Does it ever get better?

[babygirl331975]

I was abused by my ex-husband for 2 years. I wanted to get out when it first started, but I was afraid. I am remarried now and sometimes I feel it affects my marriage, Is it ever going to get better? I just started counseling for depression, but how can I let the anger and frustrations that I have toward my ex go? I hate him and it affects me. He took my joy and love away. Help! I love to hear from others that have experienced what I have and how you are coping. Thanks!!

[faithfulchild]

Hi

You did not mention what type of abuse you experienced but it is obviously affecting you deeply. It is pointless to point toward  the past so let me first say that i commend you for coming out of that relationship. It must have taken a lot of courage and strength but you did it anyway. Hence, you need to give yourself credit because unlike many many women out there who have been abused, you refused to stay in that condition and irrespective of the fear you felt you didn't stay with him.


The thing about abuse is that one day we may feel like we have gotten past it just to find out the next that we were just being given a break. ( God knows we need that sometimes or else we might find ourselves is a very dark and lonely place of despair). You have fallen in love again and learned to trust someone and that is big step forward. Many women do not get to this place. Consider yourself blessed..so there is one more good thing about your character and strength.

You said that you are angry and depressed because of what happened and you want to let this go...i know its tough and what i am about to suggest is probably tougher but you can never let him go and off this anger until you forgive him and accept that no amont of anger can change what you went through and accept that you deserve to be happy. You see, although you ended the relationship with this man, you have not allowed yourself to be truly free of him. To a large extent he still has you bound because you wont let him and his ways go.....LET GO BY FORGIVING HIM


I had to forgive all of my abusers and to ask God to help me to love them...yes i know that sounds crazy but you cannot imagine the peace i am experiencing now. I do not hate or resent them now..in fact i am so sorry for them because i know now that they are hurting and is stuck in that state brokenness because they are blind to the truth that they are sick and need help. Your ex like many men in our society was broken and was probably a product of someone else that was broken..do not let this cycle continue through you...break it by letting it go, by not giving it anymore power, by refusing to give it anymore importance in your life.

YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY AND SO DOES YOUR NEW FOUND LOVE!!!!!

[chalest]

its going to be ok talk to your husband he will make u feel better u may need sum counseling

[jml1986]

It will get better if you are willing to let it. First and you may not believe this, he is not the only person to blame. He would not have done that to you had you not let him. It start so simple and then grows overtime to a point were we no longer believe we don't deserve it. By continuing to let this man affect your life, you are continuing his cycle of abuse, because he still has a hold on you.

Along with counseling for depression, I think you could really use some help on self esteem. There is really good help out there if you are willing to open yourself up to it and are willing to do whatever it takes for things to change.