Is My Girlfiend Pregneant or Is It Natural?

[liamwalker2004]

hi

im not sure this is the right section but please i need relationship help. and very fast sadly.

iv had sex with my girlfriend, and i think she pregneant and this is our first time. we used a condom and made sure we were protected but her period was meant to be the other day and its really late now for it.

im not ready for a baby and please don't judge me im only 15.
please i dont know if its natural for her period to be late after sex or if she is pregneant. we dont want a test at this moment in time.

and i dont want to leave her as she is the one special person for me.

thanks if u read this and please help me

-liam-

[BearHitch]

I am not sure why you would leave her just because she is pregnant, but yes if she is a day or two late that is normal.  If she is stressing out about being pregnant, that could be the cause of it.  I personally would recommend- if you are only 15 and are not ready to have a baby, you keep in mind that no form of birth control is 100% effective and that a baby is a very real product of sex.  Perhaps you should reconsider that decision until you are ready to own up to those responsibilities, should it happen.  

[barn babe]

If she misses her next period, she needs a pregnancy test. There are at-home kits that she can buy at the drugstore, or she can go to a Planned Parenthood or other clinic.  

Are you in the U.S.?  Hopefully, you have access to abortion where you live. If you opt for abortion, do it as soon as you possibly can - the Supreme Court just ruled that mid-term abortions are illegal even if the health of the mother is at risk. Doctors who perform these procedures will be jailed. (Yes, it's an abominable ruling--the judiciary is essentially praticing medicine from the bench.)  But first-term abortions are still legal in many areas of the country.

So if she is pregnant, she needs to make a fairly quick decision about whether to keep the baby or not. You probably are aware that keeping this kid will change your life pretty much forever, and most teenagers are just not emotionally ready to handle raising a child. I opt for abortion for teens.

Good luck to you.

[slow_healer]

Unless she takes a test, how will you know if she is pregnant?

[mami1323]

It sounds like stress, I would wait a few more days to see if she still doesn't get her period.  By then if she still hasn't than she should take a pregnancy test.  Having sex takes a lot of responsibility and it sounds like you were protected but at age 15 you really are not mature enough to handle what comes along with sex.  Your body is saying you are ready but mentally you are not.  There are so many more things that come with sex not just pregnancy, STD's are out there as well.  Please make sure that you educate yourself and if she is pregnant please weigh your options.  It's hard enough being a teenager but to add a baby into that mix makes it even harder.

[liamwalker2004]

i wud just like to quickly ask if you know


how many days late should she be before its serious time to get a test??

[RockRose]

It depends on how regular she usually is - if she can predict REALLY well usually when her period will come,  then testing the day after it's due would be good.  

If she's not regular then she may not be due at all for her period,  but you could still test with a grocery store test to set your minds at ease.

My experience - once you test,  your period starts within the hour.  

[liamwalker2004]

thing is now


we talked about it


and shes keeping it because she says her mind will be messed up if she aborted it.

but i dont want a baby now

so even if she does have a test
shes keeping it

i dont know what to do

please help me

[slow_healer]

Read those pregnancy tests to find out when is the best time to use them and how long you should wait. They all vary in their effectiveness and timing.

[jd1419]

go to the dollar store buy a test  and you will find out--If she is the same age as you are--my period was never truly set in stone at that point in my life--some months it was 28 days the next month it would be 32 days---if you find out she is not pg--you both need to be responsible with bc--she may need to go on the pill or get another form of birth control--if you are that worried something like this can happen again maybe stay away from any form of sexual intercourse until you can be prepared for the consequences.

[RockRose]

liam,  about when did you two have sex,  do  you remember?  Her most fertile time would have been about two weeks before her period was due.  

[liamwalker2004]

it was too weeks before

[RockRose]

If you used a condom,  (especially if it had spermacide too),  and the condom didn't have any obvious tears or problems,  and didn't come off,  the chances are still pretty good that she's not pregnant.  

If I could go buy you a test right now I'd do it - that's what you need to set your minds at ease.  

Prayers this works out for you.

[liamwalker2004]

thank you sooo much for your help and support

i have no one else to turn to

thank you all so much


xxx

[barn babe]

Yes, as the others said, it's still possible (probably likely) she is not pregnant. Has she had  sex with anybody else? Do you know in fact that the baby will be yours?  

