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What do women really want?
Ok, This question has been asked since the beginning of time. Women, answer it please!
In my 50 short years on this planet, and perhaps the last 30 or so as an adult Male, I have seen, watched and been in relationships with the opposite sex. Never has any woman been consistent in what they want from a Man.
1. You say you want us to be sensitive, but if we cry at any time, we are weak and spineless.
2. You say you want us to lead, but when we try to, then we are mean and dominating.
3. You ask for our advice, and then seem to use it as a gauge for measuring what "not" to do.
4. "Honey, does this dress make me look fat?". Do you really expect us to answer that question?? If we say "Yes", we're in big trouble, If we say "No", you don't believe us and change the dress anyway. You put us in a "no win" situation!
5. All husbands, HATE when you bring them a spoonful of something and say: "Honey, taste this and see if it's bad". Well Hell woman, what if it IS?? I DON'T WANT IT IN MY MOUTH!
6. Laidies, Men cleaning the toilet and washing the dishes is not "foreplay". (you'll have to think about that one to get it)
7. We have feelings that can be hurt, and even if we don't show them like you do, we have them.
8. You expect us to change light bulbs, clean the garage, repair the car, mow the grass and fix the house and earn a living because as a man "that's our job", but when we expect the favor returned in the bedroom, suddenly "we don't deserve it" because your feelings were hurt when he didn't return a phone call or some other minor offense.
So, please try to answer the question: "What do women really want", because to all men since the beginning of time, it is apparent that it cannot be answered because none of you know what you want, and/or what you want changes minute to minute.
Donald the frustrated.
In my 50 short years on this planet, and perhaps the last 30 or so as an adult Male, I have seen, watched and been in relationships with the opposite sex. Never has any woman been consistent in what they want from a Man.
1. You say you want us to be sensitive, but if we cry at any time, we are weak and spineless.
2. You say you want us to lead, but when we try to, then we are mean and dominating.
3. You ask for our advice, and then seem to use it as a gauge for measuring what "not" to do.
4. "Honey, does this dress make me look fat?". Do you really expect us to answer that question?? If we say "Yes", we're in big trouble, If we say "No", you don't believe us and change the dress anyway. You put us in a "no win" situation!
5. All husbands, HATE when you bring them a spoonful of something and say: "Honey, taste this and see if it's bad". Well Hell woman, what if it IS?? I DON'T WANT IT IN MY MOUTH!
6. Laidies, Men cleaning the toilet and washing the dishes is not "foreplay". (you'll have to think about that one to get it)
7. We have feelings that can be hurt, and even if we don't show them like you do, we have them.
8. You expect us to change light bulbs, clean the garage, repair the car, mow the grass and fix the house and earn a living because as a man "that's our job", but when we expect the favor returned in the bedroom, suddenly "we don't deserve it" because your feelings were hurt when he didn't return a phone call or some other minor offense.
So, please try to answer the question: "What do women really want", because to all men since the beginning of time, it is apparent that it cannot be answered because none of you know what you want, and/or what you want changes minute to minute.
Donald the frustrated.
Well, lets see....
1. I've put on 40 pounds since we got married. I'm not grossly obese, but I have put on a good bit around the mid section. She weighed 115 lbs when we got married, Now she weighs about 135 at age 50 and after 3 kids. Still looks hot to me! I weighed 175 when we got married and now 215.
2. For a long time I was messy and haphazard about cleaning up after myself. I grew up in a house full of sisters (5) and they did it all for me so I was never really trained to pick up after myself. I have since however, drastically improved on that, mostly because of her "perfectionist" OCD.
3. I know this is going to be funny and it's ok for you guys to laugh out loud! :) Before marriage and many years into the marriage I was always very careful about certain "less than appropriate" bodily sounds like burping or farting in front of her. I've relaxed my standards on that quite a bit.
4. I am pretty impatient when it comes to listening to her go through 10 minutes of details before getting to the heart of the story, especially when I'm on the phone with her. Sometimes she calls me, talks 10 minutes, then in the space of 5 minutes calls back 2, sometimes as much as 3 times! That REALLY gets under my skin and I end up getting angry and then she gets angry, etc.
5. I don't keep the garage as clean and ordered as I should.
6. I snore. (so she tells me) She started sleeping in another room the last few months.
7. I've been known to take financial risks to try to make a buck, where she is very, very conservative about that. It causes arguments sometimes.
8, And the worst one: During some of the worst times we've had together, I have communicated with old girlfriends by email and telephone and she found out about it. I have never slept with them, but talking to them makes me feel wanted and worth something.
My wife has been through more pain and suffering in her life than any human being should be allowed. Most of it before I met her, but a lot of it after. Things that have nothing to do with us, but with her family. Terrible things. I know she hurts inside so much. I know she suffers every single day being tormented by memories. Memories that she seems to hold on to and can't get over. It feels like she has saved all those awful memories and keeps piling and piling them one after another on top of what's already there. Every hurt I cause, every pain I cause her gets piled upon all the years and years of the other hurts and trauma that's already there. They get all mixed together into one big single Hurt, indistinguishable from each other but just one huge traumatic pain. I can understand the "why" at times; it's just impossible for me to help her. I can't get in! Especially since I am a contributor to that big pile of hurt.
