Don't know what to do

[DL2010]

Not really sure where to start...I'm 20 years old, married for almost a year with 2 kids ages 2 and 1. When we first got together I was, obviously, a teenager. He was much older than me. In the beginning we were friends and he seemed like a very nice, sweet, compassionate man. But once we were together as a couple he started showing these possessive, controlling behaviors over the smallest issues. I still lived at home and if I wanted to spend some time with my family instead of him he yelled at me for caring more about them than him. And when I was anywhere other than with him he would call me something like 20 times on my cell phone until I called him back, and then he would let me have it.  I had never had a job and when I finally got one that I loved he called me every day to yell at me for not wanting to quit my job. I could go on and on about the past, but you get the idea.

We've been together for about 3 years now and he still has major anger issues. We have a mutual male friend, who happens to be a pastor, and every time he calls here, if I answer the phone and talk to him, my husband goes crazy and says that he is trying to cause a rift between us. Things like this are constantly happening. Over the years I've communicated to him that I don't like his treatment of me and he's constantly said he will change but it has never happened. I've sort of gone into protective mode because I feel like if I let myself relax and move on it will just happen again. Right now we are still on the rebound from the last time it happened.

I guess the point of my rambling is that I just don't know what I should do. I know I'm not happy and I know I would be happier on my own. I just feel like if I leave it will hurt my kids, not to mention the amount of hurt it will cause him. When I think about being on my own I feel excited because I never had a chance to be on my own, to be independent. But then I think about the effect it will have on my kids and how much it will hurt my husband and it makes me sick to my stomach. Not to mention the disappointment from family and friends. Any advice is appreciated.

[margypops]

If ther's a lot of arguing and shouting going on it will hurt your kids to stay in that abusive atmosphere, if he is verbally abusive he could try getting some counseling for anger, best have a serious talk with him tell him that you cannot live in this atmosphere , suggest he get some help the you may have a chance , if he wont get help then all I can say is it wont get better and you are wasting your life , they have to want to change.Good Luck

[Healthadvisory]

you are really youn, ffirst, stop having kids, you need to regroup and rebuild. have a sit down with him, see if he will listen, if not its time to move on for the sake of your kids.

[ANewLife4Me]

If you are not happy, it's very likely your kids pick up on it and may be unhappy too, because Mommy is unhappy :(
I lived with somebody like this for 20 years of my life.  I knew it would never get any better, and it didn't.  Then the next person I moved on to was like this as well.  It didn't get any better either, in fact that relationship eventually turned violent.  They promise to change because they know the words will tide you over for awhile and then they just go back to being the way they were.  Why should they change if they know we are going to stay?  I would tell him he gets some therapy or you are out of there.  Now, while you are still young and have a chance at a happy life for you and your children :)  Good luck to you!

[cewilcox]

I say your kids are young and it will be easier to leave know than later. I have had several friends whom this has happened to. Your children will be fine with just you and its not like daddy will be totally gone. Children adjust easily and its better when they are youinger than older. And its true a child can feel your feelings! If you know in your heart everything will be better on your own then go. You just need to take that first step and you will have that first big sigh of relief!