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Fear of loved ones dying
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Fear of loved ones dying

Hi all,
I'm new here but i thought id give this a try and see if anyone has any suggestions. I am 26 years old and as long as i can remember i have always STRESSED out about my familys well being. I know i can't control what happens but i see that now as i am getting older i stress about my family and loved ones dying on a daily basis. I know it might sound weird but you have no idea how bad this can get unless you go through what i go through everyday. It's getting to a point that i have panic attacks here n there. I am extremely close to my mother, father and sister and just the thought of them not being here scares me. I know this is a serious problem becuase i can't let go of it and i have tried over the years but the thought runs through my mind constantly. I was on anti depressants for a few months a couple years ago but decided to stop taking them. Does anyone have any suggestions? I want to enjoy the days i have with them right now and i dont want to waste time thinking of things that may or may not happen soon but i just can't stop on my own.
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Avatar_n_tn
I can't really help, i'm 18 and going through a similar thing at the moment, it hasn't been going on for too long only about 2-3 weeks but every night when im trying to sleep or when I wake up i'm worrying about what may happen and how fast the time is going to go with my mother as I am incredibly close to her and so worried about her being gone as I think i'd probably end up having a nervous breakdown

I spoke to my mother about it last night and she did a good job of reassuring me and managing to get me a bit happier but today I am depressed about it all again and like you I just want to make the most of the time we have together but I can't help feeling as though i'm ruining it or not enjoying it fully because of the thoughts in the back of my mind

I know this probably will not help you but if you wanted to talk to someone going through something similar please feel free to email me on kayleigh.***@**** as perhaps we would both benefit from talking to someone who is going through something similar, if you do not wish too then I really do hope you manage to stop worrying yourself
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Avatar_n_tn
I have the same problem. I believe it's because I am clinically bi polar, but a lot of the time it keeps me from enjoying my day... and I just want to cry. And the worst thing about it is that there's nothing you can do to keep them forever. Death is inevitable... I know that, but it's hard to imagine my life without certain people which I worry about dying almost daily. I try to stay positive though. I wish I could be more of help, I feel the best way to cope with it is to talk about it with a therapist or someone you feel comfortable with doing so, or write it out. I know it's unhealthy to keep this kind of stuff bottled up.
Best of luck!
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Avatar_n_tn
I'm only 16 and I have these thoughts. There usualy when a family member goes out in the car. There are only 4 of us in our whole family. Me mum dad and brother. I have no grandparents or other close relitives so I have felt loss. I feel as though someone is goin to be taken every couple of years and I will be left alone. When I am with my family I don't worry about them being harmed, it is only when I can't see or hear them that I begin to worry
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Avatar_n_tn
I'm only 16 and I have these thoughts. There usualy when a family member goes out in the car. There are only 4 of us in our whole family. Me mum dad and brother. I have no grandparents or other close relitives so I have felt loss. I feel as though someone is goin to be taken every couple of years and I will be left alone. When I am with my family I don't worry about them being harmed, it is only when I can't see or hear them that I begin to worry
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Avatar_f_tn
Yes of all the biggest fears losing ones we love has to be the biggest out there. I know most all of my friends have either lost one or both of their parents and I just cant myself imagine what that day can even be like and I dont even know how I will deal with the greif but yes it is going to happen. All that gives me hope is Christ and the words in the Bible..but I know the grief will be too much to bear. I understand what you are thinking and the dread though.
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Avatar_f_tn
this happens to me as well. i am engaged and when my fiance doesnt text me back or answer a phone call it will cross my mind that he might have been in a car accident. and no matter how hard i try to focus on something else i will find myself waiting by the phone thinking someone from a hospital will call to tell me he is dead. its terribly crippling and he thinks i am just worrying to much but it feels to me like something deeper. does anyone know if this has a clinical name? i was also diagnosed as bipolar once, but noone believes that i am (including myself) i dont show signs of it.
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Avatar_f_tn
finally i found someone like me ...am really stressed bcuz of that issue ... i cry to sleep everynight and i even dream about it , and whenever any of my loved ones accidently talking about death it gets even worse for me ...please if anyone got help in that issue before tell me , i am in desperate need for help !!!
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Avatar_f_tn
i guess it's called necrophobia
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Avatar_m_tn
Would any of you view yourselves as Visual thinkers? I am a visual thinker and sometimes imagine the worst. I noticed that when I'm mentally occupied the thoughts of losing loved ones does not cross my mind. When I say mentally occupied, I'm talking, watching a movie, problem solving, reading...I'm 35 years old and remember having thoughts of losing loved ones at the age of 6. I would wake up crying at the thought of my Mom or Dad dying. I have gone through bouts of depression and would consider myself a very emotional person. Now when these thoughts do cross my mind I immediately try to focus on something else.
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1247613_tn?1268789291
My issue is kind of similar but way different.  I don't have a phobia of this... just a basic understanding and numbness of feelings.  I lost my sister when I was 16, we shared a room together up until the day she died, and when she died, then went her god daughter who was named after her only 2 months old, then my uncle, then my cousin, then 2 of my friends then my grandmother... and the list goes on... it seems that people just started to drop dead after her... I've become used to it.  I'm not afraid my loved ones will die... I expect them to.  

I've distanced myself from everyone I love it seems.  Some of my family members and friends are not to happy that I moved to Japan, and now I find it hard to let myself get truly close to anyone here as well.  Everyone knows everything about me because I don't feel secrets are necessary.  I don't care what anyone thinks.  I have a friend of mine, she is my roommate.  I love her, maybe more than a friend, but I didn't even think about her death until she asked me "if I died, what would you do?"

I don't know...

I suppose I would just live on...

