Sitting here worrying and need to get this out...

[adgal]

This is another post that's not really a question.  So after almost 2 years of trying and so much heartbreak I am now only 19 weeks away from finally becoming a mother.  I am so incredibly happy, but fear is also setting in in a really big way.  I am terrified!  I have come to realize how little I know about babies.  I have two nephews I adore but they live several hours away (by car) so I only get to see them a few times a year.  I don't know how to bathe a baby, whether or not to put blankets in his crib (I am worrying about him smothering or something).  I have never breast fed or even bottle fed.  I don't know anything!!  It has been years since I even babysit a baby...last child I looked after was 2 so not the same.  I even had a dream that Warren and I went on a vacation, and while on the plane I realized I had left the baby at home alone!  I know this is ridiculous, but honestly, I have started shopping and don't even really know what to buy besides the obvious furniture and stuff. I just sort of wander around feeling quite lost. Lol, I have bought hats and socks and a few onesies... Any other 40 something first time moms go through this?  I feel so stupid...how did I get to be 40 years old and not know how to take care of an infant??  I can't sleep tonight so I am sitting here worrying.  I think I have spent so much time and energy focused on getting and staying pregnant that I hadn't thought of any of these things.  Now I am 19 weeks away from him getting here and realizing I don't know what to do.  Don't get me wrong, I can't wait, but I really want to be a good mom and I am sort of at a loss.....help!!!

[prevatt77]

Amanda,

I think everyone above mentioned everything you will need.  You will be an awesome mother, it will all come so natural.  I have to say though breasfeeding can be a challenge at first, but just don't give up, hang in there and it will all work out.  Come on...you will have a year to get used to it, I only had 12 weeks ...lol  Out family did a CPR and First Aid as well, it was very healpful, especially for my 15 year old, she spends a lot of time with Gavin and you just never know.  I think you're taking all the steps you need to know as being a new mommy.  Warren will also be a good father too.  My husband was 43 when Gavin was born and he never in his life changed a babies diaper of fed a baby a bottle.  He was clueless and he did things just find.  Just read lots of books, the internet has lots of good info and you will be just fine.  

Love Ya Miss Ya.  Maybe we can catch up this weekend...you going to be around?

I think now you need to do a post on "Words of Advice to a New Mom"  You will probably get tons of things on that too.

[adgal]

Thanks again ladies, I really appreciate the advice.  I found a program here put on by the Calgary Health Region that I am signing up for.  The first part is prenatal (basically birthing classes) and then it continues on for several weeks...it covers infant care, parenting, etc. etc.  I think it will be fabulous!!  Warren and I will take it together and it is specifically designed for first time parents.  We will probably be the oldest couple there....lol, like I care!  I am also signed up for Infant/Toddler CPR and First Aid.  Thanks again, I can always count on you ladies for good solid advice (and hand holding!!)

[rubyinparadise]

OMG amanda, all I can say is that I completely relate! I have a niece that I am very close with, she is now 5 but she lives so far away from me that I never really got to participate in her care as an infant. I babysat when I was younger, even infants, but I must admit that other people's babies have always kind of freaked me out, LOL.
Reminds me of a funny story-- when my brother and his wife brought home their first child from the hospital, they had this 'moment' where they just looked at the baby and looked at each other and went, "Now what??" :)
I'm going to take an infant care class and maybe try to get some DVDs or books on the subject as well. I think some of it will come to you instinctually but there are also certain facts that in previous generations we would have learned from our moms and aunties and cousins-- whereas these days, families are so much more isolated so no wonder we are clueless!
I am sure you will find ways to educate yourself and once beaner arrives you will be a natural!!

[Helen72]

Take some baby care classes at the hospital and hire a doula or a night nurse for the first week.  Our night nurse was very helpful.  You will learn fast, trust me!!  Also, you will learn how to b/f before your discharge.  Baby will be eating every 3 hours so you will have lots of practice.

