Why doesn't she want to have sex with me?!

[St3f88]

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for almost five months now. I love her to bits and we are planning on getting our own place in the following month. Problem is she does not want to have sex at all. We have the fun fooling around thing going almost a bit like foreplay. Well i satisfy her totally without the sex part. She however gives me oral sex for about 3 min max, then she stops. When we have this fooling around thing going it is all passionate and everything but when it comes down to me wanting to do the deed she pushes me away and says no. How can she get me all worked up and everything and not go the distance. Never in the five months has she finished the job with me orally or in other ways. She always leaves me hanging but she is satisfied because i am quite generous in the bedroom, but i don't get the favor returned. Its starting to bug me, i mean it has come to that extent where i don't find her sexually attractive anymore, because of all the rejection i have to put up with. What must I do please help.....

[St3f88]

Thanks guys appreciate the advice!! Now to wait for that right moment.

[brice1967]

Look man, there are any number of reasons that she is not "going all of the way" with you, and I am not going to sit and try to guess which reason is applicable here.  I'd follow specialmoms advice.

Find a nice moment when things are going well, and politely bring it up.  Don't cut corners, be direct but polite.  The bottom line is, you're never going to get to the bottom of this unless you ask, and she answers truthfully.  (She has everything to lose by not being truthful.)

The worst thing that could happen is she gives you an answer that you do not agree with.  The bottom line there is, you got an answer and can move forward from there.  Also, take a real close look at your age.... not that it's a huge deal, but that may be part of the problem with her.  You are 23 and 21.... it's not too early to "play house" for some people but is for others.

It's better to find all of this out before making the moving in committment.  Use tact, be polite, and be willing to accept the answer she gives you.

[sexyjenelle21227]

A relationship is equal on both ends,why get all hot to be bothered in the end that makes no sense at all,why is she doing that? to me she's just playing games with you she's not that into you i'm just saying that's my opinion.

[specialmom]

Well, make sure you are alone and actually it is best to have these kinds of conversations when things are going right and all are happy.  So just find a quiet moment together (not after a session in which she stopped things) and ask her.  It is hard to talk about some things, I agree.  But getting over that hump and being able to address anything will make you closer.  So talk to her and find out what is going on with her.  

good luck

[St3f88]

I am 23 and she 21...after reading your comments the whole moving in together does seem like a bad idea at the moment. We do not have troubles with the whole communication thing. We have known each other for like a year already and we were friends before the relationship got intimate. It would how ever seem that the problem is going to a hassle when we move in together. Maybe she is just one of those girls that actually want to wait until she gets married or something in that line. It has been very difficult for me to try and understand why she "puts the brakes on" when it comes down to doing the deed. But i mean if she doesn't want to have sex why do the whole fooling around thing and getting me all worked up.

I am scared to talk to her because I have never had to talk to a girl about this problem as i have never had it. How does one know when the right time is to talk about something like this, do i just sit down and start talking to her?  

[teko]

Maybe you need to re think the moving in together because for whatever reason, the sex thing is going to be a huge issue. I dont understand why anyone would think of living together after only 5 months but if you dont want to spend the next year fighting and deciding who is leaving and who is staying, ya better learn to talk to each other right now. Or give the whole idea of it all up.

[specialmom]

Well, I'm assuming because you are about to live together that you are out of your teens???  Not in highschool or anything because my advice is different for those still in school.  So, in this case-----------  if you are wanting to have a relationship that is moving forward and you are going to cohabitate----------- time to learn how to communicate with her effectively.  You sit down during a non sexual time and say "here is the thing, I feel like you aren't interested in meeting my needs after I've met yours and I'm curious why that is. Let's talk about it."  And begin a discussion about why she puts the brakes on, how that makes you feel and how you can come to a solution so that both are happy.  

I wouldn't move in with her until you can communicate like that because you have to be able to talk about things and find solutions.  

If you have had this calm, adult conversation with her ------ what does she say?

[RockRose]

Why are you planning to move in together?  I can think of a lot of reasons why she may be doing this,  and none of them are hopeful for a long term relationship.