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What do women really want?
Ok, This question has been asked since the beginning of time. Women, answer it please!
In my 50 short years on this planet, and perhaps the last 30 or so as an adult Male, I have seen, watched and been in relationships with the opposite sex. Never has any woman been consistent in what they want from a Man.
1. You say you want us to be sensitive, but if we cry at any time, we are weak and spineless.
2. You say you want us to lead, but when we try to, then we are mean and dominating.
3. You ask for our advice, and then seem to use it as a gauge for measuring what "not" to do.
4. "Honey, does this dress make me look fat?". Do you really expect us to answer that question?? If we say "Yes", we're in big trouble, If we say "No", you don't believe us and change the dress anyway. You put us in a "no win" situation!
5. All husbands, HATE when you bring them a spoonful of something and say: "Honey, taste this and see if it's bad". Well Hell woman, what if it IS?? I DON'T WANT IT IN MY MOUTH!
6. Laidies, Men cleaning the toilet and washing the dishes is not "foreplay". (you'll have to think about that one to get it)
7. We have feelings that can be hurt, and even if we don't show them like you do, we have them.
8. You expect us to change light bulbs, clean the garage, repair the car, mow the grass and fix the house and earn a living because as a man "that's our job", but when we expect the favor returned in the bedroom, suddenly "we don't deserve it" because your feelings were hurt when he didn't return a phone call or some other minor offense.
So, please try to answer the question: "What do women really want", because to all men since the beginning of time, it is apparent that it cannot be answered because none of you know what you want, and/or what you want changes minute to minute.
Donald the frustrated.
In my 50 short years on this planet, and perhaps the last 30 or so as an adult Male, I have seen, watched and been in relationships with the opposite sex. Never has any woman been consistent in what they want from a Man.
1. You say you want us to be sensitive, but if we cry at any time, we are weak and spineless.
2. You say you want us to lead, but when we try to, then we are mean and dominating.
3. You ask for our advice, and then seem to use it as a gauge for measuring what "not" to do.
4. "Honey, does this dress make me look fat?". Do you really expect us to answer that question?? If we say "Yes", we're in big trouble, If we say "No", you don't believe us and change the dress anyway. You put us in a "no win" situation!
5. All husbands, HATE when you bring them a spoonful of something and say: "Honey, taste this and see if it's bad". Well Hell woman, what if it IS?? I DON'T WANT IT IN MY MOUTH!
6. Laidies, Men cleaning the toilet and washing the dishes is not "foreplay". (you'll have to think about that one to get it)
7. We have feelings that can be hurt, and even if we don't show them like you do, we have them.
8. You expect us to change light bulbs, clean the garage, repair the car, mow the grass and fix the house and earn a living because as a man "that's our job", but when we expect the favor returned in the bedroom, suddenly "we don't deserve it" because your feelings were hurt when he didn't return a phone call or some other minor offense.
So, please try to answer the question: "What do women really want", because to all men since the beginning of time, it is apparent that it cannot be answered because none of you know what you want, and/or what you want changes minute to minute.
Donald the frustrated.
Not all relationships are as bad as your marriage. You really sound bitter and frustrated and it's probably because you are with the wrong woman for you. I highly recommend counciling for you and your wife and if something can't be worked out, get a divorce. Seriously, divorce is legal and it is in place for a reason. I went through one and a few years later, have found myself a wonderful person that I adore. We are like two peas in a pod who think enough alike to be friends, argue about issues enough to keep our life exciting and we also have a great physical relationship (sex, sex, sex!). Plus, he is smart, attractive, funny and has a great job (4 prerequisites for me). He thinks I'm funny so he doesn't have as high standards as me but that's ok.
Think how much happier you will be if you are on your own where nobody can bother you!! Then, when you are ready, find a new lady that will love and adore you the way you deserve to be love and adored. Seriously, you sound so unhappy to me and nobody has to live this way anymore. I am telling you DLG, you CAN find happiness if you are willing to work for it.
Good luck.
Think how much happier you will be if you are on your own where nobody can bother you!! Then, when you are ready, find a new lady that will love and adore you the way you deserve to be love and adored. Seriously, you sound so unhappy to me and nobody has to live this way anymore. I am telling you DLG, you CAN find happiness if you are willing to work for it.
Good luck.
Maybe you're overlooking women who DO know what they want? I'm very consistent. And I don't make my husband taste stuff that might be bad - although he will pull something out of the fridge and sniff it and then bring it to me and say does this smell spoiled to you? Um hello, I am not smelling something that you think is spoiled! Throw it away. No need for a second opinion on food stench.
