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Avatar universal

Abusive boyfriend

I don't really know what to do.. My boyfriend has hit me every so often in the last few months.. Pulling my hair punching my head slapping my face.. I got an abortion a few months ago for the first time and ever since then I've been so depressed.. My boyfriend always blames it on me and calls me names.. Ever since then he's being really hostile towards me.. I'm not an angel I've done some deceiving things to him but I just feel so distressed.. I can't leave him because he's threatened to tell my family about the abortion.. I also want to try and work things out because I almost had a baby with him.. Most of the time he's very nice with me tells me he loves me but there are times he's really bad.. We talked about this issue yesterday and he seemed to understand that it was wrong.. Can guys change this behaviour?
13 Responses
Avatar universal
Sometimes guys can change, but not without professional help unfortunately. If you really want to work it out with him I would suggest maybe counseling and/or anger management. Idk from personal experience, just have seen a lot of family members go through domestic abuse and even though he might know its wrong and promise you he will change, he's not going to be able to do it on his own. Good luck hun..
535822 tn?1443980380
Well you really cant be blackmailed by this man I think you should tell your family about the baby, there are no excuses for him, you will be very sorry if you stay and the child you may have in the future will also witness abuse and he may abuse that child. you have only one sensible option ...Leave him .
757137 tn?1347200053
I agree with margy. The abortion is no big deal and a high proportion of women choose that solution. So tell your parents. And tell them about the abuse. But, first and foremost, get rid of this bum.
535822 tn?1443980380
Oh I wasnt saying abortion is no big deal, for me it would be as I am pro life...sorry if there was a misspeak ..but You Lonlygrl dont need this loser ..dump him  
3060903 tn?1398568723
No baby deserves to have a daddy beating on it's mother. Your baby's soul is in heaven waiting for you to find a real man that can be a real dad and a real husband to you. Make haste my friend, and find your real path, this was a diversion, your best life awaits you, just around the bend. Think about it, how bad are you going to let it get before you admit he doesn't know how to love a woman?
Avatar universal
I'm so happy for all of these comments.. Thank you all for your time to respond to me so quickly and for your non judgemental comments.. I have a lot of things that I have to work on but this was a step.. To be able to talk to someone. Sadly I don't have many friends and live in a country with people I barely know. Hopefully my life will change for the better and just get a chance to focus on my studies. Again I really appreciate you all for the support you have given me
Avatar universal
  I'm sorry but no he will not change, he will get worse and if you do have a child with him he will abuse your child too, to hurt you. You may be a lonlygirl but trust me you aren't that lonely. Do you really want a man who has to blackmail you to keep you? Men who beat on women don't change,  You must love yourself (and any babies you may have in the future) enough to say NO! to abuse, and then like you said, concentrate on your studies to make your future a bright one. I pray that you never let this or qny mqn beat on you again. You are worth much more than that honey!
Avatar universal
I was in your situation before but worse. I had an abortion that my family knew and were upset but understood situation. Unfortonately I ended up pregnant again after cause he made me feel bad about it. I had a son with him and the abuse got worse for me and then to the baby. He is now in prison for hurting us and I would recommend you ask for help to get out before it gets worse. I tried change him and did counseling/ anger manage but you can't force someone change if they don't want to or not ready to. I hope everything works out for you.
Avatar universal
We haven't talked in a week so this is a huge step.. I feel a lot better but I'm just so miserable being in this city... He made me hate it and I just want to leave.. I'm thinking about transferring to a different university in a different city because I can't take not having any friends or a good life here.. I feel so trapped and alone
Avatar universal
ye know if you do transfer to a different university..is that such a bad thing to get away from him and start you life over..the fact your in university and can actually have the option to go to another says everything..your intelligent,and deserve so much better..your young and have everything to look forward to in life...you have options..take them options..dont get stuck in a life you dont want to be in...move on and live your life...
Avatar universal
Be strong dont go back. .
Avatar universal
when did he start doing this? just after u had the abortion? doesnt really matter cuz that is not an excuse at all...i dont know where to begin..i have dated a guy long ago when i was about 14 who was abusive towards me. when he was mad he would punch me all over the body except for the face..once he ripped my hoodie completely off my body..he's chocked me and many other things. abusive behaviour is usually a mental problem seriously! i even found out my boyfriend at taht time had a mental illness, bipolar and schizophrenia. which is really bad. once someone is abusive more than likely they wont change that type of behaviour, usually just gets worse over time! i stayed with him for almost a year until finally grew the balls to leave him! i just stopped talking to him completely and he eventually left me alone, he would threaten me also with things. it was the best decision i ever made! honestly my advice to u, u need to get out asap! it could get so bad that it could threaten ur life! not kidding!!!! he says he loves u..but im sorry a real man who loves his girlfriend would never lay a hand on her! EVER!! doesnt matter what u do to **** him off! it is wrong and he knows its wrong but most likley he just is a controlly angry person or has mental issues..either way u need to get out of that relationship!! i promise u it wont get better! it doesnt matter if he gets help or goes to counselling! ive known so many ppl to go through this and it never gets better!!!!!!! and who cares if he threatens u to tell ur parents about the abortion!! u should tell ur parents about the abuse! and if u tell them about the abuse and he ends up getting mad and telling them about the abortion, i dont think ur parents are going to give a crap about the abortion once they heard he is abusing u! they are going to put their focus on that because that is extremely an important issue! im sure ur parents wouldnt put up with that or would want u to put up with it! u can do so much better and get an actual man who does love u and wouldnt hurt u in that way! u need to open ur eyes and use common sense! think about it its not worth it, its going to make u unhappy and depressed and its just going to get worse and it could get so worse that it is almost near impossible to get out! u dont want that to happen! my relationship got so bad he would threaten me if i would leave him, he said he would beat the **** out of me and possibly kill me! what really drew the line was he was so mad at me that he squeezed my hand so hard at school! that i cried and ran to the bathroom! it even left a bruise and it was caught on the school camera! he got kicked out for that and thats when i just stopped talking to him..i ignored his phone calls and changed my number and told my grandma (who was raising me) what happened! i dont know what ever happened to him..and i never seen him since! if u dont get now u will be in danger down the road! plz get out and find someone else or jsut enjoy the single life! no man is worth your tears, and the ones who are wont make u cry!
Avatar universal
I don’t know if anyone will see this but I thought I would give it a try.. I wanted to thank each and every one of you who reached out during this very difficult and dark time for me. It truly was hard and extremely lonely. You all were the only support I had.

Just to let you guys know, since this post, I’ve gotten rid this guy and moved to Los Angeles where I am now a paralegal working for one of the biggest companies in the world. I’ve made new memories and lots of friends and have had lots of laughs. I’ve explored and traveled to different countries and even experienced a healthier relationship.

If any of you out there are still struggling in abusive relationships just like I had, please stay strong and remember there is hope and there is still a bette life for you out there-you just have to be strong.  

Again.. wanted to thank you all because if it wasn’t for your support, I wouldn’t be here. You are all truly amazing.
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