Should we try to have a 2nd baby - 1st one is only 6 month old ??

[Ecologic]

I am debating this question right now: should we try to give Benoit a little sister or brother or not? Benoit just turned 6 months old and I'll be 42 next week. So if we are to try to have a 2nd baby, there is no time to loose.

Problem: we would have 2 babies with very close ages, and that is very scary to me. I am afraid it would be too much stress. Particularly as I travel a lot for my job and my husband has to take care of Benoit alone for several days/nights at times. I can't picture him with 2 young babies? My sister and I are 18 months apart and my mom tells me I would be insane to have an other baby, particularly at my age.

Benoit will not have any 1st cousins, even though he has 4 uncle and aunts, and with us older parents, I am worried for his future, it's going to be very lonely. A sibling would be great.

Not sure what to do, I'd love to get your opinions!

[adgal]

Lol, don't let your DH hear you calling him old!!  I used to travel frequently for my job, and it would have been very tough having a little one in those days, let alone 2 really young babies.  And I wouldn't worry to much about being 42 (Happy Birthday by the way!!).  When the time is right, if it's what you want, you will know and things always work out the way they are intended to.  Like I mentioned, I grew up an only child and certainly don't feel like I missed out on anything.  

[Ecologic]

mi-amorcito: we do not really have a hard time and my husband manages quite well when he is alone with our boy. But he tends to be tired quite easily (old age lol - he is 48) when the baby does not sleep through the night (sometimes he does not wake up and sometimes he does) so I am worried of having him sleep-depravated with 2 young babies.

Enolia: yes I could change job but I started my current job only 1.5 years ago (actually I was 1 week pregnant and did not know it when I started). In my field (science), I could easily find a job as a lab scientist but I took this new job to be away from the lab so there is no way I am going back. It would be quite hard right now for me to find something else.

Janee: congrats on raising twins alone, it must have been very challenging!

[enolia]

Why not you change the type of work you are doing, no more travelling and have a second baby? You cannot have everything in life. I know women who did that and that made them happy. Anyways good luck if you choose not to. I

[Jhanee]

I think you you made a good decision in talking to your husband and coming to a decision together. I am the single mother of twins and it is not easy at all. You need the second person just to give you moments to breathe. From what you described it would be the same for your husband. It can be done but it is really hard. I was considered very patient before the twins and now I believe I am getting some of it back. I am currently pregnant and  must say I was terrified they would find twins again. But there is only one and I thank I have to say when I was able to return to work and dropped them at the sitters I was relieved. Work was my vacation. I got so bad the doctor made me take a week break and leave them with my family. Now is different though. We are always together and we have alot of fun. they are 8. But getting here was hard.

[mi_amorcito]

I think if your out of town alot and your DH is having a hard time now you shouldn't because it will just be that much harder. Which might lead into problems with your marriage.
I really don't like the thought of a single child in a home but  with lots of playmates and going to the park with other little ppl the little guy should be just fine...

Good luck in your decision..

Hugs
Deb

[Ecologic]

If I were a stay at home mom, that would be a different story and we certainly would try for a 2nd child. But halas not only do I work but I also travel a lot and poor hubby is left like a single dad when I am out of town. That's the hardest part: doing the nights alone, I truly cannot picture him with 2 young babies alone at night!!

[April162010]

I am very bad with arts and crafts but in this economy i will be learning to do costumes too!...lol

[martikadragoon]

hi! My boys are 16 months apart. We chose to TTC when TJ was 6 months old.

My boys were like twins in many wayse. the older son who is 2 now is only about 14 lbs, and Mason is closer to 24 lbs.

