Double Standard & Infidelity

[mami1323]

I was reading a book called "Surviving Infidelity" and there was a woman who had been with her husband for a long time and she had put up with 5 years of him being unfaithful.  After tolerating this for so long she eventually cheated only one time and felt so guilty she confessed to her husband immediately.  The next day he began divorce proceedings.  Now speaking with my fiance about what I had read, he agreed, that he would not be able to handle it if I had an affair and probably would never forgive me.  However, I forgave him.  What is your take on this?  Is there a double standard?

[lupo]

As a Polyamous person you would make think I would have a different take, yet my feeling is Cheating is a form of lying. If you have said you would be with no other then you should be with no other, other wise you have lied. If you can not be with only one person sit your partner down and talk to them about it.

As for double standers think about it we call men who sleep around a Stud, we can a woman that sleeps around names I will not repeat here. Great book on this is, “The Ethical Slut”.

[smileluvr]

I think that because men have been portrayed in our society as the dominate creature, they are supposed be allowed to eat their cake and offered ice cream to go with it, while women must put the cake away for later. I was cheated on in my first relationship and wanted to get revenge, but realized it makes me no better than the next person. Cheating is cheating and no matter who does it and the reason, it is wrong.

[BabyHardiman]

"But increase you and multiply, and go upon the earth, and fill it."  

Has anyone told them that the quota was met?

[mayflowers]

I have also known women who cheat on their husbands and the husbands forgive them.  Usually when cheating is involved, there is something missing in the relationship - could be emotional or physical.  Or maybe the person just wants to try someone new for a change.  There's all kinds of reasons.  

The weirdest story I ever heard was of a wife who was cheating and the husband wanted to keep her so bad that he allowed her to "go do her thing" as long as she came back to him.  The other guy was pretty serious so she wasn't just sleeping around with various people.   Finally, she just left her husband completely much to his dismay.  She had lost respect for him b/c he let her do anything she wanted.  

[angelica122]

a relationship is based upon loyality towards ur partner.... even if d man cheats or d woman its equally wrong! i won't tolerate anybody cheating on me... n yes i believe d society is hypocraten n has double standards.......... men are always forgiven n women are never!

[sammy73]

I'd say it's equally unacceptable for both sides.

I think there is a difference between cultures, and between generations.  In modern cultures, where men and women are considered as equal status, then it is equally unacceptable for either partner to cheat.  In some other cultures, and in previous generations in my country, it was probably more acceptable for men to cheat - it's all part of women not being valued so highly and being controlled by men, I suspect.  In those cultures, and generations, men cheated but wouldn't tolerate their wives cheating, because they could get away with that.  I found out after my grandfather's death that he had had a mistress for many many years, and my grandmother was aware of it but tolerated it.  She even asked to come to his funeral, but my grandmother did refuse that.

Even in modern western cultures it varies.  In the UK if a senior politician is found to have had an affair it's a big scandal, and in some cases they have had to resign.  In France it'd be more surprising if a senior politician DIDN'T have a mistress!  I think the French may be more tolerant of women having affairs too, but I'm not entirely sure.