[PamelaBee]

I felt the same way you did when I was pregnant with Connor...we handled him like fine china...we bumped into each other doing the same thing! I would cry and become so helpless and frustrated.  There is no manual for a parent, let alone a baby. I know you've heard this before, but it is so so true...Your natural maternal instinct will kick in!!  A baby only fusses for these reasons...he/she's hungry, has a dirty diaper, is uncomfortable or just wants to be held...when you get to know those distinct cries, you'll know how to respond and react for your baby.  Honestly honey, everyone started somewhere...all first time Mothers feel this and experience the uncertainty.  Don't undermine yourself...you will see, day by day it will become easier and easier...there are good and bad days, and by all means ACCEPT HELP IF IT IS OFFERED TO YOU!!!  You will appreciate a few extra hours sleep, a nice long hot shower and a little alone time after you have the baby.  The last thing you'll want to do is cook, clean or have SEX : )  You'll be fine, you'll see!!  XO  Pam

[adgal]

Thanks so much everyone for your ecouragement, support and really great advice!  Tator that was so sweet to pull out that list for me, I am going to print it out and take it to babies r' us this weekend (big sale!!)  V, that last post of yours made me cry..how beautiful is it.  I think I was having a really hormonal moment or something last night.  I feel better today, but it's so hard not to worry.  I feel like I have been given the single most important job of my entire life and that I don't have the experience or qualifications for it.  Some days its still so hard to believe it's real!  But one thing I can say is that this little boy will absolutely always know he is loved more then anything else in this world.  I guess that counts for a lot.  Thanks again everyone, you really helped me feel less like a crazy person.  It's good to know others have had these same fears and panicky moments!  (((Hugs))) Amanda

[vsentz]

lol!!! I am so pathetic.... I swear.... ;)

I also remember calling dh from the park (went for a waddle, I mean! walk) crying because I couldn't get back home.... my feet hurt SOOO incredibly bad....I was like 37 weeks there.

[tatorbug40]

V-  I am laughing SO hard at your crying over not having a swing and that making you a bad mother!  it sounds SO typical of any new mother!  We all have those moments!  LOL!  Too funny!

[tatorbug40]

just to clarify why it is written and talking about "she" all the time-  it was an e-mail to a friend whos best friend was having a baby and asked me for suggestions....  so the she I keep refering to is my friends friend...  I just copied it and pasted it!  :)  

[vsentz]

Lastly (sorry about too long!) I want to share something an unknown author wrote, it's called 'thoughts on becoming a mother', enjoy!!!



There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better. I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again. Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams. I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me. I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see. Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain. I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall. I have prevailed. I have succeeded. I have won. So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes. I have learned to appreciate life. Yes I will be a wonderful mother.                                        Author Unknown

[vsentz]

I can also tell you big achievements like, teaching her how to walk.... at an early age and giving her the confidence for her to try it... and master it at only 9 months old! or teaching her her first word 'hola!' at 8 months old!.... or feeding her EVERYTHING (of course minus honey, eggs, nuts) from an early age (4 months) and give her 'tries' of everything... and she got used to it, she loved all foods, pureed, chunky, you mention it! and now she's not a picky eater and would devour an entire cow! lol

There are so many things that you will learn ONLY when you become a mommy. No one will teach you those. You WILL know and master the art of KNOWING your baby's language. You WILL know WHEN he's hungry, WHEN he's soiled, WHEN he's sleepy, WHEN he just wants to cuddle... you WILL know this. (I remember asking myself... how in the f#)$&@# would I know.... believe me.... I am a MASTER on Maddieology now!!! but still learning...)


There are some things I would like to list here that were absolutely AWESOME and had made my motherhood so much easier:

-kitchen sink bathtub with hamock (and if you have a c-section, keep the little sponge they give you! works wonders on baby's delicate skin!)
-buy as many bottles as  you can (we have like 20+! lol)... just one kind... (I got the cheapies at walmart... hated the ones with too many pieces to it, and she even learned how to let go of the bubbles to keep feeding!) and make him get used to them (if you're not breast feeding of course). Try to match the shape of the nipple to a kind of pacifier and stick with it. I recommend you buy the big bottles now, so you don't have to rebuy those when he's older.
-he'll be born in winter, so get as many fluffy blankies as you can. Maddie has about 10 of them.
-get about 8 sleepers, cozy, warm ones (don't have to be the expensive kind!... the 3 pack works fine).
-socks... about 8 pairs
-get a couple of sweaters, but it's better to put a onesie or two, and cozy pants under his sleeper...  if you guys go out. Get a baby snow suit (those with no feet, that looks like a sack). What we did with Maddie was just put a bunch of blankets on top of the baby carrier... ;) it was cheap!
-a five point buckle baby carrier (with base! ... and travel system!... so much easier!!!!)
-a mirror for the back seat to see the baby while you're driving... just don't stare at your bundle of joy or you'll get into a fender bender! lol
-i wish i would have gotten a bottle feeder thinguie... it's like a base or holder for feeding baby on the go!
-a baby swing that's 3 in one. I got mine at baby's are us. It is a swing and the chair attaches to it. It grows with the baby, you can detach the chair and works as a rocking chair for a toddler (or baby!) and if you pull a 'thinguie' from under it locks it in a reclining position (sort of a baby lounger chair?). It WAS AWESOME! Maddie still loves hers.
-get things that grow with the baby!!! you'll save lots of $$$$ they grow TOO FAST.
-a baby bassinet to keep him in the living room while you're cooking or trying to eat...
-obviously a crib... I put crib bumpers in Maddie's and just raised them and secured them so that there is a space between mattress and bumper... in case she rolls over and sticks her face between... so she can breathe. She was (is!) a specialist on bumping her head, so bumpers were a must in my case.
-lots of bibs
-lots of burp cloths
-lots of pacis
-sensitive skin baby lotion, baby wash (you can use it as shampoo in case he comes out looking like my little girl, with 4 pounds of hair!)
-a niceeee (i mean, you gotta splurge on this one girlfriend!) nice diaper bag, so it doesn't rip... or you lose half the stuff inside... with compartments of all kinds... =) you'll thank me later.
-baby diapers that have the yellow strip along the bottom (outside) and turns blue when baby has peed!... these were so life saving... when a mom doesn't have a clue how to check a diaper... yeah!... (for experienced mommies: please don't laugh!)
(ya know what I did to her? instead of buying baby wipes, I bought the 'wet ones' which are DESINFECTING wipes, and that's what I was using all thruout the hospital stay until we got home and someone almost ripped me a new one for doing such barbarity!!!) lol
-if you're breast feeding: get a boob hider! (or hoothider.. I forget what's it called) to breast feed relaxed, without the fear someone will walk in on you. A wrist band that you can comfortably wear so you know what side was the last he fed from. A nice pump. Storage bags for the freezer. (hmm... can't think of anything else).... OH! and breast pads!!!! because you'll be squirting like a hose right after stepping out of the shower, or when you hear that little one cry!!!! (or just think about him!).
-hats for baby
-warm mittens
-breast feeding cream (also good for babies scaly skin... normal!)
-boppy pillow!!!!!!!! (this is the sh$7!)


But you wanna know what? You'll still be one of the MOST PERFECT MOMS without all of that. Just think how our grandmothers managed to care for 9 kids without all those new latest and greatest gadgets!?!?

Hun, now you see? that baby boy is SO BLESSED to have you as a mother. He chose you from heavens and came to your womb because you are so perfect for him. Don't sweat the little stuff... I wish someone would have told me that... (and that I would have believed them!)... the best time OF YOUR ENTIRE LIFE is about to come.... you will forget about all your worries when you hear that first scream. That 'I am alive mommy' cry that all mothers expect so anxiously... but is even more special for moms who have longed to hold our babies for so long, who have gone thru pain and suffering, who have seen how everyone else has the 'right' to become pregnant, and not her. You will be one of those special moms. That in itself is  A BLESSING honey!

