stress and relapses - any tips to help prevent?

[JemmAus]

I seem to have a relapse 1-2 weeks after a stressful event, eg, last year when  we moved house (interstate 1300km, not just around the corner - and it's just me and my son, no adult to help) and now two weeks after one of my best friends lost her 20yo son ( i got the phonecall at 3am). The death of the lad was on the same day as "back to school" after 2 months relaxing summer holidays.

Needless to say, i felt GREAT during January , bar a few days when we had a heatwave. But able to walk normally, no dizziness, nothing.

Now I'm as bad as ever.

Does anyone have any idea if it is possible to avoid stress-reated relapses, or tips to help? I tried to pace myself carefully in helping my grieving friend, but it hasn't worked...

[HVAC]

My life has been stressful from the get go. My mom had postpartum depression and almost killed me with a pillow when I was two days old. I had my first MS episode with hospitalization at two years although I was not diagnosed until I was 46. I was missed diagnosed an stuck in a mental institution for awhile. I have also had a very exciting and a lot of good things. By the time I was 44 I only had a brother left. He now has the same cancer which killed my father. I have learned there will always be things happening it is how I handle them.

Shakespeare talked about "the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to". I face uncertainty with my health care, whether I will even have any soon. I am not going to worry or be angry at a system I have no control of.

For me life is acceptance of what is. I do not accept and then I am done it is more like a balance. I am happiest and less stressed when I have accepted a thing.

As far as grieving for me it is cumilative of everything I have ever lost. I cry harder at each loss. There is no shame in it.

I could be resentful of my past or of the health care system which let me down but for me it is a waste of valuable energy. Again I could worry about what will happen when I can no longer afford my health insurance but that is trying to control what I can't and may be a miracle will happen and it will not come to pass.

Like death and birth for every bad thing in my life many amazing things have happened as well.

My husband reminds me to stop and breath. I have no control over a lot but I can control how I look at things. I am no optimist, I like to think I am a realist and I do believe in hope.

Hang in there.

Alex, Polly and Grady

[Sparkysarah]

Before I read your final post I was going to say that I think everyone's comments are so spot on for dealing with the stresses that we probably all experience on a day to basis. It is definitely about training the mind and letting things go rather than brooding on them. However personally I am not so sure if when faced with a sudden trauma it is so easy to put all these suggestions into practice.

I do think that we grow stronger in life through the challenges that we all face and by these I mean bereavements, sudden trauma and more serious incidents (rather than I have to get the kids to school, do the shopping, be back to see the electrician and I am up against the clock and my own energy bank is depleted).  But I think our ability to deal with sudden trauma can be calmer and more rational if we really try hard but sometimes the shock is just unavoidable and then our physiological body reactions are outside our control. Not sure if this makes sense but what I am trying to say is when we get bad news heaped upon more bad news like you have had I think it is impossible not to feel stressed and I think the most important thing is to express your feelings and emotions in such cirucmsstances rather than bottle and try to put a lid on them. This is when I think the body reacts as all these stress hormones and feelings are just zapping around inside giong mad and this is I am sure not good for any of us. Nothing scientific here..just my own personal interpretation so be kind to yourself, try and find ways to relax and give yourself whatever you need.

Thinking of you and I am genuinely so sorry to hear all your bad news..it makes one recognise the importance of valuing life and each and every day.

with love and hugs

Sarah x

[JemmAus]

Here I go again - just got a phonecall from my cousin. This cousin lost her daughter in a road smash 18 months ago, and three days after that her mother died, then a month later her younger sister (obviously my other cousin) was diagnosed with bowel cancer. Cousin M with the cancer went through surgery then 6 months of chemo hell, with a pulmonary embolism resulting in a totally infarcted left lung, and after surviving that had an anaphylactic reaction on her 2nd last chemo treatment.

She survived it all but said she'd not go through treatment again if the cancer returned.

Anyway, call today from her sister (back where I started) and Cousin M's cancer is back, all through her lungs, bowels, lymph nodes. They've given her a year tops.

Do you know, the funny (funny weird, not funny ha ha) thing about this is that on the day my friend's son died (see first post) that cousin had a granddaughter born. I couldn't ring her to congratulate because I was too upset.

And today, that friend with the dead son was back on facebook chattering in a relatively happy way for the first time since her son died, but I couldn't say antying too much, because I was too upset about my cousin.

WEIRD.

Anyway, I am trying to stay cool and calm as I have been VILE symptom-wise since the funeral the other week, and I don't need this to tip things further. I think I shall mentally concentrate on practical ways  I can help my beautiful cousins get through this hell...

[sllowe]

Juju-Julie,

I sure don't know why it is either, but know when I was knee deep in my 1st attack was horrible. It was as if everything that needed to come in through any of those senses got all garbled and I could comprehend any of it - crazy and literal turmoil to process, react, et..

Amazing the coping mechanisms that are developed through desperate need isn't it? Now we've made it apart of our nature I suppose. So glad you and JJ describe it in detail further.

-shell

[jujuminx]

Shell-
  Oh, yeah, why is that Shell, the crowds and noises seem to really bother me now?  I avoid to the extreme.  Never liked crowds but could deal with them, now I don't even try and noises will make me excuse self from a restaurant table for the quiet of the outdoors until I settle down.

  There are so many things I do now without even thinking to avoid putting myself into situations that will cause me stress and overstimulate. As the opportunities for stress are reduced, the times when I do face something overwhelming is manageable b/c I have worked so hard at keeping everything else in life so calm.

