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Drama with Baby's Last Name
Ok quick background on me. I'm 23 and my boyfriend is 27. We have been together for five years, we have a pretty strong and trustful relationship. We both want to get married in the near future. He is liked by my family and I am very close with his family. We both are excited about this pregnancy. However...my parents are giving me alot of pressure to "look out for myself and my daughter". My father told me until my bf marries me, I have to think like a single mother and make decsions regarding my daughter based on my needs. I don't agree. He wants me to put my last name on the birth certificate when the baby is born just in case my boyfriend leaves me and trys to take the baby away or get full custody. I always knew that I wanted to put my boyfriend's last name on her birth certificate and I always thought this was the norm. I have no indiction that my boyfriend will hurt me and I do know that my parents are trying to protect me. My parents think is "abnormal" and I should put my last name inorder to protect myself. My father challenged me to find others that agree with me. Can you guys help me out.
Hello, I know that you have had alot of input on this situation, but I figured that I could share my experience with this situation. I know that legally, you can put any name you want to on the birth certificate. You may put the father's last name on there, even if he did not sign a paternity affadavit, however, in order for him to be named as the father, and to have any sort of rights to the child, you and him both have to fill out the paternity affadavit in the hospital before discharge, and it has to be notarized. You both will have to watch a video (why, I don't understand the point) and then after that you will fill out and sign this paper and the hospital has thier own notary public to notarize the document. If you don't get this done at the time you are in the hospital, then you will have to establish paternity using a paternity test which is very expensive. Now, as far as your boyfriend taking the child away if you guys break up or anything, it's not gonna happen. The only way that he can take the child away from you is if you are deemed an unfit parent by way of drug abuse, neglect, physical or emotional abuse, and so on. When a child is born, the state automatically gives main custody to the mother, since she is the main caretaker of the child. That can only be interrupted if anything that I have mentioned above is to happen, and it has to be proved with evidence. I only know about these things because I have gone through this myself, and have recieved all of the information from the department of human services, child support offices, and the hospitals my children have been born in. If you decide to give your baby his last name, you can do so without establishing paternity. I did this with my 3rd son. I later established paternity in court, so all is well. However, say you don't have him sign the paternity papers at the hospital,and he is not named as the father on the birth certificate, and you guys later on decide to break up, he willnot be held responsible for paying child support, or any resposibilities that are due to the child unless you take him to court, and have paternity established then. If you go through your state child support office, they will establish paternity for you at no charge. Usually what happens is the father will be subpoena-ed (don't know how to spell) to court, and if he does not show up, or he does not challenge it, then paternity will be legally established that way. If he does show up for the court date, and he challenges the paternity, the state will pay for a paternity test, which is done by swab in the mouth now not blood, and if he is indeed found to be the father, the state will make him pay them back for the test. You will not be charged. However, if you all go through that and he is found not to be the father, the state will give you the bill. this is how it happens in most state, but keep in mind that each state does vary. I hope I have helped you! I had to go though all this that I have told you, that is why I know. Good luck to you,and keep in mind. This is your child, not anyone elses, and if you want to name him or her Shoebox Smith, that's your decision. Oh yeah, and one other thing, if he signs the paternity papers, and you still give the baby your last name, it doesn't matter, he still has parental rights. Everything that has to do with this child legally falls on the paternity papers, not the child's name.
Tara
Tara
First of all, congratulations on being pregnant. Second, it is your choice what name you put on the birth certificate. When I had my son, I gave him my last name because his father was not there. We got back together and after we got married, then I went to the State office, signed the paper that Jason was his father, Jason also had to sign. We paid twenty dollars for the new birth certificate with his daddy's last name. We didn't have his name changed, we just added his daddy's to it. If you put your boyfriend on the birth certificate, he has to sign it. If you have such a great relationship with your babies father and his family, they already know you are pregnant and will be involved in the babies life. If the two of you split up, they already know about the baby and have rights to him or her. If you split up, your boyfriend, as the father has a right to the child whether they have his last name of not. His family also has a right to see the child. Basically, it is up to you how you want to name your baby. Because either way you go, his family will be involved in the child's life. Best of luck to you. I don't know you or your boyfriends names, but you could put your names together somehow. My husband and I just recently lost our third child. He was our namesake because we name our other two after family members. We named the son we lost Branson after BRANdi and jaSON. Our daughter is Emmalice after my grandmothers Emma and Alice. So If you decide to go with your name as your dad would like, Incorporate your boyfriends name somehow.
If you know your partner and yourself if you ever had to split up can come to some sort of visiting rights arrangement between your two selves rather than going through the courts then add your bf's last name. But if you think he will drag you through the courts and give you a life of hell then add your own. My nephew has my families last name only because his dad was never interested in him or his mum. She is still going through court 4 years later my nephew is now 6 years old.
