Oh, Honey, you are going through a person's worst nightmare. Of all the people put on this earth to protect us ande build us up - our parents are first in line. Beyond that our families are the ones to protect and bugffer us against the world. they are there to teach us strength. When a parent belittles a child or the family turns against the child - it is a betrayal beyond any other. I cried when I read your post.
Above all every person deserves to be respected and believed. Every child deserves to feel worthy and important, safe and valued.
You are the child in this picture. Where your mother is concerned you will always be the child in some sense. The criticisms strike through your heart no matter how unfair you know they are!! What you are describing here is the purest form of emotional abuse. And you will need to approach it as any abuse victim would need to.
This is not an area of expertise for me, but others here know more about it. I find it hard to fathom the reason that any mother or aunt or sib would ever treat a family member this way, but I do know it happens so often that it would break our hearts if we knew.
I saw this kind of abuse in my family. It was my grandmother toward my mother. Her insults were far more subtle and interpersed with times of real loving. In that case my grandmother was very self-centered and immature. She could not tolerate losing any attention.
I did a quick search online and I used the words:
emotional abuse forum
This search brought up several forums and discussions on victims of emotional abuse.
Here is one.
http://www.psychforums.com/viewtopic.php?t=27393&sid=f701b0fefaf203be41afcd11ef5c22f8
If the link is deleted send me a private message and I will give you the link.
Here on MedHelp we have an Abuse Forum where you might be able to find someone also to talk to.
We also have a Doctor-Patient Mental Health Forum where a psychiatrist answers questions
http://www.medhelp.org/forums/show/122
They allow only so many questions a day, so if you do not get in right away, you need to keep trying - especially very early in the morning.
You are right. You do need to talk with others that are going through it and also you need to see a counselor who is skilled in this topic. It is very hard to maintain your self-respect and your esteem while being treated like this, though I hear your strong inner spirit (your "spitfire") in your words.
I gather you live at home with your mother. Is that true? Is that your only option? Do you think that your lack of a diagnosis is part of the problem? Do they not believe you or do they blame YOU for getting sick in the first place? Is your being sick a nuisance? Before my diagnosis I faced some real disapproval from my father for being lazy and high-maintenance. The diagnosis of MS shocked him, and now he mostly treats me with pity. But, he doesn't berate me any more.
I encourage you to do the search for forums on emotional abuse. I suspect you will find many people in similar situations. We have had several discussions here on similar topics. The spouse was resentful (or even left) because of the disease. The kids were abusive. Families were uncaring and mean.
I know others will be by to share their experiences. Please stay with us and unleash your fury and your hurt here. You NEED to talk about it. You NEED to voice how bizarre and irrational and unfair it is. And most of all you NEED to know that it is not your fault. No one can say that enough. It's NOT YOUR FAULT.
Take care
((((((HUGS))))) from me
Quix