What else can I do?
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Avatar_f_tn
I am... rather WAS scared of loved ones dying, too. I'm 13 and it was TERRIBLE. Sometimes I just felt like crying, or running and hiding. I felt dizzy just thinking of it, and the thought haunted me throughout the days.

I am very close to my mother and father... and the thought of them one day being gone was AWFUL. They didn't have me old, nor especially young, and I'd worry. Will they see me get married? Will they meet my children? I thought the world would be all gray and sad when they were gone. I thought I'd never be able to live life without them. At times I would think, how old will they be when I am __ years old. On other occasions I felt things would be best if I passed before them. Being an only child could only make things harder, and I had no religion to turn to.

Instead I turned to my parents. And they gave me the greatest advice I could have asked for. First of all, the reassured me that they were not going away anytime soon. They told me that they were healthy people; they don't smoke, they eat well, and are fairly cautious folks. Secondly, (having lost their parents) they told me that it felt strangely like they were still there. My mother, who is not a religious person, nor phony told me that she (whom had been very close to her dad) felt like he was still with her... she said she felt sometimes that I was him (having died before I was born). When my mother was a child she had the same fears, and after her dad died, yes, it was the hardest thing she had ever endured, but not nearly as hard as she had expected. She felt his presence everywhere. She felt as if he were with her at all times.

My dad told me something similar. He said that when his grandpa died (whom he was very close to), his grandpa visited him in his dreams and he, too felt his presence everywhere.

He also told me a fascinating story. When he was in his 20's his aunt was dying. He and the whole family visited her. It was very hard for everyone... but something lessened the pain. It was none other that a child-- a 4 year old child. She was (I believe) my father's Aunt's great niece. It felt, not like his Aunt's departure; instead it felt like the passing of a baton.

Your loved ones love you, too. Therefor, regardless of religion, I feel they will be with you forever. Don't worry.

I told them next of my fear of being an only child. "Don't worry!" My Mother said, "After all, I am not blood related to your father, but we are most certainly family!" My mom also told me of her step father, and how close she was to him. He was just like a father to her-- 100%, and they weren't at all related through blood.

So, thinking this, I was all very content... but even more soothed my fears.

Many people have reported entering heaven, where their loved ones were. Many more have claimed they were reincarnated. My mother, myself, says that after her father died she was watching the stars, and he was there. I know people who say their loved ones appeared in the room as they died. Nobody knows whether or not these claims have any substance. But I feel they do. I feel there has to be more. I feel that death is just a small stepping stone in the circle of life.

Good luck, hope I helped. Don't worry.
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Avatar_f_tn
I'm 18. And I have the same issue too. When I'm just sitting by myself or trying to fall asleep at night, I imagine my brothers, mom and dads faces smiling. Thinking what would happen if I wouldn't be able to see those faces again. Sometimes I even imagine them being dead already on their death bed. It makes me sad and I cry whenever nobody is at home or whenever it crosses my mind. It hurts and my chest begins to tighten. I seriously need help because to me, suicide sometimes seems to be an option.. I'm not trying to be negative, but this is how much this thought gets to me. Ill rather die first then have them die before me..
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1834890_tn?1318396850
I hope you will see my reply. I really hope. though its been 4yrs u have wrote. I am 19 now. I've been looking for some people having the problem similar to me. After a lot of difficulty i got hold of this site. I cant live in peace. i dunno if it is called anticipatory grief..the fear of loved ones dying,leaving or going away. but it is destroying my moments. my mind.. whatever i am trying to do where ever i am this fear is always there in the back of my mind.., it includes my mom my pet my dad my granny my best friend and each and everyone dear to me.. and i just cant overcome the fear. not only the fear. but there are other problems also. i have the weirdest dreams on earth. i cant sleep. sometimes i talk in my sleep and even start crying. i cannot take loud sounds. at times i run away from the place when my mother is screaming. i know i shoudn't react that way, or i have overeacted. but i cant help. there's a fear overtaking all the time. and it pisses me to death. i dont want to but i cant stop thinking about it. and i cannot explain it to any of my family member also.. since they wont take it seriously as my friend did when i told him about it.. or they wont understand. this cant be understood by anyone who is not a victim of same. some time I feel aimless, worthless. and everything around me wont have any meaning if my beloved ones are not there. i have read many suggetions but nothing worked nothing could give me satisfaction. and i can understand this is causing real harm to me. i go to depression and shout in the air and get jealous of other people that how can they be so happy! aren't they worried! i'm afraid that this may lead to a serious problem in future. as i am only 19 now i have a fast life and plans to make and dreams to fulfill. but this drags me away from my practical life. my mother gets angry people get fed up with me for the careless and abnormal behaviour of mine. i dont respond them properly, i dont care about the small requirements and others expectations in daily life. its not that i dont. but i cant.. my mind gets all haphazard by these *****.. i couldn't even write properly now. as the thoughts are overlaping inside.. sometimes i have difficulty solving simple problems, i get confused easily. and i feel like a different person each time. sometimes im timid sometimes im outspoken sometimes i care a damn while sometimes i get humiliated easily. there are mornings im afraid to get down from bed. to face people. talk to them. understand things in daily life. the moment i smile when my best friend consoles me or mom talks to me, the fear overtakes again.. what if tomorrow they are not beside me. what if they leave they die i leave or i die.. i wont feel them i wont see them anymore. who will console me then.. whats the use of the present moment then if somedays we have to go away from each other. why such a fear always in my mind in my dreams.. i dont want to face that someday ever..... anyway.. i went way too deep.. but not only this that makes my life miserable and i cant lead it just my peers do.. there are other weird things going around also. i'll write more. but somebody.. please get me some help. reply back.I'd really appreciate.. thankyou
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Avatar_f_tn
You sound like you are consumed with the fear of death instead of enjoying the here and now. As a mother and a person who has had the same fears, my daughter has had the same fears and my mother who has anxiety, I can tell you that what you are experiencing is very common - you are not alone.  It also sounds like this is really getting you down.  The first thing I suggest you do is talk - talk with you mother, talk with a telephone adviser, there are plenty of help lines available and try to maybe find a good counselor to talk to.  Often this kind of fear is known as Separation Anxiety - fear of a loved one dying and feeling as if life would be devastating without them.  I am not a psychologist, but I know myself that cognitive behaviour therapy, along with other strategies and maybe even medication will help, but mostly you need the love and support of your family and possibly your friends.  Life is too good to be missing out on it, and remember, life is short for all of us, enjoy it - go get help and start having fun instead of fear. xx
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Avatar_f_tn
I feel exactly the same way as cesar_92. Im just going on 18 and the thought of losing any of my loved ones kills me. I often think that I'de rather die before everyone else so I do not have to experience this grief. I don't know what to do and I need help :(
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1834890_tn?1318396850
hmmm.. thanx alot for the suggetion
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Avatar_m_tn
Oh my gosh, I can relate to this so much.  I literally started crying just reading this post because I have had the same experiences multiple times with my now-husband.  It is crippling for me too and I keep wondering how to let my rational mind get a grip on it.  I know it seems illogical and only for very emotional people, but I am an upper level teacher and very intellectual and it still consumes me at times.  When I was younger I worried about my mom dying.  I used to think my life would be miserable if she did and how horrible that would be.  That eventually went away by the time I was in high school.  Then those feelings came back when my husband's sister was killed by a drunk driver 2 years into our relationship.  I constantly worry that if I don't hear back from him in a certain amount of time, he could be lying dead on a road and I don't know about it.  It's to the point where when he does come home I am in tears because I feel like I got a second chance with him, as if he's back from the dead.  I know this sounds so strange.  I am a left brained person, not overly dramatic and definitely not an attention seeker.  I do mentally analyze everything and I think that is to my detriment because I get carried away with my imagination to the point that I actually feel those feelings.  I definitely want to get a hold on it because I don't want to attract experiences like that into my life by putting out that energy.  But I have to say, I already feel so much better knowing there are other people out there that feel that same way.  I have never been diagnosed with anything and honestly feel I am NOT mentally unstable in any way.  But thank you so much for sharing.
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Avatar_m_tn
I, too, suffer from this terrible, crazy kind of thinking.  I have come to believe that it is a certain kind of personality type who has more of a tendancy to think like this.  The Myers-Briggs Personality Inventory is a good tool in telling you about your personality (you can take it free at humanmetrics.com, last I checked).  Thinking in pictures  also, like tkroro said, can make it worse.  I never knew there were people who did not think in pictures until I took that test.