I want to help her, I want to be a husband and friend to her, but I just can't get in!!! I believe that things happen for a reason, and my marriage to her could very well be orchestrated by God, because she needed someone like me that has stayed with her through all this **** (I am sure not many other men would have stayed) and bring her out of it. I just don't know how, hence this thread at this forum.
Donald
1. I've put on 40 pounds since we got married. I'm not grossly obese, but I have put on a good bit around the mid section. She weighed 115 lbs when we got married, Now she weighs about 135 at age 50 and after 3 kids. Still looks hot to me! I weighed 175 when we got married and now 215.
2. For a long time I was messy and haphazard about cleaning up after myself. I grew up in a house full of sisters (5) and they did it all for me so I was never really trained to pick up after myself. I have since however, drastically improved on that, mostly because of her "perfectionist" OCD.
3. I know this is going to be funny and it's ok for you guys to laugh out loud! :) Before marriage and many years into the marriage I was always very careful about certain "less than appropriate" bodily sounds like burping or farting in front of her. I've relaxed my standards on that quite a bit.
4. I am pretty impatient when it comes to listening to her go through 10 minutes of details before getting to the heart of the story, especially when I'm on the phone with her. Sometimes she calls me, talks 10 minutes, then in the space of 5 minutes calls back 2, sometimes as much as 3 times! That REALLY gets under my skin and I end up getting angry and then she gets angry, etc.
5. I don't keep the garage as clean and ordered as I should.
6. I snore. (so she tells me) She started sleeping in another room the last few months.
7. I've been known to take financial risks to try to make a buck, where she is very, very conservative about that. It causes arguments sometimes.
8, And the worst one: During some of the worst times we've had together, I have communicated with old girlfriends by email and telephone and she found out about it. I have never slept with them, but talking to them makes me feel wanted and worth something.
My wife has been through more pain and suffering in her life than any human being should be allowed. Most of it before I met her, but a lot of it after. Things that have nothing to do with us, but with her family. Terrible things. I know she hurts inside so much. I know she suffers every single day being tormented by memories. Memories that she seems to hold on to and can't get over. It feels like she has saved all those awful memories and keeps piling and piling them one after another on top of what's already there. Every hurt I cause, every pain I cause her gets piled upon all the years and years of the other hurts and trauma that's already there. They get all mixed together into one big single Hurt, indistinguishable from each other but just one huge traumatic pain. I can understand the "why" at times; it's just impossible for me to help her. I can't get in! Especially since I am a contributor to that big pile of hurt.
I want to help her, I want to be a husband and friend to her, but I just can't get in!!! I believe that things happen for a reason, and my marriage to her could very well be orchestrated by God, because she needed someone like me that has stayed with her through all this **** (I am sure not many other men would have stayed) and bring her out of it. I just don't know how, hence this thread at this forum.
Donald
Jame, what a sweet post. You sound like a nice girlfriend for him -
Don - you're not trying hard enough. OR (I don't think this is the case but maybe) you married a woman with absolutely nothing else to recommend her except her physical appearance is pleasing. In which case, you're doubly screwed because there is nothing good about her except her body and you aren't getting any of it.
I suspect you're not trying hard enough to see her good points. If she has a job, she has good points. If your kids love her, she has good points.
What would you say your flaws are in your marriage? I'll start first, everyone chime in.
1. I'm not a good housekeeper. Things around here can be scattered.
2. I haven't always trusted him with his parenting instincts where my boys are concerned, and I've kept him from acting on his correct instincts.
3. I haven't always expressed enough appreciation for how he treats my family - especially the respect he shows difficult members of my family.
Donald, if you indeed married a woman who has nothing else except a hot bod, you dug your own grave. I really don't sense that, though.
So. Fess up. What have you done wrong?
Don - you're not trying hard enough. OR (I don't think this is the case but maybe) you married a woman with absolutely nothing else to recommend her except her physical appearance is pleasing. In which case, you're doubly screwed because there is nothing good about her except her body and you aren't getting any of it.
I suspect you're not trying hard enough to see her good points. If she has a job, she has good points. If your kids love her, she has good points.
What would you say your flaws are in your marriage? I'll start first, everyone chime in.
1. I'm not a good housekeeper. Things around here can be scattered.
2. I haven't always trusted him with his parenting instincts where my boys are concerned, and I've kept him from acting on his correct instincts.
3. I haven't always expressed enough appreciation for how he treats my family - especially the respect he shows difficult members of my family.
Donald, if you indeed married a woman who has nothing else except a hot bod, you dug your own grave. I really don't sense that, though.
So. Fess up. What have you done wrong?
Well Donald, at least admiring your wife's body is better than nothing. :-) At this stage of the game, I can think of too many couples who complain that their spouse has let him or herself go to the point they are no longer attractive. At least you have that much going for you.
