I cheated and hate myself for it

[jameslk]

To anyone reading,
I need help. I'm absolutely ashamed of myself. I cheated on my wife recently. I met up with a family friend who has been flirtatious in the past, and we ended up having sex. It lasted no more than 5 minutes out of me realizing what I was doing and made myself stop. I've been a wreck ever since. I can't believe what I've done. I've never done anything like this to anyone, ever. I don't know what came over me, my wife means the world to me and I can't stand the thought of seeing her in pain after I tell her what I've done.
Which is why I am leaning towards not telling her, it would destroy her and our marriage would be over.

I know what I did was beyond wrong, all I want is for things to be normal again, I can honestly say that I'll never do something like this again. I've been up every night sick to my stomach because of what I've done. Is not telling her given this instance the right thing to do? Would it be selfish to unload all this guilt on her?
The individual I cheated with is also a family friend and her reputation is at stake too. I've really screwed up here.
I'm sorry.

I've currently undergone testing for all STD's, out of paranoia and fear. I would tell her if I contracted something, I'm also checking myself in to therapy, as I've felt for a long time that something isn't right with me. Am I wrong for keeping all this from her? I know this might sound like BS to you, but all I want to do is fix things without hurting her, she's the best thing that's ever happened to me. So please believe me. Please.

Any advice is welcome.
Thank you.

James

[mami1323]

I have to agree with dawnangela on this one.  I said it above, it's going to destroy his wife's life.  She loves this man and sometimes ignorance is bliss.  If he knows he made a mistake and won't do it again than what's the point in ruining everything?  I understand that he did this and he should have to pay with the consequences and if that means losing his wife over it than so be it but it's not as simple as that.  His wife will suffer for it and it's not just oh she will divorce him, she will have her world turned upside down, she will pay for it even if she leaves him because she will never trust another man again.  I just don't think it's necessary.  If she were to find out in another way, the result would be the same.  Yes, she would be upset that he didn't come clean but either way, she would feel the pain.

[dawnangela]

his conscience is going to eat him alive knowing what he's done to his wife.

              
Not necessarily..He can move on, he has to live with it yes, but he can also forget it even happened if the other woman is willing to do the same..

and when she finds out by getting an std.. This might not even happen, and if it does he has said he will say..

the one who is cheated on ALWAYS finds out. No not always, Millions of ppl would be shocked to know they are being cheated on, happens all the time..

either way her life is going to be turned upside down by his ignorance and stupidity..  No not if she and he both know it was one mistake and end it now and both keep their mouths shut and never see each other again..

[penswriter]

and when she finds out by getting an std or the other woman blabbing to everyone is going to be better? she WILL find out. the one who is cheated on ALWAYS finds out. sooner or later. is it going to be better for him to conceal this from his wife and when she DOES find out ....ohhh boy. that will just be worse. either way her life is going to be turned upside down by his ignorance and stupidity. HE has to live with the consequences of his actions. hiding them b/c he "promises not to do it again" doesn't erase the fact HE CHEATED on his wife. "forgetting" about it does not eliminate the fact that he did it. no amount of therapy and tears on his part is going to nulify that. his conscience is going to eat him alive knowing what he's done to his wife.

[dawnangela]

By telling is only going to clear his conscience and turn his wife's life upside down. I believe it would be selfish of him to do this, he done it he has to live with it not her.But he has to make this decision on his own to do what is best for him and his wife yes. So best of luck with it..

[Judy246]

Love is not doing it in the first place and he made a mistake and has repented and it's understandable that we are all human and are and will be prone to error. It's time for him to do what is best for the relationship and it's his decision and conscience. I'm sure he has learned a valueable lesson to never hurt the person that truly loves you and do what he think is best.

[dawnangela]

I say keep your mouth shut. You have said you will never do it again, your seeking help why put her through pain..I think it is something you will just have to live with each day now and it wont be pleasant it is the burden you will have to carry but she shouldn't have too. Not to put her through it is what i call love. Your one mistake does not mean you dont love your wife..NO dont Tell.