My therapist told me that I need to come to the reality that bad things, terrible things happen.  Every day.  Horrible things.  That is the way the world works, that is the way life is.  We cannot control anything but ourselves.  And since we cannot control anything or anyone but our own life and ourselves, we need to do the best we can to make our own, personal world the best it can be.  

He says when those thoughts come up, instead of saying, "everything is okay, everyone is fine, right now," which has been my mantra for quite some time, he says to say, "everything is not fine.  There are people all around the world, dying at this very moment, and there is nothing I can do about it.  So I may as well be at peace inside my own soul."  

I cannot say that this has helped me, but maybe it will spark someone else.  I have reverted back to my own mantra.  I also tell God that I am thankful that my loved ones are safe, and I tell myself that I do not know the path they have to follow.  It is different than mine, and if theirs includes illness or an accident or death, how can I be so arrogant as to beg the Universe to spare them from it??  Maybe that is what they need for their lesson.  I don't know, I'm just sharing my thoughts.  

My sister was diagnosed with stage 4 brain cancer in 2006 and died in 2007.  I cannot begin to tell you where my mind went during that time.  I left myself.  I felt like a screaming, writhing, tormented animal, unable to receive any consolation or relief.  During her funeral, I was not okay.  I sat there, angry vehemently angry at God for taking my sister.  Then I heard a small voice say, "It's not about you, Julie."  I was filled with an unwilling peace (I didn't want it) and felt my sister's presence around me.  The corners of my mouth made a smile, even though I still felt too empty to move or react. Then it was gone.

I've carried that memory with me all this time, and I've thought about it at length.  No, her death was not about me.  Her illness was not either.  It was about her.  It was her path, and she had to walk it.  Now, when I wake up in the middle of the night, with visions of my grown children in some horrible state of death, I say, 'all is well, right now.'  I think I will incorporate, 'it isn't about me,' to my mantra.


