Aa
Question for the guys
Many men come to the relationships forum and explain how wonderful their wives or girlfriends are and that they are the most important person in their lives yet they then confess to having cheated or are having an affair--so whats the deal then?If you love your wife or girlfriend so much then what makes you stray--lets be honest now and find out the truth.Why cheat? Please explain.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I don't think you can direct a question to only men and cheating is a universal, male and female issue.
Let's make sure we do not over generalize.
Let's make sure we do not over generalize.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, I've never cheated,. Why don't you start us off rainlover since you have.
Hi Rain,
You consider going to a sex worker as cheating? What about the wifes night out at the male strip club and she kisses his penis while putting a dollar in his strap?
How about a bachalor party with a dancing girl and a nipple lick?
If yes, then all have a different reason.
You consider going to a sex worker as cheating? What about the wifes night out at the male strip club and she kisses his penis while putting a dollar in his strap?
How about a bachalor party with a dancing girl and a nipple lick?
If yes, then all have a different reason.
I am only speculating here because I have never cheated or been cheated on. I think people cheat because 1. They can't be satified with what they have and the seem to be wanting more and more or wanting better than what they have OR 2. They don't have the courage to end a bad relationship before they seek another OR 3. They have seen this "cheating" pattern in their childhood and repeat what they have seen and what they know OR 4. They are just ruthless people who don't care about anyone but themselves and don't care who they hurt so long as they get what they want.
Totally speculating here.
Totally speculating here.
I have already expressed my guilt and remorse more than once and ruined a wonderful relationship because of temptation and a moment of lust and I lost so much for so very little which is why I am so passionate about the subject matter.I want people to understand how much they stand to lose,man or woman and there are plenty of people that post on here that might not realize the seriousness of it all until it's to late.If we can help some people understand and not go there isn't that a step in the right direction.I think it is.
I've been on cheated MANY times for MANY years by my 1st husband. I have never cheated - so my opinion is strictly one-sided.
All due respect, RainLover - I think cheating comes down to a lack of Character and/or Morals. The BIGGEST sex organ is the brain - sex does not happen without thought, intent. I also think most people who cheat don't think they will be found out but that takes thought too.
Having said that RainLover, I do believe You are sincerely sorry !! and remorseful!! I also agree with You that every scenario Life360 suggested IS cheating.
Any behavior that You would not do if Your Wife/Husband was sitting beside You is the way to go.
All due respect, RainLover - I think cheating comes down to a lack of Character and/or Morals. The BIGGEST sex organ is the brain - sex does not happen without thought, intent. I also think most people who cheat don't think they will be found out but that takes thought too.
Having said that RainLover, I do believe You are sincerely sorry !! and remorseful!! I also agree with You that every scenario Life360 suggested IS cheating.
Any behavior that You would not do if Your Wife/Husband was sitting beside You is the way to go.
Ooh, Rainlover, that's one of my favorite questions - and one of the coolest things sociology majors get to discuss in college. ;D
Mammal males aren't created to be monogamous. Mammal males breed with as many females as they can - either by courting the female, or by beating other males off her by brute strength or stamina.
Humans fall in love and then out of love in about 3 years - and most men won't cheat during that time. (Some will, they're incorrigible cads). Most won't though. It's after they've fallen out of love but are still with the same woman that nature takes over and they do what their nature tells them to - mate with other women.
I'm not cynical about relationships - and I don't believe my husband of 27 years has ever cheated on me - and I think a lot of men don't cheat.
But humans aren't like birds who are created to be monogamous. Monogamous birds ARE monogamous, and it's no effort whatsoever for them. It's their nature, their preference.
Interesting question really.
Mammal males aren't created to be monogamous. Mammal males breed with as many females as they can - either by courting the female, or by beating other males off her by brute strength or stamina.
Humans fall in love and then out of love in about 3 years - and most men won't cheat during that time. (Some will, they're incorrigible cads). Most won't though. It's after they've fallen out of love but are still with the same woman that nature takes over and they do what their nature tells them to - mate with other women.
I'm not cynical about relationships - and I don't believe my husband of 27 years has ever cheated on me - and I think a lot of men don't cheat.
But humans aren't like birds who are created to be monogamous. Monogamous birds ARE monogamous, and it's no effort whatsoever for them. It's their nature, their preference.
Interesting question really.
Ditto to you to RR,intelligence is bliss--what a great response.I love honest and sincere responses.
Oh and I should add that there are plenty of people--mostly men--who post on the HIV forum after they have cheated aswell.
We have Superior, Sophisticated Brains. We act on Instinct but we ALSO have the Ability to Think, to Decide, to make Choices, etc. If one wants multiple Partners then One should not make Promises and take Vows with any ONE Person. Monogamy is a Choice. Once having made that Choice, f either Spouse falls out of love then that Person should be Honorable and leave the Marriage FIRST. It takes Thought and Intent to cheat - Our Superior Brain gives us the Ability to Choose to make or break a Promise or Vow.
