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Avatar universal

At a loss

Ok so my fiance and I have been together for 5 years.  He has 4 children (2 girls ages 7,10 and 2 boys 12,15) from a previous marriage who are for the most part, good kids. Myself, I have no kids but we all get along great and for the most part, are a well blended family.  We found out a couple months ago that the 2 boys had been humping the 2 girls and cumming on them at night for about 4 years...basically since the time he divorced his wife and left the home.  My love was destroyed...his only goal in life was to keep his kids as innocent as long as he kid and safe forever.
So when this all happened we were in shock of course and the mother decided it was best to report the situation to the state.  All the kids are in counseling and the oldest son now lives with us since his case is the more serious one. The problem is this...I cannot forgive the situation.  I think it is intolerable and inexcusable.  I reek of hate and animosity whenever I am around him. The kid in all ways is actually a good kid.  He is easy going, does well in school, listens (for the most part) and has a happy outlook towards life.  
I should say here I was molested by my step father.  He touched me successfully once and I made precautions till I moved out soon after at the age of 17 that it did not happen again even though there was several other attempts.  It has impacted a big part of my life as much as I tried to ignore it.
Now, I don't know if the animosity I have now towards this situation is because of my experience or because I don't think the situation is resolved.  I feel like yes the threat to the girls is gone, the other boy still lives with the mother but there are alarms and actually cameras in the hallways of the home because of CPS.  The one that lives with us does not spend the night in the same house as the girls.  But I feel like everything has just been blown over... to me he never shows true remorse or even embarrassment over the situation.  He laughs and jokes like life is great.  To me, since this only happened 4 months ago, he should be more humble and remorseful acting.
His dad doesn't help.  He is so happy to have his son living with him instead of only seeing him every other weekend that he doesn't see things as he should.  
I don't know why I can't forgive this or even be an adult and at least be civil.  I can't look the kid in the eye or even hold a one on one conversation with him unless I am reprimanding him for something.  My behavior is hurting his dad and it is the last thing in the world I want to do or keep doing.  He says he is in counseling and that will help him..I think the whole story hasn't been told...like why did they think it was ok? He is old enough to know that humping his sister is disgusting, let alone to do it for 4 years?  He has not said anything about anyone abusing him but blames curiosity and hormones.  I feel like I am never going to be able to forgive him or let it go.  I hope someone out there can help me come to terms with this situation because I feel like my anger is only getting worse.
2 Responses
8976007 tn?1413330650
so sorry you are dealing with this.  i would feel exactly the same way as you.
the first thing i would do is seek counseling for you.  you need to figure out if this is something you will ever be able to at least accept and if it is not, then how to leave.  

that is not normal behavior and i would bet that something did happen to them at some point in their lives.  not that it makes it ok, just some place to start.
Avatar universal
OP, I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I know this all must be very confusing for everyone.

It sounds like you may need to talk with a counselor yourself. This has clearly opened up some old wounds in you and if it's effecting your relationship with your soon-to-be husband, I think it would be best to be proactive.

I'll be praying for all of you today. It sounds like the kids are getting the help they need to at least begin to work through this. Thank God you guys didn't just slap them on the wrist and move on with life! Hang in there.

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