Hope that helps.
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1952208_tn?1334326485
If your parents are both suffering from life threatening desease, its ok to feel so but  worry all the time, could make you drope down and die. leaving them right there to bury you; then what.From the age of twelve my  mother got Asthma and everytime she got an attact. I would pray that she don't die, that went on until i was thirty three. She prayed to live to see her last child reached eighteen, She died at fifty  she spent a lot of  her time in and out of hospital. it was rear for her to be out of hospital for two weeks straight. Now my father has prostrate cancer and the process has started all over again. So instead of worrying enjoy the time you have build memories that is what will keep your going.
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Avatar_f_tn
I just started thinking about death ever since my grandfather died from cancer/ lungs drowning. Every night I try to sleep and my mind starts giving images of me dead and it freaked me out. This only happens at night and everytime I take a breath. I havent been able to talk to anybody because im too scared. I know what people will say and I dont think I need this. If anybody could give me advice on how to deal with this problem, I am only 18 years old and I also wish the world could just stay this way and we never get older. For any advice, on how to fall asleep without thinking these thoughts or how to talk about it I appriciate it very much.
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Avatar_f_tn
I am 13 and going through the same things. I have been stressing myself to the point of crying every day. My dad has cancer, my boyfriend has a disorder, and my second mom (my boyfriends mom) has many different disorders and diseases. I will cry so hard that I will start to hyperventilate. I had a nervous breakdown and a panic attack. I don't know how to stop these thoughts. I have talked to my mom and dad and they just told me that I should remain happy and think about today. I don't know what to do. I'm lost. They won't take me to a therapist because they can't afford it. They won't take me to a doctor to get me anti depressants because they said it will affect my life to much. I could get addicted, and it will make me not care when some of my loved ones really do pass. I don't know what to do anymore.
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Avatar_f_tn
First can I just say that energy can never be destroyed it just takes other forms so our energy has to go somewhere.
Also another way to look at things is that your parents can never leave you, even if they try because half of you is them. And with grandparents 1/4 of you is them. So they'll never really leave you.
I feel exactly the same. But It's not my family dieing I worried about. I worried that once they die I'll never see them again and thats what kills or killed me. But it only goes away once you replace it with happy thoughts. Every time you start thinking about something horrible like that just think of your happiest memory and hold it in your head for 30 seconds. I had extream depression about this for weeks and I promise if you practice about think happy thoughts when you get sad that it will go. Everything takes practice, so it's not like if you do it once everything will be fine. This is how I got over it. Also there is a book called Jonathon Livingston Seagull by Richard Bach I think and it explains heaven and the after life in a way that opened my eyes to what life is all about.
I learned to except that evereybody dies and that I'm not a one off. I also learned that everybody worries about this at some stage in their life, I learnt how to solve the depression and what I'm most proud of I taught myself to have faith that I will see my family in heaven and It's like having a holiday away from them. When I was worried my mum said that I shouldn't worry because we all meet up in heaven. Something that helped me was a prayer I used to say the holy prayer ever night and ask god to bless my family and friends. I never really was a real Christian until I got worried about this, so I suppose in a strange sort of way I'm grateful, because now I have the power of faith and the power to beleive which is some cases could be my greatest quality. Don't live your life saying that it can't happen always say what if. good luck to all that suffer from this and I hope it gets better! xx
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Avatar_f_tn
I am amazed that I have stubled past this site. Reading the above entries makes me feel not so alone in the way I think or feel..My Sister passed away in August 2010 and left behind a 9month old baby, who is my Nephew..Since then my feeling of being the last one in my family to leave this earth and being left all alone to deal with the pain of the losss have intensified! My Mother then passed away in March of this year. My daily thoughts consume me. I've been told I psycoanalyze (sp) situations multiple times in my life and I can't seem to help the thoughts of the distant future generally with the worst outcome of things..It scares me sometimes, I feel crazy quite often. My Dad just recently passed away 5 days ago and my world is upside down leaving me as next of kin to my 15 year old brother and my nephew who is now 2 1/2. It seems like my fears are slowly closing in..I'm sicken with stress and fear. I do agree with @tkroro I do seem to do better when busy with an occupated mind. I just realized that no one has been here since 2010. Will this ever be seen?? ***@**** if anyone does..
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Avatar_f_tn
I also have feelings of fear about not ever having another moment with the ones who have passed. That one last kiss, hug, or pat on the back among other things I will never feel the emotion of again. I have no idea what to do. If any others feel they could help with advice I would appreciate it more than you know..
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Avatar_f_tn
This can be very hard to deal with. I've had this from the age of 4 or 5. I would tell my mother I never wanted her to die. She got cancer when I was four months preg with my baby girl. They said she had 6 weeks maybe. She made it three year. I can't say this was easy to deal with but what help was my baby because she need me now. But now I deal with the fear of losing her or my husband. I feel like I would not make it though. My girl is twelve now and this fear has caused alot of problem for us. She wants to go place with friends and all I can think about is what could happen to her.  But if I don't get help in the end I will lost her, she could run away from lack of any kind of freedom. So I would get help before you lose them anyway. I hope this help someone else with this fear.
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Avatar_f_tn
This is exactly what I experience, especially at night when I need to get up early. I'm a twenty-year-old college student and go to school in another state. Whenever I don't hear from my parents that day I imagine the worst. I am paranoid that one of them is ill and won't tell me. And this probably sounds stupid, but my dog is getting old and has had quite a few health scares in recent years, and my mom and I (and all our friends and neighbors) love him so much and I'm always worried about him, especially now that I'm going abroad for four months. I'm worried that something will happen to him while I'm away, or that he won't remember me when I get back. Or that something will happen to my parents and I won't be able to get home. I really want to spend a semester in another country and I don't want this superstition and fear to prevent me from doing what I want in life.
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Avatar_m_tn
I have the EXACT same thing. I don't even have a reason to, my mom had pancreatic cancer when I was young but she survived and she's fine now, so I don't know why I do it. It's gotten worse just these last like 4 years, but every time someone I love is out, I imagine that they've been killed in a car crash or something ridiculous like that. And it means that every time I say goodbye, I imagine in my head that it could be the last time, so I say I love you a ton and even if we've just had an argument or something I feel like I have to tell them I love them just in case. And no one knows, I guess it's not that obvious, but it's so upsetting and exhausing. And I feel like I'm the only person who has it.
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Avatar_m_tn
My grandmother died a couple of months ago and since then I have been terrified about my mother. I remember my grandmother died a month and a half after her birthday, and now I'm scared that the same thing is going to happen to my mom. She's reassured me, but I am still terrified
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Avatar_f_tn
I want to say a big thank you to Ihumudumu Priest for the good work he has done in my dad's life and my

marriage. He helped my dad in his court case, a spell was cast for my dad 2days before his court case and

cause of that the judge ruled in his favor...and he also helped in reuniting i and my husband, i can't

explain how he did it i'm actually short of words. But one thing is certain he's so good at what he does, he