[tatorbug40]

here is the list-  there are links, if they dissappear,  I'll try a PM:

Okay…  here are my suggestions:  Babies r us has a great check list http://www.toysrus.com/registry/truParentsCheckList.jsp



Car Seat/Stroller-   they make combos they are called travel systems…  the car seat will snap right into the stroller base and that is great for the baby while they are under 4 months…  then after they get bigger you just use the stroller…  http://www.toysrus.com/family/index.jsp?categoryId=2256206   The only caution I would tell her is that I bought one because I liked the color-  she needs to look at the stroller,  you want it to recline fully and you want to be able to adjust it from sitting to reclining easily, mine is a eddie bower and it has the strap thing that takes like 4 hands to adjust it-  it is so stupid,  so have her look at how they recline and how easy it is to adjust it…



Play yard-  these things are great for traveling, and depending on their house and how she wants to function for use at the house-  she can put it in her room for a while, if she wants the baby to be in her room…  I put Taylor in her own room the second night she was home with us,  she is a noisy sleeper and I woke up every time she make the smallest noise-  so she didn’t sleep in our room,  but we did use this for traveling and I used it in my living room once she started to crawl, if I was trying to get ready or clean or something I’d stick her in there with a bunch of toys,  that way I knew she was going to stay put.  http://www.toysrus.com/family/index.jsp?categoryId=2256188



Bouncers/Swings-  I loved our bouncer…  we have the Boppy® Cradle In Comfort™ Bouncer, http://www.toysrus.com/family/index.jsp?categoryId=2256084 ---  she loved sitting in it-  it sat up and reclined back,  it is small, so you can carry it around with you and put the baby in it…  you need lots of places to “sit” the baby-  you can’t hold her/him all the time!!  So a bouncer is important-  I am getting the Boppy Rock in Comfort Travel Swing this time---  I hated our big swing that we borrowed, it took up so much space-  this is exactly like our bouncer, but it swings…  so I am getting that this week for this baby.  Some people love the big swings though-  Taylor didn’t spend much time in ours and it was so big… so…  



Moses Basket-  We borrowed one from our neighbor, and Taylor loved it-  so we are buying one this time…  it is just a basket with a pad in it, but it really snuggled her,  so we’d take it with us everywhere and she’d sleep in it… it was great…  I recommend getting one…



Soft Carrier-  http://www.toysrus.com/family/index.jsp?categoryId=2256191 I have one of these and we used it a good bit…  she liked to be in it.



Jumpers-  http://www.toysrus.com/family/index.jsp?categoryId=2256082  These are stationary play stations,  I have one that is a jumper…  I recommend that, it helps to strengthen their legs…  they can’t use these until they can hold up their head really good-  so not until the baby is about 5 or 6 months old or so…  but it is a good thing to have come that time!



Walkers-  http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2373425  I have this walker-  I used it a lot-  she could follow me around, I fed her at it once she started to feel herself-  I’d say she wouldn’t need this until the baby is 7-9 months old… but a great thing to have!



Baby Monitor-  any one is probably fine-  I don’t have anything fancy…  but I used it up until last month!



Humidifier-  I ran one in Taylors room every night until she was almost 2…  one of the cool mist ones…  I have only used the hot one (the vaporizer) a few times only when she is sick.



Thermometer-  a must,  try to get one that registers the temp quickly, I have an ear one and that doesn’t take too long… ears are fairly accurate too…



Gas Relief Drops-  Mylicon is great…  she should get it before the baby comes,  they have a lot of gas when they are newborns…  makes them very fussy!



Diaper Bags-  I didn’t use my BIG one very much,  it was too bulky…  She’ll need a medium sized one for day to day…  and a small one for short trips, and something that is thermal, so if she takes breast milk with her she can keep it cold…  they make formula travel packs to mix with water, so it isn’t a biggie if she doesn’t plan on breast feeding.



A wipe warmer is nice and diaper creams,  also get some aveeno baby lotion,  it works great when the baby gets baby acne!!  



Lots of receiving blankets, a couple soft blankets, burp clothes, and bibs…  musts…  



Cute outfits are nice,  but what she is really going to need for the first few months are sleepers and one piece outfits are great!!  http://www.toysrus.com/family/index.jsp?categoryId=2256150

And onesies are great, with little pants to go over them….  Babies are so squishy for the first couple of months, things that don’t ride up are good-  separate shirts/pants and dresses aren’t comfy for baby…  at least they don’t look comfy in them.