Because the dad never signed the birth certificate when he was born my sister had all rights to him, if i'm honest i feel his dad only takes my nephew to spite my sister otherwise he wouldn't be in his life. Only you and your partner can decide!!
Because the dad never signed the birth certificate when he was born my sister had all rights to him, if i'm honest i feel his dad only takes my nephew to spite my sister otherwise he wouldn't be in his life. Only you and your partner can decide!!
when i was 17 i had my son and i told his father that if he wanted his child to have his last name that he needed to be at the hosptial when he was born (same with the first name he wanted to name him tray) he didn't show until 8 hours after he was born so what i did was i choose the first name his middle name was the same as his dads and his last name was both of ours. whyh don't you use both of ours last names. if you real feel like marrige is going to happen just put your name first and then - his name cuz when you do get married it easier to get rid of the first last name......
and i mean if his name is down as the child's father, he has the rights. the child's surname is irrelevant. that's how it works in the uk. personally, i am NOT giving my child his father's name, but that is because he has played no part whatsoever. he hasn't even acknowledged the pregnancy so balls to him
it doesn't matter whose name you put. it is the father's name being on the birth certificate that secures legal rights
my first 3 children have my name cuz there dads were not nothing in my life but my last 3 children all have there daddys name we are together and i love him we been together 7 years so i would do the dads i makes him proud to give his name to his beautiful children good luck
I am also not married and had a hard time deciding on what to so when my son was born. I opted to give him is Father's last name because that is what I am comfortable with. This decision is up to you and your babies Father. It sounds to me like you have a good relationship with him so in my opinion, there really is no reason not to.
Someone had mentioned checking the laws in yoru state, I would also recommend that. But ultimately, do what YOU are comfortable with.
My son's Father & I are together and live together, however, we still have a rocky relationship and I have never (yet) regretted giving Jaxson (my son) his Daddy's last name. Good luck!
Someone had mentioned checking the laws in yoru state, I would also recommend that. But ultimately, do what YOU are comfortable with.
My son's Father & I are together and live together, however, we still have a rocky relationship and I have never (yet) regretted giving Jaxson (my son) his Daddy's last name. Good luck!
Well, I will tell you about my experience........I have a four year old with a man who decided to leave me and doesn't want anything to do with me or my son. My mom told me the same thing when I was pregnant with him but I didn't want to listen to her. Well, nothing bad happened anyway. He decided himself he didn't want to be on the birth certificate and when I went for child support they had to do a whole paternity thing and all that before I could do anything becaue he wasn't on the certificate. Nothing happened that was bad though.
If you put his last name on the birth certificate it will make no difference what so ever except that you will have to go through DNA testing if you do split up for child support. No matter if his name is on the certificate or not he can get full custody by submitting a DNA test. It doesn't matter. Usually judges do not give one parent or the other sole custody unless there is a suspision of abuse or neglect from one parent.
I really don't think you should worry about it though. it's your decision not your families and if you believe he will not hurt you in such a way then do what you feel is best. I think it's always best to use the father's last name. Either way really, if you do believe he might do something like try to take the child if you split there is no way around it. Keeping him off the birth certificate will do nothing. use his last name if you want.
If you put his last name on the birth certificate it will make no difference what so ever except that you will have to go through DNA testing if you do split up for child support. No matter if his name is on the certificate or not he can get full custody by submitting a DNA test. It doesn't matter. Usually judges do not give one parent or the other sole custody unless there is a suspision of abuse or neglect from one parent.
I really don't think you should worry about it though. it's your decision not your families and if you believe he will not hurt you in such a way then do what you feel is best. I think it's always best to use the father's last name. Either way really, if you do believe he might do something like try to take the child if you split there is no way around it. Keeping him off the birth certificate will do nothing. use his last name if you want.
Okay....since my husband and babies mother from a previous relationship have dealt with this....I thought I would speak up.
You CAN put down the fathers name...and still give the baby your last name. The childs last name will have absolutely NO bearing on child support/custody...etc if you do this. You do NOT have to prove paternity if the fathers name is on the birth certificate. Paternity only has to be proven if the father disputes it.
You CAN put down the fathers name...and still give the baby your last name. The childs last name will have absolutely NO bearing on child support/custody...etc if you do this. You do NOT have to prove paternity if the fathers name is on the birth certificate. Paternity only has to be proven if the father disputes it.
It is his child regardless so you should put his last name. Even if you broke up, it's still his child. He could easily take you to court and petition that his last name be put on the birth ceritificate once he proves paternity. But, that doesn't have any bearing on custody. I'm not married either and our son has my fiance's last name. His middle name is my last name. My fiance's sister is with her daughter's father but at the time she was pregnant and at birth they were not together and she put her last name on the birth certificate and that has definitely put a strain on their relationship.