Can you look back to the beginning of your relationship with her and think of what else attracted you? If you can discover one shred of that attraction left in your relationship? If not, what was it and when did it depart? Is that something your wife may be willing to work on with you together?
OCD or not, rudeness is unacceptable in any relationship, be it in a marriage or with a new acquaintance. Can you at least make it clear to her that no matter how po'd she may be with you, that she should still mind her manners? Would she belittle a stranger? I hope not, and she shouldn't belittle you either. Manners matter, and politeness can go a long way toward a rational discussion of any problem.
This thread of yours just breaks my heart. You sound like superb husband material, and I hope your wife eventually figures that out. :-)
Can you look back to the beginning of your relationship with her and think of what else attracted you? If you can discover one shred of that attraction left in your relationship? If not, what was it and when did it depart? Is that something your wife may be willing to work on with you together?
OCD or not, rudeness is unacceptable in any relationship, be it in a marriage or with a new acquaintance. Can you at least make it clear to her that no matter how po'd she may be with you, that she should still mind her manners? Would she belittle a stranger? I hope not, and she shouldn't belittle you either. Manners matter, and politeness can go a long way toward a rational discussion of any problem.
This thread of yours just breaks my heart. You sound like superb husband material, and I hope your wife eventually figures that out. :-)
Wow. Thanks for your comment. I understand what you mean..and kind of put it into perspective. I guess I shouldn't do that. Almost like guys shouldn't have to be mind readers. What I meant now about being happy is that we haven't been fighting lately at all because we had that talk about our relationship. We've come to an understanding about apologizing and making things up to one another. For a while there I really thought I was on the path..but now not so much. Reading everyones responses about what we would do or how we would feel if our other halves werent around anymore....really made me think about him. I would hate to be without my honey. He has me laughing on a daily basis, he treats me well. I know he cares about how I feel. I think I just drive him to the point of insanity sometimes and I admit it. I apologized to him about nagging. I can't always be in the right and I know it. I told him that if he ever had a problem with me, that I would try and fix it, figure out how to avoid it..and he would do the same. We really understand each other..but I think everyones relationship can get to that point where they're just sick of each other. But really...I love him whole-heartedly. I would love to spend my life with him. If he weren't around...I would be just...I can't even describe it! I would never smile again! I look forward to going home everyday and seeing him. Without my Steven...I would be totally different!
Don, I really hope you can someway save your marriage. Its a beautiful thing (even though I havent gone down that road yet) and I believe that once you agree to until death do you part, you should mean it. Think about the reasons you married her. Without thinking about the way you feel now. Maybe ask her to do the same thing about you? Have you tried sitting down and discussing your relationship. Sounds like both of you are unhappy. Of course, noone can fix your relationship, but you. There has to be something to save.
Don, I really hope you can someway save your marriage. Its a beautiful thing (even though I havent gone down that road yet) and I believe that once you agree to until death do you part, you should mean it. Think about the reasons you married her. Without thinking about the way you feel now. Maybe ask her to do the same thing about you? Have you tried sitting down and discussing your relationship. Sounds like both of you are unhappy. Of course, noone can fix your relationship, but you. There has to be something to save.
That really is too bad, Donald. My cousin got to a really bad place with her husband where she just could not see anything good. I remember saying, "How would you feel and what would you do if he were in the hospital hanging on to his life, hooked up to life support?" She said, "I'd "accidentally" trip over the cord to the respirator." Ugh. Not much you can do with that.
I don't know if you are religious at all, but have you checked out weekend marriage sessions/workshops like Retrouvaille or Marriage Encounter? From what I understand, it's about reconnecting and understanding each other (but I'm sure there is prayer involved at some point). Something you may want to look into.
I won't go on in your thread about what I love about my husband. But if anyone else is interested in sharing, too, I may start a new thread about it.
All the best to you and your family, Donald.
I don't know if you are religious at all, but have you checked out weekend marriage sessions/workshops like Retrouvaille or Marriage Encounter? From what I understand, it's about reconnecting and understanding each other (but I'm sure there is prayer involved at some point). Something you may want to look into.
I won't go on in your thread about what I love about my husband. But if anyone else is interested in sharing, too, I may start a new thread about it.
All the best to you and your family, Donald.
Well, I haven't replied because I honestly can't think of much that I like about her right now.
She always seems angry from the first words in the morning to the last at night. She always nags and picks apart everthing I do all day long. I have yet to do anything that she appreciates. It's tough under those cirmumstances to think of anything good, but I will try.
1. She has a great body. (I know......shallow of me)
2. Uhhhhh.....she has a great body.
3. Uhhh.....She has a job. (but doesn't pay any household bills)
4. Did I mention she has a great body?
I can't think of anything else. Sorry.
She always seems angry from the first words in the morning to the last at night. She always nags and picks apart everthing I do all day long. I have yet to do anything that she appreciates. It's tough under those cirmumstances to think of anything good, but I will try.
1. She has a great body. (I know......shallow of me)
2. Uhhhhh.....she has a great body.
3. Uhhh.....She has a job. (but doesn't pay any household bills)
4. Did I mention she has a great body?
I can't think of anything else. Sorry.
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