Could it be molestation?

[Worried737]

I have worries that my daughter may be being abused by my husband. There is no real proof and she can't exactly tell me. She is only 2 years old. Since October of last year I have left her with my mother when I go to work. She has always been ok, just a little upset when I leave. But...3 months ago she started panicking every time I would leave her. This stressed me out, made me cry because I didn't know why. Now at those times my husband would pick her up from my Mom's house and be home alone with her until I got off work, which was 2 to 3 hours later. Well when he would pick her up, my mom says she would throw a fit and not want to go with him. Before 3 months ago this didn't happen. When he tries to kiss, hug, or play with her she pushes him away. I ended up quitting my job last month to be home with her. Then I noticed when he would come home from work she would be happy he was home but, she would run if he tried to pick her up or give her a kiss. She would get mad if he persisted. He is the only person she does this to. She has many people in her life, male cousins, male uncles, her grandpa and grandma, and a couple of aunts. She will go and play with any of them including me but gets irritated at him. It never used to be like that. I thought maybe it was terrible two's cause she gets more mad now but I don't know. If she sleeps with us she wakes up through the night, really irritated. Also, she won't go to the store with him by herself. If she has to she screams and panics, reaching for me. Then about a week ago I was on the computer and I heard her cry... I jumped up immediately and went into her room. When I got in there he was already holding her, I didn't hear him go in there. I heard him come out of the bathroom, heard the creak on floor, I thought he went to bed. The thing is he never goes to her when she cries, so i was very surprised and worried. He never used to wanna take her to the store or have me leave her if I left. Now all of sudden, he wants to. Doesn't if sound fishy? At this point I feel stupid cause it all sounds bad, but I know that accusations against a person, if there not true, can ruin them. She also started complaining a couple months ago that her Vagina and her butt hurt. Half my life I was molested so I didn't want to touch her down there to make sure she was ok. But 2 days ago she was complaining a lot so I made sure my sister was in the room and I kinda looked. She had a rash, she is potty trained so I thought maybe it's from the panties. I took her to the hospital the said it looks like an irritation, but to trust my instincts. OK, can express my worries all day long so I should stop now and wait for and answer. One more thing...if i tell him I don't want to have sex he waits until he "thinks" I'm asleep. In the morning when I ask him if we had sex, he tells me no. Anyways can someone give me some advise.  

[Michele, Katy, TX]

I have 4 daughters and they all ADORE their father and we argue plenty.  So, to me, that doesn't mean that nothing has happened.  It just doesn't seem like a child would reject her father.

I am not a doctor, of course.  I just know how my daughters react to their father so that just doesn't sound normal to me.

Good luck

[tamtam504]

I would try to ask her even if she is only two.If she gets that upset and leads you to believe this may be the problem maybe she will be able to say why she does not like him holding or touching her. By the reactions of her being upset she knows excactly why give her the benifit of doubt ask her. I hope this helps you and god bless you and your family.

[treazzure007]

you are truly ....different.  reading everything you've written about you and your husband's relationship sounds like you two are strangers.  that counseling may help but i truly think that you have the problem within yourself

[Worried737]

The reason she didn't want to go to my husband was cause of the fights, sorry.

[Worried737]

We all saw a counselor about a week ago. The counselor did little tests with dolls and stuff, she decided my daughter was fine. She had us explain our relationship from the beginning. She said that because every time we got in an argument I was the one holding my daughter, I would not let go because I was scared he would take her forever. I know know it sounds stupid but she said that I always get ready for the worst before anything happens. I am sorry for making accusations against my husband. We signed up for more counseling sessions. The sex during sleep, he said sorry, he said he didn't know how I felt about it. I should have been more open with him about my feelings, I realized in the past week, thanks to the counselor, that I never really knew him very well, same with him. I let him come home, things have been totally different and I see it all in a different light now. I took her to our regular doctor and found out she had a rash in the vaginal area because of not being cleaned enough. I now know that I have to get rid of my uncomfortableness and take care of her better. I feel stupid! I should never have thought the things I did. Thank you all of you, for your insight.

[Alison2587]

I think you have every right to be concerned about your child, and I would trust your gut instinct, I also understand you not wanting to touch your childs private parts. My son is 2 and I still find it very difficult to change him and bath him because I was abused as a child, and I feel like I shouldn't be touching him there. I know that its irrational because I am his mother and would never hurt him, but it all stems from my own abuse. I think if you have concerns they will not simply go away. Also, if your husband is waiting until he thinks you're asleep then having sex with you, he is in effect raping you. Many people don't see rape in marraige as a crime but rape is rape no matter what the circumstances. If he does things to you, that you did not consent to then its rape. I would ask a doctor to examine your child. It may be unpleasant but you need to know if something is happening to her. If she is clearly distressed everytime she sees her father then red flags go up. In any case, it is clear you do not trust your husband, and without trust a relationship is over. I do hope things work out for you and your family.