sure knows how to cast a real spell and the one that works. I'm so blessed by him and he can as well bless

you too, all you need to do is to contact him asap his email is ***@****
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Avatar_f_tn
Thats nt crazy i stress about suff like that to. But its nt crazy at all thats about of life
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Avatar_m_tn
All of you guys,its perfectly natural to worry about your family ,to worry about your mortality and theirs. They have been there your whole live,a constant touchstone, a safe haven, you learned the majority of what you know from them. I had this problem when I was 14 and it haunted my nights for what feels like years when I look back on it. I would sit,lie and stand in room all night and think about bursting into my parents room and blubbering it all out them. Over time I began to rationalize my fear,you must confront the fear in an analytic way and understand why you are afraid.You must start doing this now. You are not the only person who has ever felt like this it is a shared experience between every human that has ever lived. Everyone of us fears our own mortality,and this is not just where I say,live your life before its gone its not that easy. You have to take the fear and make it an attribute,it shows you are thinking about others,that you love your parents and I am probably 100% sure that any of you who have discovered this depth of self thought would give yourself so that your parents,brother,sister,child,girlfriend,boyfriend and so on could live forever. This shows you have a personality that millions aspire to have,you care. anybody that feels like they need to talk to a random person about this, I can help you get past this. My e-mail is ***@****
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5152563_tn?1364372634
I used to cry ALL the time for fear that something would happen to either my Mother or my Daughter.  I was about 30 at the time.  I would cry with my head on my Mama's knee and ask her to not leave me in this forsaken world alone.  She would just stroke my head and let me know she was there and tell me that we can't control stuff like that.  Well, that didn't make the fear go away.  I'm 51 years old now, and my Mother passed away in July of 2001.  I fell into a DEEP depression and even quit my job teaching because I just didn't have it in me any longer.  I also felt like my job (endless hours) kept me from spending as much time with her during her last 6 months as well.  After her death, I have come to realize that there is nothing we can do to stop the inevitable.  No matter what, so we just have to make sure they know how much we love them and realize that the time WILL come.  Do not push the thoughts away.  Facing the truth is what is going to help you deal with it...not only when the time comes, but also in the time you have left with them.  The only thing that really kept me from totally losing it and being strong enough to get through that touch time was my Mom's strength.  Seems crazy, but I kept her picture in my hand the entire time.  I don't think I could have faced it the way I did without holding her picture.  It's going to happen to EVERYONE we love no matter who they are.  I have found that in my realizing that I have no control in the matter, I have found peace with it.  I will be able to handle anything that comes simply because I have no choice but to look the death of my loved ones straight in the eye and say, "I understand you."  By the same token, I have no fear of my own death either.  I'm leaving all notion of religion out of this comment because it's an individual thing.  It doesn't matter what one believes when it comes down to it.  It's facing the fact that it WILL happen no matter what.  Just keep telling yourself that you will have no choice but to deal with it when the time comes.  In the meantime, give all the hugs, love and laughter you can to those who mean the world to you.  
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Avatar_f_tn
I read through everyone's comments, these heart-rending recitations of everyone's fears, and I did ache for you all.  Fear of death...it is a dark, hungry monster that wants to eat you up and rob you of the joy which God originally designed life to contain.  I guess I'll write here my personal testimony.
When I was a child, I had a similar terror of death. It became worse and worse until I reached the age of 18, even after I became a Christian. Sometimes I had nightmares.  Sometimes I was haunted with dread which didn't go away, no matter how many times I prayed.  "Jesus, please don't steal my friends and my family from me!  I need them! Dreadfully!" would echo inside me.  I'd hear of people who died in dreadful ways. I knew that Jesus is making Heaven up there somewhere, but somehow it just didn't seem real to me.  I had too much life to live.  I wanted my life, my friends, my family, my things, too much to want Heaven really badly.  And yet deep in my heart I wanted to know Jesus better too, and to somehow have the peace about death my elders had.  I saw them longing to be in Heaven, I saw them living such loving, peaceful lives.  Horrible things happened to them, yet they never stopped smiling or trusting God. I wanted to have that peace too. One night in January I sat at the foot of the cross.  Alone in my room before going to bed, I reached out to Jesus and told Him, "Take whatever you want from me.  I want to find out what it's like not to be afraid of death, and always have peace and joy.  I want to find out what it's like to have You so close by my side that I can almost touch You."
He answered my prayer. Two weeks later, something devastating took place.  I was never  the same girl again.  Like most girls of 18, there was a boy I liked. I had pinned every hope I had on him and was sure that sometime soon he would ask me.  But he asked someone else.  Something died inside me.  I lived and moved.  But inside I felt as if I'd been buried.  Two months later, a lady in my church, whose family had been particular friends with mine, died of cancer.  A month after that, someone else died of an accident.  A boy of 17 came 5 minutes short of dying of a heart attack. A little girl of 2 almost choked to death on a chicken bone. A man who had 5 children almost died of a truck accident.  He was held in the hospital for weeks, his life suspended between life and death.  Finally he regained consciousness, only to realized he would be a cripple for the rest of his life.  A young man of 24 fell 50 feet off a cliff into the ocean and died.  We lived in daily dread of the telephone ringing.  I hoped that surely December would close the year without another death.  But on the 22 of December, a lady who was close to me, like an aunt, died of heart failure at the age of 50. It was the darkest year in my life.  I hope I never have to live through another like it.  But it taught me something. In those dark days when the sun shone outside yet it was as dark as midnight fog inside us, I learned what it was not to fear death. More than once I knelt at my bed, asking God please just to let me die.  But every time, Scripture verses leapt out at me, songs stole into my heart to sooth me, and His lovesurrounded me with greater force than I'd ever known. "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for Thou art with me." "Let not your heart be troubled.  In My Father's house are many mansions.  If it were not so, I would have told you.  I go and prepare a place for you: and if I go and prepare a place for you, I will receive you unto Myself, that where I am, there ye may be also." "O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory? For death is swallowed up in victory." "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?  shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written, For Thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.  Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him that loved us.  For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." I learned too that Christ suffered much greater than any of us could ever imagine.  All the wickedness, the sadness, the terror...the greed, hate, despair, hopelessness, murder...all of it He took on Himself, who had done none of it.  Can you imagine being someone who never felt dirty inside, suddenly plunged into the darkest, dirtiest place of rejection from God that could be possible?  Can you imagine being betrayed, spit on, whipped, mocked, and tortured by the very ones who you loved and had served for all your life? Yet that is what Christ did. "He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from Him: He was despised, and we esteemed him not.  Surely He hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem Him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.  But He was wounded for OUR transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon Him: and with His stripes we are healed.  All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the Lord hath laid on Him the iniquity of us all.  He was oppressed, and He was afflicted, yet He opened not His mouth: He is brought as a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is dumb, so He opened not His mouth..." I recognized His agony in a new way, and was humbled.  He went through death, and was victorious.  In fact, the Scripture says He CONQUERED death.  Not only that, but He now "lives to make intercession for us" and to make for us "many mansions." Is this life all there is?  Are we to die and go nowhere?  It is our choice.  We must decide how we will live.  Will we be humbled, repent of the sins that killed him, and live a life of victory so that we can join Him in Heaven?  Or will we reject Him, His gift to us, and His grace, and forever be put into torment in hell? That is the truth I faced.  And I realized...He gave me THIS DAY as a gift.  I don't know what is going to happen tomorrow.  I could die soon.  Yet, if I am living before my Lord in victory, joy and peace, for others and Him instead of myself, why should I fear death?  Death is a gift too--kind of like a boat or airplane to take you across the sea.  If you had been abroad for many years, and at last could go home, would you be afraid to go on the only way possible?  No. You would jump at the chance to go.  You would be home, and everything would be right again.  That's what death is. After I realized that, my life was changed.  I still suffered.  I heard of more horrible deaths.  Not even a year ago, my own mother almost died of Sepsis, and now she is on continual monitoring to control the cellulitis and other infections that could instantaneously revive and kill her. Yet, I'm no longer afraid of death.  It is only something that happens to my body.  Nothing can touch my spirit if I am safe in Jesus.

