Double Standard & Infidelity

[mami1323]

I was reading a book called "Surviving Infidelity" and there was a woman who had been with her husband for a long time and she had put up with 5 years of him being unfaithful.  After tolerating this for so long she eventually cheated only one time and felt so guilty she confessed to her husband immediately.  The next day he began divorce proceedings.  Now speaking with my fiance about what I had read, he agreed, that he would not be able to handle it if I had an affair and probably would never forgive me.  However, I forgave him.  What is your take on this?  Is there a double standard?

[Cootos]

This is a perfect example of how men put women out as objects....they dont care about our feelings, our goals, our life! It's all about them! Yet you give them a taste of thier own medicine and it's unacceptable?!? Who made these rules?!? Defenitely not a woman....

[mami1323]

Very interesting.  

[Agiesmom]

I don't know if there's a cultural thing...I don't like stereotyping.  But I think that some people in some cultures view it differently (or perhaps just see it for what it really is?).

I had a coworker who dated a Mexican guy for a couple of months--very handsome, attentive, romantic.  He wore a gold cross around his neck and he'd get up on Sunday morning after spending the night with her to go to Mass.  Then his pregnant wife and their two toddlers showed up at our work asking my coworker if she knew he was married.  The wife wasn't angry or hysterical--just wanted my coworker to know.  My coworker confronted him--asked him if he was leaving her--and he said, "NO, I'm not LEAVING her!  I LOVE her!  She's my wife--the mother of my children!"  Alrighty then.  I'm sure the woman was hurt over what he did, but my coworker saw them all together with the new baby at the park at a big family picnic a few months later.  She obvously forgave him.  Maybe she viewed it for what it was--him getting sex elsewhere for a couple of months.  ???  I don't know.  And I don't pretend to understand, but I do think that some people may view it differently and that may be a result of what they saw in their family and what they were told by adults while growing up.

[mami1323]

No excuses, I'm just curious to see where that mindset comes from.  I do think it's an ego thing but also wonder if men from different cultures are more forgiving.

[babypooh]

I agree that it's not an ethnicity issue. A lot of men were either brought up that way or they just became that way for their own selfishness.

[mami1323]

That's what he said Agiesmom, like he would always picture me in bed with this guy.  Thinking if the guy was better.  I said, women think the same.  Wondering if the woman is better sexually.