I just got off the phone with my 5yr old step son and my heart is simultaneously breaking while feeling so full of love it could burst.
His mom let me know he was very upset by my sudden absence, and worried about if I was ok wherever I am.
So I called, and the unconditional love, he poured out, and genuine concern for me was absolutely humbling, and pure positive expression of compassion.
He wanted to come home, not for the fact that his dad is "sick, and doesn't feel good" but because in his heart I'm his other mom an we are all one family unit, and belong together.
He kept saying things like, "are you sad? I don't want you to feel sad anymore" , "I don't want my dad to be sick anymore", "when are you coming home?" , "I love you", "Are you staying at a nice place", and a million other things, that is expressions of emotional maturity far beyond his age.
I promised him his mommy and I were working on finding medicine for his dad, and right now the best medicine that he could give his dad was to keep showing him how much he loves him.
Though it was only a 20 minute phone call, it did what months of therapy could never achieve in healing my soul.
I'll die before I let that little boy down, by not doing every humanly possible thing to heal myself and help his father to become the emotionally and mentally stable person he is capable of achieving. I cant control my husbands decision on divorce or not, but I can work on my own health while he decides, and I can try to show him by example and sharing any knowledge I find on the many healthy path options for emotional health.
I'm not goin to let myself or that beautiful child ever again by tolerating destructive behavior in myself any longer....will I stumble every once and awhile? Of course, but will I then decide **** it I can't do anything right? Never again!the only question now is how the hell do I keep that promise, and where to start?
Wow Im so glad that hearing from your step son is helping you feel detirmined to get better. Thats really good you have a reason to feel inspired to get yourself well. Just keep in mind do it for yourself too. Not just for him. For both of you.
I dont know if you see a theropist but if you do that should be something you talk to him or her about. And tell them you really want to get better. If you dont have one you should find one. They can tell you the steps to take because I dont know.
Also seeing a mental health doctor is a good idea too.
Also if you have some offline support like friends and family who can chear for you and that you can talk to about things as well. Its very good to have a support system that can be reached during hard times or if you feel like giving up.
Of course online support helps too if you like to do that sort of thing. But if you have real life support its better then online. But theres no reason you cant have both.
Good luck on the road to getting well. Just keep thinking about you and your step son.
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