Double Standard & Infidelity

[mami1323]

I was reading a book called "Surviving Infidelity" and there was a woman who had been with her husband for a long time and she had put up with 5 years of him being unfaithful.  After tolerating this for so long she eventually cheated only one time and felt so guilty she confessed to her husband immediately.  The next day he began divorce proceedings.  Now speaking with my fiance about what I had read, he agreed, that he would not be able to handle it if I had an affair and probably would never forgive me.  However, I forgave him.  What is your take on this?  Is there a double standard?

[mayflowers]

Mami, it's not a Latin men thing.  I'm Italian and while our grandmothers would have put up with it, my generation will not.  I know other cultures that won't put up with this either.  Don't give him any excuses.   It's an ego thing plain and simple.

[Agiesmom]

I think there is a double standard.  I think part of it is the ego of men--worried that the other guy is bigger or a better lover.  Men cheat for different reasons, though--I think most cheat simply for sex (and can seriously detach emotion from the act) and also for an ego boost (a woman telling him how wonderful he is).  I think women usually cheat for emotional reasons--needing to feel loved and understood, a connection, etc.  (Or to hurt the man with whom she's involved.)  I think, though, that women are more about the family unit and doing what it takes to keep that in tact--putting up with a lot, forgiving a lot, trying to see things from the other person's perspective, etc.

I have read many times, though, that when a man cheats, it usually really does mean nothing to him--it's just an act or some feel-good moments in time.  And a woman can't understand that because it would HAVE to mean something to her for her to even THINK about doing it.

[mami1323]

I agree, when I read that I was flabbergasted.  He understood it, like men and their egos.  I think it is bullsh*t.  I wonder if it's a cultural thing?  Latin men are raised with something called machismo.  He can't get over a fling I had in Cancun even before I met him.  I really am curious to see what other men think.

[babypooh]

Completely unacceptable behavior for anyone. When they cheat, they regret it and hope to be forgiven, but when they're cheated ON, then they see how it really felt and can't deal with it. Unacceptable for anyone.

[mayflowers]

That is a really chauvanistic thing for him to say.  Nobody wants to be cheated on but geez, you're supposed to "forgive" him and yet he wouldn't forgive you.  That's bullsh*t.
The relationship is not equal in any way.

[GNicole]

What a crock!! Why do men think they are entitled to cheat??