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What do women really want?
Ok, This question has been asked since the beginning of time. Women, answer it please!
In my 50 short years on this planet, and perhaps the last 30 or so as an adult Male, I have seen, watched and been in relationships with the opposite sex. Never has any woman been consistent in what they want from a Man.
1. You say you want us to be sensitive, but if we cry at any time, we are weak and spineless.
2. You say you want us to lead, but when we try to, then we are mean and dominating.
3. You ask for our advice, and then seem to use it as a gauge for measuring what "not" to do.
4. "Honey, does this dress make me look fat?". Do you really expect us to answer that question?? If we say "Yes", we're in big trouble, If we say "No", you don't believe us and change the dress anyway. You put us in a "no win" situation!
5. All husbands, HATE when you bring them a spoonful of something and say: "Honey, taste this and see if it's bad". Well Hell woman, what if it IS?? I DON'T WANT IT IN MY MOUTH!
6. Laidies, Men cleaning the toilet and washing the dishes is not "foreplay". (you'll have to think about that one to get it)
7. We have feelings that can be hurt, and even if we don't show them like you do, we have them.
8. You expect us to change light bulbs, clean the garage, repair the car, mow the grass and fix the house and earn a living because as a man "that's our job", but when we expect the favor returned in the bedroom, suddenly "we don't deserve it" because your feelings were hurt when he didn't return a phone call or some other minor offense.
So, please try to answer the question: "What do women really want", because to all men since the beginning of time, it is apparent that it cannot be answered because none of you know what you want, and/or what you want changes minute to minute.
Donald the frustrated.
In my 50 short years on this planet, and perhaps the last 30 or so as an adult Male, I have seen, watched and been in relationships with the opposite sex. Never has any woman been consistent in what they want from a Man.
1. You say you want us to be sensitive, but if we cry at any time, we are weak and spineless.
2. You say you want us to lead, but when we try to, then we are mean and dominating.
3. You ask for our advice, and then seem to use it as a gauge for measuring what "not" to do.
4. "Honey, does this dress make me look fat?". Do you really expect us to answer that question?? If we say "Yes", we're in big trouble, If we say "No", you don't believe us and change the dress anyway. You put us in a "no win" situation!
5. All husbands, HATE when you bring them a spoonful of something and say: "Honey, taste this and see if it's bad". Well Hell woman, what if it IS?? I DON'T WANT IT IN MY MOUTH!
6. Laidies, Men cleaning the toilet and washing the dishes is not "foreplay". (you'll have to think about that one to get it)
7. We have feelings that can be hurt, and even if we don't show them like you do, we have them.
8. You expect us to change light bulbs, clean the garage, repair the car, mow the grass and fix the house and earn a living because as a man "that's our job", but when we expect the favor returned in the bedroom, suddenly "we don't deserve it" because your feelings were hurt when he didn't return a phone call or some other minor offense.
So, please try to answer the question: "What do women really want", because to all men since the beginning of time, it is apparent that it cannot be answered because none of you know what you want, and/or what you want changes minute to minute.
Donald the frustrated.
Don, your last post with the spilled milk was so illuminating. I was picturing you like my brother in law who's a sweet, nice guy but he was unable to realize he was 1/2 the problem in his marriage - and they are now divorced. I've been picturing you wrong.
Does your wife know about the spilled milk thing? I'm picturing you and your boys with heads ducked running from bunker to bunker in your house, and it's been that way so long it doesn't seem abnormal - and it doesn't even seem fixable to you at this point.
You look like a man's man. You look like the kind of man who could run a marina, or a large mechanics shop, and be in complete charge - with virtually no one ever challenging your authority. That's what you look like. If I went to a mechanic shop and had a problem with service, and you walked up, I'd think oh there's the guy in charge - we'll be able to get a resolution here.
I think you need to take charge at home. Your home is caustic, and it's sad that your wife is so unhappy, but that's enough reeming out the kids for nothing. That's enough of everyone walking around on eggshells. " I love you and want to work with you on our marriage, but I'm not going to tolerate the boys protecting me anymore. They deserve better, "
Best wishes. Take charge, make that appointment, and protect your kids from this.