On your number 4, a good answer would be um no, the dress looks fine it's your hips that make you look fat. Maybe she'd like that better? P.S. I never ask that either.
You need to find a better quality woman than the ones you've been hanging out with, DLG5.
On your number 4, a good answer would be um no, the dress looks fine it's your hips that make you look fat. Maybe she'd like that better? P.S. I never ask that either.
You need to find a better quality woman than the ones you've been hanging out with, DLG5.
oops, I hadn't read your profile. Don't go get a better quality woman. Get better at communicating your needs.
"The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a good place to start - an even better place to start is "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" but your wife doesn't sound open to reading that.
Best wishes.
"The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a good place to start - an even better place to start is "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" but your wife doesn't sound open to reading that.
Best wishes.
1. I only think a man is weak and spineless if he cries for reasons of manipulation.
2. There is a huge difference between great, admirable leadership and mean domination.
3. If I ask for advice, it doesn't mean I'm going to act on it. It just means I'd like to know his opinion because I care and respect what he thinks. If he takes offense to me not acting on his advise, then it's his own problem.
4. I have never seriously asked this question and I never will. I don't want to be told I look fat or be paranoid if people think I am. If I want to know how I look in the dress or outfit, I'd simply ask, "How do I look?" and expect an honest answer. Whether or not I decide to change my clothes after the honest input would be due to my own securities/insecurities of my appearance in the outfit.
5. If I ask my significant other to taste something, it's because I've already tasted it first. If I thought it was bad, I'd offer the option of tasting it, but if he said "I'll pass," I wouldn't take offense to it at all.
6. Cleaning the toilet and dishes isn't foreplay, but the man's help certainly makes for more of my time and energy for foreplay and sex. Plus, if he contributes to cleaning up the messes he helped make, then I'm not going to be so grossed out by his sloppiness of cleaning his dried pee splats off the toilet rim and practically super-glued food particles off the dishes he failed to rinse.
7. I know men have feelings that can be hurt, and usually they try to subdue them. I respect men's feelings and would never intentionally hurt them. That's just mean. A woman is just plain stupid if she thinks a man has no emotional capacity and she doesn't deserve a man until she figures that out and can respect it.
8. A man can do everything he's "expected" to do to help me, but if his "minor offenses" are a consistent thing that I've attempted to address on numerous occasions and yet nothing has changed and no effort has been made to change from him, then yes, my desire to "return the favor in the bedroom" is going to be a slightly hindered, depending on how "minor" the continuous offense is. But if the "minor offense" truly is minor and hardly ever happens, I'll have no reason to hold back with feelings of him being "undeserving." If I'm holding back, it's because the sex itself has a problem, which I'd be willing to talk about to fix so that the sexual relationship stays healthy and happy.
These are my answers to your specific questions, and I'm just one woman of thousands that could answer these. Not all women think and act alike, or even similarly.
Your statement, "Never has any woman been consistent in what they want from a Man"--do you mean every relationship you've had, the women have been inconsistent in their expectations? Because I'm very consistent in my expectations, as is my boyfriend, and we communicate well and have a wonderful relationship, very much give-and-take and a deep appreciation for each other.
As Mayflowers and RockRose said, perhaps you need to re-think the types of women with whom you pursue relationships. Sounds like you haven't had any luck, but really, there are good women out there who will let you know exactly what they want, treat you with genuine respect, and in return give you what you want to the best of their ability.
2. There is a huge difference between great, admirable leadership and mean domination.
3. If I ask for advice, it doesn't mean I'm going to act on it. It just means I'd like to know his opinion because I care and respect what he thinks. If he takes offense to me not acting on his advise, then it's his own problem.
4. I have never seriously asked this question and I never will. I don't want to be told I look fat or be paranoid if people think I am. If I want to know how I look in the dress or outfit, I'd simply ask, "How do I look?" and expect an honest answer. Whether or not I decide to change my clothes after the honest input would be due to my own securities/insecurities of my appearance in the outfit.
5. If I ask my significant other to taste something, it's because I've already tasted it first. If I thought it was bad, I'd offer the option of tasting it, but if he said "I'll pass," I wouldn't take offense to it at all.