Agree with Tink.
Not sure where RR is getting her facts from or if this is her theory (sounds like her theory), however, it was entertaining to read.....LOL. Don't recall seeing this or learning this in my Sociology class and trust me I have taken ALOT of them over the years.
If you live in a CIVILIZED society then you should act accordingly.
If you walk around letting your "body parts", i.e. your "johnson," make decisions about how you should act then maybe you should be living in an UNCIVILIZED society or living in the jungle with monkeys and apes. Then you can act on EVERY instinct you had without the consequences.
Not sure where RR is getting her facts from or if this is her theory (sounds like her theory), however, it was entertaining to read.....LOL. Don't recall seeing this or learning this in my Sociology class and trust me I have taken ALOT of them over the years.
If you live in a CIVILIZED society then you should act accordingly.
If you walk around letting your "body parts", i.e. your "johnson," make decisions about how you should act then maybe you should be living in an UNCIVILIZED society or living in the jungle with monkeys and apes. Then you can act on EVERY instinct you had without the consequences.
I'll take a poke at this but am sure somehow it will blow up in my face.....
This may sound complicated, and indeed it is. But the simple fact of the matter is I did cheat and I've never been more sorry for anything in my life. I don't know if there is anything in the world that I could ever by more sorry for.
I was in a bad space on more than one level. I allowed my marriage to take a back seat to my life. I put my marriage on cruise control, all the while my wife was fighting for her marriage. She was fighting for the love that she knew we once had. For years, she would check in with me..."Are things all right?" They weren't, but I'd lie.
I wanted us to be all right, but I was too much of a stubborn fool to get help when I need help. All the while, parts of the marriage eroded. I lost the passion, I guess... simply lost the passion. I loved my wife, loved my family and I didn't want to part with any of it... but on another level, because I would not allow myself to see and feel the love being offered, I hunted for more.
The wife and I are doing real well these days. This woman proves time and time again how strong she is, and that is one of her many traits that attracted me in the first place. After what I've done, I spent a lot of time in therapy putting away the things that haunted me for decades. I've completely changed how I look at my life and I am so very thankful for every day I can spend with my lovely wife. She is my world and I have that focus back... I will never lose it again. Everything I've ever needed was under my own roof, but I was just dumb enough to not be able to find it.
This may sound complicated, and indeed it is. But the simple fact of the matter is I did cheat and I've never been more sorry for anything in my life. I don't know if there is anything in the world that I could ever by more sorry for.
I was in a bad space on more than one level. I allowed my marriage to take a back seat to my life. I put my marriage on cruise control, all the while my wife was fighting for her marriage. She was fighting for the love that she knew we once had. For years, she would check in with me..."Are things all right?" They weren't, but I'd lie.
I wanted us to be all right, but I was too much of a stubborn fool to get help when I need help. All the while, parts of the marriage eroded. I lost the passion, I guess... simply lost the passion. I loved my wife, loved my family and I didn't want to part with any of it... but on another level, because I would not allow myself to see and feel the love being offered, I hunted for more.
The wife and I are doing real well these days. This woman proves time and time again how strong she is, and that is one of her many traits that attracted me in the first place. After what I've done, I spent a lot of time in therapy putting away the things that haunted me for decades. I've completely changed how I look at my life and I am so very thankful for every day I can spend with my lovely wife. She is my world and I have that focus back... I will never lose it again. Everything I've ever needed was under my own roof, but I was just dumb enough to not be able to find it.
I did the exact same thing Brice and I feel exactly the same way you do.I took my beautiful wife for granted and ended up losing everything.
I made some stupid comments on a journal just recently about cheating and I put my foot in my mouth--those ladies have committed husbands and loving relationships--good luck to them.
Couldn't it be as simple as lack of self-control?? And maybe being too scared to face the problems in the relationship, so by having an affair/cheating it's a way to disrupt or shake up the relationship with out actually having to suck up the courage to talk? Why dress it up or get analytical about it. Not to make it too simple either but it's a harder, crueler, more life alternatering version of eating too much, drinking too much etc. when you know you're going to suffer for it later with a stomache ache or hangover? A person knows they shouldn't but they do it anyway, usually to bury their feeling about something else altogether, but still, no one else is controlling their actions.
Lust. Passion. Lack of needs getting met. Craving something taboo or forbidden. Desire for the other side of the fence. It is what it is. If u want reasons there ya go Rain. ;)
Why did Bill Clinton cheat on Hillary?They had the perfect marriage.He had everything to lose and nothing to gain.At the time he was the most powerful man in the world.
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The bottom line is if there is something missing in the marriage or of needs aren't getting met at some point someone may cheat. Everyone has a different threshold. Some may leave rather than cheat or some may live in their own isolated mental prisons.
In the end I think it comes down to what u can live with, love and forgiveness.
Just my thoughts. Hobby