Aa
hubby and video games
Okay---I am 28 yrs. old and have been married for 9 years. My husband and I have 3 beautiful kids. The problem is my husband bought the dreaded xbox360 when it first came out. He was really great as far as playing it but he didn't have xbox live yet either. He got hooked up with live this year in Feb. and became obsessed!! He works in the oil field so he's off a week and on a week. On his off time, all he does is play the stupid xbox! He plays from the time he gets up to the time he goes to bed! We don't have sex anymore b/c he can't seem to get off long enough to spend time with me. He gets upset if u walk in front of the t.v. (God forbid he die on the game!). He got real good about playing only after the kids and I went to bed. BUT, Halo 3 came out Monday night at midnight. He went to the store to get it (at midnight) and played all night long. Now, all he plays is that game. I hate the xbox so much. I hate looking at it. I hate hearing it. I just HATE it! He says that I stay on the computer all the time, but that's b/c he plays video games all the time and I have nothing else to do. When the kids are here, we practice their sports and do school work. But when they are at school, I do stay on the computer b/c I'm bored. He did agree to do "family night" on Friday nights. We eat popcorn and watch movies with the kids which is great. But after they go to bed, it's game time! Am I being to needy? Should I back off a little? Any advice as to what I can do to get him to understand that xbox is consuming him would be nice. He claims that he can go a day without playing but I haven't seen that yet. I need advice. Thanks!
Don't just let it be.
He's an addict. Pray for God's intervention. I did. Eventually my husband's addiction stopped.
I'm raising a teen son and don't want him to have bad habits when he's married, but it is hard for them to find something else to get involved in these days. I feel sorry for the wives of the future. Even if he goes out to play football with his friends, that only uses up 2 hrs of free time. Then it's back on the computer or Xbox.
Anyhow, here is my advice from someone that's been there:
Men are cave dwellers and something like this is his "escape" from reality. It is his cave. It is exciting to him. It is like the guy who used to go out and live in the garage working on his car, or in his tool shed widdling wood...
He needs to know, however, how it is affecting you, how he is not pitching in and to be shown alternatives.
My suggestion is that you decide what is important to you and use his game playing as leverage. If what is important to you is family time, special outtings, chores or even time in bed with you, you should tell him in advance that you will be requiring his participation at a certain time. Tell him he will have plenty of game time before or after. This may be hard at first as you see you are becoming the "family event planner", but most women end up in that role. When your husband knows what is expected and is given guidelines, I think he will fall into place. Too much unscheduled responsibilities is a problem.
Try to be creative:
For instance I will tell my husband that I would like us to go to the mall on Sunday afternoon to look for .... I know he likes to eat out, so we usually encorporate lunch into it and we will usually go directly from church so there is no time for him or the kids to get back on the computer or other thing first. When we do this I feel we have had our family time. Or, I might say we are all going hiking at the local park at 2 p.m., everyone be ready. Some days I declare technology free and no one including husband is to turn on a tv or computer until a certain time. We often do chores during that time. I have chore papers written up we all pull from a hat. Or, we read books, work on the yard, walk the dog, etc. It is hard even for me to stay off the computer or tv.
Lack of sexual involvement with you is abandonment, as is his time away from you all into the world of computing. He needs to know this is serious.
He's an addict. Pray for God's intervention. I did. Eventually my husband's addiction stopped.
I'm raising a teen son and don't want him to have bad habits when he's married, but it is hard for them to find something else to get involved in these days. I feel sorry for the wives of the future. Even if he goes out to play football with his friends, that only uses up 2 hrs of free time. Then it's back on the computer or Xbox.
Anyhow, here is my advice from someone that's been there:
Men are cave dwellers and something like this is his "escape" from reality. It is his cave. It is exciting to him. It is like the guy who used to go out and live in the garage working on his car, or in his tool shed widdling wood...
He needs to know, however, how it is affecting you, how he is not pitching in and to be shown alternatives.
My suggestion is that you decide what is important to you and use his game playing as leverage. If what is important to you is family time, special outtings, chores or even time in bed with you, you should tell him in advance that you will be requiring his participation at a certain time. Tell him he will have plenty of game time before or after. This may be hard at first as you see you are becoming the "family event planner", but most women end up in that role. When your husband knows what is expected and is given guidelines, I think he will fall into place. Too much unscheduled responsibilities is a problem.
Try to be creative:
For instance I will tell my husband that I would like us to go to the mall on Sunday afternoon to look for .... I know he likes to eat out, so we usually encorporate lunch into it and we will usually go directly from church so there is no time for him or the kids to get back on the computer or other thing first. When we do this I feel we have had our family time. Or, I might say we are all going hiking at the local park at 2 p.m., everyone be ready. Some days I declare technology free and no one including husband is to turn on a tv or computer until a certain time. We often do chores during that time. I have chore papers written up we all pull from a hat. Or, we read books, work on the yard, walk the dog, etc. It is hard even for me to stay off the computer or tv.