6. Cleaning the toilet and dishes isn't foreplay, but the man's help certainly makes for more of my time and energy for foreplay and sex. Plus, if he contributes to cleaning up the messes he helped make, then I'm not going to be so grossed out by his sloppiness of cleaning his dried pee splats off the toilet rim and practically super-glued food particles off the dishes he failed to rinse.
7. I know men have feelings that can be hurt, and usually they try to subdue them. I respect men's feelings and would never intentionally hurt them. That's just mean. A woman is just plain stupid if she thinks a man has no emotional capacity and she doesn't deserve a man until she figures that out and can respect it.
8. A man can do everything he's "expected" to do to help me, but if his "minor offenses" are a consistent thing that I've attempted to address on numerous occasions and yet nothing has changed and no effort has been made to change from him, then yes, my desire to "return the favor in the bedroom" is going to be a slightly hindered, depending on how "minor" the continuous offense is. But if the "minor offense" truly is minor and hardly ever happens, I'll have no reason to hold back with feelings of him being "undeserving." If I'm holding back, it's because the sex itself has a problem, which I'd be willing to talk about to fix so that the sexual relationship stays healthy and happy.
These are my answers to your specific questions, and I'm just one woman of thousands that could answer these. Not all women think and act alike, or even similarly.
Your statement, "Never has any woman been consistent in what they want from a Man"--do you mean every relationship you've had, the women have been inconsistent in their expectations? Because I'm very consistent in my expectations, as is my boyfriend, and we communicate well and have a wonderful relationship, very much give-and-take and a deep appreciation for each other.
As Mayflowers and RockRose said, perhaps you need to re-think the types of women with whom you pursue relationships. Sounds like you haven't had any luck, but really, there are good women out there who will let you know exactly what they want, treat you with genuine respect, and in return give you what you want to the best of their ability.
I'm thinking your post was a bit tongue in cheek (at least in some places)?
I think that a mistake a lot of women make is expecting their boyfriends/husbands to instinctively KNOW what they want (to be mind readers at times). And when the man guesses what she needs and gets her wrong, the woman gets upset, hurt, angry, frustrated (he should know her the way she knows him). But men seem to be much more matter-of-fact--they seem to appreciate laying it on the table. And when a woman complains to a man about work or a friend who is being uncaring, she's actually seeking a hug and some empathy...but he will likely try to come up with a plan to help her "fix" it.
But, regarding making a relationship work, I have found that the more you give--without keeping score or expectng anything in return--the more you get.
I agree that The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands is a great book. Definitely worth reading. But the title puts a lot of women off--I had a couple of friends comment on it and ask me if I'm crazy. I think they were crazy for not reading it.
I think that a mistake a lot of women make is expecting their boyfriends/husbands to instinctively KNOW what they want (to be mind readers at times). And when the man guesses what she needs and gets her wrong, the woman gets upset, hurt, angry, frustrated (he should know her the way she knows him). But men seem to be much more matter-of-fact--they seem to appreciate laying it on the table. And when a woman complains to a man about work or a friend who is being uncaring, she's actually seeking a hug and some empathy...but he will likely try to come up with a plan to help her "fix" it.
But, regarding making a relationship work, I have found that the more you give--without keeping score or expectng anything in return--the more you get.
I agree that The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands is a great book. Definitely worth reading. But the title puts a lot of women off--I had a couple of friends comment on it and ask me if I'm crazy. I think they were crazy for not reading it.
Wow, really cool. I did not expect so many replies so soon.
I have to say that each and every one of you have replied honestly and in a way that is easy to accept. I feel for you teko. I can't explain why your husband is not interested in you. Why do people; "US' that is, seem to find each other in places like this after it's too late?
I also like to do spontaneous things. I don't leave pee stains on the toilet bowl, and I always completely rinse my dishes after eating. I like bike rides, cooking, laughing at stupid jokes and going on trips with no planned destination "just for the hell of it" and I will sometimes find myself sniffling during a sad movie.
I dated my wife for over a year before marrying her, and during the dating she was perfect! I don't know what changed.
Thanks for your replies, I really appreciate it. Having many different opinions posted here may help me understand others situations and stop whining about mine.
Thank you all.
Donald
I have to say that each and every one of you have replied honestly and in a way that is easy to accept. I feel for you teko. I can't explain why your husband is not interested in you. Why do people; "US' that is, seem to find each other in places like this after it's too late?
I also like to do spontaneous things. I don't leave pee stains on the toilet bowl, and I always completely rinse my dishes after eating. I like bike rides, cooking, laughing at stupid jokes and going on trips with no planned destination "just for the hell of it" and I will sometimes find myself sniffling during a sad movie.