Does your wife know about the spilled milk thing? I'm picturing you and your boys with heads ducked running from bunker to bunker in your house, and it's been that way so long it doesn't seem abnormal - and it doesn't even seem fixable to you at this point.
You look like a man's man. You look like the kind of man who could run a marina, or a large mechanics shop, and be in complete charge - with virtually no one ever challenging your authority. That's what you look like. If I went to a mechanic shop and had a problem with service, and you walked up, I'd think oh there's the guy in charge - we'll be able to get a resolution here.
I think you need to take charge at home. Your home is caustic, and it's sad that your wife is so unhappy, but that's enough reeming out the kids for nothing. That's enough of everyone walking around on eggshells. " I love you and want to work with you on our marriage, but I'm not going to tolerate the boys protecting me anymore. They deserve better, "
Best wishes. Take charge, make that appointment, and protect your kids from this.
Good plan, Don!
And I don't think anyone thought you were trying to fool anyone...I read Jame's comment to mean that you almost had her crying, but I could be wrong.
You are right--as you can see from the replies, there's no one way to be or one thing to say that will get to the heart of every woman and you do know your wife best, so definitely go with your heart!
I hope you can find out what it is she wants/needs in order for her to go to get help for her problems (emotional hurt and OCD, as well).
Keep us updated--let us know how she receives your letter!
And I don't think anyone thought you were trying to fool anyone...I read Jame's comment to mean that you almost had her crying, but I could be wrong.
You are right--as you can see from the replies, there's no one way to be or one thing to say that will get to the heart of every woman and you do know your wife best, so definitely go with your heart!
I hope you can find out what it is she wants/needs in order for her to go to get help for her problems (emotional hurt and OCD, as well).
Keep us updated--let us know how she receives your letter!
I just re-read the posts after my one from yesterday. If I follow everyone's advice, I won't send the letter at all! :) Two of you have me removing pretty much everything between "Dear XXXXXX and Love, Don"
I appreciate your comments and please keep them coming, but concerning the letter, I know her better than any of you so I'll have to follow my heart on this one.
I appreciate your comments and please keep them coming, but concerning the letter, I know her better than any of you so I'll have to follow my heart on this one.
LOL. You guys are a riot! I don't know how the conversation went there! I have had gastrointenstinal issues since adulthood, and it isn't easy to "run and find a safe spot" all the time. I can almost fart on command! lol
Anyway, all kidding aside, Jame0223, I don't know what you mean by "you almost had me going". Everything I've written here is what's in my heart and mind, and I'm not trying to "fool" any of you. I don't feel like I'm trying to "fix" her, I'm trying to help her. I have problems, sure, but judging from my sons opinions and comments, she does have a serious issue. My sons come to me for affection and affirmation, not to her. She often berates them over the smallest things, just like she does me. I hurt for them sometimes. They have even tried to defend me when I for example might spill a little milk on the counter, and she comes charging in "WHO SPILLED THIS MILK?" and one of my boys says he did it and takes the blame to protect me. I tell them not to do it, but the point is, they see the problem too.
I am in counseling for the last couple of months, by myself, to try and get a different outlook on life for myself, because I don't see her changing her ways anytime soon. I invited her to go with me and she refused. So ladies, what you see here is what I am. No faking, no lies to get sympathy. If I were to lie here in this annonymous forum, what would be the point?!
I just want to be happy, and I want her to be a part of it. It is difficult to be happy when the most important person in your life is not, and seems to put a lot of effort into things counter-productive to that end. She wakes up angry and goes to sleep angry. What can I do with that?
My ultimate goal is to get her to a psychiatrist for counseling and medication, but how do I accomplish that when she automatically resists everything I say or do? So I am trying to start at the grass roots level and just make a better relationship between the two of us first. This forum and your replies and comments are to help me better understand a woman's viewpoint in order to do that.
Thanks,
Don
ps, you guys can call me Don instead of Donald. Using Donald at first was just being more formal.
Anyway, all kidding aside, Jame0223, I don't know what you mean by "you almost had me going". Everything I've written here is what's in my heart and mind, and I'm not trying to "fool" any of you. I don't feel like I'm trying to "fix" her, I'm trying to help her. I have problems, sure, but judging from my sons opinions and comments, she does have a serious issue. My sons come to me for affection and affirmation, not to her. She often berates them over the smallest things, just like she does me. I hurt for them sometimes. They have even tried to defend me when I for example might spill a little milk on the counter, and she comes charging in "WHO SPILLED THIS MILK?" and one of my boys says he did it and takes the blame to protect me. I tell them not to do it, but the point is, they see the problem too.