And I don't know what state Mumita is from, but if you use the BF's last name on birth certificate you will still have to prove paternity.
I agree with your father about having to think like a single woman. You have to look out for yourself and your baby. At this point if marriage were in the future, well then you'd been married by now. You've been together a very long time.
As far as your dad wanting you to put your last name on the birth cert...do whatever you want. It doesn't help you one bit with regard to paternity or custody or whatever.
If you are not married at the time of delivery, your boyfriend will have to prove paternity or you will both have to sign an affidavit of patnernity. If you don't do this at the time of the babies birth...BF will have to get a lawyer and a judge will have to declare him to be the father of the baby - this could take years.
I don't believe (it varies state to state) that you can even put your boyfriend down on the birth cert as the father unless YOU consent to it (paternity affidavit). There is probably a hospital based paternity program and you both have to agree that BF is the father. Then BF will be on the birth certificate. And he will have alll parental rites. Later on you will get a court order in the mail stating BF is the father of the baby. This may be a good thing for you if he up and leaves you and you can file for child support without having to prove paternity. But remember this gives BF all parental rights.
As far as your boyfriend hurting you....well who knows what will happen in 10 years. You are very young and people change. But since you don't have the security of marriage, you should follow your father's advice and act like a married woman. But the last name on the birth certificate doesnt mean anything. And putting your last name on the birth certificate doesn't protect you from anything or help things for that matter.
I'm bored and just checking out the forum for you younger moms. I am 43 and speak from experience. You should research the pros and cons of paternity. That seems to be your real issue.
As far as your dad wanting you to put your last name on the birth cert...do whatever you want. It doesn't help you one bit with regard to paternity or custody or whatever.
If you are not married at the time of delivery, your boyfriend will have to prove paternity or you will both have to sign an affidavit of patnernity. If you don't do this at the time of the babies birth...BF will have to get a lawyer and a judge will have to declare him to be the father of the baby - this could take years.
I don't believe (it varies state to state) that you can even put your boyfriend down on the birth cert as the father unless YOU consent to it (paternity affidavit). There is probably a hospital based paternity program and you both have to agree that BF is the father. Then BF will be on the birth certificate. And he will have alll parental rites. Later on you will get a court order in the mail stating BF is the father of the baby. This may be a good thing for you if he up and leaves you and you can file for child support without having to prove paternity. But remember this gives BF all parental rights.
As far as your boyfriend hurting you....well who knows what will happen in 10 years. You are very young and people change. But since you don't have the security of marriage, you should follow your father's advice and act like a married woman. But the last name on the birth certificate doesnt mean anything. And putting your last name on the birth certificate doesn't protect you from anything or help things for that matter.
I'm bored and just checking out the forum for you younger moms. I am 43 and speak from experience. You should research the pros and cons of paternity. That seems to be your real issue.
He is the father and if he has been there for you since day one and yall love each other it shouldnt matter to anyone else. Its yall decision....."nothing against daddy" but Daddy didnt make this baby and yall need to do what yall feel best. The child is suppose to take the daddy's last name (custom) but when there is no father involved then its the mommy's last name.......I dont mean to seem harsh but I have those kind of parents and they mean no harm but sometimes they have to let go and let us make our own decisions.......They will still love and spoil your baby no matter what ....
My fiance( boyfriend at the time) and I also discussed this.. at first i wanted her to have my last name i don't know why but then the more i thought about the more i thought no she should have daddy's last name.. we are a family reguardless of whether or not we are married.. now we will be married and it would just be weird for me to have his last name and our daughter not to have it
Babies are supposed to have their dad's last names. My fiances dad left his mom when she was still pregnant, never paid child support, nothing, she still gave Joe his dads last name.
When you two do end up getting married you will want the baby to have the same last name as you two right? Name changes are costly, about $1000 in WI at least.
Even if he doesn't marry you, he is still the father, it is his right.
When you two do end up getting married you will want the baby to have the same last name as you two right? Name changes are costly, about $1000 in WI at least.
Even if he doesn't marry you, he is still the father, it is his right.
Having been in this situation I'll tell you my thoughts. Before I start though I voted for HIS last name. Ok..now ...when I was 18 I got pregnant by my boyfriend of almost 2 years. It had been a VERY rocky & abusive relationship. My mother said if I never listened to her about anything else I should listen to her about the birth certificate. I did. I did NOT list a fathers name on there. I simply told them I had no idea WHO the father was even though it was a lie as I'd only ever slept with her "sperm donor". Well shortly after she was born he hauled butt...which i expected. I have never regretted my decision. I never tried for child support becuase i knew the type of person he was and i knew it would be a waste of time and effort on my part and that he would push for visitation if he had to pay it and i wasn't about to leave my baby alone with him. When she was 3 I married someone else....when she was 7 her father (my husband) signed an affidavit or paternity and put his name on her birth certificate. By all rights he IS her father...he's raised her.
