Porn Addiction

[inh501]

I have been dating this guy for a little bit and we have grown to really know each other, but recently I asked him if he has any association with porn. He said "I use to watch it a lot, but lately I haven't watched it as much." I told him that that is one thing I will not put up with. He ended up telling me he will do what ever it takes to stop, but just knowing that he has been watching porn through out our relationship; it just seems so unfaithful of him. We are christian and do have christian faith, but I honestly don't know if I should believe what he says and give him his trust back. Or should I just end it to prevent further hurt.

[nursegirl6572]

I totally agree with the other posters...you've verbalized your feelings about it, and now you need to give him a chance to show you he's a man of his word.

As far as your title goes, I would highly doubt he has a porn "addiction" from what you've said.  That term gets thrown about haphazardly a lot when referencing porn.  A porn "addict" would be someone engaging in watching porn a LOT, most times to the point where it's disruptive to their life.  It sounds more to me like he watches it occasionally here and there, like a lot of other men would do.

In no way was he unfaithful to you.  I respect your aversion to porn, but I don't believe that the occasional viewing of it says anything about a person's character.  Just try not to over react about this due to your strong feelings on the subject.  You've done the right thing by addressing it with him.  Hopefully it won't be an issue again for you, and he'll follow through with his promise to you.  As for when you're away, you cannot get caught up in the "what ifs".  Heck, you could do that about anything..."what if he gambles all his/our money away?"..."what if he flirts with a woman?",,,"what if he watches porn?"  You have to have some trust in him and just let those things go.  If he's never given you a reason to distrust him in any way, you shouldn't be worried...and the porn thing technically doesn't count, because to be fair, he didn't know your feelings on the topic.  

Take care.

[Londres70]

Give him a chance.  You've made it perfectly clear where you stand on the issue of porn and he said he would respect that.  

[specialmom]

Ya know, I'd guess that about 100 percent of men have watched or looked at porn in their lifetime.  The internet has made is so easy.  I would not fault someone for looking at it.  If you don't want porn as part of your relationship and you've told him that up front . . . give him a chance to live up to it.  

good luck

[TTinKKerBBell]

Suggest to Your BoyFriend that He follow thatquietgirls' boyfriends' lead and look at "Your Brain on Porn".  It's an eye-opener and will educate Him on the 'danger' of porn addiction and how to break HimSelf of it.
Good Luck

[thatquietgirl]

Oh, wow.  That will make it tough.  I do say this much: At least he was honest when you asked him.  I think he hasn't yet given you a reason not to trust him.  This is a plus.  Unless you catch him in a lie about it, trust hopefully has not been lost so much as feelings have been hurt.  You were very proactive in telling him that, "Hey, this doesn't cut it for me.  Porn is a deal breaker if you keep watching it," in your own words, so if he values you, he will take this seriously.

A lot of men, even Christian men, try to see this as no big deal, but I do see where you are coming from.  Verses which state that a man who's lusted after a woman in his heart has committed adultery with him in her heart are good arguments about viewing such things from a Christian viewpoint plus it is degrading to us as women.  It kind of makes a woman (though not all in this day and age) feel a little unappreciated, less special, too.  It's really an industry that's degrading to everyone involved: the actors, the viewer, the person the viewer's in a relationship with.

Hopefully he was receptive to you saying viewing porn is a deal breaker and will listen to your explanation for viewing porn as wrong and/or offensive and make every effort to have open dialogue and work through this issue that's arisen.

[inh501]

Thank you I will try, but I think my biggest problem is I will be leaving for basic for 5 months and I am truly worried about what might happen when I am gone.

[thatquietgirl]

I'd give him a chance.  Tell him you will support him however needs be.  My boyfriend actually found a site called yourbrainonporn, and it suggested stopping any sexual activity (kissing, masturbation, etc.) for two months to kick the habit.  Tell him you'll help keep him busy doing other things or whatever he needs you to do to support him through quitting.