Her not wanting to abort is really a drag, liam. I feel for you. Is there a trusted adult she can discuss this with?  Because once she has that kid, she's putting huge - and I mean huge - limitations on her life choices (and yours), both socially and economically.  This is not "best interests of the child," in my book. I hope someone can help her sort out the different perspectives and realities of having a child at such a young age.

I still favor abortion in this situation. But holy mother of dog, don't let her wait until the second term to make this decision. (The Supreme Court already made it for her). She needs to talk to a trusted adult, if possible.

Did she have plans for college? What were  her career  choices?  Her plans?  Because her plans for her future will be forever changed if she decides to become a mother.

As an aside, liam, if you don't know  how to properly put on a condom, start practicing - on yourself!  Planned Parenthood has a decent website (with pics!) with instructions on condom use.  

http://www.plannedparenthood.org/birth-control-pregnancy/birth-control/condom.htm

[taysmommy]

i agree she is probably not pregnant, and if she is it is her choice if she keeps the baby or not, i urge you NOT to pressure her to abort this baby if she chooses not to, thats the last thing she needs (even tho im pretty sure shes not) being a scared pregnant teen would be the boy who got her pregnant puting pressure on her to get rid of it, like i said if you both agreed to it, it would be your choice and i wont judge you because of it, i just wanted you to know how horrible it would be for her to be pressured into a a decision that is against her wishes or beliefs because someone on a help web site recommened it

i dont think its a good idea for us to be judgemental, but in the same breath i couldnt bite my tongue on this one, sorry ,it is soooo wrong to say that teens should get abortions if they become pregnant, shame on you

[pertykitty]

wow this forum has become quite liberal. anyway i dont think its in the best interest to ever suggest abortion to a teenager on a website. you dont know anything about her, him, their family, what country they are from, if they would go to a place that is sterile, ect. i think encouraging them to find an adult to talk to is a wiser thing. but i dont suggest cheating on spouses either.

[mami1323]

Liam, it is her decision whether or not to keep this baby.  I think this discussion is a little premature.  You should wait to have such a conversation after you've confirmed that she is indeed pregnant.  Unfortunately, if she does decide to keep the baby, you have no choice but to be responsible for this child.  You felt that you were responsible enough to have sex than this is what comes from that decision.  It is a very tough situation to be in and I see how you are feeling unbelievably overwhelmed.  Sometimes it is unfair to the men because they don't have any choices in these types of situations but these are the consequences to having sex.  I agree that if she isn't pregnant and you both continue to be sexually active, she needs to get on some sort of birth control.  It is better to be safe than sorry and it is some extra precaution so that this kind of situation won't happen again.  

[BearHitch]

I agree with pertykitty and mami that it is your girlfriend's choice of whether she keeps the baby and I would not recommend abortion.  It has devastating effects on women later in life and if she has big plans for her life, adoption should be her first choice then.  There are many couples out there who cannot have children, and would be more than happy to love and nurture your baby.  

[liamwalker2004]

i agree with all your comments

however my question was i dont know if its natural or not for her to be late after having sex or if she is pregneant

i dont know :(

[barn babe]

"shame on you"

You may be "tay's" mommy, but you are certainly not mine, and the patronizing attitude really isn't necessary. It also makes you appear quite ridiculous.

I never suggested that this young woman be "forced" to have an abortion.  What I support is this  girl being told what every option is for her, if in fact she is pregnant. That is why I recommended she speak to a trusted adult about the situation.

I'm not aware of any studies indicating that abortion causes "devastating effects" for women in later life. I'm sure there are anecdotal cases of this, just as there are anecdotal cases of women feeling great relief at having an abortion. BearHitch, please provide those studies if you have access to them.

Abortion is one of the safest medical procedures, and studies have consistently  borne this out.  Legal abortions are ten times safer than childbirth. Hofferth & Reid in 2002 found that teens who become parents are at higher risk of social and economic disadvantages throughout their lives than women who delay childbearing. So I would argue that becoming a parent as a teenager could have "devastating effects" on this young woman because she will be less likely to graduate from high school and more likely to be poor than if she had delayed childbirth until later. I would only add that ACCESS to abortion is essential to the economic well-being of women and girls, and it is important that women have the ability to control their reproductive lives, and that would include access to abortion.