Lots of sheets are important, for when it is the middle of the night and the baby leaks or spits up and you need to quickly change the bedding…  and they say these things are good to have, a sleep positioner…  http://www.toysrus.com/family/index.jsp?categoryId=2256227  I used a rolled blanket behind her…  



Also crib mattress pads are important too-  it makes the crib softer and warmer…  actually that is important-  flannel sheets, or I put a warm soft like blanket tucked VERY tightly under the sheet over her sheets,  the sheets get so cold and it wakes baby up when you get him/her asleep and lay them down on a cold sheet-  so flannel ones would be warmer…



A rocking chair of sorts is really good for the nursery,  I still use mine in Taylors room…  get a very comfortable one-  I actually got a rocking recliner for Colten’s room because I spent so much time in it in the middle of the night, and Taylors was a cute little white whicker one, and wasn’t very comfortable for the all nighters…  



Feeding-  I liked the avent bottles, but they do leak sometimes when they wear out---  I really like the avent pump I had… it got lots of milk!!!  



Bathing- I had something similar to this http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2373665 --  it goes in the sink or the regular bath tub,  I didn’t like the separate tubs for baby, I had one but only used it a couple of times before I got a little chair like this,  that way she can take baths with the baby too-  I did that almost every night!!  Great bonding time!



And she’ll need some hooded towels and some wash clothes…  



I really like the aveeno products for bathing, they are very gentle and smell good…  Taylor had sensitive skin…  



More things for later:  a umbrella stroller,  just a small stroller for short trips…  and the high chair-  make sure it has vinyl covering on the chair part-  they get SO messy and cloth would not be fun to have to clean all the time-  make sure it is one that can be wiped down entirely very easily!

[vsentz]

Hunny, I couldn't help but to let a big ole 'AAAWWEEEE' when I read your post. You remind me so much of myself it's not even funny! I just wanna hug you and tell you everything will be alright, but I know that won't last but 5 minutes and then  you'll start worrying again... because that was me!

I love you dearly girlfriend, I wanna let you know that I agree with these girls. You were BORN to be a mommy. And yes, you will be THE best mommy out there in Canada!

I remember one time, I had my big ole cocoon, and I was so moody! Out of nowhere, while putting together Maddie's bassinette, I started crying uncontrollably. Bryan jumped and hugged me and asked me what was the matter? I was sobbing so hard I could barely talk, I said: 'I just realized that I won't be a good mother!!! ever!!!!!' he said 'why would you EVER say that?', and I said 'because we don't have a baby swing!!!!!'

LOL

That was priceless. To this day we still laugh at that.... and many other stupidities your little mexican friend did here.... like spraying (1 week old) Maddie with cold water trying to give her a bath...., or run out (with her in my arms) at 3 am to see if the 'mariachi band' that was playing outside was for her (that was down in Mexico, in her b-day).

I get made fun of ALL the time!!! I screw up so much... but girlfriend, she is FINE! she is a happy, healthy 16 month old, that giggles all the time, smiles and poses to the camera and eats like a mini cow!... she is so affectionate that would pull out her binky (now read: her binky is sacred) just to give mommy a kiss... or would give her stuffed puppy a 'kiss attack'.

Girl, us mommies, we ALL screw up one time or another. I wish I could have learned, when I was breast feeding, that if you supplement, your milk supply goes 'caput!'. I wish I could have learned that there were baby helmets when she was 6 months old and going backwards hitting the floor head first at least 5 times per hour.... (lol), and that you will be 'attacked' for being paranoid (and it's ok)... and PUT a baby helmet... on your baby!!!!!! ;)

Honey, if this makes you feel a little better: the first time I EVER changed a diaper was on May, 8th, 2008. Maddie's birthday. With the help of 3 people. The nurse, my husband and my mom. And we still had to (well, the nurse) give her a bath afterwards because that thing was so sticky, black, and a lot of it....

The first time I bathed her was hilarious. Tried with a sponge and she just looked at me with a PO'ed look! I even have a picture! it's so cute. She was not happy though.
A week later, I thought I had the correct temp coming out of the faucet (I got her a baby bathtub with a hamock in it that you can put on the kitchen sink... HIGHLY recommend it!!!!), well, little did I think about the spraying hose (the one besides the faucet) and I just grabbed it and sprayed her... the water was SO COLD still coming out of that thing! she was ... yep! not happy.