I dated my wife for over a year before marrying her, and during the dating she was perfect! I don't know what changed.
Thanks for your replies, I really appreciate it. Having many different opinions posted here may help me understand others situations and stop whining about mine.
Thank you all.
Donald
SHORT AND TO THE POINT..WE WANT MONEY, SECURITY, LOYALITY, SINCERITY, HUMOR, AND SOMEONE THAT WILL BE FAITHFUL.
BOTTOM LINE.........THIS IS WHY IM SINGLE....:-)
BOTTOM LINE.........THIS IS WHY IM SINGLE....:-)
michele, I'm married and have all that. Maybe you're not looking in the right places, or maybe you're not offering enough in return.
Bottom line - you get what you give. ;D
Bottom line - you get what you give. ;D
I haven't read the other responses so that I'll give you my own honest answers. :-)
1. You say you want us to be sensitive, but if we cry at any time, we are weak and spineless.
No, I can't say that I've ever expected, or asked, a man to be "sensitive." But then, the men I've been involved with during my life HAVE cried in front of and with me, so that one isn't even an issue.
2. You say you want us to lead, but when we try to, then we are mean and dominating.
There is a huge difference between leadership and domination. If you don't know that difference by now, I doubt I can help you.
3. You ask for our advice, and then seem to use it as a gauge for measuring what "not" to do.
Huh? I don't ask for advice often, but when I do I expect an honest answer even if it's something I may not agree with.
4. "Honey, does this dress make me look fat?". Do you really expect us to answer that question?? If we say "Yes", we're in big trouble, If we say "No", you don't believe us and change the dress anyway. You put us in a "no win" situation!
I have never in my life spoken those words. If a compliment is asked for, it doesn't "count". If it is freely given with no prompting, it makes a huge impression; therefore, I don't ask. :-)
5. All husbands, HATE when you bring them a spoonful of something and say: "Honey, taste this and see if it's bad". Well Hell woman, what if it IS?? I DON'T WANT IT IN MY MOUTH!
Again, I have NEVER done this!
6. Laidies, Men cleaning the toilet and washing the dishes is not "foreplay". (you'll have to think about that one to get it)
No, but it's the precursor to foreplay. ;-)
7. We have feelings that can be hurt, and even if we don't show them like you do, we have them.
You really think we don't know this? If you do, you're with some really nasty women.
8. You expect us to change light bulbs, clean the garage, repair the car, mow the grass and fix the house and earn a living because as a man "that's our job", but when we expect the favor returned in the bedroom, suddenly "we don't deserve it" because your feelings were hurt when he didn't return a phone call or some other minor offense.
Third time: I have NEVER withheld sex as a punishment for misbehavior - imagined or otherwise. Just what kind of women have you been involved with anyway?!
1. You say you want us to be sensitive, but if we cry at any time, we are weak and spineless.
No, I can't say that I've ever expected, or asked, a man to be "sensitive." But then, the men I've been involved with during my life HAVE cried in front of and with me, so that one isn't even an issue.
2. You say you want us to lead, but when we try to, then we are mean and dominating.
There is a huge difference between leadership and domination. If you don't know that difference by now, I doubt I can help you.
3. You ask for our advice, and then seem to use it as a gauge for measuring what "not" to do.
Huh? I don't ask for advice often, but when I do I expect an honest answer even if it's something I may not agree with.
4. "Honey, does this dress make me look fat?". Do you really expect us to answer that question?? If we say "Yes", we're in big trouble, If we say "No", you don't believe us and change the dress anyway. You put us in a "no win" situation!
I have never in my life spoken those words. If a compliment is asked for, it doesn't "count". If it is freely given with no prompting, it makes a huge impression; therefore, I don't ask. :-)
5. All husbands, HATE when you bring them a spoonful of something and say: "Honey, taste this and see if it's bad". Well Hell woman, what if it IS?? I DON'T WANT IT IN MY MOUTH!
Again, I have NEVER done this!
6. Laidies, Men cleaning the toilet and washing the dishes is not "foreplay". (you'll have to think about that one to get it)
No, but it's the precursor to foreplay. ;-)
7. We have feelings that can be hurt, and even if we don't show them like you do, we have them.
You really think we don't know this? If you do, you're with some really nasty women.
