sex after baby

[amieb579]

I have been with my boyfriend off and on for over seven years. Needless to say it’s been a little rocky at times. Our sex life has always been pretty good; we would have sex at least three to four times a week. Last year by surprise I found out I was pregnant, which we really were not prepared for. The first month there were no problems being intimate and then just like that it stopped. I asked my boyfriend many times if anything was wrong and he would just blame it on stress. Finally at about the third month he said it was because it didn't feel right to have sex while I was pregnant, I understood and didn't bring it up again. Well now the baby is five going on six months and we have yet to be intimate in any way (our kissing has even gone down to just a small peck). When I try to bring up this issue he makes me feel like I'm dirty for thinking so much about having sex with me. He says it's due to stress and that he has gotten used to not have it for so long so he doesn't feel the need. He swears he is not cheating on me. We are living with my parents until we get our house, so of course this is an issue but on occasions where we have been alone he doesn't even try to intimate anything. Is this normal? I don't know if I could really keep this up much longer, please help!

[seattlemom2plus]

I just wanted to add that for the first child my husband was a little apprehensive which was entirely normal, then with each other child, he actually started to enjoy and appreciate some of the changes that my body was going through.  So this can actually be a fun time in your relationship, you have different sensitivities and swollen body parts to enjoy :D

[brice1967]

I went through the same thing your boyfriend is going through after the birth of our children.  I found it real stressful being a new father.  As much as you have a maternal instinct, males (most) have a paternal instinct.  That means growing up, acting right, keeping a job and putting bacon on the table, paying the bills, and looking out for yet another person.  It was huge for me!!!  

Even during the pregnancy, some of this stress began to set in.  I just knew that I was somehow going to hurt the baby or worse.... I just knew it.  I knew that if that happened, it would be the end of our marriage, it would be the end of everything..... I think a lot of guys feel that way.  (I am not making excuses... trying to be honest here)  That doesn't make it right, it also doesnt necessarily make it wrong.

Now would be a great time to open up a dialogue concerning these issues.  There are places you can go and get all kinds of information pertaining to these issues.  I'd suggest this issue as a problem for the both of you.  That takes away any blame which may add more stress.  I'd also suggest trying to understand where he is coming from or at least trying to gain some insight on how he feels.  By doing that, you may be able to open up more of yourself to him.

I will also suggest this.  Your hormones have gone completely awry, but that is totally natural in regards to pregnancy and post child birth.  Your body has changed and your mind has changed, and again, that is totally natural.  Don't assume he knows these things.  Look for a parenting class for young parents, seek out some group counseling.  As scared as you are, he is too.  Women seem far better prepared for the birth of a child than men are.... that's just been my experience.  When our second child came around, I was better prepared, but yet still a bit sketchy.  There is some adjustment time involved as the entire dynamics of the relationship has totally changed.  Change is intimidating for all of us.  Some are just more welcome to the change.

Seek out some help and I'd bet you folks will be just fine.  Biggest part is for both of you to learn together.  That can be a huge bonding experience, and you both may find that it is also kind of fun.

Good luck.

[HeatherLF16]

Not saying you shouldn't talk about your issues, just saying that in the sex department this is usually what works for me.  Wish you the best of luck.  

[HeatherLF16]

My hubby was the same during pregnancy (I actually was on bedrest and couldn't have sex) but he wasn't feeling it even before that happend.  I think he was relieved when I couldn't have sex from 7-9 months pregnant.  We have been married 7 years this year and been together 10 years.  It hasn't been the same since and my son is 10 months old now.  Although, from 6 weeks after baby on we have had sex at least once a week it takes alot of effort.  I stay home now with the baby and take care of him all day alone.... and my hubby works 6 days per week if not 7 to support our family.  We are both exausted and most of the time fall asleep before we can even crawl into bed together.  But, we both try and really make an effort.... to where as before it was effortless.  Sometimes, my hubby won't even try for a week or two.  Or we won't even hug or kiss.  When I see this happening I make him a nice dinner with the the baby as my helper, put the baby to bed and come back downstairs in something sexy and pounce him.,....lol.  Men don't like to talk about what they are or are not doing.  If you want sex take it ;)  Same goes for my husband if he sees me stressed and not in the mood for a while he makes me dinner will take the baby for a while, and do what he needs to do to get me in the mood.  I have learned that less talk about it and more action usually does the trick in my marriage.  A nice bottle of wine helps too.  Or if space is an issue could you ask his parents to babysit one night while you guys go to dinner?  Then just get busy in the car like teenagers hehehe :)  You have to give to get ... once you get the fire started again I am sure he will follow suit!!  

[seattlemom2plus]

This happens to a lot of men when their spouse is pregnant, they get afraid that they might hurt the baby.  He could also feel uncomfortable being in your parents house and getting intimate.  It's perfectly fine to have sex during pregnancy.  Maybe try different positions that make him ease up or just try being intimate with one another without full intercourse until he gets comfortable with the idea.  Keep us posted on progress and don't give up!

[sagapou]

well its normal for you to be upset so dont feel bad thats normal to be confused and have mixed emotions about this.. from what your telling me it is kind of weird that he does not want to have sex with you although may be he is very stressed and that could be an issue.. it does come to mind that he may be seeing someone else and thats why he doesnt want to be intamite with you but dont for one minute think that thats the case it just as well might not be that .. if i were you theres a couple things you could do .. help reduce stress for him give him massages get intimate with him that way.. build the intimacy to the point where he is relaxed than try one night after messages to do something very sexyy like candles night gound music and hopefully that will help other wise he needs to fiill your needs sexually and he should have needs as well .. hope this helped