I remember sometime in November last year, she was like 5 months old (or 4)... and I used to dress her up real warm to go to beddy, well, that night was specially freezing, so I put a thick baby conforter on her and tucked the sides so she would only be able to sleep belly up.
In the middle of the night, I heard her crying, but it was a very 'far away' cry.... I woke up and  'big ole heart attack'! she was UNDER THE CONFORTER, sweating horribly... she was soaked, and crying...

I felt like the worse mother in the world.

Amanda, I'm telling you these things to make you feel better hun, to let you know we ALL mess up.... but I know that with all the ABSOLUTE LOVE you have for this child, all the DEVOTION you will give him, he will be JUST FINE. Like Maddie is. =)

[tatorbug40]

Amanda-  you are normal-  you will figure it all out, and of course we will all be here to help you!!!  If I can find it I made a list for an expecting friend of items she needed to get before the baby came,  it was right after Taylor was born (maybe 6 months or so).... and it was a good list-  took me ALL day to make!  I will see if I can find it!  

As for that dream you had....  I have those,  not so much anymore...  but before both kids came, and following their birth....  I also would wake up, go feed the baby, come back to bed and then wake up not remembering much of what I had done and wake paniced that I had brought the baby back into bed with me and I was smoothering him or her....  I did that a lot!  I never kept the baby in my room and did not feed them in my bed,  I fed them it their rooms (still do with Colt), but I was so sleep deprived that I wasn't operating on full mode and I'd forget putting the baby back in bed....  

I think those dreams are normal,  but trust me-  you won't forget your kids!  Actually,  some mornings are so crazy I will make it all the way to the highway, maybe about a mile from the house and then think-  "did I put Colt in the car?"....  I look in the mirror and he is always there!  :)  

your fears are normal,  but you will make a wonderful mother,  and you have a huge support group!!  :)

[alikat1205]

You can usually find a list of things you will need to buy, they say things like "5-8 onesies" "nail clipper", etc. and you can go through and check them off and at least have a start of what you need.  When I had my first, I ended up with a c/s, which I hated, but the one good thing about that was that I was there in the hospital for 4 days, and they had a class right in the nursery! How to bathe baby, change a diaper, how to take a temp, etc., which was very helpful.  If you're bottle feeding the nurses in the hospital will get you started, if you're breastfeeding, I recommend you pay for a lactation nurse or consultant to come to the hospital and help you get started.  Lots of women don't have a clue but believe me you'll catch on super-fast!!!!

[Diabolicafemmia]

if you want to ease your mind and be pro-active, hospitals and community centers usually offer parenting classes that cover "parenting 101" I took the class when I had my first years ago because I was young and on my own and thought it would be a good idea. Now mind you, parenting is never by the book (and there are PLENTY!!) but the ppl in the class are in the same boat and there are lots of useful tips :). good luck ladies!

[blessedmomof3]

What you are feeling is perfectly normal. It is very true that your maternal intsincts will kick in, and everyone will have advice for you as well. Even strangers on the street....LOL Just take the advice that makes sense to you and don't worry. Your baby tells you what he needs or wants and you just know the rest. You know the food goes in his mouth, and when he is cold to cover him and when he is crying to comfort him. You will be fine! Plus we are all here to awnser any questions you have.

[TreeFrog7]

Sounds like a completely normal "reality-check" to me. Don't let the fear make you fearful, if that makes any sense. Like JourneyJoJo, I have almost zero experience with babies, and I'm sure if I am ever expecting, I'll end up feeling the same way as you are. But it will be fine!

I was amused by your dream - so typical! Last night I dreamed that one of my elderly cat's ears fell off (just fell off! the ear was fine, and so was the kitty, but I didn't know what to do!) And, of course, kitty and I were "on the road" in some weird place, and it was a long weekend, and I was asking strangers on the street if they knew any vets and was getting confusing answers, and I didn't understand the street directions.

Anyway, I'm sure that if I'm ever responsible for children, the weird dreams with shift to them.

[rdh1981]

This is so normal! Days before my c-section I became absolutely terrified. I kept thinking I am going to be responsible for someone. I was not like that with Cooper because I knew was going to be in the hospital for awhile and I would get "practice" there.  