8. You expect us to change light bulbs, clean the garage, repair the car, mow the grass and fix the house and earn a living because as a man "that's our job", but when we expect the favor returned in the bedroom, suddenly "we don't deserve it" because your feelings were hurt when he didn't return a phone call or some other minor offense.
Third time: I have NEVER withheld sex as a punishment for misbehavior - imagined or otherwise. Just what kind of women have you been involved with anyway?!
Michelle and JayBay make my point.
What michelle describes is more like a puppy, not a Man. She bases what she wants on a pure calculation that is in her own best interest. She want's perfection, and that's my point exactly. No margin for error, no room for mistakes. The man she is looking for probably doesn't exist. She will be alone for a long time until she realizes that and gets real.
JayBay, You I respect. But the fact that you didn't understand my statement proves my point. Of course I KNOW that leadership and domination are not the same, but my wife doesn't. My leadership is to provide decisions based on what's best for my household and family. Her idea is for me to just stand up and be the mouthpiece for her decisions. She makes the ammo, and I'm expected to go out and fire it!
I have a good job, a sense of humor, I am faithful, sincere, and loyal. But that is still not enough because I lack obedience and servitude.
What michelle describes is more like a puppy, not a Man. She bases what she wants on a pure calculation that is in her own best interest. She want's perfection, and that's my point exactly. No margin for error, no room for mistakes. The man she is looking for probably doesn't exist. She will be alone for a long time until she realizes that and gets real.
JayBay, You I respect. But the fact that you didn't understand my statement proves my point. Of course I KNOW that leadership and domination are not the same, but my wife doesn't. My leadership is to provide decisions based on what's best for my household and family. Her idea is for me to just stand up and be the mouthpiece for her decisions. She makes the ammo, and I'm expected to go out and fire it!
I have a good job, a sense of humor, I am faithful, sincere, and loyal. But that is still not enough because I lack obedience and servitude.
I have money (not unlimited though), security, loyalty, sincerity, humor and faithfulness to the man I've been married to for 26+ years. We are business partners, best friends, marriage partners and lovers. We are together 24/7. Is he perfect? No. Am I perfect? No (my sister thinks I'm Miss Perfect, but that's a whole other post entirely!). But no matter, we make it work and that's what's important.
I think there are two things that I think are most important in a relationship:
1. Have a sense of humor. My husband and I both ask each other "the" questions about looking fat, taste this or smell this. We just laugh at ourselves. We joke and tease alot.
2. Need vs. Want. I didn't "need" him when I married him. I don't "need" him now. And he didn't "need" me when we got married. He doesn't "need" me now either. BUT - and it's a big But...we WANT each other. We both do laundry, cook, change lightbulbs, take out the trash, and pretty everything else that needs to be done.
Oh wait, there is one thing that I "need" him for...I refuse to get dead mice or things out of the pool. Or deal with anything dead.
Learn to sit, relax, laugh and enjoy each other without expecting sex as a reward or using it as a punishment. You'd be amazed at what happens.
I think there are two things that I think are most important in a relationship:
1. Have a sense of humor. My husband and I both ask each other "the" questions about looking fat, taste this or smell this. We just laugh at ourselves. We joke and tease alot.
2. Need vs. Want. I didn't "need" him when I married him. I don't "need" him now. And he didn't "need" me when we got married. He doesn't "need" me now either. BUT - and it's a big But...we WANT each other. We both do laundry, cook, change lightbulbs, take out the trash, and pretty everything else that needs to be done.
Oh wait, there is one thing that I "need" him for...I refuse to get dead mice or things out of the pool. Or deal with anything dead.
Learn to sit, relax, laugh and enjoy each other without expecting sex as a reward or using it as a punishment. You'd be amazed at what happens.
Here, Here! That is exactly what I want. I don't demand anything from her.
She will be the first to admit that she has no sense of humor. That has caused problems all by itself because she doesn't get a good "joke" and usually takes offense when I tease her about anything. My kids however love my sense of humor and always seem to "get" the humor in my jokes.
Am I perfect, NO. Trouble is, I feel like I'm expected to be. She has a pretty bad case of OCD, (obsessive compulsive disorder) and it really ruins her life. She has standards so high even she cannot meet them. That alone causes her great pain, not to mention the fact that me and the kids can't meet them either.
So with respect I must say that for the last 27 years that I've been married to her, my "close up and personal" view of women is soiled. I am aware that a lot of you are way different than what I'm used to, and I congratulate you for it.
I'm just a miserable, bitter old man needing advice and.....perhaps sympathy.
