Girls help! regarding porn...

[gracee10]

HI, IM 22 YEARS OLD, MARRIED AND I HAVE A QUESTION ABOUT PORN?... I DONT LIKE WATCHING PORN WITH MY HUSBAND, I THINK ITS NASTY.. DO U GUYS FEEL THIS WAY? IS IT NORMAL TO FEEL LIKE THIS?  I'VE WATCHED IT WITH OTHER PPL AND I DONT FEEL SO UNCOMFORTABLE WITH IT AS I DO WITH MY HUSBAND.. I JUST DONT LIKE IT! AND THERES ANOTHER LITTLE PROBLEM.. YESTERDAY THAT HE USED THE COMPUTER HE TRIED LOOKING AT PORN, I KNOW THIS BECAUSE I CHECKED THE HISTORY ON THE COMPUTER!!! IM SOOO MAD! SHOULD I TELL HIM SOMETHING OR JUST STAY QUIET? DO I HAVE THE RIGHT TO FEEL LIKE THIS? I WANT TO EXPLODE WHEN HE GETS HOME FROM WORK, IM VERY UPSET...

[jenkaye21]

I feel the same way as you do, and I also agree with the previous posters' comments.  Definitely talk about it.  It may not be easy to do, but you will feel so much better and he will know how you feel.  
I used to have a real problem with DH and this issue and I just let it eat away at me.  I swear, he was so clueless that he didn't know how I felt, and I am not a very good communicator, I will admit.  Finally, I found a stash of magazines in our basement and took them out and burned them. Well, that sent a pretty clear message.  AND I changed the Security Settings on the computer to be password-protected (by me), so he can only view sites that are also rated appropriate for children.  
We still don't really talk about it, but for his part, he has reacted well and doesn't even try to bring anything into the house anymore.  I think (I hope) he finally realized how much it upset me and decided it wasn't worth it.  

[specialmom]

Agree with above.  I think if once in a blue moon I found it on our computer history, I would not be furious.  Curious as to what prompted it but not furious.  But that is just me.  You are entitled to feel about it however you do.  You need to address it with him but I would try not to be so angry about it.  Conversations that start that way usually end with the other party being defensive.  So try to express your feelings without rage and more matter of factly.  Come to a compromise.  Don't lose it on him or you'll get nowhere. good luck

[Ashelen]

anytime something in your marriage upsets you, you need to talk it over with your husband. as to whether or not it's normal to feel like porn is nasty....there is no one answer to that. some women find it disgusting and degrading, some women find it arousing, some women are completely indifferent to it (like me). but the truth is...any time you feel a certain way, you absolutely have a "right" to feel that way. the question is....do you have a right to request your husband change his behavior? well that depends on how much it bothers you. if it REALLY REALLY bothers you...you have a right to talk it over with him and tell him how you feel and find a compromise that makes you both happy. you don't have a right to control all of his actions, but you have a right to be respected and have your feelings respected.

I would say...calm down. take a deep breath. yes, talk about it with him when he gets home. he may not realize that it bothers you. tell him WHY it bothers you. and then try to come up with a compromise. if you absolutely cannot stand him watching porn at all...this is something you're going to have to deal with as a COUPLE because it becomes both of your problems and not just his. he may be willing to stop if he knows it bothers you that much..he may not. if you can handle him watching a little bit of porn....ask him to set limits, such as he only watches it when you're out of the house, or out of town, or he only watches so much every week. but this is something you need to work out as a couple...and try not to be so angry or accusatory or he'll get defensive and may even start hiding it and lying to you about it. try to be calm and understanding and approach it as simply "this has been bugging me, can we work this out please?" and see where it goes.

good luck