Aa
Do not want to remember
I so hate to think about my past, at first I used to let people in and tell them but at that moment when my depression hits and seems it wasnt triggered by anything it's a strain to even go back to that dark place. I just wanna block it but sometimes it seeps through at a moment when I think it wont. It makes me feel so awkward talking about it and it makes me feel so scared all over. But I wonder if it find a way to resurface in a dangerous way if I just block it out....
You may want to take a look at the many answers to what Clysta has on her post ...and use some of the methods used and suggested there..Its good not to dwell on the past, I know thats easier said than done Have you had any therapy at all ?
Kayanna, I've read your posts and I'm sorry this horror happened to you.
Have you read "The Glass Castle" by Jeannette Walls? It's a true story, of her childhood. She's a reporter for MSNBC and other major news outlets, and she has put her past in a perspective that has helped her move on. I don't think you could do that with the men who abused you, but I think you could learn to move on from the neglect of your mother.
In her story, there was very little physical or sexual abuse (but there was some) mostly it was abject neglect, and in fact, sabotage by her parents. It could almost be a dark, dark comedy if it weren't all true. The squalor and degradation she and her siblings had to endure throughout their lives - 2 forgave, 2 did not - and three of the four are now successful by any measure of success. One is not.
I think it might help you to read it. There isn't the depth of sexual and physical abuse in her story, but page after page, readers who come from healthy homes shake their heads and think "how COULD you?" at her parents.
Anyway, a story of triumph.
Best wishes.
Have you read "The Glass Castle" by Jeannette Walls? It's a true story, of her childhood. She's a reporter for MSNBC and other major news outlets, and she has put her past in a perspective that has helped her move on. I don't think you could do that with the men who abused you, but I think you could learn to move on from the neglect of your mother.
In her story, there was very little physical or sexual abuse (but there was some) mostly it was abject neglect, and in fact, sabotage by her parents. It could almost be a dark, dark comedy if it weren't all true. The squalor and degradation she and her siblings had to endure throughout their lives - 2 forgave, 2 did not - and three of the four are now successful by any measure of success. One is not.
I think it might help you to read it. There isn't the depth of sexual and physical abuse in her story, but page after page, readers who come from healthy homes shake their heads and think "how COULD you?" at her parents.
Anyway, a story of triumph.
Best wishes.
I'll search for that book. Thanks so much! It's a task to move on I tell ya noone can truly be completely ok but there is some peace I'm sure and I'm on a quest to find it.
That book really is fantastic- moving, powerful and it will start to take you on the right track- but it seems like you are proactive and already making strides- good for you!
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