Donald
She will be the first to admit that she has no sense of humor. That has caused problems all by itself because she doesn't get a good "joke" and usually takes offense when I tease her about anything. My kids however love my sense of humor and always seem to "get" the humor in my jokes.
Am I perfect, NO. Trouble is, I feel like I'm expected to be. She has a pretty bad case of OCD, (obsessive compulsive disorder) and it really ruins her life. She has standards so high even she cannot meet them. That alone causes her great pain, not to mention the fact that me and the kids can't meet them either.
So with respect I must say that for the last 27 years that I've been married to her, my "close up and personal" view of women is soiled. I am aware that a lot of you are way different than what I'm used to, and I congratulate you for it.
I'm just a miserable, bitter old man needing advice and.....perhaps sympathy.
Donald
Whoa! "Obedience and servitude"?! I'd run away screaming from a man who let me have my own way all the time. If you don't have a good argument once in a while, you miss out on the making up. :-) LOL!
Donald, you sound like a great man, and you're right that your 27 year marriage has colored your opinion of other women. It's so sad that your wife's OCD issues have messed with all your lives. She's obviously never satisfied with life, and it's always going to be someone else's fault - namely yours. Try not to take it so personally. It sounds like she'd be demanding and belittling with anyone. Stop trying to jump through her hoops because you'll never hit the moving target. Man, what an awful example of marriage for you kids too. "The mommy is always right, and the daddy is always wrong." You can't change your wife, but you can change your own behavior. Being nice doesn't mean being a patsy. Your kids need to see you stand up for yourself - and them.
Donald, you sound like a great man, and you're right that your 27 year marriage has colored your opinion of other women. It's so sad that your wife's OCD issues have messed with all your lives. She's obviously never satisfied with life, and it's always going to be someone else's fault - namely yours. Try not to take it so personally. It sounds like she'd be demanding and belittling with anyone. Stop trying to jump through her hoops because you'll never hit the moving target. Man, what an awful example of marriage for you kids too. "The mommy is always right, and the daddy is always wrong." You can't change your wife, but you can change your own behavior. Being nice doesn't mean being a patsy. Your kids need to see you stand up for yourself - and them.
Wow! Not all women are the same...we are all different in many ways and so are men.....some women have different needs and wants then others.....you've just labeled women the same as women label men....it goes both ways...You'll never understand a woman the way you want to and women will never understand men the way they want to no matter what anyone says.....A man and a woman's mind are completely different...we do things differently and think alot differently then men....Although like I said in the beggining every woman is different....some want men for money...some want men for love.....some want men for security and some want it all.....what can I say?
I can only speak for myself when I say I know what I want in a guy.
1. Has a job.
2. Doesn't speak down to me.
3. Actually does stuff around the house instead of leaving me to do it all. (that includes the car)(read my profile and you will understand)
4. Doesn't manipulate and play mind games with me.
5. Actually communicates with me.
6. Does NOT cheat.
7. Actually cares how I feel and if he did hurt my feelings. I will return the favor on that.
8. Physical appearance mets my requirements.
9. Has a sense of humor
I think that sums it up for me but I could be a bit picky.
1. Has a job.
2. Doesn't speak down to me.
3. Actually does stuff around the house instead of leaving me to do it all. (that includes the car)(read my profile and you will understand)
4. Doesn't manipulate and play mind games with me.
5. Actually communicates with me.
6. Does NOT cheat.
7. Actually cares how I feel and if he did hurt my feelings. I will return the favor on that.
8. Physical appearance mets my requirements.
9. Has a sense of humor
I think that sums it up for me but I could be a bit picky.
There's no mysterious key to unlocking a woman's heart Donald. Now I'm confused on what you really want to know. ?
Crystal, I'm interested in one of your comments, that is: "Actually cares about how I feel and if he did hurt my feelings" Thats another post all by itself. A woman's feelings can be hurt and a man (even a caring sensitive one) doesn't even know it! She may then go off and pout and when he asks "whats wrong" she may say "nothing". To the man, he believes her and goes on his merry way while she remains hurt and files the incident away in her long list of such incidents. After a few years of those memories, the man is blind-sided when she rejects him.
If you say nothing is wrong, then by God you should mean it! Men aren't mind readers and are terribly dumb about those things.
And to JayBay. Again you make my point by being confused with what I want to know.
