What if I'm not attracted to my boyfriend?

[SilenceDogood]

I have a boyfriend that I've been dating for about 7 months, I love him and wouldn't want to be without him but when I'm with him sometimes I feel like I'm with my little brother. We're both finding it hard to get through the 'flirting stage'. We tease each other but sometimes I wish we could take each other seriously but I don't want to get any more intamate. I feel like we've hit a wall in our relationship. Plus it doesn't help that he refuses to stand up to me and really tell me what's going on. After 7 months of being together, we've never had a fight. His friends say that he is so in love with me that he seems to worship me. I don't know if they're completely joking or not. I'm wondering if this is a heathy relationship or not and it doesn't help that my parents are constantly butting into it either. I just need the view of someone on the outside looking in. I love him and don't want to leave him but is this normal?

[Izela]

I am in a similar situation , which has gone on for almost 8 years...
I have been with a guy i am not attracted to just because he supports me  financially ...
Unfortunately i lost my parents when i was young so i have had to depend on this guy ..i fear to leave him because he has helped me  through so much but I am not enjoying the relationship at all....Even the sex has failed...I dread kissing him OMG Its terrible...

Its not a a nice at all , i wish i had a choice like you where i would just walk out but unfortunately i dont ..so,  I am stuck in this mess...

WALK OUT WHEN YOU STILL CAN....

[louise96]

You've already had some great advice and there isn't much I can add.

Simply reiterating what's already been said, just follow your heart - if you feel that the relationship isn't right, it isn't.

[teko]

The bottom line is this. It doesnt matter who thinks what except for you. If you are not attracted you simply are not attracted and by asking this question, it has already answered it for you. YOU dont feel the relationship is what it should be for you, therefore it is not what will make you happy. Doesnt matter how he feels, the friends feel, follow your gut instinct as it knows best.

[SilenceDogood]

Thanks everyone! but i'd just like to say that i love and respect my parents and what i mean by them "butting in" is that they are constantly asking me things about our personal life. Sometimes out of jest, most of the time not. I respect thier input very much but there's a line between giving relationship advice and trying to become part of the relationship. but i really do respect what they do for me. im just in an awkward cituation with a lot on my plate. thanks for all of the great advice!

[brice1967]

For the sake of taking another route, I will say this.  I've been married to my wife for almost 20 years, and we are still flirting...daily!  But the key might be in your title to this thread... not being attracted to your boyfriend.... what is it that you find unappealing?

Address that and I think you'll find the right path.  As perch mentioned, our parents have lived this life before us.  Although there is all kinds of new technology out there today, the basics of relationships remain the same.  Mom and dad have been there and done that..... not that they are always right, but as you get older you'll realize how smart your parents really are.  

Somebody above also mentioned trigger your instincts.... some of what mom and dad may have hit a chord and you know that they are right.... its something you've known but never really looked at.

Get a bit of you time and just evaluate the whole situation.  The truth is there.

[teko]

I think your boyfriend will make a better friend than lover. You may as well take the steps to making that happen sooner rather than later. I imagine he will feel the same before long anyway. If it isnt there it just isnt there. Maybe at some future point in your lives but for now "friends" it should be.

[perch101]

I think that at 7 months into a relationship you shouldn't be having this many doubts.

Usually the first year together (at least) you are in the honeymoon stage - and while this dosen't mean every aspect of your relationship is perfcet - you should still be very attracted to each other and loving spending time together. Not doubting how attracted you are and questioning aspects of his personality so much.

You mention your parents butting in - does this mean they have concerns about him and your relationship? Parents have much more life experience than us - and athough that dosen't mean they are always right, their view is worth taking into consideration.

It seems like something in your instincts is being triggered. You say you don't want to be any more intimate with him than you are, I don't know quite what you mean by that? If you feel like you've already 'hit a wall' - at 7 months in - and questioning if the relationship is healthy, it seems that this may not be a life partner for you.

Remember - the dating stage (before marriage) is to find out how compatable you are with somone - and before commitment (marriage, kids, joint finances) you are completely in your right to call it a day. Yes he will be hurt for a while, and you will probably be too because break-ups - even the easiest ones - still are hard. But this is better than staying with someone you aren't all that happy with.

Best wishes,
Perch.