TJ has T21 and other delays due to being premature and he's a heart baby who had serious complications and setbacks. We wanted him to have a sibling close in age and they have helped eachother to develope more.
it's a long story about how we made our decision but I'm glad we have them so close. We would LOVE to TTC for a baby girl, and I'm trying to talk hubby into trying in march or may which would make the last 2 kids almost exactly 2 yrs apart. :)

April~ I love making costumes myself (Thing1 and Thing2 from Dr.  Seuss)

[nola0805]

I am glad that you were able to come to a decision - I know it was not easy.  I meant to mention earlier, that you really needed to consider your husband's wishes in this, as he has to be the primary caregiver when you travel and he would have to be comfortable handling 2 little ones.  It sounds like you made the best decision for your family at this point in time.  Adgal is so right, Benoit is one lucky little dude!!

[April162010]

congratulations ecologic, you did the right thing talking to your husband about it and to make a decision that feels right for both of you.
Having kids is about 2 people ( you and your husband)

Benoit is a bless child and he is happy, he will have a lot friends in school, games, karate..etc.
there is more fun clubs today for kids to play than before.




yes its hard to have kids today mostly with this crazy economy.

Have you seen the prices of the toys...schools... clothing?


For example: For  halloween, i went to buy my niece and nephew a costume as a gift and i almost got killed by other people buying at the same time. they were so many people at th store that it was scary...lol

Its good to visit the costume store and see what is there and new ...but for future references I will buying online( i learned my lesson that day...lol)

good luck!...

[adgal]

I'm glad you two were able to come up with a decision that feels right for you.  Either way, Benoit is a lucky little boy to have such loving parents!  

[Ecologic]

Thanks ladies for your answers!

My husband and I have decided not to try for a 2nd baby for now. Reason is it would be too much stress, particularly for him. I probably could convince him to get a 2nd one but I don't think I should.

We both would love to have a little girl... but only 50% of chances lol! I am afraid that 2 boys could be hard. I have a friend who have 2 young boys, 5 and 3, and all they do is fight. Benoit has a very strong personality, I can easily picture beating up a younger brother when he is older lol.

This is not a final decision, I am sure we will revisit it. Probably by the time he is one year old next year, we'll see if we change our mind. I know it will be harder to get pregnant then but right now I prefer not to rush things.

[April162010]

ohh by the way!.... I only want 1 child!  so i pray to god for a healthy baby

good luck to everyone  a baby dust

[April162010]

My sister has 2 kids - 1 year apart, she got pregnant right away.

they are today 13 and 12 and they play together like best friends and help each other. my sister wonder sometimes if she didnt have the second one  , how daniel will be(maybe lonely kid?) today they both play anywhere we go they always playing , even those electronic games ..they love it and compete with each other...

they love each other ....so i guess while they are 4 and 3 is a little bit too much but once they grow up yo 5 or 6 piece of cake...well i see it in my sister!  and it works

I have been trying to conceive since 39y/o and finally by surprise i got pregnant righ on my 42 y/o birthday .  
I told my husband and we agreed that I will try until 42 y/o and thats it!..

and it happen by miracle... after 2 (-) IVFs and all those pills.
I stopped 9 months ago with all the pills, etc and i say if its going to happen it will be natural by god.. and it happened
I was going back to the pills in september and when visiting the doctor he gave me the news!..surprise.


You still on and if you can get pregnant righ away and if you can afford it..go for it!

good luck!

[Super_sally888]

Hi,

I say go for it and see what happens.  It may or may not happen.

I had wanted to have 2 kids close together too.  Started trying when my daughter was 6 months old (or rather not trying not to).  When she turned 1 we were trying seriously and now have done 4 cycles of fertility treatment (2 miscarriages).  Even if I manage to get pregnant this cycle they are going to 2 3/4 years apart.  I will definitely be trying for No. 3 when no. 2 is 6 months old (if I get no. 2)..... hahaha counting my eggs before they're fertilised and delivered here.

I like the advice on making the decision which you would regret less....

