Boyfriend watching porn when I'm not in.

[Grrrrrrpants]

Now, I know men look at porn, and so do I sometimes. We even used to watch it together.... But something's changed.

I started work about 18 months ago after having children. And he became for a while  unable to keep an erection. This really upset me so I challenged him and he confessed to watching porn whenever I was out of the house and he was in. This really upset me because before it was never a secrete. I'd get off on knowing he'd watched it and wed have some brilliant sex. It wouldn't of been a problem if he'd of left something for me. But he didn't.

I was really upset by it. And he tried harder. For a while anyway. Off and on since then he goes though phases of watching it and being really, well selfish when we have sex. Which has become less often.

I feel so messed up. I don't know what to do. I've always given him what he wants. Tried everything he's asked for even when it's put me out if my comfort zone. But he has a list as long as him arm that he won't try. He won't let me massage his prostate before he comes. It's a no go. Fine, he's not keen on the idea. He won't rim me ( i bath daily and am very clean)even though he's more than happy to poke and have anal sex with me ( if he feels like it that is) I want to try some bdsm. Nothing heavy or scary. Just prolonging cumming and working on each other senses.  He's kind of interested but not really bothered whatsoever other than looking at girls tied up. He has ropes, and ties and plenty if what we'd need. But he can't be bothered. He won't talk dirty to me despite him liking me talking dirty to him. He's just not into it..... He doesn't seem to be into all that much and that hurts because I trust him enough to try new things with. But it's a no go. He's happy with how it is.

Today I borrowed his phone while he was at work. I looked on the tabs to open up a new one and he has some porn on it. I wasn't overly fussed but interested in how many days he'd been beating himself as he's not touched me since the weekend. I've pretty much given up trying as when I come on to him he's always too tired. But when he wants it. No matter how tired I am. He gets his own way. Anyway, I digress. I looked at his history and he'd cleared it. He'd looked at nothing at all in weeks according to his phone, not even checked the weather or written an email. I asked him and he got all on the defensive. It's my fault, he feels like he's badgering me ( he's not been near me in days) I'm in my iPad. True I am, but not in bloody bed. And not when he's talking to me and not when we have sex.

I've asked and asked if I can watch some porn with him, and in this past 12 months he's not been interested whatsoever. And I'm not putting myself through the embarrassment of putting some on and him not being bothered. I except we all like to watch it privately sometimes, but a year off and on and he doesn't want to. He says he does, but if he did he would of. And that really upsets me because I'd always have a great orgasm and he'd have great sex. We didn't do it that much. just a kinky treat every so often.

I don't know what I want anymore. I feel disgusting, I'm not slim, but I'm not fat either. I'm not ugly and many men say I'm attractive at work, I've even had the odd come on. But I'm not interested in them or the great sex they claim they can offer me.

I love him very much and often fancy him when. He shaved his beard off. But he will only go down on me when he had a 4 day stubble, he has rubbed me so raw before down below I haven't been able to wear underwear or withstand peeing without major pain, I've even bled between the legs and my vagina after. I might be looking to much into that, but I'm starting to suspect he does it so I don't ask him again in a long while.

I don't want anyone else, I love him for who he is, but he's but when it comes to sex , I feel like I'm fighting a loosing battle.  Thought men were the ones who sort after good sex with a real life person. I'm starting to think I was very very wrong .i could even except it if he was honest with me. Nobody is perfect and neither is any relationship. He treats me well. He's a good dad and works hard. Maybe it's the sacrifice I have to make. On the other hand, I hate him because while he's getting his sexual kicks... I'm getting none and my confidence is running very low because of it.

[Trinkat]

First, he exhibits the traits of being "passive aggressive".  If he gives in and does something you want him to do, he makes sure it is either an unpleasant, painful, or boring experience.  

Next, from what I've picked up on about men is that they are visual.  My advice would be to stop talking about sex to him. He will not become interested or aroused from words. Now, if you take some time out for yourself, get some private time, play some porn for yourself and take care of your own needs, I would be willing to place a bet on this... he will inch forward towards you and YOU will become his porn.  

Give it a try.  Don't say anything about it, just get dressed up... nylons, high heels, a cute top and get your toys out.  Ignore him and take your sweet time taking care of you.  Then don't be surprised if he wants to join you.  

I've been there, done that.  They want us to be their porn, but it has to be spontaneous and done without the asking.  Like I said, they are visual.  We are verbal.  Happy is the couple who has good coordination with that form of communication.

Also, he may have low testosterone and can't keep an erection.  Also been down that road with the hubby.  A simple blood test will diagnose it. Doc will prescribe either topical cream or a shot.  Its not a quick fix, but it is an improvement.

When a man has a problem with his erection, its really only a problem with intercourse.  He will not be hard enough to actually have sex, but he can still masterbate without a problem and his needs get met. Unless that particular person cares more about you than his pride, he will pretend that he's not interested basically because he's humiliated and feels inadequate as a man.  Its a huge blow to their ego.  

So, I found that when I became his porn and his arousal was centered around me, we had more sex and it was good.  Now another thought... IF your man has an issue with keeping an erection, you may need to compromise in your idea of what sex has to be.  It can be just as much fun playing around, being naughty, role playing, oral play, etc., but when all is said and done, you may still need to use your toys and some lube for him if you know what I mean.  Bottom line, just relax, take the pressure off and have fun.

[cablecarz]

It doesn't sound like you and your boyfriend have had a hard time keeping it spicy w/your sex life in the past, yet it sounds like maybe you both are at a crossroad in your relationship when it comes to intimacy. Having kinky sex and trying different things does make for great orgasms and it's great fun, but to make love with your partner really does help keep both of you more deeply connected emotionally.
You mentioned you have children, you work, and he works hard; it's sounds like both of you lead busy lives ~ do you ever get any quality time alone w/ each other? Are you able to take a day or two away from the kids, and try to reconnect w/ him? Have you recently had an honest conversation w/ him about everything you mentioned here in your post?

[TTinKKerBBell]

You say: "I love Him very much"

You also say: "On the other hand I hate Him because......"

Many people say:  "There is a thin line between love and hate"

I say:  I think it's a mistaken idea that there is a thin line between them, rather I think love turns to/becomes hate when we feel our Partners are selfish and are not interested in our feelings.  There is no place for 'hate' in a good, healthy, loving relationship.  Perhaps You should re-think if this is the Man for You.

Porn addiction is a serious problem both for the offender and for the couple.  As with any addiction it needs to be addressed.  If He refuses to do that, the situation will not improve.

GoodLuck

[Londres70]

How long have you two been together?  How old are you two?

So, since he is a good dad and works hard you are supposed to close your eyes to all this?  Overlook this?

Is this treating you well?  In your own words.................

"I love him very much and often fancy him when. He shaved his beard off. But he will only go down on me when he had a 4 day stubble, he has rubbed me so raw before down below I haven't been able to wear underwear or withstand peeing without major pain, I've even bled between the legs and my vagina after. I might be looking to much into that, but I'm starting to suspect he does it so I don't ask him again in a long while."

"I've asked and asked if I can watch some porn with him, and in this past 12 months he's not been interested whatsoever. And I'm not putting myself through the embarrassment of putting some on and him not being bothered."

"He'd looked at nothing at all in weeks according to his phone, not even checked the weather or written an email. I asked him and he got all on the defensive. It's my fault, he feels like he's badgering me ( he's not been near me in days) I'm in my iPad."

"i could even except it if he was honest with me."

"I'm getting none and my confidence is running very low because of it."

You are correct no one is perfect, but don't let this man make a fool of you.