Advice

[whatevernext]

My DH, until last summer had been having a long term affair. He came clean last summer out of the blue and ended it with the other woman who he said had no idea he was married - they were just having a very casual relationship. Our relationship has gone from strength to strength and I am fairly sure they never there was no contact for six months which is as much to her credit probably as his. However, in the last 3/4 weeks she has begun to start to contact him again and I think the scale of the betrayl has finally hit her. She would like to speak with him to try to figure out it out and get closure. He says she doesnt have many friends.
As he has told me that she has made contact and would like to meet I dont think there is a problem for our relationship. He says that he will only see her if I agree but I am not sure how I would feel about him meeting her again even for a finite period of time in a location that I know exactly when and where they are.
Will it help him in any way too as clearly he also feels regret for lying to her and to me? If she finds someone new then I will also feel more comfortable but clearly she is strugglign and  text message ending a 2 year affair is tough I am sure to take.
What do you guys think I should tell him to do? Would he meet her anyway is my other worry?

[lovemykids465]

I can't believe I am even reading this but if he feels he must meet with her ( bad idea) then you better go along too.

[penswriter]

i would have to say you are too  naive. how can you trust a man who had an affair and then wants to meet with said other woman???? that just does not make sense. he destroyed that trust. he was WITH ANOTHER WOMAN! i'm not sure how much more untrustworthy a person can get. like imanaddict said...what if sparks fly? what if he goes back to her? what if yet another affair begins?

if he is truly committed to you he shouldn't give a flying rats behind about her. that other woman DOES NOT MATTER. who cares if she's left wondering why the relationship didn't work. well duh...he's married THAT'S why it didn't work. he shouldn't have to meet up with her and try to work on things or whatever. that's NOT how marriage is. you don't cater to the spouses lover.

[imanaddict]

Why does he need to clear things up with her if he chose you? She shouldn't even be on his mind, all the focus should be on you and what makes you happy. I hate to say this but I can't help but wonder what his motives truly are. What if they meet up and the sparks start to fly again? Are you willing to take that chance?

[mami1323]

I don't think there would be anything left to discuss and there are other ways to communicate other than meeting up. If he is truly commited to you then there is no need to see or talk to the other woman any longer. What's done is done.

[ginger101]

I see your point but dont really agree as I have decided to trust him and forgive him.
I am not his keeper and am not interested in meeting her and also he can say that he is going to make his marriage work but then decide to meet up with her a second time if he still has things he wants to say/she wants to say. What will be will be, and if he hadnt wanted to stay with me/with her he wouldnt have.
If he meets her and something happens then he is not really committed to her and why would she want to stay with him, end up with kids etc?
May be I am too naive

[Judy246]

If you agree to let them meet, go along also. Let her see you  and meet you also as his wife and let him tell her in front of you that he is going to make his marriage work, but in front of you. There is absolutely no reason for them to ever be alone anywhere again!