my boyfriends sexual past is hurting me

Question

Ive been with my boyfriend for a year and a half but theres one thing thats causing so much stress on our relationship he has slept with about 4-8 girls(i dont know the exact amount)before we were together he is the first man i have ever been sexual in any way.evereytime he touches me or things get kinda sexual i imagine him and the other girls and i imagine him having sex with them and i start crying and he thinks he is doing something wrong but he is not.i know i should leave his past alone but i cant i just wanted to be the only woman he was ever  intimate with just like he was the only man i was ever intimate with.also i waited 13 months before we started to do anything sexual and sometimes i feel like that is not long enough.any advice or similar situations would realy help.

treazzure007 · Answer

yeah.  all the men i have ever dated have been promiscuous.  it's disheartening and i don't appreciate me trying to 'wait on mr. right' and striving to 'save myself for mr. right' only to find out down the road that mr. right wasn't thinking about me in his future at all!  he was having all the fun w/ all the ms. rightnows he could find.  maybe sex didn't mean much then i don't know.  so, i feel exactly where you're coming from

smileluvr · Answer

I asked my fiance how many sexual partners he has had knowing that I had to face the reality of the question. It's one of those its safe to know so that you can protect yourself because at the end of the day, you are all that you have. Knowing that I asked him, I could not hang it over my head or his. I moved on and am thankful for his honesty.

KATE535 · Answer

I have been through this in a kinda similar way - visions of my partner sleeping with his ex when we have been intimate - it's horrible and you feel it is some thing you can't control. But it has passed with me now and I can only tell you what worked for me - Realising I am the woman he has chosen to make love too, I am the women he is with Now, I am the woman he is sexually attracted to NOW, etc. I also found, like Baglady said, focusing on more positive aspects of your relationship really helps. Ultimately it WILL help to realsie he is with you not those ex's - they are all history. You are the woman he will spend the rest of his intimate life with...... as long as you don't ruin it for yourself by focusing on the negatives. Those women are not worth racking your brain over!!!!
I know it's hard because I went through months of feeling like you are, but trying to stop youself thinking about it is the answer. Good luck!!

momagain59 · Answer

Would you feel any better if you had been with the same amount of people? If you continue this, I can guarantee you that there will be more than (4-8) in his past, you will be there also. You have to just realize that you are the one that he decided to stick with. Maybe therapy would be helpful as your thoughts are not normal for this day and age. I am sure that he is very proud that you waited for him so, don't let his past get in the way of your relationship.

Lady_Baglady · Answer

Hello. This may come off as being somewhat rude, but I assure you, it's not meant that way.
First of all, you have to realize that in today's age, people are kind of promiscuous. If he is over 20 years old, you should not expect him to be a virgin. And just tell yourself, he loves me and that's why he is with me. He was with all these girls before he even knew about you. So, don't act like he cheated on you or anything. 
When my current boyfriend and I got together, we had a discussion about our sexual histories. He had been with 7 women, and I had only been with 2 men. I'm not going to lie and say it didn't bother me, because at first it did. But you have to realize that there is a reason that he is with you. 
If you had any doubts about having sex with him at all, you should have waited, but if you LOVE him, then that's the best way for you to show it to him (in some men's eyes this is the case anyway) 
I really think you are stressing about this to much. If you wanted to have a virgin lover, you should not have gotten into the relationship. Try to focus on other aspects of your relationship. Try not to focus on the negatives. Sometimes people think that they are in love and go ahead and have sex with the person they are with, and maybe that's his case. I say that if he is not currently active with any of these ladies you shouldn't worry about them.