"Shall we meet beyond the river,
Where the surges cease to roll?
Where in all the bright forever,
Sorrow ne’er shall press the soul? "
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Avatar_m_tn
I also have that fear and I also have a fear of dying before my parents. It's not because I'm scared of death for myself, I just get so sad when I think about how my mum would cope with my death. I'm 19 and don't have kids but I imagine losing a child is probably the worst feeling in the world and I just really don't want my parents to feel it.
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Avatar_f_tn
my concern is for my mom; she is dealing with health issues and is 79.  she is my only parent left.  i am so close to her.  i am 45 and have a husband and 2 kids.  i take her to all her doctor appts and we talk every day.  i don't live in the same town as her, but i am always there for her.  my brother is 51 and lives one street above her.  he is not married, never has been, doesn't have children or a girlfriend.  he has a state job and comes home from work to my mom's house to eat.  he is a miserable mean person at times.  he also has a  part time job in town and volunteers at another place.  he says that he has to have the part time job to pay his bills.  my parents  paid his hosue off and my mom gave him money to pay his truck off.  my mom buys food to make the meals for him and she buys food to make a lunch for him every day and lets his dog out when he is working. she need to go to the emergency room one day and he asked if i can take her cause he wanted to put his decorations up for Christmas.  this past time she had to go he told me he had to go to his part time work and he was already at her house.  i hardly talk to him cause he either yells or cusses at me and says he has two jobs and has to work, he tells me i don't work and i am home all day.  i chose not to work to take care of my kids.  they are 12 and 13 and he says they can take care of themselves.  i worry for my mom so much cause she says he yells at her and makes her cry and never has time to do anything at her house cause he has to work or doesn't have time to spend with her.  what to do?
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Avatar_m_tn
WOW, so many people here having the exact same issues as me, it hit home for me last night more than it ever has, My boyfriend left this morning for a Conference and last night in the shower I starting having these negative feelings and they were so intense, that when i looked at him packing for the conference I looked at him as if it were the last time id ever see him, people who do not experience these feelings could never understand what it is to feel this way. the feelings were so intense that is scares me so much now that I am on the verge of tears.