I am in counseling for the last couple of months, by myself, to try and get a different outlook on life for myself, because I don't see her changing her ways anytime soon. I invited her to go with me and she refused. So ladies, what you see here is what I am. No faking, no lies to get sympathy. If I were to lie here in this annonymous forum, what would be the point?!
I just want to be happy, and I want her to be a part of it. It is difficult to be happy when the most important person in your life is not, and seems to put a lot of effort into things counter-productive to that end. She wakes up angry and goes to sleep angry. What can I do with that?
My ultimate goal is to get her to a psychiatrist for counseling and medication, but how do I accomplish that when she automatically resists everything I say or do? So I am trying to start at the grass roots level and just make a better relationship between the two of us first. This forum and your replies and comments are to help me better understand a woman's viewpoint in order to do that.
Thanks,
Don
ps, you guys can call me Don instead of Donald. Using Donald at first was just being more formal.
I really didn't get the impression that he wants to "fix" her. What I hear is a man who loves his wife and wants to HELP her. I don't think a laundry list of "faults" on both sides is all that helpful. Donald, you know your wife far better than anyone else on this forum. Put yourself in her shoes and try to imagine how she would react. Take it from there. I thought it was lovely myself.
On to the subject of bodily emanations, now I'm really cracking up! For the first 10 years of our relationship, hubby and I were most polite about it all. Public "slipsies" were first ignored and later giggled at, but serious colon-clearing, emergency, honest-go-God seat-ripping farting was done in private. Until I got sick. I defy anyone, man or woman, who has a bad gallbladder to even think about not letting one fly wherever and whenever necessary. My mother always told us, "You won't die if you hold it until you can get to a bathroom!" HA! She still has her gallbladder. What does she know? :-O
The first time I felt control going out the door (and other places as well) in front of my husband, I had about a one-second warning of the danger we were both in. In that one second, I realized I had a choice. Make my father proud that I'm his daughter, or make my mother hide her head in shame. I went with good old Dad. I have no doubt I topped anything he ever produced in his 64 years, and Hubby will back me on that statement. I even managed to pull off Dad's theatrics at the same time. I looked over at hubby with an eagle eye, pointed my finger at him, and... I'm certain you get the rest. Hubby about fell over in hysterics, and that one incident completely blew away 10 years of polite tooting. From that moment to this, it has been all-out war in this house. If only I'd gone with Mom in that one second.
Beans, beans they're good for your heart.... :-D
On to the subject of bodily emanations, now I'm really cracking up! For the first 10 years of our relationship, hubby and I were most polite about it all. Public "slipsies" were first ignored and later giggled at, but serious colon-clearing, emergency, honest-go-God seat-ripping farting was done in private. Until I got sick. I defy anyone, man or woman, who has a bad gallbladder to even think about not letting one fly wherever and whenever necessary. My mother always told us, "You won't die if you hold it until you can get to a bathroom!" HA! She still has her gallbladder. What does she know? :-O
The first time I felt control going out the door (and other places as well) in front of my husband, I had about a one-second warning of the danger we were both in. In that one second, I realized I had a choice. Make my father proud that I'm his daughter, or make my mother hide her head in shame. I went with good old Dad. I have no doubt I topped anything he ever produced in his 64 years, and Hubby will back me on that statement. I even managed to pull off Dad's theatrics at the same time. I looked over at hubby with an eagle eye, pointed my finger at him, and... I'm certain you get the rest. Hubby about fell over in hysterics, and that one incident completely blew away 10 years of polite tooting. From that moment to this, it has been all-out war in this house. If only I'd gone with Mom in that one second.
Beans, beans they're good for your heart.... :-D
Excuse me for jumping into a thread that I haven't been part of....Interesting thread by the way....I agree with RockRose that women love compliments but I think that maybe you should not write anything in there about her body if sex or the lack of has been a problem. She may misinterpret your intentions with such a statement. Just my opinion. I think you rock, Donald, for being so open about this.
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