But after Cruz arrived the fear was gone and there was only love and happiness!!!! If you get a chance to read Baby 411 it is so helpful.  I started reading it before Cruz came and now I pick it up as a reference. But nevertheless a book is not going to teach you how to be the Mom you were born to be!!!! This is going to come so natural to you, I know it!!!!

By the way there are great items out there that take the worry out of so many things. Like the sleeper pouches like BabyPrayers talking about. We also have a little bathtub with a digital read out that tells you the temperature, it also blinks red and beeps if the water is getting to hot. The Diaper Decor Deluxe is the best trash can out there!! There is no smell and it is so easy to use!!!

Being a Mom in today's world is a lot easier then it was for our Moms. Just relax and it will all fall into place.

Cruz is only 6wks old and I swear I feel like I have been doing this forever!!!!

[wanting4#1]

Hi! I don't have much time, but I know that you are going to be fine. I've been around children my whole life; have a degree in Early Childhood Education; am an in-home child care provider and am STILL a mess worrying!

However, I would strongly recommend the book "Baby 411"... it is a perfect book for moms-to-be!! ;)

[JourneyJoJo]

I'm completely and totally in the same position.  Not only do I know nothing about children, but growing up, I was the youngest in my extended family so there were no babies around until I was an adult and my cousins started having kids.  I also didn't  babysit as a teenager.  I can count the number of times I've even held a baby on one hand.  For goodness sakes, my teenage nieces even know more about raising a baby than I do!  Yes, I'm completely freaked out about it; it's probably why this hasn't happened for my until my 40s (but that's another issue...).  

For me, I feel like everyone else will know more about how to raise my baby than me.  To prepare myself, I've been doing lots of reading and I watch Birth Stories, Bringing Home Baby and The Mom Show :-)  I figure I'll figure it out as I go and, like every other parent in the world, no matter what I do, my kid will have issues; it's the human condition.  All I can do is the best that I can given the circumstances and current knowledge.

I also haven't started shopping yet.  I have no idea what to buy.  I think we'll just buy the very basics then figure out what we need as we go.  I don't want to buy a whole bunch of junk that I'll never use and just clutters the place.

For me, right now I'm focusing on learning about childbirth.  I'm concerned that my 41 year old body won't be able to handle it well and if I have to have a c-section, I worry that it'll take me long to heal; I certainly do not heal like I did in my 20s or even 30s.  And then I worry that I won't be able to keep up with my kid.  Sigh.  In the end, we'll all do the best that we can.

[babyprayers]

oh another thing, dont buy into the cutsie clothes gimmick, they are fine for pictures, but really all you will need are the sleepers, and crib shoes are a waste of money., lots of stuff out there that you will never need, and you wont realize it till your little one is bigger when you go through everything  you will say what in gods name was I thinking when I bought this..  

[babyprayers]

ohh amanda you will be perfect, the first few months you will swaddle hime, and they sell blankets with velcro for that purpose, they also have halo blankets, ( I swear by them) just a big pouch with a zipper. 19.99 at babies r us, there little arms go thru 2 holes, and they are covered without the scare of suffocation, bathing feeding, etc, is all trial and error each baby is different and each mom is different, you will be perfect, do not get scared, after a few days you will wonder why you ever got worried...

[Pum]

I was clueless when I had my son at 36. Luckily the hospital midwives showed me how to bath the baby and got me started on breastfeeding.
Do you have ante-natal classes there? They were sort of helpful but mainly focussed on the birth and only one session was about what to do after the baby came. The best thing was meeting other mothers with the same age babies.
I got conflicting advice about feeding on demand or on a schedule but after a few weeks worked out that I was more an "attachment parenting" kind of girl (breastfeeding on demand, carrying baby, family bed).
You sound like the kind of person who will get as prepared as you can be but it will still blindside you a bit.
Be prepared to spend most of your day feeding and getting the baby to sleep. Don't expect much from yourself apart from this for the first few weeks/months.
You will be a great mum. He will teach you and you will learn from him. It's amazing how he will be programmed to know what he needs and you just need to work it out. When you do you'll feel a million bucks.