Maybe to you there is no mysterious key to unlocking a woman's heart because you know the woman's heart! You are one. But a Man thinks totally different than a woman and visa versa so trust me on this, It IS a huge mystery, for reasons I just described to crystal, among many others!! I get the feeling that from a Woman's veiwpoint, Men are stupid, insensitive jerks that need to be re-trained by women, and that is what causes the chasm of mis-communication between them.
I have found this to be true of all Women, not just the one I'm married to.
Women are beautiful, wonderful and mysterious. I love them all! But the fact that 50% of all married couple get divorced is a testimony to the huge rift of differences that neither can deal with.
If you say nothing is wrong, then by God you should mean it! Men aren't mind readers and are terribly dumb about those things.
And to JayBay. Again you make my point by being confused with what I want to know.
Maybe to you there is no mysterious key to unlocking a woman's heart because you know the woman's heart! You are one. But a Man thinks totally different than a woman and visa versa so trust me on this, It IS a huge mystery, for reasons I just described to crystal, among many others!! I get the feeling that from a Woman's veiwpoint, Men are stupid, insensitive jerks that need to be re-trained by women, and that is what causes the chasm of mis-communication between them.
I have found this to be true of all Women, not just the one I'm married to.
Women are beautiful, wonderful and mysterious. I love them all! But the fact that 50% of all married couple get divorced is a testimony to the huge rift of differences that neither can deal with.
I agree, Donald. Men are very often expected to read minds. I realized this one day, at the age of 23--my husband and I were at a friend's house and the woman said, "I have a headache." and her husband said, "Do you want me to get you some aspirin?" and she said, "No...that's ok..." He looked at my husband and said, "Now, does she mean, "No, I don't want aspirin" or "You better get me some aspirin if you care the slightest bit about me and want to remain married"? She laughed and said, "Ok...get me some aspirin--and a glass of water, too!"
I have found that the couples who get along the best are those who just say what they want to each other. It takes the mystery out of it. You still know a guy loves you and cares about you if you ask him for something and he makes it happen for you. He doesn't have to be a mind reader, too.
Regarding your wife's OCD, Donald...has she had ongoing treatment for it? Did she have OCD and no sense of humor when you got married, or has these things evolved over the years?
I have found that the couples who get along the best are those who just say what they want to each other. It takes the mystery out of it. You still know a guy loves you and cares about you if you ask him for something and he makes it happen for you. He doesn't have to be a mind reader, too.
Regarding your wife's OCD, Donald...has she had ongoing treatment for it? Did she have OCD and no sense of humor when you got married, or has these things evolved over the years?
I totally agree, Agiesmom. Saying what you want is so important - and a lot of women think that expressing their needs kind of takes away from the magic. Like, "my birthday's coming up, I really want to go see Seinfeld on stage". Makes things easy.
I will say this, though, Donald reading your post. I do think sometimes men are purposely obtuse. I am married to a great guy, really, but there have been some rough edges. For example, my husband likes to have friends over fairly often. Which is fine, I'm up for that. So on a Saturday morning he might say hey it would be fun to have **** and ***** over for a happy hour thing about 5. Great. So I spin into turbo cleaning toilets, preparing interesting snacks, buying nice beer and wine, leaf blowing the deck, etc. All the while he would sit there very publicly NOT helping and grabbing at me as I bustle by, and then accusing me of being all tense and stressed and "none of this stuff needs to be done, it's just **** and ****. I have three boys, and let me tell you, toilets that haven't been cleaned that week are NOT okay, it does need to be done. So this pattern repeated and repeated month after month. Then one day (this is great, evil grin) he said hey it's gorgeous outside I want to invite (his friends) over this afternoon to hang out. Great, I said with a smile. So then after awhile he said um that was this afternoon, do you remember? Do we have beer? Umm, I don't know honey, the fridge is right there, look and see. Then later he said they'll be here about 3. And then I said you know, I feel so relaxed. Every time you have friends over I get so stressed out running around and doing stuff and cleaning up, and you're right. It's silly. Anyway, I have a bunch of errands to run but I'll try to be back in time to at least say hello. Have a fun time. *kiss* And I left.
That was 5 years ago. That's the last time he's made fun of me for stressing when guests are coming, the last time he's said "oh it doesn't need to be done" and the last time he's sat on his butt while I was running around trying to make something special for him. Sometimes it just takes a nudge.
But I do agree, sometimes women are obtuse in their needs. Sometimes not, and men are just unwilling.