at least i am not the only one with the same problem.
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Avatar_f_tn
      I believe this is true of all of us.  We are mortal and know that we will die sooner or later.  My Mom is 94 and I hate the thought that one day she won't be here anymore.  I love her so much. -  Then I think about myself.  My health is worse than her's.  What if I go first?  
    I have to trust that God will take care of her - and I thank Jehovah God every day that he has allowed her to live the past seven years.  Seven years ago my Mom almost died from a surgery to her intestines.  Rather than think that she may go at any time (she is not sick), I thank Jehovah that she is still here.
      Eccl. 9:11 tells us that time and unforeseen occurance befall us all.  -  Something can happen to any one of us at any time.
     Rather than focus on untimely death, I try to live each moment to the full.  Squeezing every bit of love and life out of it so that there won't be any regret.
     If you feel overwhelmed with thoughts of death, remember that there is nothing we can't handle with
God's help.
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Avatar_f_tn
I am having the same problem, the constant fear of losing my mom, dad, husband, one of my children, etc...I just can't imagine life without one of these people.  I worry about my children constantly, they are 21, 21 and 18, all boys.  What if they get sick, get in a care accident, are unable to support themselves.  Part of this worrying comes from the fact that they all have certain challenges.  one was born with some medical problems (none of which are life threatening, however), one with Asperger's, one with extreme ADHD.  I can't help but think they already have strikes against them.  For the first time the other day I looked at my father and saw an old man, I never really ever thought about my parents aging until recently.  My husband works alot of hours and is overweight, I worry he is going to have a heart attack.  Even if he wasn't overweight I would find something to worry about.  I want to enjoy life while they are here, but can't seem to get past this constant worrying!  I would appreciate any tips as to how to overcome my constant worrying.  Thanks for taking the time to listen!
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Avatar_f_tn
I am having the same problem, the constant fear of losing my mom, dad, husband, one of my children, etc...I just can't imagine life without one of these people.  I worry about my children constantly, they are 21, 21 and 18, all boys.  What if they get sick, get in a care accident, are unable to support themselves.  Part of this worrying comes from the fact that they all have certain challenges.  one was born with some medical problems (none of which are life threatening, however), one with Asperger's, one with extreme ADHD.  I can't help but think they already have strikes against them.  For the first time the other day I looked at my father and saw an old man, I never really ever thought about my parents aging until recently.  My husband works alot of hours and is overweight, I worry he is going to have a heart attack.  Even if he wasn't overweight I would find something to worry about.  I want to enjoy life while they are here, but can't seem to get past this constant worrying!  I would appreciate any tips as to how to overcome my constant worrying.  Thanks for taking the time to listen!
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Avatar_f_tn
I am a VERY Visual Thinker; Since I was about 3 or 4, I have been extremely afraid of losing my mother; certain things, even when I was that young, make me feel the emotion of loss; such as watching sunsets and rain and cold, grey, windy days----I actually wondered if maybe in a past life I lost my loved ones, my mother, etc, because it is very unusual, I think, for a child so young to FEEL loss before it even happens, and to FEEL like she's already lost relatives that she hasn't in this lifetime yet lost.....I DO know that dreading losing someone daily is like experiencing loss a thousand times a day; really we only need to experience it once, but for people like us it is a daily ritual I guess:( I would love to know how to stop such thoughts and concentrate on the NOW, loving and appreciating every moment instead of thinking in the back of my mind "Well, this is wonderful but one day I'll wish I had it back when my mother dies...." Awful to go through this. You can't enjoy what you have right now if your mind is always in the future! Why can't we look happily to the future instead of thinking of the DREAD and LOSS of the future? Maybe some of us are just inclined to think that way.....I don't know:( I think some of us see soooo much beauty in things that we can't HELP but realize that it's a shame that it will all be gone someday; maybe we are able to see the Divine, deepest beauty of things and in realizing that they will be gone, we can't help but feel a DEEP depression. Maybe lots of people can't see such things, so they aren't as concerned with the loss of things so beautiful?
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Avatar_f_tn
I know what you mean; my mother had cancer TWICE in my lifetime; she is very healthy now, exercises a lot, yet it's odd; I actually fear it MORE now that I will lose her than I did BEFORE, when she HAD cancer---I have always felt fear at losing my mother, since I was a little girl; odd that during her cancer I knew instinctively that she'd be okay; I prayed a lot too; I don't know why things happen the way that they do; so much here on earth is extremely confusing and backwards-seeming.
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Avatar_m_tn
I have the same thing. You see my mom works really far away and lets just say she is not the best driver.I'm always afraid she will get in a car accident and die.The job that she does is dangerous to,so she could get shot if someone shoots her at the store.What do I do?
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Avatar_m_tn
Im 100 and im.worried bout my parents dying. My husband 102 had a heartatacck and is in the hostpial. I just had  kid and hopeing ill live long anof to see it have its 100 birthdasy.  So dont be stupid. God has it all. My husband at his age im not  worried. I jog 10 miles a day. I dont worry ill die. Its fine when your 3 but now your jut dumb.
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Avatar_m_tn
GOD loves you.  That is enough.....may not feel like it, but it is!  Jesus said not to worry in this life....HE said "which of you by worrying can add any inches to his life?....Or which of you through worry can change one hair white or black?"...the point being that worry and stress are fruitless and serve no purpose other than a trick or tactic by the dark one to destroy your mind.  Christ through the Apostle Paul said the "devil goes about as a roaring lion seeking who he can devour."  Don't let this be you!
You have the strength to get on your knees and Pray this Prayer...."LORD Jesus, I know you died for me, I know you rose again.  Through this truth allow me to live in Joy.  In Your Name, Amen"

