Husband signed up for a dating site

[megochick101]

So my husband just received an alert on his phone that his new account at some dating site has been set up. HE is currently sleeping so I haven't said anything about it. But since I am a curious person, I checked the site out. It's not just a normal dating site such as match or e harmony, no it a SEX dating site. It a site that you can go to to find people in your area to have SEX with!!!!! I almost woke him up and started bitching at him, but I don't want him knowing that I know he has an account at this site. I did note the website name and his login info, as it was conveniently in the alert on his phone, and put that information in the notepad of my phone for future reference. But i'm not sure what i should do, should I just confront him about it, or do I wait and see if he uses the site? But then if he actually uses the site, I don't know how I'll handle that.

But on the same hand, if i confront him about this, he may just go to a different site and hide it better. So it may be better that I know. D*mn it i'm freakin PISSED!!

So confront him, or wait it out?? Any opinions out there?

[specialmom]

Ya know, this is tricky stuff . . . while being super sleuth here is only natural . . . . I just worry about this getting out of control.  You will have to be ready to explain your  plan to "catch" him by setting up a profile and going into it and contacting him.  I can't say I wouldn't do that . . . because it is a pretty clever idea to get info quicker.  But it worries me that he is going to turn this whole thing around on you . . . so I would only do it if you are at least 75% sure he is up to no good.  

I still have that little hope that perhaps he was just on a porn site and set up an account there (a billing account or something) and then it got pushed over to a spam for dating.  I'm polly anna though and always hope for the best case scenario.  

You've talked about some heart to hearts about the relationship-----  I still think this is really important.  Because if the marriage is rock solid, this is less of a worry.  Remember to keep it a "we" conversation vs a you or I and stay quiet after questions to him or comments to give him a chance to sputter on as many people will do in that situation because they aren't used to the other not talking all the time (okay----  maybe that is ME and my husband . . . but you  know what I mean.)  Wishing you calmness and peace while you deal with this.  good luck

[megochick101]

I guess i could try and look him up on there, i haven't logged in again besides that first time.

Adn i used a new fake email address, so he'd have no idea it was me if he is on there, so I'll try it out. i didn't even think of that possibility. He could have gone to the website through his phone and not the computer so it wouldn't have shown up on teh keystroke.

[RockRose]

Maybe he hasn't received it because he already has logged in,  megochick.

I don't think you're evil at all for checking up on him.  

Do you have a way,  with your account,  to actually check his and see what he's doing?  Since you did sign up yourself and received the exact same email he did,  it doesn't seem possible that this was a random thing.  He began a profile.

[megochick101]

Thanks mami. Yeah i'm still very upset about this and feel like a horrible person because i keep checking his email and everything, but i can't seem to stop myself. I just need to know and hope that it was only spam. On a plus side(i guess plus?) the site sent me another email with the subject line don't forget to login, but the actual email is the same exact one as the first one they sent me, and my husband hasn't received anything like that one that i know of. So it is leaning towards it just being a spam email, and hopefully the site just sends out the same exact email to joiners and when they spam people.

[mami1323]

I wish you had emailed the email to your address so that you could show it to him when you do have more proof.  I guess if something more comes out of this you won't really need it because you will have more.  I'm so sorry you are going through this.  I could only imagine how hard it is, your heart must have been racing a mile a minute when you saw that email.  Again, if you want to talk more personally just shoot me a pm.  

[megochick101]

Yeah i hope it's just spam, but I'm not taking my chances with it. I still have the keystroke enabled so I'll check that occasionally just to see. But you are right, sometimes with his phone it has a star if there are new alerts and sometimes the star doesn't show, but the star goes away when you see messages, but michael had also been playing with it before he took it from him, and whenever you take the phone out of the case it automatically opens the last alert for the phone, so I dunno what he thinks. But when he made that comment about why do these things keep sending me ****, i just asked "What did my sister send you that stupid picture mail she sent me?" because she's been sending us a lot of stupid picture texts lately, so i don't think he knows i checked his phone. But he could just be covering his bases just encase.

So i guess we'll see what happens with it all. But i'm just going to keep quiet on it for now. No point in me tipping him off when I really don't have any proof as yet, because i doubt if he really signed up for the site, he'll just come out and say "oh yeah i was looking to get laid" So we'll see where this all goes. I'll give him teh benefit of the doubt as the email is erased, but i'm not closing my eyes and pretending it didn't exist in the first place, especially as I tested thhe site to see if they would send me an email based on the first page(where you actually put your email in) and they didn't until I filled out the profile. And they haven't sent me anything since then either, so no spamming as of now.