As far as this forum getting more "liberal," I see that as a good thing. This forum is about relationships, and reactionary conservative attitudes about relationships, in Western society at least, have had  devastating effects on women, children, and relationships in general, both socially and economically.  

I find it interesting that it is generally conservatives (the "less" liberal among you) who favor cutbacks in social services, including cuts in public health clinics, cuts in family and food aid benefits, and cuts in jobs programs and public school funding, yet continue to insist  that abortion not be an option.  This clearly speaks to the importance of the "fetus" and not the child once it is born. How is that in the "best interests of the child?"  I for one would like to know how those of you who support such policies reconcile this obvious disconnect between wanting what's best for the child but then denying basic services to economically disadvantaged women who you would also "insist" not have an abortion. Any takers on that one, folks?

The more choices a woman has to control her own body and her own reproductive health, the greater the opportunities for her economically, and socially.  I stand by my opinion that this young woman requires counseling from a trusted adult who can lay out for her ALL of her options, including abortion, adoption, or deciding to become a teen parent, with all that that would entail for her, and what it would mean for her future.

[barn babe]

Liam, you need to be a little more concerned than just about "whether it's natural" for a woman to be late with her monthly cycle. Start taking some responsibility for your actions - learn how to use a condom, for starters. If your girlfriend ends up pregnant, it'll change your entire  life if she chooses to keep this kid. Your. Entire. Life. That's not a joke.

JaybusHChrist, you better hope she's just late.

[BearHitch]

I will gladly take up this argument about abortion.  Below are the studies and information that you requested.  No one ever said that abortion wasn't safe, but it is in no way the best interest of a woman.  The emotional and psychological aspects are what are most important in that situation, and even if the procedure goes thru without a hitch, the long-term effects can be terrible.  Many women may not deal with them immediately, but they will surface in time if they do not do that.  That is why there are so many crisis pregnancy centers that offer post-abortion counseling and help- because that is not something the abortion clinic is going to tell you when they take their money.  If I am wrong, please show ME the study that proves there are no emotional or psychological effects to be worried about with an abortion, as I would be very interested in reading what it had to say.  

Becoming a parent as a teenager will not have the devastating effects that an abortion will.  It confuses me when there is this huge push that women should have the right to do whatever they want to their bodies and that they should have access to something that will only harm them more than carrying a baby to term.  Why not consider adoption?  There are many women in the United States who are unable to have children- why not give them a chance at a family?  Why kill an innocent child?  If teens are going to have premarital sex, they should be ready to take on the results of what happens sometimes- and that is pregnancy!  Why is it no longer acceptable to learn from the things that we do?  I used to work in a crisis pregnancy center, and I never heard a client tell me she regretted carrying her baby- no matter what her age was.  

Why do you lump all of these "conservatives" into one group and say we all stand for the same thing?  What a generalization!  I will remove myself from the group and say that I support most social services, and in fact am in involved in delivering most of those services to those in need.  And I can still say that abortion is not in the best interest of the child in the womb or outside.  

And I too will stand by the opinion above and my opinion that while she should talk to a trusted adult she knows, she should talk to someone who KNOWS all of the options in full- including the effects of an abortion- and not someone at planned parenthood who will push them right in and assure them- as you said, that it will not devastate her.

[BearHitch]

Whoops- forgot to post those studies...  

http://www.abortionfacts.com/reardon/after_effects_of_abortion.asp

http://www.troubledwith.com/ParentingTeens/A000000640.cfm?topic=parenting%20teens%3a%20crisis%20pregnancy

http://www.afterabortion.org/

http://www.epigee.org/pregnancy/psychological.html

Let me know if you would like more.

[liamwalker2004]

i am actually more concerned whether or not she is.

me asking whether its natural or not is a question becuase i do not know.

im sorry if that offends you
and i do realise that it will affect my entire life.

i do know how to use a condom so stop sayin that for starters

i jsut want to know if being a few days late after sex is natural or not.
i dont care for your arguments im in need of advice and if u want to argue about abortion start another forum becuase im on here for help not arguing.