I did however find out when doing my daughters birth certificate that in all actuality you can put ANY last name you want ...or atleast you could 13 years ago. I didn't want her having MY last name becuase it's my fathers name and well he's a jerk....nor did I want her having her Sperm Donors name...so I gave her my mothers maiden name. No questions asked, no one cared.
With all that said...I think that if you have an HONEST view of your relationship...not just a fairy tale shaded version of the truth ...then you should go with your feelings and give the baby his name. The reason I put it that way is too many people don't see the reality of their relationships...you probably aren't one of them, but I said it just in case.
I think it would be WISE to check into the laws in your state. I know one poster mentioned in her state the father has rights regardless of custody agreements. However in many states a child born out of wedlock is considered to have sole legal and physical custody of the child. The father has to petition the court for rights.
If this guy is not a drug addict, an abuser, a criminal or anything of the sort....then I see nothing wrong with it being HIS last name...now if he's any of the above i say your last name and don't even list a father on the certificate
I did however find out when doing my daughters birth certificate that in all actuality you can put ANY last name you want ...or atleast you could 13 years ago. I didn't want her having MY last name becuase it's my fathers name and well he's a jerk....nor did I want her having her Sperm Donors name...so I gave her my mothers maiden name. No questions asked, no one cared.
With all that said...I think that if you have an HONEST view of your relationship...not just a fairy tale shaded version of the truth ...then you should go with your feelings and give the baby his name. The reason I put it that way is too many people don't see the reality of their relationships...you probably aren't one of them, but I said it just in case.
I think it would be WISE to check into the laws in your state. I know one poster mentioned in her state the father has rights regardless of custody agreements. However in many states a child born out of wedlock is considered to have sole legal and physical custody of the child. The father has to petition the court for rights.
If this guy is not a drug addict, an abuser, a criminal or anything of the sort....then I see nothing wrong with it being HIS last name...now if he's any of the above i say your last name and don't even list a father on the certificate
Put the daddy's last name! Sounds like you guys (and his family) have a great relationship. And if marriage is in the future you'd have to pay to get her name changed, etc.
I also have a friend whose boyfriend ended up being a deadbeat father. They gave their daughter his last name. But I don't think it bothered my friend at all. She herself has her father's last name and she never met him. So maybe that's why it's not as big a deal to her.
But again, it sounds like you have a way better relationship with the father of your baby than she did. If it were me I'd use the father's last name.
I also have a friend whose boyfriend ended up being a deadbeat father. They gave their daughter his last name. But I don't think it bothered my friend at all. She herself has her father's last name and she never met him. So maybe that's why it's not as big a deal to her.
But again, it sounds like you have a way better relationship with the father of your baby than she did. If it were me I'd use the father's last name.
I voted for putting your last name ONLY because my sister just went through this. She put the fathers last name and now he is not in his sons life. Hasnt seen him since xmas and could care less. He has also been living in the US on a student via, working under the table so she cant even get child support!!
She regrets putting his last name on Jeremiah's birth certificate. You can always change the baby's last name once you get married! Just my thoughts....best of luck in your decision.
She regrets putting his last name on Jeremiah's birth certificate. You can always change the baby's last name once you get married! Just my thoughts....best of luck in your decision.
My daughter wasn't married when she delivered her child (she is now though), and the hospital made her fiance sign a form accepting paternity. It had nothing to do with the last name written on the form (I don't believe), but because he was named on the certificate and they weren't married, they made him sign it. I think it is the norm to put the father's name, but it is really your preference.
I would put your last name on the birth certificate- at least until you are married. My friend did this with her daughter and never had a problem getting it changed when she marred the dad. This way, just in case things do go wrong, you have more rights.
When I was 17 I got pregnant. I put my sons bio dads last name on the birth certificate, and it was one of the worse choices I have ever made. To make a long story short- he is a dead beat dad, but insists on not giving my husband permission to adopt my son. The whole thing has been a nightmare.
In my state a father has just as many rights as the other if there is not custody agreement. That means that he could pick my son up from school and never come back, and it would be perfectly legal.
I don't know your boyfriend, but I just wanted to tell you what could happen. There is nothing wrong with giving the baby his last name if that is what you want. Good luck sweetie!
When I was 17 I got pregnant. I put my sons bio dads last name on the birth certificate, and it was one of the worse choices I have ever made. To make a long story short- he is a dead beat dad, but insists on not giving my husband permission to adopt my son. The whole thing has been a nightmare.
In my state a father has just as many rights as the other if there is not custody agreement. That means that he could pick my son up from school and never come back, and it would be perfectly legal.
I don't know your boyfriend, but I just wanted to tell you what could happen. There is nothing wrong with giving the baby his last name if that is what you want. Good luck sweetie!
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