I know I'm blocking all this to get through the holidays ............

[ChitChatNine]

& I am really pushing myself to go out and do shopping and plan dinner for Xmas day, etc., but I also know that if I let myself go off-guard & feel my emotions, I really am a nervous wreck about this whole thing.  Now isn't that stupid given all the knowledge and support and friends I have on this board and at home!!!

If I look @ it in true perspective w/o blocking my emotions, I'm all full of ups/downs/uncertainties and JUST WANT IT TO BE OVER so I can go open the next chapter in my life no matter what that chapter will be.

So, I guess it is ok to block the whole thing and not think about it unless I choose to think about it .. I am trying to really "get into" the holidays but in doing so I am noticing I am blocking this whole thing bcz if I don't block it, I am finding a touch of depression assoc. with it .. the highs of the holidays and the lows of dealing with this stress of the unknown is causing conflict so I've decided to block it entirely and ENJOY THE HOLIDAYS and readdress my true feelings after January 1st.

Hope you ladies don't mind me jibbering away .. I've had a glass of wine and writing down my feelings helps me alot.

Did you all go through these ups and downs before your surgery?

I am going to push the Post button now or else I may whimp out and not post this (hee hee hee) ... :0

Cheryl

[venora]

Sis you are not alone.And as in Tom Pettys word,"the waiting is the hardest part"AND it certainly doesnt help that we are going through this during the holiday season.
I say we have an online reunion next year when we are feeling good and healthty and we will be stronger and more beautiful than ever.
And girl take those meds.Thats what they are there for.Take it from one bi polar granny who didnt use to want to take them.
Hugs Venora

[ChitChatNine]

A Huge THANK YOU is from the bottom of my heart.  So glad to see I'm not alone ...................And, yes, stuffing this **** into a shirt may lead to unexpected outbursts or misdirected anger so I will be careful to let some feelings creep back in before Xmas so I can process this stuff.  (Recall the meltdown at the Endodontist a few weeks ago when he said root canals & I cried so hard!!!! ... update: had a 2nd opinion at the request of my dentist and most likely this first guy was "Endodontal Happy" and I only need 1 more root canal [scheduled for tomorrow & finished up 1/4] and do NOT have an abscess on the back tooth.  Both 2nd opinons feel it is a sinus pocket I've had for a very long time!!! This is GREAT NEWS!!!).  My dentist had an older x-ray that showed the black spot on the x-ray and he is the one who suggested I go for another opinon!!!!  YIPPEE!!!

I have some "happy pills" otherwise known as Ativan that are scripted for me and I have on hand .. I use them sometimes for PMS anxiety .. I took them for 2 weeks when I first heard the FNA results but haven't needed them since for symptoms since I've been blocking .. hmmmmmmmmmmmmm .. so I guess I better decide the healthier way to deal with this blocking vs. meds & if I continue to block I will end up with PTSD after the surgery when I am supposed to be healing!!!!!!!!

I am in stitches (no pun intended) about it being pre-stress disorder (cannot recall exact wording) ... now that is funny and when I feel down I think of that remark ROTFLOL!!!!!!!!!

Cheryl

[MJ13]

Chitchatnine

Fear of the unknown can be the worst kind of fear.  Just know you're not alone.  I found out in September I had something wrong with my thyroid. I am the world's least impatient person when I have to wait to find out something.  The waiting for all the test results, the fear of having someone come at my neck with a needle, fear of losing my job..the list runs on and on... was driving me crazy. What has helped me get through it all from finding out I had a thyroid disorder, getting a TT 6 days ago, finding out after the fact that it was cancer, was a great support system, to include my very large family, dear friends, and my new friends here at this website (OH, and some "happy" pills!!)  Especially my friends here....the information I have learned on this website really helped me know some of the things to expect.  I hope me sharing the story of my recent hospital stay for my TT will help others learn more about thyroid disorders.  So feel free to vent to us...we're here to listen and ask away with any questions you may have.

[lilbrit]

I know exactly how you feel...but utahmomma is right....the more you hold it in, the worse it is coming out. I don't blame you in wanting to hold on to the holidays and get into that mood. I've been trying to do this myself. I honestly CANNOT believe Christmas is this coming Monday. It's not as exciting this year, and with good reason for all of us. We just have to grin and bear it, and do the best we can for ourselves. I've been trying to be in the holiday spirit for my little ones, but it's hard for me. It's hard for all of us.

It will be okay. It's also okay to not be in the Holiday mood. Don't worry about what others think, you just be selfish and think about you!!! :P

This is a great site for help. It's really helped me through. I've finally gotten somewhere but it's taken me a long time to get to where I'm going. Hang in there and know that we are all here to help!!

Hugs to Cheryl and everyone!!! Much Love!!

[utahmomma]

Yeah, I went through that too for both thyroid surgeries, the ovarian removal (which I was sure was cancer) and the RAI.  It's kind of like a mild case of PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) - but I think this is *pre*TSD.  Anyway, blocking it and ignoring it won't help it go away.  All you are going to do is manage to hold it down until a very inappropriate moment (trust me on this - I've either started screaming or crying at very inappropriate times because of this).  

It's okay to be scared crazy - it's normal.  It's also okay to admit you are depressed, I'd be worried if you didn't.  It's also okay to ask your doctor for an anti depressant or anti anxiety medication.  

Here's an idea, tell your family you would like gift certificates for massages, bubble baths, etc. for Christmas.  

Meanwhile, run a hot bubble bath and cry.  Put in a sad movie and cry (Steel Magnolias works well).  Have a glass of wine (okay, another) and post away!  Just let some of it out because, trust me, it will find its way out somehow.

Hang in there.  Post away to all of us!!