Julie

[sllowe]

Hi Jemmy,

Nice to see you. All said is so on target I've not much to add, but this. Go slllooowe!
And that means everything. Steer clear of everthing and anything that gets you overstimulated, to include crowds, noises, coverersations, caffeine, etc.

So hard to cope when this is at it's peak. All you can do is take it minute by minute sometimes :(  Control as much of your surroundings as you can.

Hope some of this fades so you are able to get back to some of the things you enjoy.
See you around,
-Shell

[supermum_ms]

Ahhh Jemm, so sorry to hear about your girlfriends loss, loosing a child is any parents worst nightmare, a friends grief would be enough to upset anyone, so i'm not surprised your struggling at the moment.

I think this county has been hit with too much grief lately, then NZ too, look i really think such levels of grief will be affecting even the strongest people, tragedy brings it close to your heart and home. I know its affecting me, or its what i think is affecting me and girlfriend i'm not prone to stress normally so I do think there could be something to that idea.

I can't tell you what i do because i truthfully think something in my brain generates calm, it just is the way I am but what I can tell you is what helps my mum and she's the poster child for the emotional roller coaster of life. She copes when she talks it out, especially when her thoughts and stresses are little ones, holding it in generates a ticking time bomb that just has to reach its peak before it starts getting better.

She has signs, little tells that something is brewing, I know them very well but she still finds it hard recognising them until after the fact, do you know your signs or can you get an idea of your early signs? One of her really early signs is that in her dreams she is always looking for something she can never find, i see it as her subconcious letting her know she's getting stressed. Does anything like that happen that you know about?

I'm sure my son knows my "mums falling into MS signs" and "she's really pisssed off at me, so I'd better behave signs" its funny how much they pick up when we think we're hiding it, my cherub just informed me i should be in bed because i'm walking strange again, yeah tar lov. I knew my mums signs before i even started school, I know its not really the same (your talking stress and she's bipolar) but maybe he can tell long before you even recognise your feeling off emotionally, I'm sure you know what i mean.

Truth be told nothing but pre-emptive discussion help my mum, all the tips and self help stuff didn't ever help because it takes 'her' to evaluate her own emotional state, and whilst its happening she just isn't capable. Knocking it on its head as soon as she starts giving her signs is the only way to deal with it, its a heck of a lot harder for her to get in balance when she's already feeling overwhelmed, so we are vigilant and talk and talk, it does help!

HUGS..............JJ

[jujuminx]

Hummm, this is what I struggle with everyday b/c life is full of stresses.  Raising kids, being married, running a household, heck even driving on the roads here in Dallas can be very stressful.  Then you throw in those big bumps in life, like a friend losing her child and you can melt under the weight of it all.

For me, it's all in the mind. And while moderate exercise is key too, training my mind is by far the most important weapon I have against stress and it's negative effects on my body.  Fortunately, I have gotten to a point where I am getting better and better at it, like when I thought my purse was stolen a few weeks ago, I kepted calm, almost to the point where I thought, my reaction was a bit abnormal.

What I do is run my mind through "destressing techniques", like talking myself into staying calm. A good friend who survived breast cancer several years ago, says she repeats the mantra, "It's so not worth the cancer."  What she means by that is that she believes there was a direct relationship between the cancer and the stress in her life and now she associates the cancer w/ stress.  Consequently she choses not to get stressed b/c she believes it will open a window for the cancer to come back.

It's constantly letting go of every little thing that you recognize is stressing your mind and body. Honestly at first it was AMAZING to me just how many little things stressed me out, I was in a constant state of stress it seemed, chronic stress. Now, I only have to think about the bigger stressers b/c I seem to have trained my mind and body to impusively relax the second my shoulders tighten or my mind suddendly goes to a fear that is beyond my control.

Concentrating on breathing (in through the nose and out through the mouth), clearing your mind, believing that you are not in control of certain things so you must just let them go, concentrating on people, rather than the needs you may or may not be able to meet, and sometimes actually removing yourself from situations where you feel you cannot calm or destress yourself.

There were a few times early on in this process when I took a xanax right before bed b/c I couldn't get a handle on the stress and I was worried the stress would overcome me in the night and I would wake into another relapse (my relapses have always presented themselves when I first woke up in the morning).  I don't do that anymore.

I spoke with a woman in California in her 60's with MS who is doing great and is in remission. She asked me if I thought my copaxone was "working" for me. I told her I didn't know. She said, "You need to believe it's working for you, you need to believe that everything you are doing is working for you. Do you understand?"  Yes, I told her. The power of the mind is the most powerful weapon I have.

Julie

[Lulu54]

here are some good resources on stress......

http://www.nationalmssociety.org/living-with-multiple-sclerosis/healthy-living/stress/index.aspx

[Lulu54]

The official verdict is out about the relationship between stress and lasting MS problems, but everyone here will tell you that MS does react temporarily to excess stress

There are many recommended methods for dealing with stress-------- throwing more drugs at the problem often works but doesn't teach coping tips.  Xanax and valium immedicately come to mind, but there are many more "relaxation" meds.

A preferred way to deal with stress is to develop your own coping skills- that might be leisurely walks, watching a favorite movie to take you away, or reading a book.  All of these or any other activities can occupy your mind with pleasant thoughts as opposed to the thing that is causing stress.


Exercise and meditation are also often suggested - yoga and tai chi are both known to help.  

Any of these things can help to lower blood pressure, reduce your respiration rate, and consequently lower stress.  

good luck in finding the right combination to help you lower the stress........
Lulu