Lack of sexual involvement with you is abandonment, as is his time away from you all into the world of computing. He needs to know this is serious.
Hey, I know what you are going through. It sucks like nothing else. He recently bought Forza 2 and has been playing it alot. He is still hooked on Halo 3 of course. he says, when he beats it and gets all of his achievements he will slack off. But, he did all that with G.R.A.W 2 and he still plays it. Here is the sad thing: I started watching the football game SUnday night thinking that he would be happy to watch sports, but he was so mad that he couldn't play the box. After the game was over, I went to bed ALONE while he stayed up until 7 that morning. Believe me, I know how you feel. I have finally gave up on trying to get him to see that xbox consumes him. He got better for a little while, but old habits always come back. What is the point in fighting with them when it does no good? I just let it be, what else is there to do. I have even thought about pouring water in it, but he has a warranty and would go get another one. It's a never ending battle, I guess. I;m guessing your wife plays computer games? I sometimes wish he was playing them instead of Xbox, at least then I could watch t.v. If you ever want to talk, I'll post my e-mail in my profile. just let me know. Good Luck to you!
i feel for you i no how you feel i feel that same way. its twisted around for me though its my bf doing it. im so tired of it...
ksanden
ksanden
Here is what is going on: We lack of the "cojones" to tell those gamers: "Halo" or me. The truth we are scared of what the outcome would be. Would there even be something worse than losing your spouse to a box with chips and a screen?
Here is my -pathetic- story, As most of the people here, I have also been "replaced" by a video game, I hurt emotionally and go to bed by myself every night. I hope that "the scrims" season will be over soon, but guess what? there is always a next one and unlike the super bowl, these seasons start one after the other one.
Perhaps the kicker here is that I am the husband and she is the wife.
Although I never minded being the -home maker- of the household (I do have a regular 9 to 5 job too) I used to do it with pleasure to keep our house "homey" and clean. Now that I can see how video games have taken up to 40 hours a week of my wife, and I just sit around when everything else is already taken care of... I feel this anger inside that makes me sick to the bone.
The future of our marriage was sealed when once I pluged the cord off from the computer, it was my last resource after several calls for diner. She was furious at me, -concerned- that the computer might be damaged because of my stupidity to pull the plug. I asked her what was more dificult to get, a computer or a husband. After a hesitation, she went: well, the husband.
That hesitation was the brake so I wouldn't leave that night.
Now, it's a matter of time.
My dear friends, how much more will be enough?
Love is blind, and I'd add that it makes us stupid and a door mat at times.
Here is my -pathetic- story, As most of the people here, I have also been "replaced" by a video game, I hurt emotionally and go to bed by myself every night. I hope that "the scrims" season will be over soon, but guess what? there is always a next one and unlike the super bowl, these seasons start one after the other one.
Perhaps the kicker here is that I am the husband and she is the wife.
Although I never minded being the -home maker- of the household (I do have a regular 9 to 5 job too) I used to do it with pleasure to keep our house "homey" and clean. Now that I can see how video games have taken up to 40 hours a week of my wife, and I just sit around when everything else is already taken care of... I feel this anger inside that makes me sick to the bone.
The future of our marriage was sealed when once I pluged the cord off from the computer, it was my last resource after several calls for diner. She was furious at me, -concerned- that the computer might be damaged because of my stupidity to pull the plug. I asked her what was more dificult to get, a computer or a husband. After a hesitation, she went: well, the husband.
That hesitation was the brake so I wouldn't leave that night.
Now, it's a matter of time.
My dear friends, how much more will be enough?
Love is blind, and I'd add that it makes us stupid and a door mat at times.
I understand what you are saying. You are totally right by thinking that "things could be worse." That is a very good way of looking at life. You are wise in your "old" age (profile says 106)...LOL
My hubby is not controlling or abusive either and I am thankful for that. My hope is that the games will get old one day but I don't think that will be anytime soon. He has so much fun playing with his "friends" and I want him to have fun. Just not play all the time, you know? At least pretend like you hear me or acknowledge me. I told him good night last night and he didn't even hear me. That was upseting but, what can I do, right? Well, I will have to deal with it and make the best of it I guess. He goes back to work on Monday, thank goodness! He has been off due to a minor surgery on his finger. Dr. released him yesterday. You give great advice barbarella, Thanks for making me see the upside to this situation!
My hubby is not controlling or abusive either and I am thankful for that. My hope is that the games will get old one day but I don't think that will be anytime soon. He has so much fun playing with his "friends" and I want him to have fun. Just not play all the time, you know? At least pretend like you hear me or acknowledge me. I told him good night last night and he didn't even hear me. That was upseting but, what can I do, right? Well, I will have to deal with it and make the best of it I guess. He goes back to work on Monday, thank goodness! He has been off due to a minor surgery on his finger. Dr. released him yesterday. You give great advice barbarella, Thanks for making me see the upside to this situation!
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Relationships Community
How do you keep things safer between the sheets? We explore your options.
Can HIV be transmitted through this sexual activity? Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia answers this commonly-asked question.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