God Bless...I will be Praying for you
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Avatar_n_tn
Thank you for this!!
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Avatar_n_tn
But wont the memories just hurt? I think the memories will hurt so bad :(
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Avatar_n_tn
This used to happen to me, it still does but not before bed because now while lying in bed trying to sleep and a disturbing thought comes into my head I repeatedly remind myself that now is not the time to worry about it and I will think about it tomorrow. It works really well for me, however I still have trouvle through the day.
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Avatar_m_tn
I'm in the same boat dealing with the same thing on a daily basis. I'm 26 as well, except it also includes my husband and daughter. I lost my brother 2 months ago so that makes it horrendous!!!
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Avatar_m_tn
This is an old post but I see I'm not psycho. Others have these same fears. I have a37 year old son. I almost lost him 3 times when pregnant and when he was 4 from a misdiagnosed ruptured appendix that dr. thought was flue and if I hadn't known my son's pain levels I would not have taken a more aggressive approach the doctor. I love him so much; he's only real family I have since daughter older than he and two grandsons-hers-are back east and distant. I know when I'm around him I'm happy and i have concluded from my own sorrowful past that these are negative thoughts. Because I'm not suppose to be happy (childhood negative messages) and loving him making me happy goes against subconscious programming. Thus my mind  tells me he will die and want to say he should die when I know my heart would stop if he does. This is haunting and like a curse I cant seem to shake and oddly, I never have these thoughts about my daughter who treated me with contempt and worse or her sons who only called when they wanted something. I also fight this daily and it's my own private hell constantly living with this fear.
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Avatar_m_tn
I'm 24 and have had this on and off for years. It doesn't sound anywhere near as bad as yours. I do, however, see that it tends to get worse with age. What helps me is distracting myself with some dumb show. The more distracting the better.
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Avatar_f_tn
Glad to see I'm not the only one. I'm 17, and I had quite the bad past. I'm not going to go into every single detail, but  my best friend, mother, and grandmother all died in a one month time range. I used to live with my mom and grandmother, and my best friend lived a couple houses down. After this happened I stopped talking to everyone except my brothers and sister for a while. We were all adopted and put into a new home, and several years later I've matured up a lot. I started to get these thoughts every once in a while, and then it progressed from there. And now it's come to the point on when I'm not talking to anyone I'll think about the people I love dieing, and it would always be a different situation, different outcome, and how I would handle it. I've kept myself from getting close to others. Its a scary thing. I wish all of you luck with your thoughts. Stay strong for your loved ones
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Avatar_m_tn
Hi, I have the exact same problem as you. It is mainly my mum i am worried about and i cannot stop worrying about it. Because i can't stop worrying about it I then get worked up thinking maybe i can tell the future which sounds silly but things like when i have a song in my head and then it comes on the radio makes me worry so much more. It sounds ridiculous but i am terrified because my mum is the most important person in my life and i am so scared. I don't really know what to do!
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Avatar_m_tn
hi, i am so glad i have read what you have said! i get the same exact thing! I worry and worry and i feel like my only solution is suicide. But then i think it would kill my family if i died and i don't know what to do because when it happens i can't function. and the fact that i am thinking this makes me think that what if i am foretelling the future but i think it's just anxiety but I am frightened and I am scared that i will end up committing suicide.
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Avatar_m_tn
Yes, I know what you mean.  I can remember as a boy, sitting at my schol desk in a music lesson, and breaking my heart, the beautiful music reaching my soul, wondering how my parents would eventually die, and imagining the scenarios whichever of them died first, how my life and especially the life of my remaining parent would be so changed from the happy life we had.  I'm an only child and think I have always felt a responsibility for everything to be alright, always, between the three of us.  I had friends, but now loking back, our lives revolved around one another, no neighbours, not even many relatives, and none of them close except my mum's mum.  My parents fibbed to me that they were younger than they actually were and I remember the shock (at around 12 years) of finding out that mum was in her early 50's and dad in his 60's, instead of the perpetual 33 and 43 that they always said they were!  I was horrified, it sounded so old to me and although it probably didn't start my feelings of their impending demise, it certainly moved my thoughts up a gear.  
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Avatar_m_tn
I'm in my early 20s. I have these thoughts/fears also, and I'm glad I'm not alone. Typically these thoughts can be about anyone - ranging from parents and sibling and pets, and even about people I've spoken to often online. I've had this fear of loved ones dying since around mid-high-school, but today for some reason I felt it very, very intensely (which is rare), to the point where it made me start crying. I'm afraid that the intensity means that it will happen. Even when someone's birthday is coming up, I think, "Oh no, they're already __ years old, which means they're probably __% through their lives and only have __ much to go". Heck, even on my own birthday, I'm reminded of how my family, pets and I are all a year older...

I'm not sure, but I think I have awful thoughts everyday or so - even when I'm out shopping or whatever with someone I'm close to. I'll start thinking, "Well, better enjoy this moment, because it could be the last time that __ and I visit this place", "One day you'll look back on this day as a memory of spending time with __", etc.

I'm not a social person either, quite shy actually. It's pretty much impossible for me to form connections with people - so the thought of losing someone that I'm close to terrifies me. I'm terrified of how drastically my life would change if I lost someone close to me, not to mention, how I would never see them ever again or be able to re-live those memories.

At the same time, even during these thoughts, I realize there's nothing I can do, that certain things have to happen according to God's plan, and that it's best to enjoy the moment while it's there. But I have trouble with not worrying. I saw in someone else's comment that they would think of something happy for 30 secs. when they started to have these thoughts, and that it helped (takes time though), so I should def. give that a try. Welp, thanks for reading this long post.
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Avatar_m_tn
Nice to not feel alone. I've been this way since birth and at least for me it has gotten better (to a degree). I remember being 5 or 6 and getting up at 6am everyday for months on end continuously yelling to my father " I love you, I love you" as he'd drive off to work just in case I never saw him again.
     I do have OCD and this does contribute to the problem and is also part of the reason I've never really been able to create and keep long term relationships and friendships. I'm now 38 and have pretty much spent the past 20 years by myself slowly losing contact with any friends I once had. Don't get me wrong I do love my family (probably too much) but have found it to be safer for my sanity to not get too close to anyone.
     This can be a lonely existance for some and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone else. I have found it has worked for me in the past but barely. Recently I have been feeling like I am missing out on too much life has to offer and am gradually taking steps to mend relationships I have let slip away.
     Feel bad for my parents as my two brothers are just like me though I can feel a change coming soon ( I hope).
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Avatar_f_tn
I used to have dreams about my kids dying, then I found out what that dream meant, it meant that I have a very close relationship with my kids. I dont have those kinds of dreams anymore.

Try listening to some relaxation music,  it does help.
good luck to you all. And if any of you would like to add me to your friends list please do so
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9118730_tn?1401804252
I understand how you feel as we all fear that. But you must also remember that you have a life to live and a responsibility to be the best person you can be. Death is inevitable and we will all go through it. Worrying about it would only be a waste of time as it is something that we won't be able to control. Instead, make the best of your time with all your love ones.
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