3 Yr old daughter comfirms molestation worries!!

[missi042]

I was married about 4 years ago to a wonderful man who is 10 years older than me and who had a 10 yr old son at the time. He was diagnosed with adhd and bipolar with autistic tendancies. I was prepared to deal with that and take him on as my own. He took to me quite easily since his biological mother lived out of town and didn't come often.
There was an incident with a neighbour of ours at the time who said that my stepson, joey, was caught taking a diaper off of there little girl in the backyard of there house. The police were called but there were no charges laid. My husband took it incredibly hard and questioned joey over and over and got the same answer out of him, which was obviously no. over much time since nothing came of it and since there were no other occurances, it was eventually forgotten about....by my husband... when that happened i was currently pregnant with my daughter who is now 3 years old.
  After my daughter was born other incidents happened that were questionable that kept me on edge. nothing that my husband couldn't chalk up to adolescent curiosity, that he was handling inappropriately due to the adhd...sounds like a pretty logical explanation. one of the incidents that occured was that i woke up to my daughter screaming in the livingroom scared and alone(she was still sleeping in my room). She was a little over a year old at the time. i always closed my door when going to bed, because i had gotten a little paraniod about her safety after multiple incidents occured of the same nature.  how did she open the door herself? and how so i didnt hear her? these were the questions going through my head, along with many others.
  I brought up my concerns to joeys psychologist who gave me no advise accept to educate him on appropriate and inappropriate sexual behaviors, as if to imply that he was just curious. i was a little insulted that my concerns about my daughters safety were downplayed. which made it that much harder for me and my husband. I wanted an eye on them at all times and he made me seem like i was over protective. thanks to the professional!!!
  About 10 months ago i woke up to go to the bathroom and checked on my daughter as i always do! and found that her pull-up was ripped on one side. i picked her up and brought her into bed with me because i was concerned as usual! when we got up in the morning i asked her what happened to her "night time panties" and she replied that joey was tickling her. When i asked her where she pointed to her bum. i immediately started balling and phoned my husband. I told him i was leaving to my moms until he was gone, so he left work immediately to watch me take the bag i packed for me and his little girl and leave. He was crying he was so upset. He immediately called social services and  we have been jumping through hoops with boys homes ever since.
  All of my fears were realized that day and i consider it the worst day of my life so far. It has put a huge strain on my husband and I.
  I am thankful that it didn't get much farther than tickling...however i will never believe that that day was the first time it ever happened. and I will never know everything that happened when i was sleeping or working a night shift. I am still hurting over this and it has made me even more protective with other kids and her other cousins.
  I received counselling for a few months which seemed to help a little bit but i will never forgive or forget. it has been 10 months and i still don't call him or see him. and neither does my daughter!!!!
  

[missi042]

  when i left i was gone for a month. My husband took the necessary steps to make it right for everyone. when he phoned social services they also stepped in and said that the best thing for him is to be moved to a home for troubled youth so he can get some counselling. he was deemed by them a high risk, to not only my daughter, but to anyone 12 and under and also himself. He is currently living in a place called ranch ehrlo and is going to school and doing his therapy there as well. Our marriage has definitely suffered some. it's hard because the trouble isn't with our relationship but there is this huge thing weighing down on us sometimes.
  My dad used to take him out for coffee to give my husband a break, but a few months ago, joey ran away from school and broke into there house to do some inappropriate things. i won't get into details but it was bad. Since than my parents haven't spoken to him but they wish him well.
  I gave birth to my son about 7 weeks ago and i prefer to focus all of my energy on my kids at this point. the lady who is doing joeys therapy wants me to come in and tell joey to his face about how this made me feel and i dont think i will be ready for that for awhile.
  I'm sorry to hear about the autism diagnosis!...i work as a care aid here in canada. so i sometimes work with adults with autism and other special needs. They are remarkable human beings! I really love working with them! when was he diagnosed? do u do pretty much everything yourself? or do u have help?

[melipops]

No our boy has autism and is 14 he wouldn't even think of it. He doesn't have bipolar and adhd though. Please remember this is not your fault. This is such a hard problem because it usually involves family and people we have put so much time and energy into. It's very sad for you all. I think you would be best off to believe she will forget it. I personally believe she will. Thank the stars it didn't go any further. Are you living back with your husband now your stepson has moved out? Pregnant as well how does this bode for your marriage? You should try to be really positive about this matter for your new baby's sake. You have a lot on your plate are your parents good about it all?

[missi042]

thank you for your feedback! I have been so lost. luckily he is getting therapy out of our home. my husband still sees him at least once a week. It is extremely hard for me to even talk about him with my husband. I have had so much built up anger for so long. I am constantly waiting for peace. He is still having some issues where he is and i prefer to stay out of it completely. although he has some issues, it is hard for me to think of those problems as the cause for what he did. i have done much research on everything that he was diagnosed with and nowhere does it say this can occur. I worry she will remember this as she gets older. we were told not to talk to her about what happened but to educate her on what is considered good touch and bad touch.
   on top of it all 2 days after all of this happened i found out i was pregnant. which was probably a blessing in disguise.

[melipops]

Hi, This is a terrible situation. I feel for you. I think you were so brave. I'm glad you waited till your suspicions were confirmed. It is sad because the son has obviously got issues and he may not have known the full extent of his actions. I'm not excusing him I'm just saying it might make you feel better towards him. I think you did the right thing in leaving. I hope in time you never forget but you can put this behind you and you can get on with your life. Take care and Good Luck