I will say this, though, Donald reading your post. I do think sometimes men are purposely obtuse. I am married to a great guy, really, but there have been some rough edges. For example, my husband likes to have friends over fairly often. Which is fine, I'm up for that. So on a Saturday morning he might say hey it would be fun to have **** and ***** over for a happy hour thing about 5. Great. So I spin into turbo cleaning toilets, preparing interesting snacks, buying nice beer and wine, leaf blowing the deck, etc. All the while he would sit there very publicly NOT helping and grabbing at me as I bustle by, and then accusing me of being all tense and stressed and "none of this stuff needs to be done, it's just **** and ****. I have three boys, and let me tell you, toilets that haven't been cleaned that week are NOT okay, it does need to be done. So this pattern repeated and repeated month after month. Then one day (this is great, evil grin) he said hey it's gorgeous outside I want to invite (his friends) over this afternoon to hang out. Great, I said with a smile. So then after awhile he said um that was this afternoon, do you remember? Do we have beer? Umm, I don't know honey, the fridge is right there, look and see. Then later he said they'll be here about 3. And then I said you know, I feel so relaxed. Every time you have friends over I get so stressed out running around and doing stuff and cleaning up, and you're right. It's silly. Anyway, I have a bunch of errands to run but I'll try to be back in time to at least say hello. Have a fun time. *kiss* And I left.
That was 5 years ago. That's the last time he's made fun of me for stressing when guests are coming, the last time he's said "oh it doesn't need to be done" and the last time he's sat on his butt while I was running around trying to make something special for him. Sometimes it just takes a nudge.
But I do agree, sometimes women are obtuse in their needs. Sometimes not, and men are just unwilling.
I am laughing so hard I've got tears running down my face! You and I are married to the same dam man. ROFL! I went through the same exact weekends and did the same exact thing you did to get it through his pointed little head that entertaining ANYONE is work. He still can't quite understand why we need to provide food for people that are here during the dinner hour, but at least he'll help with it. The cocktail hour isn't supposed to last for 10 hours - at least, not an empty stomachs. :-D
Wonderful, wonderful comments. I can see that scenario happening. The thick-headed moron! LOL
I wish I could be married to one of you!! It's so refreshing to see women that actually seem to understand a man. This thread has been very helpful. It has re-assured me that my wife doesn't represent all women. It gives me hope.
If there is not one more post after this, It would be ok because you girls have brought me back from the brink. Thank you.
Don
I wish I could be married to one of you!! It's so refreshing to see women that actually seem to understand a man. This thread has been very helpful. It has re-assured me that my wife doesn't represent all women. It gives me hope.
If there is not one more post after this, It would be ok because you girls have brought me back from the brink. Thank you.
Don
Donald, I'm glad our responses have helped you. But don't think the grass is greener elsewhere because we all have our issues, our problems, our quirks.
If I were you, I would make a list of all the things you love about your wife--the things that made you want to marry her, what you would tell someone about her if she were no longer here, write down how you felt when you welcomed your children into this world together. Gratitude is an amazing thing--being grateful for the good things you have will attract more good things to you. I firmly believe this. When I'm grateful and express my gratitude to my husband for specific things, I get more of the same. In the past (we went through a very tough time about 9 years ago), I learned that focusing on what I did not like got me more of the same.
Try it. Without keeping score (I've done that, too--giving a little and expecting something in return instead of just unconditionally giving and not expecting anything in return and truly appreciating anything and everything I received).
I think you will see a big difference. You can't change how someone behaves or how they are by trying to manipulate them or nagging at them to change, but you can change your relationship with them and how they react to you and treat you by changing your own expectations and attitude. (This works with kids, too! ;))
If I were you, I would make a list of all the things you love about your wife--the things that made you want to marry her, what you would tell someone about her if she were no longer here, write down how you felt when you welcomed your children into this world together. Gratitude is an amazing thing--being grateful for the good things you have will attract more good things to you. I firmly believe this. When I'm grateful and express my gratitude to my husband for specific things, I get more of the same. In the past (we went through a very tough time about 9 years ago), I learned that focusing on what I did not like got me more of the same.
Try it. Without keeping score (I've done that, too--giving a little and expecting something in return instead of just unconditionally giving and not expecting anything in return and truly appreciating anything and everything I received).
I think you will see a big difference. You can't change how someone behaves or how they are by trying to manipulate them or nagging at them to change, but you can change your relationship with them and how they react to you and treat you by changing your own expectations and attitude. (This works with kids, too! ;))
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