with serious questions and concerns. Your doctor should try it, himself, some time--maybe he would like it (or maybe not :).
Just as an aside (and maybe it will make you laugh), my former psychiatrist (whom I actually liked a lot but haven't seen in about 12 years) decided he no longer wanted to practice medicine when he was in his 50s and became a professional poker player instead. He took lessons from one of the "poker greats" and started traveling all over the US going to poker competitions. So, if a healthy 50-something-year-old MD can do this and not be deemed/labeled "lazy,"--and I say, go for it--you only live once and life is short--, then certainly a 55-year-old woman doctor with MS, vertigo and depression should not be chastised for no longer working at a very mentally and physically demanding (if you are not well) profession such as medicine. I mean, what does he want you to do, go work part-time at McDonald's so you will be "productive"?? Aren't your talents better spent sharing the knowledge you learned in medical school in whatever capacity you can?
I hope you don't beat yourself up over his unenlightened and judgmental comments. Doctors only see a snippet of your life when they see you for a few minutes every few months or so. They only know the little that they see right in front of them at that moment in time; they don't know the whole of what one deals with in his or her daily life when they have a chronic illness to contend with.
I agree with what everybody's saying. It amazes me that doctors would treat A FELLOW DOCTOR with such disrespect! You ARE a godsend to those of us struggling to find our way. I am sorry that we sometimes may seem to forget that you have the same struggles. A person does need to be a paid employee somewhere to be useful. There are so many here who would be so lost without you.
Let us support you for a while - we owe you (your consulting fee:)
God bless you for all you do for all of us.
Penn
Let us support you for a while - we owe you (your consulting fee:)
God bless you for all you do for all of us.
Penn
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