Best wishes

[nola0805]

I am struggling with this exact same question, especially since I really miss being pregnant. Finn is almost 3 months and I have been debating about when or if to try for a second.  I am 40 and like you, worry that if I want to have a 2nd, I should not wait too long.  If I were younger and could wait a few years I would have definitely wanted a 2nd.  I have siblings and really wanted more than one child.  But I cannot imagine how I would manage 2 so close in age, especially with my demanding job.  If I could stay home or work part time then I would do so in a second I think.  My sister had her 2 one year apart and it was really, really rough the first 2 years but now she would not change a thing - they are 6 and 7.  I am sure the first years would not be easy with 2 close in age, but you would get through it.  I also worry that I was so lucky to have a healthy baby at 40 and worry a little about pushing my luck a second time.

The other challenge is breastfeeding and ovulation.  Aren't you still pretty much exclusively breastfeeding Benoit?  Has your AF returned?  Would you cut back on BF to start ovulating?

I agree with adgal in that being an only child is not a bad thing - in fact there are many advantages.  I think that there are advantages and disadvantages with having siblings and being an only child. One possibility (but only if you are okay with another) is to not actively try but also not actively prevent and see what happens.  This is sort of what I was thinking about doing.  

Good luck with your decision making.  My mother always told me to go with the choice that you would regret less (ie. - having a 2nd and it being really hard or never having another child), and I have always found this advice helpful.

[Allip77]

Ps. If you start trying Now, could take you a lot longer than yup think to have number two...they might not be as close in age as you think!  I tried when our dd was 6 months old, we got pregnant right away and miscarried.they would've been 14.5 months apart. Now I'm pregnant and kids will be 2.5 years apart...a world of difference!  I am 42.

[Allip77]

I always knew I wanted two kids because my sister and I were best friends growing up and who else could Understand my crazy parents if not her?  My mom also said two was much easier than one because we played with each other. We are seventeen months apart. I imagine it's probably harder in the beginning and easier when they can start entertaining each other. Friends with one child say they spend a lot if time entertaining their kid and when they go on vacation, they have go find places with other kids so their child will have people to play with.
My dh and I are older so that's defy itely another reason for us to have a second child, just like you mentioned. But our lives are easy ( I'm a stay at home mom) and husband works from home.

All that said, I think only children are just as well adjusted as kids with siblings and there was an article in time magazine last summer saying just that.

What is your gut telling you?  

What is your gut telling you?  

[KarenDiane]

My first 2 are 18 months apart, and I LOVED having them so close together. They are 12 & 13 now and still very close. Liam is 2 months old and I find myself thinking about having another one close in age but I'm probably done. 4 kids is a lot. *sigh*  What does your husband think?

[Kathy421]

I am 43 and 31 weeks pregnant with a boy.  This is my first child.

I will try for #2 after he is about 6 months old - I think it would be nice for him to have a sibling.  

[adgal]

You and I have chatted a bit about this already, so you kind of know my thoughts on it.  I honestly don't think it's so bad being an only child.  I am, and it was never really problematic.   I did have lot's of cousin's, but in addition always made friends easily, so always had lots of playmates, and I have close relationships now.  

My 2 will be 18 months apart if all continues to go well with this pregnancy.  Given that it took so long to have Ryder, I didn't want to wait too long to start trying again.  I am still shocked I got pregnant so quickly, and even more shocked that all is going well so far.  In a perfect world, Ryder would have been potty trained before a second, and it's unlikely that will happen.  It's going to be a bit hard, but I am really excited and happy just the same, and think it's nice they will be so close in age.  

I think you need to do what is best for all of you.  Follow your heart.  The problem with waiting too long to make a decision is that in our early 40's we cannot be certain when that door will close (another reason I didn't want to wait...42 is only a month and a half away).  

Good luck in your decision!!!  I know you will make the right one!

[happynifer]

i would start myself and we plan to as soon as i start ovulating after this one is born.
i never wanted an only child and who knows how long it will actually take to get pg with #2 (especially since we needed IVF for this one)
we basically decided to TTC until she turns 1, then back to the fertiliy clinic
i'm 36 and dh is 51

[oceanv]

well, i don't know what to tell you but i know my neighbor had babies 11 months apart (yikes) and it was like having twins she said, very hard.  

two looks difficult to me :)